Caleb dropped his sword and shield before wiping desperately at his face. His arm stung and his lungs burned, but apart from the scratches in his shoulder physically he was fine. But his mind was a mess. A jumble of confused thoughts and emptions.
He felt hot, and not because of the twin’s sun light beating upon him. It was a panic, and it was different than before. Not one based in fear, but in disgust, horror. He gripped at his hair tightly shaking his head as he felt the weight of the shapes return to his mind and the armbands.
He pulled them off quickly the weight disappearing from his mind before he covered his face with his hands again.
He'd always hated violence, ever since he was a little boy.
“You guys ok?” Ryan said, his voice shaky.
“I’m not hurt” Sierra muttered, sniffing. Kana continued to sniffle as Sierra comforted her, but Caleb simply held his face in his hands.
“Caleb?” Ryan asked.
“J-just give me a sec” he said, pulling his face out of his hands and onto his hips. He stared up at the sky, noticing the shift in light as the second sun rose higher.
[Well done deities] a voice said. Caleb turned to look at its source, Lady Avanessa who stood drenched in blood. [The monsters were weak, but they were many. You fought well, showed your promise.]
“Fuck off” Ryan muttered. The Lady’s demeanour changed, her golden sword appearing in hand with a flash of gold. The group all froze.
[I should have your head for such an insult. You’d do well to remember you’re only here at my say-so, not the old witch. For now you’ve held up your end of the bargain. I hope you continue to do so, both for my sake and yours] she said, glancing to the bodies, then to the rest of the desert as the blue portals disappeared.
Then she turned making her way back to the village. Caleb glanced to Ryan, whose face was deathly pale, then to Avanessa who walked toward the cheering crowds. They noticed her and rushed towards her, their cheering growing louder.
She said a few words to them and the crowd looked to her, then to the four of them and continued past her.
“Oh shit” Sierra mumbled, stumbling as she tried to stand. The soldiers all rushed towards them, and he stepped back but it was too late. Caleb cried out, but they hoisted him up, lifting all the members of the group onto a sea of upwards outstretched hands. He tried to protest against it, but it was too late, his body already out of his control.
Caleb looked over the faces of the soldiers as they lifted him above their heads. His fear dissipated slightly, their faces filled with joy, as they lifted the group above their heads.
Oh, they’re celebrating us.
The thought made him queasy. They were a sea of people drenched in blood, cheering and laughing as they held them up, chanting in reverence.
[DEI-I-TIES! DEI-I-TIES! DEI-I-TIES!]
The word rung hollow in his head. Right now, he was a hero to them. And he hated it.
-
Caleb lay on a hay mattress couch staring up at one of the disk lights they used to illuminate the rooms here. The room was silent for the most part, but traces of distant music occasionally reverberated through walls, Caleb catching hints of the strange but pleasant melodies.
He shifted on his sofa-mattress thing and sighed. He sat in a room with the others, all of them having decided to stick together for the time being.
They were supposed to be celebrating with the others – the source of distant music - a victory over the holy trial in union with Evingaard or something to that nature, but Lady Avanessa and Nessaiea had respected their wish to be left alone.
So they’d given them buckets of water to wash - which was apparently a big honour - and then taken them to the washrooms. The wash rooms had been weird, similar sized square rooms covered in hardened tiling with a small indent on the floor that’d indicated where he was to wash.
There hadn’t been a drain anywhere, the water had just collected in the shallow basin for collection apparently. He didn’t know what to make of them collecting his dirty, blood stained bathwater. At least the rooms had been separate. After the wash they’d come down here where they’d been for a while. For Caleb, it felt like the first real break from things he’d had in a while.
He looked around and frowned. Kana slept on the bed nearby, and the other two sat at the stone table in centre of the room in silence, playing their four hundredth game of tic-tac-toe.
They’d all played a board game when they’d first gotten down here, but the pieces were weird and none of them had really been in the right state to want to understand the rules properly even with the rule stone they’d been given. So, they’d played hangman and charades till Kana had gone to bed and now they were doing nothing.
Caleb glanced down at himself and tugged at his collar, if you could even call it that. He and the others all wore the strange silk clothes of the Endagon, their other clothes currently being washed to dry off all the goblin blood. They’d been allowed to keep the sleeves in honour of their victory, but none of them wore them, the leather piled up onto the table in a heap.
They’d also been given weird carapace things to wear too, but he’d opted not wear his for now. He glanced at the sunshield bracelet on his wrist and tapped at it. It felt like glass but sounded like metal. Strange. He raised it into the light watching how it passed through the semi translucent material but also darkening the material in points. It was definitely a material he’d never seen before for.
He shrugged and let his hand fall back to his side. But his mind still stayed on the sunshield, not the bracelet itself, but the presence of the physical barrier. It softened the mattress underneath him, which was still pretty hard, but bearable with the shield.
There was something else too. A magical presence, weight in his mind. He couldn’t quite grasp it the same way as he could with the weapon storage sleeves, but he knew it was there. His mind was curious about it, about how the magic worked, how he could suddenly just sense it. But he knew he didn’t have the answers. He sighed again, then tentatively poked his side.
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“Tutorial check” he mumbled to himself.
[Tutorial objective: Survive]
[Time left: 26 hrs 37 mins 16 secs]
He sighed, and sat up, running a hand quickly through his hair as he stared at the ground.
He wanted to get out of here. But he had nowhere to go. And it made him angry. A boiling anger that bubbled in his gut, threatening to rise further. He crossed his arms, putting his hands under his armpits as he tried to calm his breathing.
Was it even right to be this angry? The others weren’t. They were probably just traumatised. He was angry at everything, the situation, the lack of understanding, and the people of the village. Especially the people of the village, and they’d only been protecting their home.
He closed his eyes and focused. His anger wasn’t fair and it wasn’t right. It’d lingered far too long to be reasonable outside of his head. He never stayed angry for more than a few minutes at most.
He took a deep breath and tried to release the anger.
“Uh… do you guys think we’ll have to do that again?” Ryan mumbled.
“I hope not” Sierra said, looking slightly sick.
“We probably will” Caleb said. “I mean there’s still an entire day left for the tutorial. I doubt nothing’s going to happen for the rest of the time”
“How’d you know?” Ryan asked.
“Just a guess. I hope nothing happens either. Don’t think I can do that again”
“No, I meant the time”
“Oh right. Just say tutorial check. The timer comes up”
The other two said the words and their eyes widened in surprise.
“Twenty-six hours? What the fuck, it’s been way longer than that” Sierra groaned, laying her head against the table. Caleb nodded. It had felt like a lot more time than twelve hours had passed.
“How’d you know to do all this man?” Ryan said, chuckling as he stared out at the screen in front of him, eyes full of wonder.
“Just messed around I guess” Caleb shrugged. They sat in silence for a few more moments before Sierra yawned.
“I’m tired. You think there’re more rooms next door?” she said.
“Maybe”
“I’ll go check” she said, standing. “If I don’t come back, I got kidnapped. Goodnight”
She stepped outside and closed the door softly behind her.
“I’m tired too man. Let me go look for a room” Ryan said standing. He left too and Caleb was left sitting alone as Kana softly snored on the bed.
It’s creepy if I stay right?
He rose, the mattress creaking under him loudly as he stood. Then he stretched out, and made his way for the door. He paused, then quickly retrieved his sleeves from the table. It’d be good to have them. Just in case.
He yawned and moved to the door again when the bed creaked behind him. He glanced back to see Kana sitting up, rubbing her eyes as she looked around confused.
[Caleb?] Kana yawned. [Where is everyone?]
“Oh, they just went to sleep. I’m going now too”
[Oh] she nodded, sitting up. He nodded back to her, then started towards the door.
[Uh… Caleb?]
“Hm?”
[Why’re you wearing your sleeves? Are we in danger?] she said, her voice slightly shaky.
“Oh no. I just… just in case”
She nodded, but her demeanour had shifted somewhat. He watched her for a moment, before moving to leave again.
[I don’t think I can go through that again] she whispered. He turned back to her, this time letting the door close behind him as he sat at the table, facing her
“Yeah it was difficult” he mumbled. She nodded, pulling her knees to her chest as she rested her head a top them. “But we can power”
[You don’t understand. I won’t go through it again. I won’t]
“But Kana… I know it’s hard, but we might. We only have to last a day”
[I re-read the message. This is only the tutorial, not the first phase. That means we might have to do more stuff like this again after it ends. Who knows how long that will be?]
Caleb’s breath caught in his throat as he looked at her. Three months. The arbiters had said three months. He couldn’t tell her they might be forced into doing this for three months.
“That’s… fair” he said, unsure how to respond. They sat in silence for a moment before Kana spoke again.
[You must think I’m selfish.]
“W-what? No”
[It’s ok. I know it’s a little selfish. Risking everyone’s lives just because I feel bad.]
“No… it’s not like that” he replied. She remained silent, clearly lost in her own head. She’d been so afraid on the battlefield, it made sense that it’d affected her the most.
[I’ll try to make sure you guys don’t get punished. But I’m sorry, even if they have to kill me or force me out, I won’t do it.]
“S-seriously?”
[Yes. I don’t want to be the kind of person that hurts people, or other things.] Kana said. [I’ve always cared about everything too much. Flowers, insects, stray pets. Anything. My mom used to tell me a story about how I tried to stop eating plants when I found out they were alive. She used to always tell me that to show me how stupid it was. But grandpa thought it was sweet.]
She smiled slightly, before the smile faded.
[My… my older brother, iro, was mean when we were younger] Kana mumbled. [He knew how much I cared about everything. He enjoyed teasing me about it. At first, he would do it by ripping apart flowers I said I liked, then call me a cry-baby. But then he got worse. He would get insects and pull them apart in front of me.
[He’d tell me not to move or he’d kill it, whilst laughing. It was like he was holding me hostage with the bugs, making me feel like it was my fault they died. It was so horrible. When I used to tell mom she always used to take his side, even when grandma and grandpa would chastise him. So, he kept doing it and doing it.
[One day… it was a stray cat. He threatened to hurt one of its kittens if I didn’t kick it. I cried so much, but he didn’t budge. So, I kicked the cat. I didn’t want to and it was stupid, but I didn’t want him to hurt the kitten. I’ll never forgot the way it cried out. I cried so much.
[He…. he stabbed it anyway. He got sent somewhere afterwards, by mom but I never forgot about the kitten or the cat. We adopted all of them and buried the little one in the garden. They’re back home now. Mari, Minako and Miki] she said, her smile returning slightly. Her eyes grew distant for a second, then her smile faded again and she looked down at the bed.
[I’ve always hated hurting things. But I hated it more after that.] she said. [Today I hurt something. Killed things. They would’ve killed me but… I don’t want to fight anymore. I don’t want to hurt anything. Even if it gets me in trouble.]
Caleb sat in silence, dumbfounded by what she’d said. He hung his head and stared at his shaky hands as he let out a heavy breath.
What the hell? Why is she telling me this?
[S-sorry for just dumping that on you.]
“It’s fine” he muttered. It wasn’t.
Kana’s words made him sad. It put everything into even more context. But her final sentence made him afraid. Angry too.
The same anger he’d felt earlier. It wasn’t reasonable, she’d just poured her hurt out to him and the sympathy he could muster up was barely anything compared to the anger. She hadn’t caused it, maybe it was the sense of helplessness, but either way, what she was saying made him angrier. It was selfish, maybe even downright stupid.
They didn’t understand how the culture here worked so by doing it, she could be screwing them all over.
He didn’t want to fight either, but he knew because of this sick and twisted tutorial he had to. Like Kana had said, they’d already hurt things to save themselves so why stop now? It felt like an insult to the sacrifice he’d already made, the lives he’d already taken.
But that didn’t make forcing her to fight the right thing.
He clenched his fists tightly. A part of him wanted to shout at her to leave him alone, to not dump her own personal problems on his lap, more stuff that he couldn’t deal with, but that’d just make things worse. She was scared, just like him. He couldn’t let his anger make her more afraid. He needed to calm himself.
Kind like Dad. he thought to himself. Strong like Mom. He let go of his clenched fists and leant back in his chair, nodding.
“That’s… I don’t think that’s the best idea” he said. “But if it’s what you want to do, if it means that much to you, then we’ll support you”
[R-really?]
“Yeah. I’ll try to convince the others at least, but I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to. I mean, we stick together, right?”
She let out a breath of relief, a weight having left her shoulders.
[Thank you]
“It’s ok. Uh… thanks for sharing. It was pretty personal. That was probably hard”
She nodded back at him and smiled. He offered a smile in return, then stifled a yawn. “S-sorry”
[It’s ok. If your tired you should get some sleep]
“Right, right” he said standing. “I’m gonna go get some sleep then. There’s probably a room I can have somewhere”
[Ok. Goodnight Caleb]
“Goodnight Kana” he said, giving a small wave as he stepped out the room.