“What the fuck were you thinking?” Captain Richardson shouted across his desk. Theo suspected it was a rhetorical question, but he was silently considering it, nonetheless. The captain continued, “When I told you not to look into Amelie, it wasn’t a friendly suggestion. It wasn’t a polite tip. I wasn’t nudging-and-winking when I said it. IT. WAS. A. DIRECT. ORDER.” The frosted glass walls of the office vibrated with how loud the captain was yelling. It didn’t deter Theo.

“If you had let me work on this from the beginning-” Theo started yelling back but was interrupted by the increasingly irate captain.

“-That girl might have been dead sooner!” Captain Richardson looked at Theo like he was an idiot. “Is your cochlear implant working? Are you having a God damned translation issue or something? Or are ‘command structure’, ‘instructions’, and ‘human fucking language’ foreign concepts to you?” The captain shook his head and chuckled in disbelief. Theo just crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. The captain threw up his hands and turned around before continuing, “Within minutes of our last conversation, you disobeyed direct orders.”

“Yeah, and within minutes, I was able to find Amelie’s whereabouts,” Theo said, slightly exaggerating, “Schanze and Holland had been sitting on this case for days.”

“It doesn’t matter who’s working on it, as long as it wasn’t you!”

“... And it’s directly tied to my suicides case!”

“Not anymore.” The captain said.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, it’s not your case anymore. You’re relieved of duty for the time being.”

“You’re suspending me?” Theo asked in exasperation.

“You’ll be lucky if you don’t get thrown off the force, or worse, let alone a suspension!” Captain Richardson emphasized his words with the point of his finger in Theo’s direction. Then leaned against the back of his chair, gripping it like a stress ball. “But no. For now, consider it a break for your mental health. Go home and spend some time with your wife, Theo.”

Theo clenched his jaw as tightly as his fist, but instead of throwing a fist, he threw a few words.

“The ineptitude of this precinct continues to blow my mind in the worst possible way.” He said. The captain was visibly displeased. He moved his chair to the side, nearly knocking it over in the process. He might have been more intimidating if his oversized desk weren’t still in his way.

“Have you lost your God damned mind?” The captain yelled. “You’re about two words away from throwing your entire career in the garbage!”

“Fuck you! Are those words good enough?” Theo’s response left Captain Richardson speechless, but his expression went from dumbfounded surprise to seething rage before he took a deep breath.

“Go home, Theo.” The captain said through gritted teeth and a level of restraint that Theo didn’t think was possible. Without another word, Theo left the office. As the door closed, Theo could hear the captain whisper to himself, “Jesus fucking Christ.”

The floor was a spectacle of officers gathering near Theo’s desk. As he approached, a few of the officers between him and his desk cleared the way to reveal Jacque and Chris, waiting. As angry as the captain was, the look on Jacque’s sleep-deprived face was much worse, especially as soon as he saw Theo. He began to walk toward Theo with a purpose that was obvious to everyone. Chris tried to hold on to his arm, but Jacque broke free. Theo took a deep breath in preparation for what was about to happen.

It was fortunate that Jacque had opted for surgery for his hand instead of getting a full prosthetic replacement, otherwise Theo may not have survived the strike to the center of his face. Despite being mere flesh and bone, the hit broke Theo’s nose and knocked him to the ground. Either he was dazed, or his cochlear implant was resetting, as he couldn’t hear what Jacque was saying, but he was pretty sure he knew what it was.

“You were supposed to protect her!” Jacque yelled. He tried to move in to continue hitting Theo on the ground, but he was already being restrained by several of the onlooking officers. “You killed her!” Jacque continued, his voice already breaking. “You killed her, you bastard!”

Theo didn’t say anything. There wasn’t anything he could say. He couldn’t argue that he didn’t kill her because a part of him felt that it was, in fact, his fault. He lay on the floor silently, allowing Jacque to continue his verbal tirade. His words stung the most, but the stinging pain in Theo’s face quickly became a close second. Another officer reached toward Theo’s arm to help him up, but Theo batted his hand away, angrily rejecting the help. He pushed himself up to a sitting position and sat motionless until Jacque was pulled into the briefing room.

Blood poured from Theo’s nose, quickly covering his chin and soaking into his shirt, tie, and carpeted floor. Theo looked up to see Chris standing a few feet away. The tearful look on his face was much the same intensity as his husband’s. Theo couldn’t bring himself to maintain eye contact. As Chris stared daggers at him, Theo fully expected to receive another hit, but after a few moments Chris turned away to rejoin Jacque in the briefing room.

When Theo began staggering to his feet, he noticed a few other officers next to him, assuming they were again trying to help him up. Theo flailed his arms again.

“Fuck off!” He said, but as he got to his feet, he was nearly pushed back to the ground by Detective Schanze, who was also not in the mood to be helping Theo.

“No, you fuck off, asshole!” Schanze said.

“Yeah, what the shit man?” Holland chimed in behind him. “If not calling for uniformed backup, you should have at least contacted us. We would have been happy to help.”

Theo said nothing in response, which only angered Schanze even more. He stepped forward and pushed Theo again.

“He doesn’t give a shit,” Schanze said, looking straight into Theo’s eyes, “he thinks we’re rookies, fuckin greenhorns that can’t wipe our own asses. Despite the tacky hard-boiled dick persona, he forgets that he’s only been on the force for a year longer than us.”

“He doesn’t give a shit, man. After all, it wasn’t his daughter that died today.” Holland said, shoulder checking Theo as he moved past.

Part of Theo wanted a fight, if for nothing other than a cathartic release of tension, but his body resisted him. Theo wanted to scream at Holland that he was wrong, but in the moment of pause, Theo’s mind reasoned that his inattention and ineptitude had also gotten his own daughter killed. It was a thought that stayed with Theo as he dragged himself toward the exit.

He was stopped by a paramedic in the lobby who moved to attend to Theo’s nose. Theo was stubborn, and tried to push them away, but the paramedic was more stubborn. When they pulled out a nasal spray anesthetic, Theo angrily snapped at them.

“Just set the fucking thing and let me go.” He said, and without a moment’s hesitation, he got his wish from the heavy-handed paramedic. The pain was intense, complimenting the massive sense of doubt that was growing within him with every passing second.

When he was finally let go, Theo did what he often does when his daughter was on his mind. He ordered his car to MCI-Concord. When the vehicle arrived, he barely noticed that it was a different make and model, forgetting completely about the previous one that had been written-off by Synapse. The drive over was entirely too long for him to sit and think in silence. He could feel himself spiraling into a pit of despair, a place that he was all too familiar with. He felt like a complete failure as a father, a husband, a protector of the weak, and a good human being in general. Certain thoughts were starting to run through his head as a solution to these problems or, at least, an exit to evade them.

Theo put his head in his hands having already forgotten about its state, but the sharp pain was something else to focus on. In an attempt to avoid continuing down the dark road he was on, he started hitting his temple with increasing intensity, then tapping and pinching his broken nose. Eventually, his grip was so tight that he was threatening to unset the cartilage. The vehicle came to a stop before that happened, arriving at the prison.

Ellis’s image was surprisingly similar to Theo’s, sporting a stitched up black eye as he entered visitation and sat at the table. They were both silent for a few minutes, each lost in their own heads and barely looking at each other. Eventually, Theo leaned forward against the table.

“Where’d you get that?” Theo asked. Ellis shifted in his seat, uncomfortable with the question, but answered even so.

“Chad was given to another inmate. Dude ended up killing him and started bragging about it. I tried to beat the shit out of the guy.” There was a short pause.

“I’m... sorry...” Theo said, hanging his head low above the table.

“It’s alright.” Ellis said. “The piece of shit had it coming, I just wish I was able to do more damage.”

“I don’t just mean for this incident. I am sorry about your kitten, but I’m also sorry for you being in here in the first place.”

“I told you, you don’t have to apolo-”

“I’m sorry I didn’t do enough to fight the charges, to stand up for you.” Theo was raising his voice. Ellis kept trying to interject, but Theo just continued. “I should have been more vocal! I should have put my foot down instead of wallowing in self-pity. I should’ve...” His voice was beginning to crack, and his hands were woven into his hair, gripping it tightly. “I should’ve paid more attention. If I had, you wouldn’t be here, and Alice would still...”

Ellis thought he had seen the broken man before. It wasn’t the first time he had heard Theo’s apologies, but this time seemed different. Previously, his apologies had an air of anger around them, as if he would fly off the handle if Ellis tried to take any blame. Now, he was watching this outwardly hardened man only a step away from openly weeping in front of him. It was a jarring sight.

“What the hell happened, Theo?” Ellis asked, refraining from reaching across the table to touch his shoulder. Theo took a few deep breaths in an attempt to regain his composure.

“I did it again... I was just trying to help find someone, but... in the process of looking for her, I think I may have been responsible for her death.” Theo’s head was deeply hidden in his hands, a result of the profound shame he felt. “I let another girl die, and this time it wasn’t my own.”

“Theo!” Ellis yelled, nearly reaching across to grab Theo by his lapels. This caught Theo’s attention, as well as the guard that was standing at the door, but Ellis kept his hands to himself and lowered his voice. “I don’t know how many times I need to tell you this, but what happened to your daughter... Was. Not. Your. Fault.”

“But-”

“But nothing, Theo!” Ellis said, interrupting him. “Your daughter ran out into the street. I hate to put it like this, but a child running out into the street isn’t exactly unheard of. It happens.”

“If I had just held on to her, or just paid a little more attention, or-”

“Or if she had been made of pure titanium, or if we had flying cars, or if the Observers had returned and whisked her away... There’s an infinite number of things that could have happened to save her, but they didn’t.”

The two were silent for an uncomfortable period of time. Theo had gotten the point. There was nothing that could be done for something that happened years ago, but that didn’t stop the two from imagining how things could have been different.

“You don’t deserve to be in here, Ellis.”

“I killed your daughter, man. Not only did I refuse to use an auto, but I was driving recklessly, and I was high.”

“That’s the bullshit that was said to get you locked up in here, and you’re starting to believe it. You smoked a little weed the night before, and you were learning how to drive stick in a large truck. None of that is illegal.”

“I still killed a 4-year-old girl. You think I deserve no punishment for it?”

“It’s been clear to me from day one that you understand what’s happened, and you’re tearing yourself up over it. Maybe if you were some rich sociopath with no remorse, I’d be a little more angry at you.”

“I wouldn’t say I’m tearing-...” Ellis paused to rework what he was saying. “All I’m saying is that I’ve accepted my punishment for what happened. For taking your girl away from you... from your wife... from the world... I don’t think 12 years is too much to ask.”

There was no arguing with Ellis. Theo respected it, but also found it frustrating. They again sat in silence for a few moments before Ellis spoke.

“Tell me about the girl today...” He asked. Theo again put his head in his hands. “I imagine you can’t really give much detail, but...”

“It was a friend’s... my best friend’s daughter. She had been reported missing a few days ago, and I found out that it’s related to the case I’ve been working on.”

“So... you thought she was taken by a killer or something?”

“She was under his control, I think, yes.”

“Under his... control?”

“Yeah, through her BSI.”

“What, like threatening her into doing stuff?”

“No, I mean controlling her body directly.” Theo said. Ellis didn’t quite understand.

“Is that even possible?”

“I’m not an expert on Interfaces or how the brain works or anything like that, but that’s what it looks like.”

“Hmm...” Ellis pondered on the idea. “If that’s true... it seems like quite the oversight by Bell-Westbrook.”

“No kidding.”

“They have to know about it, right?” Ellis asked.

At that moment, Theo had realized the avenue of investigation that he hadn’t yet considered. He grabbed the stylus from his coat and started browsing to Bell-Westbrook’s page to find some contact information. Just as he was about to send a police contact request, he paused, remembering his current status with the police. He swiped away his Interface with a sigh and shake of his head.

“So...” Ellis said. “Did you find your friend’s daughter?”

As uncomfortable as Theo was, simply the act of speaking with Ellis calmed him and gave him an opportunity to reassess the case. At first, he hesitated to go into certain details, sure that it was some breach of information about an ongoing investigation, but the hesitation shifted to that of anguish as he approached the moment of Amelie’s death.

He wasn’t very descriptive to Ellis, but over the past several hours in the aftermath, he had watched the event over and over again when he shared the ultra-high-resolution video to the first responders and his superiors. Theo was thankful that he didn’t have to share it again, but the image of Amelie nearly cut in half and gasping for air had been effectively burned into his brain. Theo shook as he described it, and when it was over, he took a deep breath, and again buried his head in his hands.

“I feel like I’ve been saying it a lot lately...” Ellis said, placing a hand on Theo’s arm, “but I don’t think any of this is your fault.”

He had been saying it often, and to the point that they were both tired of hearing it. Nonetheless, it was something that Theo needed to hear to stop pulling at his already thinning hair.

“I have no idea if this helps, or if this is something that you’ve considered,” Ellis said, “but I have a question. I don’t think either of these is necessarily better or worse than the other, but I think it should be asked; was your priority to save your friend’s daughter, or to catch a killer?”

Theo didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. Again, there was silence between the two until their time was up. They stood up from the table and went to shake hands, but Theo moved in for a firm embrace, startling the guard.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“Thank you.” Theo said, then parted before the guard could force his way between them.

After picking up his gun from the armory, Theo left the prison. He didn’t have an answer to Ellis’s question, but the conversation made him feel calmer and more collected. He wanted more discussion, though he was fairly confident that Kara wasn’t up to the task. In the absence of someone to continue his discussion with, Theo wanted somewhere quiet that wasn’t the cramped cabin of his new unfamiliar vehicle, so he set The Endless Wit as his destination and idly played with Chess until his arrival. When the vehicle came to a stop, he stowed his revolver in the re-enforced glove compartment before entering the bar.

The table in the far corner was as quiet and comfortable as Theo liked it. The bartender delivered a glass of Dr. Pepper to him as soon as he sat down. When the bartender was about to leave, Theo nearly grabbed his arm to ask for a whiskey instead, but in his hesitation, the bartender returned to his spot behind the counter. Theo sat in silence, sipping at his soft drink. He thought he would be content to sit and think, but he again found himself spiraling into self-doubt, and self-hatred. He found himself with his face in his hands, irritating his broken nose again.

“You look like you could use some company...”

While soft, the woman’s voice was just sharp enough to cut through Theo’s thoughts. For a moment, Theo thought Kara had decided to join him. As his demeanor quickly began to improve at the prospect of his wife leaving the house for the first time in over a year, he realized that the woman sitting across from him was actually his new bar friend, Lily. She wasn’t quite what he was hoping for, but she was still a welcome sight.

“Hi, Lily.” Theo said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

“Rough day?” Lily asked.

“That’s one way to put it, I guess. How could you tell?” Theo laid on the sarcasm.

“Well, the broken nose was a pretty good indicator.” Lily replied. Theo subtly cocked his head, momentarily confused by the answer to his rhetorical question. Lily continued, “You wanna talk about it?”

It was an uncomfortable question, causing Theo to shift back in his seat, looking away from her. Perhaps it was because she was still a stranger that he didn’t want to say much about what had happened, but he didn’t think it would be too much worse than discussing active investigation details to an incarcerated felon.

“Is it your wife?” Lily asked. The look on her face was ambiguous. She didn’t seem happy at the thought of possible marital issues, but Theo also didn’t pick up much concern coming from her.

“No...” Theo said. “No, my wife is fine...” It was a blatant lie, but Theo remembered Lily asking about his wife previously as well. It seemed to him like she was interested in Kara, but he wasn’t sure why, and at the moment, he didn’t really care. “I, uh... let some people down, friends... family... and they got hurt because of it.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t imagine it was your intention to get anyone hurt.”

“Of course not. Quite the opposite. I was trying to help. Trying to save someone from harm.”

“Is that right?” Lily’s response garnered another strange look from Theo.

“What do you mean?” He asked. “Are you saying that I wanted something bad to happen?”

“I suppose, in a way.” Lily said. Her words and her extremely chill demeanor were irritating Theo in a way he hadn’t experienced with her before. “Not to imply that I know what happened, really, but it seems to me that people are drawn to violence. They may not always intend or plan for it, but I find that they always hope for it in some form or another.”

“I absolutely didn’t hope to see the violence that I saw.” Theo raised his voice, but not enough to disturb the few other patrons. The bartender was giving him the side eye, however. “And anyone who does-”

“What?” Lily interrupted him. Theo saw she was trying to make a point.

“... Should seek help.”

“Ha.” Lily smiled. “I don’t think that’s what you were going to say. Is that what you do, Theo? Help people seek help?”

Theo wondered if Lily was making a joke. He hadn’t told her that he worked for the police, but he expected it to be pretty obvious, at least based on how often people made fun of his style.

“Yeah, that’s right.” He said. Theo felt like he could probably make an argument supporting the perfect fantasy ‘civil protectors’ propaganda, but he knew it was a complete lie.

“I’m sure you do.” Lily said. Theo still wasn’t sure whether she believed him or not, but she had already made her point.

What would he do if he got his hands on Synapse? He tried to imagine the legal, perfect hero scenario where he slapped cuffs on the asshole and brought him into the station to applause and a kiss from Kara. Instead, Theo found himself imagining gouging the fucker’s eyes out and punching in all of his teeth, maybe pulling his jaw off and beating the remaining head into a pile of meat, bone, blood, and brain matter. Just the thought of his fists slamming into this psychopath’s face provided a small cathartic release. As he was lost in the imagery, the arrival of the bartender startled Theo as he set two glasses of whiskey onto the table.

“You doing alright, Theo?” He asked with concern on his face.

“We’re fine... thank you.” Theo responded instinctively.

“A-alright...” The bartender raised an eyebrow. “Well, if you do need someone to talk to, you know... I am a bartender.”

“Thank you...” Theo raised an eyebrow back at him, then the bartender returned to the bar. Theo looked back at the glasses in front of him. Lily took the one closest to her. Theo only looked at his.

“You looked like you could use a drink.” Lily said, taking a sip from her glass.

“I, uh... I don’t drink.”

“I do remember you saying that.”

“So, you’re the type that thinks it’s okay to give alcohol to an alcoholic?”

“Only to the ones that spend their time in a bar.”

“I only come here for the setting.”

“Sure...” Lily said with a laugh. “You know that you can change your environment in your interface, right? You can make it seem like you’re at a bar when you’re at home. It can even be this bar, and this table if you want.”

“I enjoy the service.”

“So, do the same thing but at a restaurant.”

“I dunno. Somehow, that seems even sadder than this.”

“Well, I think as long as you decide to drink soda in a bar, I think you run the risk of people buying you a drink.”

“For a middle-aged man, I’d say it’s more likely I would be asked to buy someone a drink.” Theo was still looking at the glass. “All that being said, thank you for the drink, but I’m going to pass.”

“Suit yourself, just means more for me!”

Theo watched her as she finished the first glass and downed the second with a relieved sigh.

“So, why’d you stop drinking?” Lily asked. With her blunt demeanor to such a sensitive question, Theo was beginning to wonder whether the woman was on the autistic spectrum or had some other neurodivergent condition.

“Which time?”

“I don’t think it’s really considered ‘quitting’ if you pick it up again, but for the sake of argument, whatever.”

“I guess, in general, it’s because bad things tend to happen when I drink.”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah... or... maybe it’s more that I am unable to react very well to the bad things that do happen when I’m drunk.”

“I see. That makes a bit more sense, I suppose.” Lily said. “What happened to get you to stop drinking the first time?”

“It was... uhh...” Theo tugged at his chin hairs as he thought. “That was probably the birth of my daughter.”

“That was... a bad thing?”

“N-no! Of course not! That was one of the best days of my life!” Theo had to laugh, albeit nervously. “Though, I was probably wasted when she was conceived.”

“So that was the bad thing?”

“Again... no... Kara and I were never totally against having kids. It’s just... I dunno, okay? Maybe there wasn’t really a bad thing that happened the first time. We just thought it might be better to raise her sober, at least until she drove me back to drinking in her teenage years.”

“Is that why you started again?” Lily asked. Theo paused for a moment. Had Lily not finished both of the whiskeys, Theo might have downed one right then.

“Well... I guess she did drive me to drinking, but not in the way I had hoped. No... She... didn’t make it that far...”

“Oh...” Lily showed a bit of sympathetic remorse. “I’m sorry for your loss...”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.”

“How young was she?”

“She was about to turn 5.”

“Ah. In that case, I don’t think anyone can blame you for sinking into a bottle.”

“Maybe so, but I’m still not sure whether it was me or the bottle to blame for what happened next.” Theo said. Lily was listening intently. “The way that I coped was with copious amounts of bourbon, but my wife chose to abandon reality in a much more literal way; getting a BSI, then diving in and refusing to leave for anything, including necessary bodily needs and functions. I was okay with taking care of her during this period, but after a particularly forgetful bender, I came home to see her and thought she had died. Luckily, the hospital was able to bring her back, and at that moment, I had decided to quit drinking again. That was a few years ago... haven’t had a drop since.”

“I see.” Lily said. “And how’s that going for you?”

Her tone made Theo reconsider whether this woman was actually a friend to him. It wasn’t the first time he felt like she was provoking a reaction from him, and he wanted to give it to her, but the urge to maintain a relationship with anyone who would willingly talk to him was overwhelming. He maintained his composure.

“It really seems like you’re trying to get me to start drinking again. Is that something you enjoy doing, or am I just imagining things?”

“I’m not necessarily trying, but I also think that if it’s something that helps someone cope with existence, it’s not such a bad thing.”

“In your time with internet vigilantism or whatever you want to call it, surely you’ve seen some terrible things caused by or related to substance abuse...”

“When it results in violence, murder, or sexual exploitation, then, sure, those perpetrators should see punishment, but if a person’s addiction isn’t directly harming anyone else, I’m not really concerned about it.”

“Anyone... else?” Theo said. “So, if a person is causing significant harm to themselves, like in an overdose, you have no issue with it?”

“Not really.”

“That seems... cold.”

“Who are you to judge what a person does with their own body?”

“Many of these people may not understand what they are doing to their body when taking illegal drugs, and the people who produce them abuse that fact.”

“That’s a problem that could be mostly alleviated by legalization and regulation of narcotics, but even with legal, regulated drugs and alcohol, plenty of people still choose to abuse them, and the corporations that produce them, just like illegal drug manufacturers, know about the propensity for abuse and do little to address it.”

“I guess... But why don’t you go after those people?”

“Who says I don’t?” Lily said. “The illegal drug dealers and manufacturers are easy, but the multinational corporate ones are a little more difficult.”

“Okay. That’s all fine and good, but...” Theo sighed. “Instead of reminding them about their loved ones or whatever else they have to live for, you’re okay with enabling their drug abuse?”

“It seems to me that you don’t need reminding of your loved ones.”

Theo had other arguments and questions, and he was sure there were gaps and contradictions in Lily’s logic, but he was now thinking about Kara, and continuing with the conversation felt tedious. Lily was right about one thing. Even though the urge in him to drink was immense after what happened to Amelie, as soon as he thought about Kara, the urge all but disappeared, and it was time for him to go home.

“Thanks for such a... stimulating conversation, but I’m going to go.” Theo said as he slid out of the booth.

“Until next time.” Lily said, giving him a friendly salute.

The ride home was filled with thought. Theo didn’t know what he was going to tell Kara about what happened to Amelie, and subsequently with Jacque and Chris. He wasn’t entirely sure she was going to listen. Maybe he didn’t want to tell her at all. He tried playing with Chess on the way home, but his mind was entirely on Kara. He just wanted to be with her, to talk to her. She had been his escape for so many years, but now she had escaped elsewhere, somewhere he couldn’t go. Wanderlust.

Despite all of the horrifying shit Theo had learned about Brainstem Interfaces over the past few days, there was still a significant lure in being able to join his wife and escape reality entirely. Theo knew the consequences better than most people. There was a threat of having his body taken over by some psycho over the internet. He could become trapped in a horrific nightmare. He could also have the most amazing adventure of his life, so amazing that he would forget, or outright refuse to return to reality, but he would get to be with the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.

And he would. In a heartbeat, and until his last, he would be with Kara, and they would spend the last of their days together until they both died of dehydration. All of their bills were on autopay, and they had enough money to pay them for more than a decade. Theo wondered who would find them. He knew nobody at work would look for him for a while after what happened with Amelie. He wondered whether their bodies would start to smell before Chris, Jacque, or anyone else from the precinct would come to check on him. He wasn’t sure he wanted his friends to find them like that, but in any case, only the super had backup keys to their apartment, and that guy was an asshole, so Theo didn’t much care about letting him find and take care of their corpses.

The idea was starting to take hold. It was a poetic way to go out, and better than most. By the time the vehicle stopped in front of his building, Theo had made his decision and had started browsing for procedure appointment availabilities as he made his way up to his floor. He was excited about the decision and couldn’t wait to tell Kara. He stopped at his door and started fiddling with his keys. As he inserted one into the door, he heard a faint shuffling from within. The giddy anticipation he felt disappeared. It was rare that Kara was up and moving around. For a moment, he considered whether Synapse had found his home, or perhaps it was Jacque or Chris, here for round two. He quietly turned the key and the doorknob, then peeked into his abode.

To his surprise, he saw Kara standing in the kitchen. Theo sighed with relief as he stepped inside and shut the door behind him.

“Hey, beautiful!” Theo said with a smile wider than he’d been able to muster in what seemed like years. Kara looked toward him with an intensive gaze. “I’m so glad to see you up! I got something I wanted to...” Theo trailed off, and the smile immediately dropped from his face when he noticed spots of blood soaking Kara’s lower shirt and pants. When she turned her body toward him, Theo saw that her left arm had a number of fresh cuts in it, and she was gripping an 8-inch chef’s knife in her right hand. On her face, Theo saw pain, sorrow, and fear, but when she noticed Theo standing there, an expression of furious anger quickly took hold.

“Oh my God! Kara!” As soon as he saw the blood freely flowing down her arm, Theo quickly moved toward her to help, but Kara raised the knife and pointed it at him. Theo stopped fast and raised his hands. The bloodied knife was only inches from his face, and Kara was holding it with clear intentions. “What’s wrong, baby?” Theo asked.

“Did you do it?” Kara said in a low voice. Theo was speechless. He wasn’t sure he even heard what she said. Kara continued, “Did you do it? Did you touch her?” This time, she was much more audible, and emphasized her words with the point of her large knife.

“What?” The first thing that came to Theo’s mind was Lily, and to his memory, they hadn’t had so much as a handshake since they met. Then Theo wondered if she was talking about Amelie, if she had already heard about what happened. “W-who?” Theo asked. It wasn’t the right answer.

Kara gritted her teeth and lunged at Theo with the knife, letting out a ferocious grunt. Theo dodged the attack only barely, with the knife catching his coat lapels. He stepped back, and Kara re-took her position. Of course, Theo was surprised, not just in the fact that his wife was clearly trying to kill him, but in how effective and precise her attack was. Theo noticed her stance was straight out of the combat training he hadn’t done in several years, and he realized that if she were more than skin and bones, he likely would have already been dead.

“Did you touch our daughter?” Kara yelled. Tears streamed down her face as she did. Theo was dumbfounded and blown away at the question. It was so unconscionable that he wasn’t sure he heard her correctly.

“What the fu-... What are you talking about?”

“Don’t fucking lie to me!” Kara yelled while making another stab at Theo, who effectively deflected the attack, throwing Kara off balance, though she expertly regained it and continued. “Did you FUCK our daughter?!”

“Of course not! How could you even ask that?” Theo was quickly getting angry himself at the accusation.

“LIAR!” Kara again lunged at him. Theo caught her by the wrist, but not without the knife slicing most of the way through the webbing inside his thumb. Theo shouted in pain and gripped her wrist tightly, but Kara used the opportunity to swing her off hand through the opening between his arms and strike against his broken nose. Theo stumbled back and managed to stay on his feet, but only just.

“Jesus Christ!” Theo shouted, futilely trying to shake the pain from his face. “Where is this coming from?”

Kara didn’t say a word, she just stared at Theo with rage in her eyes, only barely restrained as she sent a series of files to Theo’s interface. The first was an autopsy report of Alice’s body. Theo had never read it. He never could, nor did he feel like he needed to up until this moment. Just after the description of her tiny, mangled body, he read words that made him feel like his heart had fallen out of his chest. The medical examiner concluded and described in detail evidence that she had been a long-term victim of sexual assault.

“Th-that’s... That’s impossible!” Theo said.

If that was truly on the ME report after she died, somebody would have told him. Even if he didn’t read it himself, he was certain that his lawyer would have, or Ellis’s lawyer, or the ME themselves, or anybody. Theo immediately questioned the document’s authenticity, and his skepticism was verified when he moved to the next document that Kara had sent him. It was the police misconduct report that had been released a year ago, the same report that resulted in the purge of nearly a third of law enforcement officers and officials across the country. As opposed to the ME report, this was a document that Theo had read extensively when it was released, and with the exception of some minor insubordination, Theo was not named in the report, and certainly not with a history of aggravated sexual assault that he was currently reading.

“This is fake! I’ve read it, and this was absolutely not in the actual report!” Theo was frantically trying to explain.

“You don’t deny that you did it, only that it’s in the report?” Kara asked. Just the concept of her believing he could do such a thing left Theo speechless. Kara continued. “How do you explain the last one, huh? Are those fake too?”

The last file was a short video from the security camera inside visitation at MCI-Concord from only an hour ago. It was Theo’s meeting with Ellis, specifically the moment that Theo held the young man in a firm embrace. The video also contained clips from over a dozen different visits since Ellis’s incarceration. None of them were fabricated or altered.

“This... It’s not... They aren’t what they look like!” Theo said.

“What it looks like?” Kara asked. She gritted her teeth and gripped the knife with white knuckles. “What it looks like?! I’ll tell you what it looks like!” She took a threatening step toward Theo. “It looks like you raped my baby girl, and then you had her killed before she could understand what was happening, and you’re thanking the bastard that killed her!”

“No, Kara! That’s not-” Theo started to speak, but Kara made another lunge at him. Theo met her halfway, pushing toward her while grabbing her wrist again, then using his considerable size and momentum to push Kara back and slam her against the kitchen wall, causing her to drop the knife. Kara struggled for a moment, but she quickly realized she was completely overpowered, and her enraged expression melted into defeated sorrow as she began to openly cry.

“How could you?” Kara asked.

“I didn’t...” Theo said under his breath. Kara’s cries grew louder as the strength left her body. Theo let go of her wrists and caught her in his arms before she fell. He gripped her tightly as she moaned into his shoulder.

“How could you?” Kara asked again in a sobbing whisper. Theo stroked her hair gently as he held her close.

“It’s not true...” Theo said again. “I had always thought that I could never be happier than when we were together, but then Alice came into our lives, and with the three of us, I felt a completeness that I never thought possible.” As he spoke, he felt Kara’s hands drift under his coat. He could feel the warmth of her bleeding arm soaking into his side. “It was perfect, and we were happy, but when she died... It left an emptiness in my heart that I almost couldn’t bear, but, I still had you, and I knew that you felt the same.

“Our daughters death created a gap between us,” Theo continued, “and that gap has only ever grown, but I want to get rid of it. I want to join you in Wanderlust. I want to experience that journey with you. I just want to be with you.” As he held her, he felt Kara push her forehead against his shoulder.

“If all that is true...” Kara said, “and you still did those things to your own daughter, then you must be a special kind of monster.”

Theo grabbed her by the shoulders and tried to push her back just enough so that he could get face-to-face with her, to try to tell her as clearly as possible that what she had seen was a lie, but she broke out of his grip and took two steps back into the kitchen. He didn’t realize that Kara had taken his gun with her until it was already pointed in his face.

“If I can make that hole in your heart even half as big as mine...” Kara said, “then maybe it will be worth it.”

There was nothing Theo could do but watch as Kara stopped pointing at him and trained the barrel of the revolver into her mouth. With all the strength he could, Theo rushed toward her, but was only able to get close enough to watch as the back of his wife’s head was scattered across the kitchen.

Theo didn’t flinch at the sound. He didn’t hear it at all; his brain refused. He continued toward her and caught her body as it fell, taking him to the ground in the process. Her corpse convulsed as Theo held it tightly.

“It’s okay, Kara! I have you!” Theo whispered into her ear. With one hand, he softly stroked her hair while trying to hold shut the gaping hole in her crown, as if it were a minor wound. Everything was going to be okay, he thought, as long as they were together.