The best tests are expeditive, delightful, and contain countless unseen mysteries. This one is no exception. ENJOY!
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“Is he D-Dead?!”
A trembling Sharky asked.
The maintenance tunnel was dark, yet what it contained looked even darker: a corpse, a blue-haired one. It floated in a Gelatinous Cube in the most unsettling manner.
The school had just ended, and they were back here.
Or rather, Jack was back here. For Sharky, this was his first time seeing this, and he wasn’t taking it well. Every time he looked at the victim, his face would scrunch up in worry.
“I-Isn’t that bad?! Oh god, what now?! Should we hide the body? But what happens once people start asking questions? We’ve all seen him chase you all day long!”
Even now, Jack still remembered the afternoon.
It had been mostly uneventful, except for endless questions from Invisible Girl and strange looks. How many had gazed his way only to look behind him in confusion? Why was his pursuer gone all of a sudden? Had they somehow made peace?
It hadn’t raised any alarm so far, but it would only be a matter of time. After all, it wouldn’t take long for the Student Council to notice! Sharky was clearly considering this, the worry spreading from his brows to his trembling body.
“Jack, we need alibis! What if we chuck ourselves in there, too?! As long as the medical records show us hurt, maybe we can weather the storm. Then we can—”
“Don’t worry, he’s not dead yet.” As Jack reassured, he rhythmically kicked the Gelatinous cube, clearly communicating with the latter.
“-.-- --- ..- .----. .-.. .-.. / - .- -.- . / -.-. .- .-. . / --- ..-. / .... .. -- / ..-. --- .-. / .- / .-- .... .. .-.. . / .-- --- -. .----. - / -.-- --- ..- ..--..”
“-.- . . .--. / .... .- .-.. ..-. -....- -.. . .- -.. .-.-.- / ..-. --- --- -.. --..-- / .-.. --- - ... / --- ..-. / ..-. --- --- -.. / .-.. .- - . .-. .-.-.- / -.. . .- .-.. -.-.—”
As the slime wriggled in anticipation, Jack knew their deal still held. It would hold his pursuer prisoner in a state of near-death until the guy wasn’t a threat anymore.
“Smart, right? Don’t worry, Sharky. Everything’s taken care of. He’ll stay right there until we’re ready to free him. It’s completely harmless— bared mental trauma. But that’s not why I called you over. Remember the Language test? I scheduled us an 8 PM test slot!”
“Y-You did WHAT?!” It was at that moment that a certain Sharky seriously started shaking. If before he looked about to keel over, he now looked like he had just seen a ghost.
“It can’t be! That’s way too soon! When are we supposed to study if—”
“When? Now obviously. Now, let’s get this study session started!”
As Jack snapped his fingers, something insane happened. The Gelatinous Cube parted with a little of its mass, the jelly escaping it soon forming a table and a few chairs?!
Then its main body resumed its wall-like appearance, the Maintenance tunnel looking more than ordinary once more. Sharky gasped. What kind of eldritch madness was this?!
“T-This… the Gelatinous Cube… i-it?!”
“Oh yeah, while waiting for you, I did some extensive Gelatinous Cube research. Poison-like acid, ever-changing forms, and the ability to harden whenever they want.”
Those three abilities were now working in conjunctions at full power to give them an instant base while restraining their enemy. It was mad, and yet Jack didn’t care.
He was already sitting down with a happy-go-lucky expression.
Sitting on hardened slime felt strange, yet amazing. Soft, as if he could sink inside at any moment, yet firm enough to fully support his weight. Quite satisfying, to be honest.
Without waiting, he grabbed everything they had on the Language Class from the Squirrel Incident. “You sitting, Sharky? Let’s do this!”
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
Class: Language
Teacher: Miss Valencia
Likes: Coffee, Compliments, Fluffy Monkeys.
Dislikes: Strawberry Cake, Loudmouths, French Mimes.
Neutral: The state of the Union after the quiet 2021 Arcane takeover
Apparently, she had a habit of hiding bonus questions in her tests. For example, some questions would be weirdly formulated to contain slight inaccuracies, and she’d test whether her students would point out the mistakes or not.
Then there was the passing rate. Apparently, only 1% of all the students who applied to the class actually made it in, which was as daunting as encouraging them to prepare.
“There’s a note from one of the seniors. He says to watch the Island’s official AMR capsules. They’re sweet, short, and help a ton. Something about how it saved his ass during the test.”
“AMR? What’s that again?”
“Alliance of Magical Races. They have a couple of offices all over the world. Think of them as lobbyists but for alien races from all those portals. The AMR is mostly useless, though.”
“If they’re useless, then why are we— right, the introduction videos.”
Luckily, their Student ID gave them access to it all for free.
It didn’t take long for the study session to become a home-cinema-like experience. The two watched video after video, taking so many notes that they felt their brains rumbling.
On the screen, countless weird races would appear and introduce themselves in their own way. For some, this involved throwing fireballs at the screen, while others simply waved gently.
It was mostly about how aliens said hello…
— Ice Giants with a guttural tone
— Emberlings with burning words
— Aetherians with a breeze-like tone
— Draconians with sharp slithering sounds
…
“Jack, is it me, or we’re screwed? The more I hear this, the more confused I am. Are we supposed to speak… that?! I might be dumb, but I can’t even fathom how it’s possible.”
“Same, brother, same. But that’s precisely why we picked this class, remember? It’s hard to learn by ourselves, and it's not like we can afford interpreters 24/7 either, right?”
Most Valors could, but not Sharky. His Quirk and status simply weren’t enough to warrant that kind of attention from the main family. This rang so true in his ears.
And as Jack stated, great determination flashed in their eyes.
“Alright, we’ve watched 39 videos, but there’s more!”
“Hell yeah, we’ll watch them all for sure!”
“Yep, we’re getting in that class 100%!”
…
They swore to themselves, not realizing there were two million of those. Still, even that wouldn’t be sufficient to dampen their spirits, a Gelatinous Cube watching with attention.
Little did they know the kind of curse they had unleashed upon themselves. There was a reason those videos weren’t usually watched. Still, it enthusiastically wriggled.
Those two kids, they were going places…
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“We’re gonna be late!”
“You always say that but when are we ever!”
“Usually never, but what the hell was that?! We had 10 alarms and we almost missed it still?! I swear, those videos are addictive as Hell. Good thing Slimy was there!”
Slimy, the new nickname they now had for a Giant Man-eating Gelatinous Cube full of acid. It wasn’t fitting one bit, and yet it was still the one they had settled on for… reasons.
< Class 400-B: Language Exam Currently Scheduled! >
One would have expected the class to be calm and stressed since an exam was about to start, right? It wasn’t, not one bit! In fact, the two barging in didn’t look out of place.
The place was filled to the brim. There were students at the desks, students near the walls, and the only reasons there wasn’t any students in the hall was that the class was really big.
It looked more like a state fair than an actual test.
“Is it me, or are these people way too chill?”
“Weird considering the 1% success…”
Even Jack couldn’t wrap his head around it. If the success was that low, then why was everyone so relaxed? Some were even munching on snacks as they eagerly waited.
The latter instantly got Sharky’s attention. Chips, chocolates, and even shawarma sandwiches. Then there were the coffee cups most of them held: espressos, untouched.
“Don’t tell me they all thought of bribing the teacher?!”
“There’s no way that will work to pass the test?”
The story has been taken without consent; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
“Yeah, it doesn’t make much sense…”
Just as the duo was feeling puzzled, laughter erupted from the students near them as they shared knowing looks. It didn’t take long for a good samaritan to explain the situation.
“You might have missed it, but Miss Valencia just made a forum post to ‘promote’ her class. Everyone and their mother wants to try their luck now, to see if they’ll succeed.”
As he laughed, he showed them something on his phone.
The design was black with black lettering that looked way too fancy for what it was: “Legendary-U’s Forum!” At the top was a post that was getting upvoted like crazy.
< Date with Miss Valencia! >
< Your favorite teacher has an errand to run and requires an assistant. Destination: Siren’s Lament. Task: Help with Whatever’s Required! Who: Anyone. Safety assured. EDIT: way too many volunteers, I’ll pick a random name amidst the applicants and students.”
That was the spark that caused this madness. Not only was the destination very interesting, but this lottery system made it so everyone could try their luck. So that’s what they were doing, with Jack picking up a few conversations as he strained his ear.
“Can you believe one of us will be going to Siren’s Lament?!”
“They say the Sirens there are as beautiful as enchanting.”
“I wonder how Miss Valencia even got a job there.”
“Obvious, she’s a badass interpreter!”
“She’s so pretty too! She’s the—”
…
Toward the end, it was already derailing, with some students even starting shady rumors that Miss Valencia herself perhaps was a transformed Siren or something similar.
Hearing this, a particular duo couldn’t help but sigh wryly.
They had been so focused on Jack’s chase that they had missed those rumors completely. Just like that, he made a mental note to check the school forum more often.
He hadn’t taken part in much school life so far, but it would definitely be worth it if it brought opportunities like this one. After all, this was as much a vacation as an incredible job.
Even he couldn't help but fantasize about sirens…
Songs that stole one’s soul away if they so wanted. An entire species with sound-based Quirks, all of them stronger than humans. A history so long it defied imagination.
He wanted to see it. He wanted to see it all.
At that moment, he forgot all about responsibilities and family. A visceral desire for knowledge overcame him, one that would only be quenched by attending Legendary-U.
He’d do everything to join this class. As everyone around him turned merry, he instead focused. That’s when he saw them: there were others just like him, they too hungered.
But before he could talk with any of them, it happened.
“Hello, class, and great morning!”
As she appeared, he froze.
A teacher with a head akin to a sunrise and a matching fashion. Her long orange hair was only matched by her gorgeous long dress. Then, there were her golden circular hearings. She looked as if a sun princess from a long lost empire.
Yet, it wasn’t her beauty or her grace that stunned him, it was her words. Melodious, graceful, but more importantly… mismatched?!
“Hello, class, and great morning.”
Why was such a simple greeting ticking him off? He wasn’t sure, and yet he felt as if there was something wrong with it. A strange feeling overtook him, yet he forcefully ignored it.
Now wasn’t the time. She was already welcoming them.
“Wow, there’s so many of you! I can’t believe there’s so much interest in the language class! Still, that’s a good thing, so we won’t question it. Hello everyone, I’m Miss Valencia, and I’m pleased to welcome you to the Language placement test. Have fun and do your best!”
As she reassured them, she seemed as warm as the sun she seemed to embody. Simply hearing her words energized many, their fists clenching resolutely.
“Now, we’ll watch a video first. Eyes on front…”
The directives were pretty simple.
First she’d show them a media of her choosing and then there would be a follow-up questionnaire, one that they’d have to fill to the best of their abilities.
This wouldn’t test their current knowledge or even proficiency but their potential. As long as they showed they were worth investing in, they’d be able to join. That easy.
She got busy, and a large projector soon broadcasted something on the wall. But it had barely started when Jack and Sharky had the shock of their life. Wait, wasn’t this…
< AMR’s Capsule on Alien Races! >
< AMR’s Capsule on Alien Races! >
< AMR’s Capsule on Alien Races! >
…
Motherfucker.
This was literally what they had been watching earlier?! Wait, wouldn’t that mean all their preparation had been for nothing? Whoever had given him that info was a troll!
He bottled the annoyance and focused on the screen. It was one he hadn’t seen before, yet it felt familiar. A magical race introducing itself one after the other.
It all blended into one another and then merged into—
“Alright, enough of that. Answer time!”
He came back to his senses, cold sweat on his back. The videos were gone, the students were all in place, and even he who had been standing up before was now sitting at a desk?!
There were more desks. The room was bigger too. But what was truly frightening was that he hadn’t noticed any of it happening. That’s when he knew, those videos were weird.
The alarms they hadn’t heard before, and now this.
There was Magic involved, for sure!
It was at that moment that it clicked. They had used their student IDs to access the website for free, right? Why would they need ID for something already public? It was a different version. The one they had seen was the original, not the watered-down version.
Did this mean there was a secret hidden in it? Or was it merely an aftereffect of coming into contact with something his brain wasn’t used to? Then there was the feeling of losing sense of time, as if in a dream.
“You have an hour to answer, do your best!”
As Miss Valencia chimed, he finally noticed the questionnaire before him. He wasn’t sure when it had appeared, but that didn’t stop him from resolutely flipping it open.
< Why does Magical Language matter? >
There was only one question with tons of empty space underneath. As he saw it, he cursed once more. Who told them she had a habit of hiding bonus questions in her tests?
What bonus questions? There was only one! And no matter how much he twisted and turned, there was absolutely nothing else to note. A single open-ended question.
For an instant, he and Sharky’s gaze met.
In each other, they saw despair and annoyance, so much for preparing for the test. They had expected anything but that. Hell, this could be rhetorical and even philosophical.
Even then, they still had to answer it, Jack scribbling to his best.
In a matter of moments, he had a powerful list.
1. Communication
2. Pure Reasoning
3. Identity and belonging
4. Culture development and sharing
…
Was there a difference between Magical Language and regular Language? The first included more Power and Mana, but would it be that different at its core? It was questionable.
The more he racked his brain, the more he felt it was mostly the same. Should he especially develop the interspecies aspect? After all, it allowed humans and aliens to speak.
Maybe stick to Language in general…
He wrote paragraphs upon paragraphs, the words stacking up. He couldn’t help but chuckle, feeling like he could have written an Epic Space Opera with fewer words than that.
Yet, even then, the structure was there. Why? Because… this, this, this. It was as easy to read and to the point as possible without skimping the details.
Finally putting his pen down, he proudly glanced at his answer. It took three pages and was his masterpiece of logic: concise and in-depth. It was so goddamn perfect!
He couldn’t wait to hand it to Miss Valencia.
A few students had already done so, her bright eyes reading their copies on the spot and gently praising them. He couldn’t wait to see what she’d think of his work.
She’d be impressed, right? Of course, she’d be impressed! She’d appreciatively nod, grin in delight, and even chuckle at times. But just as his thoughts reached that point, he froze.
‘No, this is wrong. There’s something wrong here.’
He had answered the test, but could it really be it? A single question to decide who was in and who was out? It wasn’t unheard of, yet it felt too simple for Legendary-U. Then there was his own state that was strange…
‘Since when do I care about Miss Valencia?’
He didn’t, or at least he shouldn’t have. Yet, mere instants before, he had fantasized about obtaining her approval. No, this wasn’t the only weird thing, either. The more he thought about it, the colder the air felt on his skin.
→ Her greeting altogether
→ The hypnotic-like AMR videos
→ His strange infatuation with her
→ The way this whole test was going
….
There was too much too quickly, and the whole thing gave him bad vibes. Knowing this, he started when it had just started, replaying the earlier scene in his mind from the beginning. As many were either writing or having their tests, he alone closed his eyes.
“Hello, class, and great morning!”
“Hello, class, and great morning!”
“Hello, class, and great morning!”
…
Mismatched, that’s the feeling he had gotten. But what was mismatched? Was it her casual and friendly attitude? No. Was it the way she spoke itself? Neither. What was it actually?
But then it hit him. ‘It’s not English’. Whatever she had spoken, it hadn’t been English. It hadn’t been French or any language he knew, yet he had understood it clearly.
No, it wasn’t just him. They all HAD.
Her words had sounded familiar, but the way she spoke them looked just like those aliens in the AMR videos— when they spoke in their mother tongues impossible to understand!
‘She’s an Alien’. He wasn’t sure what kind. He wasn’t sure what her purpose was either, but he was sure it wasn't a human tongue. And that’s when the charm broke.
She still looked the same Miss Valencia.
A teacher with a head akin to a dying sun and a ruinous fashion that matched. Her long, bloody hair was only matched by the sanguine dress she was wearing. Then, there were her golden skull hearings. She looked as if an evil demoness of a long-lost empire.
And that’s when she turned her burning gaze his way…
“Oh? You’ve stopped writing. Does that mean you’re done? Don’t be afraid to turn in your paper before the deadline; a few of your colleagues have already done so. Looks good, too.”
She reassured him, and even from a distance, she seemed able to see exactly what he had written. Yet, he met her reassurances with a contrarian shake of his head.
“Actually, I don’t like the answer I’ve written, so I’ll start it over. Should I just strike it all out, or would you rather I use a different test paper altogether? How about it, Miss Valencia?”
There was no deference.
The way Jack said it was full of indifference. Hearing him, Miss Valencia might have been a pile of garbage lying on the ground. It was simple and yet so freaking odd at that moment!
Many felt it, their brows twisting unknowingly. Wasn’t there something weird with his sentence? They thought so, but they weren’t exactly sure what it was.
Yet, even that didn’t affect Miss Valencia…
“Oh? Interesting. Here’s a new copy, then. Just don’t come regretting if you run out of time. There’s 17 minutes left, so good luck. Let’s see what you come up with.”
She giggled, unmoving, and Jack refocused on his desk. The new copy she had discussed was already there, and the old one was nowhere to be found, almost eerily.
< Why does Magical Language matter? >
“To understand you…”
That’s all he wrote. In itself, it was the shittiest answer he could have come up with, and yet that’s the one he settled on. I know what you are and what you’ve been doing.
He was both calling her out and cheekily answering. Was there greater meaning than for her to mingle amidst humans as if nothing was out of the ordinary?
He'd be stumped if she didn’t relate to that.
Chuckling, he rose, ready to hand his work over. Yet that single action caused lots of reactions among his prospective classmates, their looks very telling.
‘What?! He’s done already?! There’s still some time left!’
‘It’s one thing to try his luck, but he should fake better.’
‘If you’re unsure, just BS like us and look serious.’
‘Yes, appearances are important!’
….
He felt their judging gazes all the way to the teacher’s desk at the very front. It looked quite normal except for her chair, which was more like a comfy sofa than anything.
“Oh? Mister, Bright, right? Finished already? Let’s see what you’ve cooked up.” She took a glance at his work, spitting out: “I usually try to be encouraging, but it’s really bad…”
“Even if it’s bad, it will still be my answer.”
“Are you looking to fail?”
“No, just to learn.”
Jack could almost feel Sharky’s gesture from a distance away as he replied. The latter clearly felt like screaming: ‘Abort’ ‘Abort’ ‘What are you doing’ yet, Jack ignored it all.
He kept his gaze locked on Miss Valencias. He wouldn’t settle, and neither should he. He’d be the most practical Super ever. He NEEDED language class to understand aliens.
To others, it would have been a nice-sounding class on their curriculum, but to him, it might be the solution to his mother’s ailment one day since it stumped Earth’s medics.
A figment of what motivated him revealed itself…
[Ding! Joined the Language Class!]
[Ding! Joined the Language Class!]
[Ding! Joined the Language Class!]
….
As the message appeared, he couldn't help but gasp.
The teacher still seemed as disgusted with his shitty answer, and yet there was a playfulness to it all, her curious eyes analyzing him from head to toe.
“I see; if that’s your answer, then get out already. No need to disturb the other test takers with your folly now, is there? Now, scram, and let them focus!” She melodiously uttered.
Even the way she kicked him out of her class sounded pleasing! As he left, he couldn’t help but suddenly remember the rumors about her being a Siren. What if…?!
With nothing else to do, he browsed his phone, actively checking the School Forums for the first time. It was a shitshow, and he was already everywhere on it.
“C-Could it be I’m actually popular?!”
Squirrel Seller was already falling off, but he could still see tons of posts about the morning event. Yet, he ignored them all, soon finding a post about the Language Exam.
━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━
— SquirrelBuyer: “How did you guys do? I totally aced it!”
— BestValenciaFan: “Yeah, how many questions did you all get right?”
— SuperLevelledUP: “Hard to say, maybe 70% it was really hard, for real’
— MagicalKnowledgeRock: “Guys?! I just took it, and yet I can’t remember a single question?! What the hell is wrong with me?!”
— FriendlyNeiborhoodUncle: “Hehe, don’t worry, some teachers do that with their tests. Can’t remember shit after you've already taken it. It’s to make it impossible to cheat afterward and all. Just keep calm and remember the overall feeling.
— MagicalKnowledgeRock: “What, for real?!”
What followed were cheeky… ¯(ツ)/¯
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Seeing this, Jack couldn’t help but still.
No one remembered the test, yet it was simply one measly question. Was the magic at work not affecting him, or had he been spared because he had passed?
Then, there was that melodious goodbye at the end. What if THAT had been a memory-wiping spell in itself? In a school for Supers, even the obvious could become blurry.
But just as he was trying to figure it out, a commotion rose from inside. Chuckling, he couldn’t help but peak only to freeze. There HE was, Sharky facing Miss Valencia.
But why did they seem about to fight?…