I placed the heavy log against my shoulders once more. I leaned slightly forward to counteract the added weight on my back. I lunged forward in the shadow of the tree. My legs burned from the effort and threatened to give way. Walking lunges was one of Olivere’s many ways to torture me. If I made it halfway around the tree I could take a break. It was my final lap after all. Olivere had been ramping up the training a lot recently, with a lot more strength and endurance-based training. I made it halfway. I didn’t stop, I eyed the other side of the tree. If I make it halfway I get to take a break. I continued on. Sometimes I had to use mind tricks like this to keep on pushing. The mind is a funny thing if you give it hope it will push on for much longer than if all hope was lost. I gasped heaving for breath lunging continuously forward. My back ached from the heavy log on my shoulders twice as long as I was. My legs shook every time I pushed off the ground to a standing position again. I could see the mark in the ground only a couple of steps in front of me that marked a full lap around the tree. Almost there, almost done with the final lap. I collapsed once I crossed the finish line I had exhausted every ounce of my energy. The log rolled off my back to the side. One hundred laps. A couple of days ago I had struggled to do one lap. Whatever Olivere was doing to train me it was working.

“I got water for you,” said Olivere from behind me. Why did he always appear behind me? I never noticed him approach me.

“Thank you, I’m really thirsty?” I said gratefully. I looked around but I couldn’t find it.

“Where is it?”

“Up there,” said Olivere pointing up the tree.

I groaned. “I’m pretty sure your training is going to kill me someday,”

Olivere laughed. “Have some faith in your teacher,”

I walked over to the tree. I closed my eyes for a second losing my muscles. I breathed out and in that breath grabbed my hand and footholds in the bark. Before I knew it I was at the top.

“Not bad,” said Olivere sitting in a chair.

“Do you have to show off so much?” I said. “You know I thought I actually made it first,”

Olivere laughed loudly. “You’re about a hundred years too young to beat me,”

“We’ll see,” I said grinning. “I have been improving a lot,”

“Oh yeah,” said Olivere. “ let me see, show me your mana condensation form,”

I took some swigs of water before going into the stance that he taught me. I squatted down until my knees reached parallel. I spread my legs out to my side and raised my arms. The horse stance was another one of Olivere’s torture techniques. I closed my eyes. I imagined mana rushing through me and collecting in my fingers. Tingles went to my fingertips but nothing more happened.

“No, no no” went Olivere. “You’re doing it all wrong,”

Olivere was usually a relaxed teacher but when it came to mana and magic, in general, he was surprisingly strict.

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“You need to relax, it must come naturally!” he said.

He poked me in the navel. “It must flow from here,”

“Like this,” He said. He got into the same stance. Blue flames erupted from his fists.

“How am I supposed to do that, besides this worked before when I could use mana,”

“Hmmm,” said Olivere. “Your mana has increased there’s no doubt about it, your physical ability has undoubtably increased. It’s probably tied to something mental, Doubt or fear, maybe some memories?”

I nodded. I knew exactly what it was that was holding me back as soon as he said it. To be honest I had suspected it as well. I feared what would happen if I got my mana back. The damage I had caused before was irredeemable. The guilt I felt, how was I supposed to be relaxed with those thoughts going through my head?

“I can’t fix your mental distress, that is only something you can do so I leave that to you,”

“Ok,” he said waving at me. “Relax, you’ll continue in a moment,”

I got up from the stance.

“I think it has to do with my memories when I was mind-controlled,” I said. I had told Olivere roughly what had happened to me and who I was. I left out anything about my life back home and what I had done when mind-controlled. Considering who knows how long he had been down here, I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t even know about the holy empire or the kingdoms above and around the dungeon,”

“I can fix that,”

“You can,” I said surprised.

“Yep, normally it would be impossible but you’re in the hands of a master. Also combined with how recent the spells were placed on you the residuals are enough to completely restore your memories without any nasty magical side effects. You wouldn’t want to accidentally be placed under the protocol you were given when being mind-controlled,”

I shook my head furiously. “Never again,”

“It won’t come back all at once but it should be fully restored before long. He placed a forefinger above my eyebrows in between my eyes. His finger glowed white, tingling sensation in my head followed it.

“Close your eyes, the memories will flow in,” said Olivere.

I closed my eyes. I saw hazy crackles of static but no memories yet. A flash of vision crossed my vision. I tasted blood in my mouth. I was back, I was flying flying over a city. People were below, pointing at me, pointing at me, and opening their mouths widely with tears in their eyes. They were pointing at me and crying out in fear. They were afraid of me.

I raised my arm, white-hot heat coursed through my arm. No, no. What was I doing? I couldn’t stop myself. Fire erupted from my palm.

“Nooo!” I shouted ripping away from Olivere. I looked around the room dazed. I stared at Olivere with guilt-riddled eyes.

“It's alright, it’s alright,” went Olivere. “It’s in the past,”

“That’s the problem,” I said, wiping sweat from my face. “I did those things,”

“Olivere sat me down. “Here’s the thing, the past is in the past. I don’t know what you’ve gone through and you don’t have to say what happened but I’ve been alive long enough to know when someone is suffering from guilt. ”

Olivere sighed deeply and got a distant look in his eyes. “Whatever we did in the past, it is something we cannot change. That is a fact, even with all my magic the past will remain unchanged. If it was something that happened to you when you were mind-controlled then it isn’t your fault. Look at me,” he said.

“It isn’t your fault,” He repeated looking into my eyes. His words were comforting but they weren’t what I needed. For some reason, it still felt like it was all my fault.

“But that’s probably not going to help you,” He continued. “It’s important to mention that what may have happened sucks, it may keep you awake at night and you may never forget it or forgive yourself, but what you need to do is focus on what you can control, The only thing you can change is the future. You can do what you think will atone for all of your mistakes. “

I wiped the tears that sprung onto my cheek.

“Thank you I’m feeling better now,” Olivere’s words made me wonder about who he is and who he was in a way I hadn’t thought of before. What had this man seen? What was the reason for him living all the way down here all alone? I wouldn’t pry, since he didn’t with me.

I closed my eyes and took forward my hand and closed my eyes. Fire. Yellow flames licked at my fingers. I won’t forget what happened to me. It’s a reminder of what people are capable of and what I need to do to protect myself and others.

“What am I doing next, “ I asked looking from my hand to Olivere’s face.

“Take the rest of the day off, there won’t be that much daylight left anyway,” he said ruffling my hair.

“But I can do more!” I protested.

“Resting is just as important as training, if you rush things and don’t let your body and mind rest you will find yourself unprepared,”

I begrudgingly agreed and went off to sleep.