Hans leaned against the doorway and put a cigarette into his mouth; he was lucky his stash in the nearby breakroom remained untouched.

He had put the initial skepticism in his mind aside. While he knew that any form of drug or intoxicant was thoroughly against protocol during a period of time like this, he also knew that mental and physical evaluations would be required before his return to duty.

Either way, his god’s reflections were stalking the halls, and a few dozen of them could teleport into this room instantaneously. They were now being watched over by higher powers.

So he figured he had a few minutes to indulge himself.

Zirrilit tilted her head. “Why are you sucking on that stick and setting it on fire?”

“It's a cigarette- some plants wrapped in paper to make a little stick. You light it on fire and inhale the smoke.” Hans explained.

“Can I have some smoke?”

Hans considered, “I don’t think you would want it, it's poisonous and causes a ton of health problems for people later in life. It is also super addictive, so once you start, you can’t really stop.”

“Ooh.” Zirrilit tilted her head, “So why are you breathing in the smoke then? Isn’t that bad?”

“It feels nice.” Hans settled. “Besides, the major complications don’t show up until much later in life. All that incurable organ failure and internal hemorrhaging and making your kids potentially be born with too many limbs won’t actually start showing until your late sixties.”

Zirrilit whined for a moment while considering. “Then I want to breathe in some smoke too. What plants are in the little paper?”

Hans stuck one of his cigarettes into her mouth and brought his lighter closer.

“It’s called marijuana, people didn’t even realize it was insanely bad for you for decades because its genetic manipulation was so subtle. Then the soulless generation came about and people started linking the marijuana smoke to the mutant monster spawn.” Hans explained. “You should be fine if it's just this once, just make sure you never eat it in anything, okay? That is so much worse than smoking it. And when you plan on kids make sure you mention this to your doctor so they can do tests first alright?”

Zirrilit nodded and tried sucking the smoke through the little stick, but her lips didn’t form a proper seal and when she closed her mouth, it crushed the small cigarette in half. She spat the remains onto the floor.

“Mark’s been really quiet since you woke up, you should have heard him running around and yelling about potions and whatnot when you couldn’t claw out of that stone yourself.” Hans chuckled. “Honestly I thought he would just crawl under a bed or something until someone came to get him, but he ran into me in that room over there.”

Zirrilit followed Han’s finger and nodded. “He killed the small guy that blew us up.”

“Really? You know it does look like someone chopped through his head.” Hans remarked. “Huh- oh he got around you and the hallway by climbing outside and smashing through that window in that room there. Damn, I had him pegged as a crafter type, is he actually some kind of fighting type? Crafters would freeze up or run away; I don’t know if they have other types of adrenal responses.”

Zirrilit tilted her head, crafter type?

She decided she could guess from context.

Zirrilit leaned inside of the doorway and glanced at the room’s two occupants, seeing the passed out harpy curled in the corner leaning against an end table.

The human was lying face down on the bed in the center of the room.

“Mark, are you okay?” Zirrilit asked.

There was no response.

She shuffled over and poked him only to once again fail to elicit a response.

Zirrilit shook Mark slightly, and he curled up into a ball while muttering something unintelligible.

“Mark- Mark are you okay? Mark!”

The human barely opened his eyes as he raised his head slightly and stared at her as if in a drunken stupor.

He grunted questioningly, and Zirrilit tore out of the room.

“Hans! I think Mark hit his head or something, he’s all weird and he’s drooling all over himself!”

The orc sighed and put his cigarette out.

“Okay what’s the problem? Oh, are they crashing?” Hans glanced at Niko while walking over to Mark. “Yeah nothing’s wrong with his heartbeat. He’s probably just coming off of his adrenaline and now he’s passing out.”

“Do you have a potion of more adrenaline or something!?”

Hans sighed, “No, he’s just overexerted himself and now he’s sleeping. If you wake him up he will be all groggy. The human’s been running around full kit and lifting rocks, so when his adrenaline stopped pushing him to remain hyperactive, he immediately went to sleep.”

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“So… Do you have a potion to fix him though?”

Hans sighed, it was like dealing with an exact copy of Mark.

“He’s fine. Look if you literally just let him lay there for an hour or two he’s going to get right back up.”

“But if he’s overexerted shouldn’t we do the thing with the stretching and the muscles so he doesn’t snap or something?”

“No that’s-” Hans massaged his brow. “Look if you really want to help then tell me when the last time he ate was.”

Zirrilit paused to think.

“Well, uh… He had just a snack for breakfast because he didn’t want to throw up when he ran and then-” She gasped. “Is he starving to death!?”

“No, but he might have low blood sugar. Maybe you should go check out the breakroom down the hall and bring back some fruits or soft drinks.”

“So liquid drinks and not ice drinks or…”

“Soft means no alcohol- actually just go grab the big orange jar from the refrigerator and the fruit basket off the counter.”

“Okay!”

Zirrilit ran off, and the orc went back to his cigarette. As he turned, though, he saw a squadron of armored figures marching down the hall.

Dark armored people marched in front of bright white robes hiding thick mail underneath, they had the audacity to be formally marching through what was technically still a dangerous area.

Obviously the person leading the troop had to have been his boss specifically, he had wanted to smoke so no other person could have possibly shown up right now.

The orc sighed and put out his cigarette, then strode to the other side of the hall and flicked it out of a window.

“Good afternoon sir,” He saluted and stood at attention.

“At ease, Hans.” The stout, purple lizard person stepped forwards. “I am guessing that you will be shortly transferred off duty to join department Three Alpha but for now we need the specifics on what you have learned. Is he available or- ah, he is passed out right there isn’t he? That position can not be comfortable.”

“I do not believe it is,” Hans intoned, “Though the human is confirmed to have killed the gnome wizard, Zirrilit was responsible for two confirmed kills on the two traitor assault forces.”

The general shuddered; imagining that their own specialist troops were not completely loyal was almost as serious of a blow as an actual gunshot wound.

Even if they had spent a considerable amount of time with an intelligence or political type patient, they should have known there was only one ending to those who betrayed the oaths.

Zirrilit came back down the hall, saw the mass of people and hunched over onto all fours for a moment before tilting her head and watching.

“Is he powerful enough to go head to head with a gnomish wizard?” The major let the surprise creep into his voice. “Our reports say that humans are tribalistic and possess moderate lifespans along with moderate reproduction ability, does each member possess the fighting ability of a more individual-oriented species?”

“I believe it was a sneak attack sir.” Hans replied. “Crushed through his head with a shovel. There is evidence that the human climbed along the outside wall to bypass the blockade he made around Zirrilit.”

The orc attempted to remain standing at ease for his superior, though Zirrilit gently poked him trying to move him out of her way.

He conceded after she gave up with gentleness and simply pushed him three feet to the left with one arm.

“Damn. We know humans are ballsy at least. Still, we’re going to lose our only diplomat to Earth if he ends up floating. I’m up to date on his standard report, but anything else I should know before we take over your watch?”

Hans thought for a moment before answering, “Uh, two things… He’s hiding a bunch of broken rifles in a drawer there, and Zirrilit is probably about to try and drown him in orange juice in a moment.”

“Drown him in what-”

The major turned just in time to see her pull Mark’s head up slightly and upend the entire gallon bottle into his mouth.

~

“That was not orange juice.” Mark complained.

Zirrilit tried her best to look apologetic; she hadn’t realized that the juice would flow straight into his lungs.

“It is juice from a fruit named after how orange it appeared.” The purple lizard person replied, “What would you have it named?”

“Ergh, well it’s not normal orange juice.” Mark settled.

“That is interesting, your world also has an orange fruit and you also named it after how brightly it was colored?” The lizard person leaned forwards, its skin appeared slick and reflected the light ever so slightly.

It gave Mark the impression of a newt more than a lizard, and if he found a smaller variant in the wild then he would consider it poisonous just for how brightly it was colored.

“Well, actually we named the color after the fruit. See the fruit was so popular that we renamed the color since people liked it more.”

“Ha! Yes well,” The major paused, “Are you being serious? I can’t sense any attempts to lie. Could it be that you are attuned to the political side of things?”

The major could envision it easily. Manipulative enough to give nothing to the scores of researchers who watched him night and day. Smart enough to plan out the assassination of a much more physically powerful gnomish adversary and to capitalize on a single moment of weakness while his prey was distracted-

“No, they actually did name the color after the fruit.” Mark corrected. “Because everyone was like, reeaaaally into those.”

The major maintained a very neutral face, not that he had to try. He looked too close to an axolotl for the human to make out facial expressions.

“How interesting! I wish that you would tell me more about the people who decided this. Was it perhaps the congressmen who passed a bill to rename the color?”

“Uh, I think it was just a popular opinion at the time.” Mark answered.

“I see, but you did have congressmen who tended to make most of the decisions? And it was area based for your nation? So tell me who your congressman was exactly? Do you remember who you voted for?”

“Honestly, no. I mean, no one likes politicians anyway. They are all liars who just say whatever they can to make you vote for them and get people all hyped up for no good reason.” Mark answered.

If the major hadn’t been considered a strategist and political type himself Mark might have seen him deflate somewhat.

He had really gotten his hopes up about the new species being strategic like him.

“Well that aside, I am a major for the current units stationed here. If you need anything to be changed in order to accommodate you or your friends here, feel free to tell me. This is not a prison after all, and we can import some luxury goods if you desire anything.”

“Oh wow, thanks!” Mark tried to think of anything he had ever wanted and suddenly came up blank.

Seeing this the major adapted, “I apologize, but it appears I will be needed elsewhere. I will come back in a few hours to speak again, until then simply rest up. A few guards will be stationed down the hall, and construction crews may visit this hallway, so if you have any issues, feel free to bring it up with either of them.”

Mark was stupified and tried to find the words to thank him, “I don’t know what to say, thank you very much.”

The major left, and after a few minutes of lying down Mark had a sudden realization.

The rest of the hospital staff would never give me anything I wanted, but the researchers would.

He pushed himself onto his feet and walked towards the drawer that he had hidden his scavenged weaponry in.

“They are still here, so no one found them I guess.”

Zirrilit nosed into his side and stared down before replying. “Yup your metal is still right here. Nice and splinter-y.”

“No see,” Mark began explaining, “These are all pieces of guns. And while they are all messed up I was thinking I could take the pieces that aren’t messed up from each other and rebuild one functional weapon.”

Zirrilit gasped, “So you do know magic!”

“No, I’m just pulling them apart and putting the good pieces back together.”

“So… Science?” Zirrilit tried.

“Sure, kind of… Not really… but I guess science works.”

Zirrilit nodded. “Okay, so then those guys outside are doing science now too?”

She pointed and Mark turned to see a group of people in robes. One raised a staff and the concrete began floating out of the middle of the corridor and back into where it was supposed to be.

“No, they are using magic to fix the hallway.”

“But- but- no!” Zirrilit whined, “They are taking the pieces of the hallway and putting them back together! You just said that’s science!”

“They are using magic to magically pick up the rocks and levitate them together. Then the stone is magically resealing itself together somehow.”

Zirrilit whined slightly, “I am so confused.”