I always wonder... What exactly is my fault?

Why does no one truly see my situation?

A girl with long, wet hair sits drenched in her school uniform, hugging her knees and covering her face, her eyes swollen from crying not too long ago.

After a while, she leaves the bathroom. Still soaking wet, she walks down the school corridor. The quiet atmosphere of the school shows that most students have already gone home. The girl arrives at a staircase where two boys are chatting, but they stop briefly when they see her and then walk away, ignoring her.

She opens the door to her classroom, and her eyes widen as she sees her desk and bag covered in trash. In a hurry, she clears the garbage from her bag and leaves the classroom, dragging the now filthy bag behind her.

Her once-sorrowful face now shows frustration, with her forehead creased. She heads toward a room marked 'Discipline Unit' and knocks several times. The door opens slowly, revealing a bespectacled male teacher with a belly, who opens it.

"Mr. Syahir, what more proof do I need to give you? Isn't this enough to show that Hanna and her friends are bullying me?" the girl asks, showing her dirty, foul-smelling bag.

"Listen, Nasuha... You're coming to me without any respect. I'm done handling your case. How many times have people shown that you're lying about being bullied just to make Hanna look bad?" Mr. Syahir replies dismissively. Nasuha grips the strap of her bag, wanting to throw it at the teacher's face but holds back.

"They're the ones lying to you! I don't understand... I don't understand why they do this or why everyone sides with them. But I'm not lying!" Nasuha raises her voice. Mr. Syahir sighs and closes the door slightly.

"You better leave my office now before I give you a disciplinary action. I'll let you off this time, but you'd better think about what you've done," Mr. Syahir says as he shuts the door. Nasuha stands frozen in front of the 'Discipline Unit' room, her hand releasing her grip on her bag, which drops to the floor.

Everything started a few months ago...

My relationship with everyone in class was normal. I had a few friends, even with Hanna. Everything was fine, nothing unusual, until...

Hanna broke up with the boy she was dating, someone from the same class. Out of nowhere, that boy started liking me and confessed not long after breaking up with Hanna.

I didn't accept him. At that time, I didn't think much about it, but before I knew it, I was accused of stealing him from Hanna.

Apparently, the boy didn't take rejection well and went back to Hanna just to make everyone hate me.

He didn't attack me directly, but he made Hanna and the other girls in class bully me.

Just because I rejected him...

And Hanna believed his lies.

My life at school changed, becoming a torment every single day.

They even spread rumors about me, telling the whole school that whenever they physically bullied me, dirtied my clothes, or scribbled nasty words on my desk, that I was doing it all to myself just to gain sympathy.

Even the teachers believed them.

"Why are you coming home so late, and soaking wet?" Nasuha's father asks with a mixture of concern and frustration. Nasuha drops her dirty bag on the floor and starts taking off her shoes.

"Even if I told you, would you believe me?" Nasuha replies. Her father crosses his arms.

"Nasuha... I'm not at your school, so I don't know what's going on, but do you really think the teachers are lying? And you've been disrespectful to me lately with all this strange behavior! Who taught you this!?" her father scolds.

"Whatever, Dad. I'm tired of arguing with you," Nasuha says as she picks up her bag and heads for the stairs.

"Nasuha! You listen to me!" her father shouts, grabbing her arm tightly. Nasuha turns back. Her father slaps her across the face.

Nasuha stands still, wide-eyed, her cheek red from the slap. Her father's anger turns to frustration.

"Don't embarrass me with this behavior anymore!" he yells.

Tears stream down Nasuha's face. She doesn't look at her father. He releases his grip on her wrist, shocked at what he's just done.

Her wrist, where he had gripped her, is now red too.

"N-Nasu-" her father stutters, reaching out for her, but Nasuha pulls away.

"Don't touch me... I'm tired..." she says, trembling, and rushes upstairs to her room.

Once inside, Nasuha locks the door and leans against the wall. She breaks down, sobbing uncontrollably, sitting on the floor with her face buried in her hands.

All this time... I've done my best.

For myself, for my father.

I've never hurt anyone like this.

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Why?

Nasuha stands in the bathroom, staring at the mirror. Her hair is disheveled, her eyes are swollen, and her cheek is still red from the slap.

In her right hand is a box cutter. Slowly, she extends the blade and places it against her left wrist.

Everything hurts me...

I can't take it anymore.

I-

A few drops of blood fall onto the floor. Nasuha immediately throws the box cutter away from her. Blood gushes from the cut on her left wrist. She clutches her wrist tightly, trying to stop the bleeding.

She gasps, realizing what she almost did. She shakes and sits on the bathroom floor, her school uniform now stained with blood from the cut.

Coward. I'm such a coward.

"Did you have fun getting wet yesterday, Nasuha?" Hanna whispers as she and her friends walk past Nasuha near the school gates, a sly grin on her face. Nasuha remains silent, her head bowed.

Hanna looks at her oddly but continues walking. Nasuha's eyes look empty.

Today feels strange. Everyone is avoiding me, not even bothering to mess with me. Maybe it's because I look like a corpse now.

Honestly, I prefer it this way. Yeah, just ignore me.

Pretend I don't exist.

Don't come near me-

Just as Nasuha thinks she's been left alone and feels a little relieved, someone suddenly pushes her lunch off the table, spilling it all over her school uniform. Startled, Nasuha turns around.

A boy stares back at her with a satisfied grin. He's the one who started the bullying campaign against her. His name tag reads 'Syauqi.' Nasuha stands up abruptly and grabs his shirt, surprising everyone in the cafeteria.

"What are you going to do? Do you think they'll believe you?" Syauqi sneers. After a moment, Nasuha lets go of his shirt and runs out of the cafeteria.

Why?

Just leave me alone! You've already won! You've gotten everything you wanted!

I'm already dead inside!

Isn't this what you wanted?

Nasuha sits alone behind the school building, tears streaming down her face. She pulls out the box cutter she had been carrying.

Maybe I should just die.

Or maybe... I should just kill them, and then die after...

I just need to stop being a coward.

"What am I even thinking?" Nasuha sighs, slapping her face lightly.

She hears footsteps approaching and quickly hides the box cutter. Turning toward the sound, she sees a boy with a bruised left eye coming closer, looking at her with a puzzled expression.

"You. What are you doing here?" the boy asks gruffly, eyeing her.

"Nothing..." Nasuha is startled by his voice. The boy notices her dirty uniform, stained with food, and then her tear-streaked face.

"Sorry for bothering you," the boy says, averting his gaze and walking away. Nasuha watches him go.

"You... you're not bothering me. You came here to eat, right? I'll leave now," Nasuha says as she stands up, noticing the plastic bag of food the boy is carrying.

"Just keep crying if you want. I'll sit at the far end so no one will walk by and see you. You still have time to wash your uniform, but I'm not sure if the stains will come out," the boy says awkwardly, with a tense expression. Nasuha stares at him, and her tears start flowing again.

Why...

Why am I crying right now?

But at the same time, I feel...

"Ah... Haha." Nasuha laughs, covering her face. The boy looks worried as he turns to face her.

"Uhm... I know this is a stupid question to ask, but are you okay?" the boy asks. Nasuha looks back at him, smiling.

"Not at all... I feel like killing someone," Nasuha responds. The boy scratches his head a few times.

"Well, alright. I can understand that." The boy smiles bitterly.

"How can you say you understand?" Nasuha sighs, her smile fading as she wipes away her tears. The boy falls silent.

"No one can understand pain like this," Nasuha says, her voice hoarse.

"Who did this to you? What's their name?" the boy asks.

"Huh?" Nasuha is confused by the question.

"Just tell me... Who?"

"His name... is Syauqi from Class 4-A."

"Can I ask why and what he did to you?"

"Honestly, I don't know why. But I rejected him. Now, he and his girlfriend bully me almost every day. No teacher believes me. They accuse me of doing all these bad things to myself for attention... It's insane! I don't... Who would willingly put themselves through this every day?" Nasuha sighs in frustration.

"I think I've heard about you," the boy replies.

"I'm not doing this to myself!" Nasuha clenches her clothes, her head hung low.

"I believe you," the boy says. Nasuha looks up at him again, surprised. His expression remains calm and serious.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure he doesn't bother you anymore," the boy adds before walking away quickly. Nasuha watches him go, speechless.

I don't understand what just happened.

For so long, I've kept everything inside, and I ended up spilling it all out to this boy I don't even know.

And before I knew it...

"Ah... Ugh..." The boy who had just spoken with Nasuha is now panting, his nose bleeding and his lips cut. Many students gather around the schoolyard, and Nasuha stands among them, shocked and confused, just like everyone else.

Syauqi is lying on the ground, his face beaten and bruised. The boy had punched him until he was too weak to stand.

"Why?" Nasuha whispers to herself. The boy turns to look at Nasuha, wiping the blood from his nose.

"Hey! What's going on here?" From a distance, Mr. Syahir and another male teacher approach the crowd of students surrounding Syauqi and the boy.

Why... did he beat up Syauqi?

The boy exits the 'Discipline Unit' with gauze stuffed into his nose, sighing as he walks away with his hands in his pockets.

"Wait!" Nasuha calls out, causing him to stop and turn back to her.

"Sorry... Even after I beat him up... He still lied to Mr. Syahir," the boy says, scratching the back of his head with a disappointed look on his face.

"What? Why? Ah! I don't understand... I swear I don't understand... Why?" Nasuha is at a loss for words as she faces the boy.

"I just hate people like him, that's why I hit him," the boy replies, a hint of bitterness in his voice. Nasuha slaps her face in frustration before looking back at him.

"They're going to make your life hell at this school," Nasuha warns.

"Not really... I'll probably get expelled after this. Mr. Syahir is tired of seeing my face. This is the third time I've done something like this. No warnings left for me. But if, somehow, I don't get expelled, they might stop targeting you and come after me instead." The boy raises both hands and smiles bitterly.

"I don't understand you at all! Why would you want to become their target?" Nasuha asks, growing more confused the longer she talks to him.

"Don't overthink it. I already wanted to get expelled. I just needed a reason. And people like him deserve to be punched, right?" the boy responds nonchalantly.

"Huh? Even if that's the case... Ahh... You're weird! So weird!" Nasuha exclaims, pointing at him.

"I know. But hey, there's a chance they'll stop bothering you after this. But I can't guarantee it." The boy shrugs and gives her a faint, pained smile.

"What's your name?" Nasuha suddenly asks, changing the topic of their conversation.

"My name... is Khairul," the boy answers, turning his head slightly.

"Thank you, Khairul. I don't know why, but seeing Syauqi's bruised face makes me feel satisfied." Nasuha smiles, and Khairul looks back at her.

"Oh, by the way, my name's Nasuha... I guess I should tell you since I know your name now." Nasuha says, and Khairul glances away.

"Okay, Nasuha... If I don't get expelled, maybe we'll meet again. But if I do... I'll just tell you now to take care of yourself." Khairul walks away, and Nasuha watches him leave from behind.

The strange boy helped me. Little did I know, at that moment, that my life was about to change drastically because of this encounter...