VII
The girl in black walked slowly through uncountable layers of rain curtains. Traversing layer after layer of rain. Water was in her hair and clothes, even on her skin, only her boots were still dry. However she did not care. It wasn’t important, it had no relevance to her. During the rain the whole world was more beautiful. More beautiful and more mysterious, seemingly allowing her to sense everything usually hidden by sunlight. Of course during direct sunlight hours it was also a time for different details and different kind of sensing. And those details too had their own peculiar importance. But the present moment was most important of all. Only during a moment of time could one sense and research. The past one could not, not directly, because any account was always limited. And the future could not be known as it had not yet taken place.
She knew she was not alone. Marco was following her. Mariann sensed his presence, she knew he was there, probably feeling a similar mysterious need like her, to get away from other people who did not understand the mysteries and the unfathomable intricacies of the world. To enjoy this special feeling somewhere else, along with a person who understood it at least to a similar extent he did. But it could have been about emotion as well, that she aroused some sort of desire, some sort of earthly physical need she did not necessarily want to arouse, something she did not need. She was Mariann, nothing more, nothing less.
As she continued walking along concrete slabs turned dark gray with age, with each step scattering water in those small puddles in minute depressions, she started to notice other facilities behind the buried control station. The garages with moss-covered roofs of small grasses, old lanterns hanging off bare concrete ceiling, the cables between them long since gone. And of course, the front of the garage complex was full of all sorts of metal and concrete garbage. It probably had not been worth to cut it out, transport and sell it.
People had a problem. This problem had existed long before her birth. Before the birth of her parents and even the parents of her grandparents. The problem which could be summed up with the words, “if unattended, it is up for grabs.” As if a naturally stemming need of people to steal and sell away anything they found on their way, which somebody else had built with heavy effort and hard work. Instead of saving something for future generations, to show to children and youngsters who might not even be aware of something like this being hidden in the forests of our small country. And not just in some forest, almost in all major forests.
She headed towards the garages, there were also some reinforced concrete ramps, once used for vehicle repairs. Not far stood the tower. From the distance and through the rain, it had seemed dark brown, almost black. Bu now as she stood near it and could see the four tension cables anchoring it to the ground and keeping it upright, it seemed to possess the color of red rust. The tower stood on a large circular concrete field.
Mariann raised her eyes towards the sky, noticing again rooks flying in it, circling high above her head. Four or five of them seemed to be aware of her plans as the landed on the concrete edge of the garage building. Two of them cleaning themselves, two fighting over something and one simply strutting around. Witnessing this made her smile. She headed into the large truck garages, looking at the deep channels in the floors, again built for repairing the vehicles.
The girl in black turned around and retreated against the side wall of the garage. She felt her wet clothes stick against her skin. As she pulled her hair aside, she saw the young man approach. He too was not too disturbed by the downpour. Just like the rooks flying above him and following him. As if they too had some task or aim, something to celebrate.
He stopped before stepping into the garage, standing in the rain right outside it. From the sounds that reached her, she could sense that the birds had landed on the roof of the building. Marco looked at the dry garage and the plants that had found their home now growing it in. Obviously the limited amount of indirect sunlight was enough for them. The girl had no intention to invite him in. This was not her personal space nor was this building much of a building, more like a structure. Despite how Marco might have seen it.
“There are lots of rooks here.” Marco said, raising his face towards the edge of the roof.
Mariann also took a couple of steps outside into the rain to see what was going on. There were indeed many more birds than just five.
“Maybe they have a reason to be here.” The girl said. “A purpose unknown to us.” She did not look away from the birds, but pulled her wet black hair way from her face.
“A purpose?” The young man asked.
Mariann felt his gaze burning on her body. But she did not turn towards him.
“Yes. A purpose.”
Somehow she felt content in a way. That the young man understood that she did not mean just any reason. That she did not need to explain him what she had meant. That he himself understood it and had also seen the corresponding signs. And of course that he was able to draw some sort of conclusions from them.
She stepped past the boy and headed into the wide open. Along a cracked sun-bleached tarmac road filled with industrial and construction garbage. Here too, there was a thin layer of standing water on the tarmac. The road curved around the garages and towards a row of tall concrete pylons which had probably carried electrical wires in the past. This line of pylons ran from the metal tower to the huge earthen mound which according to Aliis had been the control station. Some of the pylons had even fallen onto one another like domino pieces. But the tower was still standing strong, it seemed.
She headed towards the nearest cable anchor and slapped her hand against the rusty wet steel cable. It was about twice as thick as her wrist and felt absolutely solid, like a rigid beam. Similarly rigid was the wire attached to a massive steel hoop in the ground.
She turned around to see the young man standing on the other side of the tower examining the opposite anchor and wire. He too glanced back at the clearing where Mariann was looking. She headed to a certain point on the outer edge of the large concrete field, which the rain had painted a darker shade of gray. At the edge of the clearing they could barely see a line of tall concrete posts. Tall posts which carried metal fixtures for lanterns. The border of the inner perimeter.
“An edge to a world.” Marco said, looking down.
Mariann also looked down. In order to build a military facility here, the Russians had to cut down huge swaths of forest and bring on hundred of truckload of earth to turn a wet muddy forest into something capable of carrying large trucks and tracked armor. This meant that even when compacted, the level of ground in the base was at least 2 to 3 meters above the surrounding forests. And with this rain they could see the water run off the concrete circle like a small waterfall and then down the grassy slope into the forest.
“Indeed.” Mariann agreed.
“It is pretty surprising that it is so much above the forest floor.”
“Not that.” Mariann said. “Look down. The edge of a world. We don’t sense the circular platform sloping towards the edge, but the water does.”
The young man observe the water flowing off the concrete and also smiled, saying “yes.”
She looked at him. Here, his voice was not quiet and hollow. Right now, here he spoke like a regular person. Like he had nothing to hide or cover about his voice. She had not expected that. Unexpected, but not surprising. There was almost nothing left that could surprise her.
“One aspect of standing at the edge of the world is this edge here, but we make our own world. We build our own borders to it. And if you don’t let yourself to step or jump down there, then it lies beyond your world. As if we’d be standing on the side of the sea in winter, when there is some ice near the land. You stand on the beach and refuse to go on ice, because the ice is something completely different, a world infinitely more dangerous. When you can sense the danger and myriad possibilities of not returning from it.”
Mariann took a deep sigh.
“Do you sense it? This smell?”
“Yes.” He replied. “The rain.”
“No. This is the world.”
This was right. Not just this place, but the act of standing here. Right here, at this very moment, in the rain, them sensing the rain splattering on the concrete and falling everywhere all around them. Sound originating from everywhere rain was. Even her wet clothing and the creeping cold making her judder could not rob her of this particular sensation.
Mariann stepped to the right, raising one leg across the tension line attache to the ground. She sat on it and lowered her back onto the rigid steel cable. Despite the thickness of it, she could feel it bend slightly under her weight. She looked behind and above her, towards the top of the tower, now sensing an even greater need to reach the top of it. Or at least try. I didn’t matter how much anybody tried to convince her to not do it. A flock of rooks seemed to be sitting on the railing at the top of it. This made her smile, just for a moment.
She got up and headed towards the tower, eyeing the steel gridwork and the ladder sitting in the middle of it, leading towards the top. And she was standing here, under it, at the beginning of this cheese grater of a tunnel. She could also see the missing rungs on the ladder. And there weren’t just few and far between missing, there were sections several meters long with not a single rung left. That was not necessarily an obstacle, one could also climb up the structure itself.
“What is forcing you to climb up there?” Marco asked from behind her.
“The rooks.” She said, still looking up the ladder inside the structure. “There is something up there. Something I have to see. It cannot be explained, only felt. But it is important, if not for the both of us then at least for me.”
“And if we fall?”
“We won’t. At least I hope we won’t. Everything happens for a reason, not with a direct causal reason but an originating prime reason. What is this prime reason I cannot say. Maybe it is the decision all of us made to leave behind our former lives. Maybe it was the decision to sit into the Volga. Or maybe just a chance due to which the Volga chooses its passengers. And our demise would not help the other people reach their destination in any way.”
To be honest, she didn’t even know what came out of her mouth was correct. It certainly felt correct before she voiced it. But she was certain that there was something important at the top of the tower, something she just had to reach. And with every passing moment, this feeling grew stronger. Carefully she started climbing the ladder. Slowly and without rushing. In her mind’s eye she was already imagining how a rung might end up in her hand as she grabbed it and she falls, back first, to her death. Or the same thing happens when she pushes off a rung with her full weight.
She knew that the young man was behind her, not immediately, but leaving some space for accidents. Like his fingers being left between two rungs when one of them buckles under her foot.
She grabbed the next rung and for a moment a cold wave rushed over her body as it detached. Thankfully the next lower one did not. She looked down not to hit Marco and then dropped the loose rung down the interior of the tower.
“I hope it still remains when we get down.”
“Why?”
“It might be the only true evidence of us even climbing the tower.”
She continued upwards and without much trouble moved from the ladder to the structure of the tower. As an upward trail this was harder to climb, but also much more interesting, never mind safer. Having bypassed the missing section of rungs, she transferred back onto the ladder.
“You probably have a hunch why I did not want say anything about my secrets when we sat around the fire.” Marco said from below.
“You have your own secrets. You will tell them when you’re ready. Regardless of whether any of us is present to listen to you or not.”
“Indeed. You want to know why I am here and running? I am running from the police.”
“And what did you do for the police to want to capture you?” Mariann asked.
She did not receive an answer. At least at first. For a few moments she held her breath, listening to him breathing, the rooks, the rain. She then continued climbing.
“Doesn’t matter.” He finally said.
“As you wish. I don’t demand anything, of anybody, secrets least of all.”
Having passed another gap in the ladder she transferred back onto the rungs and immediately lost her footing falling onto the last intact rung before the gap. A total of three rungs fell down the shaft clanking as they hit the framework of the tower and finally reached the ground, She also tore her jacket and perhaps even her skirt. Thankfully not her skin, although her back and butt did hurt.
“Are you still in once piece?” A voice sounded from above.
“Yes.” She replied. Her mind was still reeling from the drop. Her heart was beating a mile a minute and she could barely get a sound out.
Mariann looked up, at the gap in the ladder which was now even longer. She transferred back onto the structure and diagonal beams of the tower and climbed up towards the young man. Now the situation was reversed. She no longer had somebody below her to fall onto when she slipped, or something buckled. This disconcerted her. And the young man above her was moving with even greater care than she had, putting more trust into himself rather than some mythology.
“Indeed a religion.” She said quietly. “For me. Although one’s believe does not protect one from the world.”
“Did you say something?” Marco asked from above.
“No. Nothing.”
The young man above her climbed out of way to the side and this filled Mariann’s view with both gray light as well as rain falling on her face and in her eyes. The light was blinding, as the for the last 15 minutes her view had been shaded by his figure above her. She continued onward and soon she too emerged into the light beyond the tunnel. Again in heavy gray rain, making her feel cold once again. She looked at the young man admiring the view.
She too looked around, most of the base below them looked as if on top of her palm. She could see the pantsir, the black Volga on the 8 by 8 grid of massive concrete slabs below, smaller mounds, buildings, workshops, substations, and even overgrown launch sites and hills for mobile radars. In the distance, behind uncountable layers of rain, she saw another tower standing above another forest. Was is part of the same base? Was it another base? Or was it the same tower they were on? The same forest and base, and that one over there was simply an apparition caused by the heavy rains, one of those rare cases when one could glimpse a the mirror realm.
She turned her attention from her thoughts back onto the forests extending below her in every direction. To the rain curtains shading everything from the forests to the distance to the ground and everything on the ground in gray tones.
She turned around and sat on the railing, looking at the young man.
“I think you have other emotional skeletons besides being on the run from the police.” Mariann said.
Starting a conversation like this still felt unnatural to her.
“What kind are you thinking of?” Marco asked, getting closer to the girl, his voice carried that old familiar quiet tone.
“It would seem you find me attractive.”
“It is possible.” Marco said. “You are a unique kind of person, even compared to the others.”
“My uniqueness is only a phantasm.” Mariann replied. “There are other, much more interesting people.”
She mover almost he whole body weight onto the rusty railing, crossed her legs and then felt herself instantly accelerate downwards. And then it stopped. Marco had had grabbed her by the front of her jacket, pulling her back onto the top of the tower. She instinctively grabbed Marco and pulled herself close to him. Her heart was again beating a mile a minute and she was breathing heavily. That same cold wave she had felt due to the rungs breaking, still lingered in her gut. Slowly and with deep breaths, her heart started to calm down. However because of that she now felt another heart not being calm at all. His heart.
She pulled away from him, but still kept to an arms reach, should she fall again.
“Do you know why I am running from the police?” Marco asked. “They are looking for me because the night before ending up on the side of the road, I took an axe and planted it into my stepdad’s head. After I was drunk and he was drunk and our little conversation turned into a fight about mom’s death and we started blaming each other.”
Mariann listened to it with a disinterested look in her eyes. Once again everything felt calm around her.
“I managed to axe him before he managed to discharge a shotgun at me. I consider it self-defense, but who would believe that.”
“I would.” Mariann said. “It is a matter of being honest. I also thank you for not letting me fall to my death.”
“There is no free will.” Marco said. “That’s what you said. Thus it might not be me you should be thanking for saving your life. Maybe that too is the deed of the car.”
“Unfortunately we may never know it. Would you keep what happened here between us?”
“If you are willing to do the same regarding my reasons.” Marco said.
“Not an issue.”
Mariann looked down once more and again pushed her wet hair out of her face. Volga which had stood quietly on the concrete chopper field was now moving towards the pantsir.
“Volga’s moving.”
“Maybe they are bringing it under a cover from the rain. Weren’t we supposed to stay here for a while?”
“True.” She said.
“It seems Carl found something.” Marco said, glancing down the other side of the platform on top of the tower.
Mariann also looked down that side. At the edge of the clearing there was a small hill. Carl had climbed atop it and had managed to fall through with one of his legs now stuck in the ground. Most likely he had not noticed this wile exploring, but the hill had a clear opening to within it. Maybe even underground.
“I think that is the sign I originally came here for. That thing that was burning inside me. Let’s go down.”
With these worlds, she approached the ladder in the middle of the tower and before starting on her way down, brought her fingers to her nose to sniff the smell of wet rust from her fingers.
VIII
“I remember tens of times.” A sad female voice echoed under the vaults of reinforced concrete. “When we stood in hangars like this. Me, him and his bike. Hiding from the scorching sun, cold rain or snow and sleet. Or perhaps even to hide into some cave from the blistering wind.”
“It would be nice to drive a car inside this place. And then build a fire.” Another female voice with no sadness in it said. “A perfect place for spending the night.”
“I think it is already coming.” The first one replied.
Maris observed the black Volga rolling towards them with a low rumble. The sound of the engine echoed back from all the concrete surfaces around them. It was turned diagonally to shelter them from the winds and finally stopped. Silence again fell under the graffiti-covered vaults and tens of tons of earth and even trees growing above these arches.
Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
The driver’s door opened and Carl stepped out. He then jumped and slid over the hood of the car and opened the front passenger door while muttering to himself.
“What going on with you now?” Maris asked.
“I need to know how much exactly has this car been modified.” Carl said. “I have driven a Chaika, I know what sound it should be making.”
“Hey, didn’t you think before that it was only about a different exhaust or something else minor in technology?”
She looked on as Carl dove into the car and then a muffled click sounded out which popped the hood a few centimeters upwards.”
“I did think so.” He straightened up and shut the car door. “But to be behind the wheel myself is something completely different from riding along.”
Maris got closer to the front of the car, leaving the young man plenty of room to move around the car. She glanced to her side noticing Aliis also approaching with an unsteady gait, dragging her left leg, trying to use it as little as possible. Despite her curiosity she swallowed her urge to ask.
Carl lifted the hood but instead of supporting it with the iron bar, he kept weighing it in his hand.
“Well, this is definitely not right.” He said while in thought.
“What?”
“Come. Try it.” Carl said, beckoning them closer.
Maris stepped closer and grabbed the hood. She moved it up and down and finally used her little finger to effortlessly keep it up.
“It is quite light, just like the door or the trunk lid.”
“Exactly.” He finally set the metal support rod under it. “I think it is made of aluminium, and not steel like it it supposed to. Just like the doors and the trunk lid. And this engine room is also not what a Volga’s or even KGB Volga’s engine room should look like.”
Maris looked at the big pile of metal shoehorned into the engine bay, topped with a large circular pan-like thing and covered with all sorts of wires and hoses.
“Now this is an engine!” Carl exclaimed.
“Some sports car engine laden with electronics?” Maris asked.
“Nope.” Carl laughed. “See, there’s a carburetor on top of it.” He knocked onto the big round chrome pan on top of the engine. “This is most definitely an American engine. A big V8, although I cannot tell which company and what era. What I can tell is that it is definitely way bigger and way more powerful than the 5.5 liter off Chaika.”
“Maybe there’s more info on the title.” Maris said.
“Marco has it.” Carl shut the hood. “And he’s somewhere with that satanic.”
“Not anymore.”
Maris flinched, hearing new voice echo under the concrete vaults. She turned to look at Mariann. Despite the pleased tone in her voice, her face still reflected no emotion.
“Were back.” The girl in black continued.
Maris still could not understand how a face like that could accompany a voice like this.
“From atop the tower.” She finished.
“You succeeded?” Aliis asked, coming closer.
Mariann raised her hand and then let go. From her fingers dropped the five or six broken rungs of the steel ladder.
“Nothing difficult, if you opt to climb the framework. I cannot recommend the ladder.”
Maris looked at the few rungs Mariann had dropped on the ground. She then turned around and headed towards the back end of the vaulted sections of reinforced concrete. There was a small doorway there, at some time in the past there was probably a metal door and door frame in the doorway but not anymore, it was knocked out and sold for scrap a long time ago. She kept listening to her own steps.
“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Mariann asked. “Voice of the world, your own voice. Voiceless and yet audible.”
“Do you have to be here?” Maris asked, heading back towards the rear end of the large tunnel.
“I understand you found something?” Mariann asked, looking at Carl.
“Yes. This car does not have an engine off a Chaika.” Carl said. “Instead it is some American unit.”
“Not that. When you went on top of that hill for a smoke.”
“I’ve never gone anywhere. The only thing I did was to bring the car under the cover of this garage here.”
“We saw that.” Marco said. “But we also saw you on top of the hill, pulling your leg out of a hole you stumbled into.”
“I don’t know what you saw, but it was not me at that place. “Carl said, trying to defend himself. “Those two.” He pointed at Maris and Aliis. “Can verify it.”
“So it wasn’t you?” The girl in black asked again.
She then fell silent and a smile appeared on her face. For Maris this was the first time to see any kind of smile on Mariann’s face. And then it was the latter’s turn to walk away towards the back of the warhead storage tunnel.
Maris looked at her walking, with her head fallen on her chest, slowly setting one foot in front of the other. Then, from the movement of her hair, she could discern that she raised her head. Mariann then turned around to look at the others, raising her hand to her sides in the shape of a T.
“That was the sign.” A small drop of amusement had appeared in her otherwise emotionless voice. “That was the reason to climb the tower. Up high, everything can be seen better, even that which is usually unseeable.”
“What’s that satanic talking about now?” Carl asked. “Why can’t she ever tell things straight? Why does she always have to circle around the point and bring in mystical language?”
“She is saying it as straight as possible.” Marco said. “If she tried to put it even more straight then she would be silent. You’re simply not getting it, the world which she is in.”
Maris kept looking at the black Volga. A rook flew into the tunnel from outside and landed on the hood of the car. It made a couple of steps while regarding the people with its black eyes. Maris wished for this to continue, that the bird would stay silent and she herself would be the only person to witness it. To see this something that could not be sensed, the recognition of which made the stories of that girl in black seem sound and logical even. She was not trying to say that she understood it all, rather the stories sounded more reasonable and not as mystical as before.
“Well what is her world then like?”
To Maris it wasn’t even important any more whether Carl really asked this or she only imagined him asking that, the answer was already forming itself on her lips.
“Like this.”
The rook cried out at Maris’s words and she could then hear wing beats growing ever more distant.
“Meaning, if you did not see me there, who did you see?”
“Nobody.” Marco said. “There was nobody there.”
“Wait, so did you see anybody there or did you not?” Carl continued asking.
“We did see.” Mariann’s low voice echoed under the ached ceiling. “We saw nobody. We saw no one. That not anybody was there for us to notice them. That we would notice the place he was at, because that place is important. That’s where our journey begins. Why that nobody looked like Carl, I think cannot be explained. Maybe it was a just an incidental recognition on our part. Or maybe not. But in any case it was a sign.”
The girl in black fell silent and turned once more, kicking small pieces of concrete away with her boots.
“We should build a fire here.”
“Okay, I will no longer even try to understand what that madwoman is saying.” Carl spoke.
He hit the air with his palm and tuned back towards the Volga.
“Hey, Marco,” he said. “Give me the title, I want to see what the hell kind of engine this car has.”
Maris looked on as Marco produced a wallet from the pocket of his jeans and pulled out a green piece of paper. He handed it to Carl without paying much attention to it himself.
“Wow, this fucking thing has been built properly!” Car said loudly.
“What do you mean?” Maris stepped closer, wishing to also be involved with the secret knowledge recorded on that suddenly so mystical piece of paper.
“According to this, it has a modern seven liter aluminium Chevrolet V8. Producing about 500 horsepower and about 700Nm of torque. That carburetor air cleaner under the hood is just to throw people off. The power is routed to the rear through a 4-speed automatic transmission. The rear has also been built. Independent rear suspension from some other car, aluminum drive shaft and an lsd. No wonder it is this stable at high speeds and has no trouble with cheap gas.
“That little field on the title for modifications is essentially filled. Just about the only thing that is still original about it is the interior and the general shape of the body, glass probably as well. Everything else is new, modified or improved. It would be sorry to give up on such a beast.”
“You can’t get it for yourself.” Mariann said. “And you know it. Don’t even try it, the result will remain unchanged.”
“You say a lot of things, bust most of them sound like you yourself don’t really believe them.” Carl said.
“Yet most of what I say hits the mark.” The girl in black said. “Doesn’t that not show that there is something very wrong with your world?”
“My boyfriend always said that as well when we came here, or when he came here alone. That when he was here, he could always see me in the distance, but he would never be able to catch up to me. Sometimes when I was away, usually when I was at school in the countryside, he always came here because here he could always see and feel me present. Possibly even behind that same rain raging outside.”
“Does it always rain here?” Carl grumbled.
“No, not always. During summertime it is very beautiful here.”
“That’s not the same.” Mariann said.
“It may be the same place geographically, but it is not the same place.” She continued. “The world you would be in during the summer and this place here are two completely different places. I don’t mean it necessarily in time, nor in ideas. If you come here in the summer, then you are not coming here, where we are. This place, as it is right now, exists only for us, only right now. At one point you will understand what I mean.”
“I’m gonna go for the firewood.” Carl said.
“We’re going below before that.” Mariann said, now walking back towards the group with a quick pace.
“I don’t care about the base, I’m going for the firewood.”
“I recommend you come below with us.” Mariann said. “This would be better. You too could get done the thing you came here for.”
“At least taggle along and make your decision there.” Maris said.
“Okay then.” Carl said. “Let’s see where is that hole of yours.”
“Aliis?” Mariann’s voice echoed under the vaults.
“Yes?”
“You know this base the best. Show us, where that place is.”
Maris looked on as Aliis passed them all and following her, all of them headed out, out from the cover and into cold rain still raging outside. It got pretty clear that if there had been any dry places left on her clothing before then there would be no chances for that this time. She sighed and also stepped into the gray curtains of rain still covering the whole of the base.
This was part of the base they had not yet gone to. A part she hadn’t even noticed. A small trail of concrete slabs obscured by grass growing on it. It led aside, to some former wildlands, now home to young birches and other deciduous trees. This trail crossed it and headed towards a small hill not far. And despite the rain and the wet and everything else, all she felt right now was a desire to lay down in the wet grass and stare at the gray sky.
She looked down. Here things were different, she could still spot patches of gray concrete under the grass. And these patches of concrete often had rusty loops rising out of them. This world was weird.
Aliis stopped. The people following also stopped. The stood together. In the rain. Next to a concrete wall that was not visible just a few steps behind, so well was it hidden behind the ridge of the small hill. Here stood broken and moss-covered stairs downward, towards a massive rusty iron door. Its sheer mass was about the only reason why nobody had yet managed to pry it out of here and sell it for scrap. As soon as the noise of the rain quieted even slightly, one could hear water gently running and dripping behind the door.
“Please. Let’s go down. The lake is down there.” The girl in black said. “The lake is within you and around you, but accessing it is more difficult.”
“How can the lake be down there?” Carl asked in a doubtful voice.
“An underground lake?” Maris asked.
Mariann turned around and, descended the stairs, slowly. She grabbed the black circular hole in the door where a wheel or a lock had once been and pulled it, opening the door with the sounds of concrete and steel scratching. This allowed diffused light to get in, further down the stairs, onto dry concrete with some dried leaves. She turned around to look at everybody else.
“What happens if we don’t do it?” Aliis asked.
“Nothing.” An emotionless voice replied. “It is your own decision whether to believe in it or not. In one case you miss something unbelievably liberating, in the other case you will be missing a couple of steps into a dark damp and foul concrete tunnel. The choice is yours.”
The people continued downstairs, keeping to either side of the tunnel to obscure as little of the rainy daylight as possible. Despite that, they still advanced slowly to not stumble on rocks or pipe segments or something else. Towards the sound of the running water. Slowly, their eyes got used to the darkness, although this was of not much use as they soon stepped out of the last bit of light flowing in through the doorway.
The air was again cut by a noise of steel rubbing against concrete. Maris turned to see Mariann close the door outside.
“Why?” She asked.
“Just being polite.” The girl in black said. “Carl did not want to participate and thus he has no need to see what is going to be transpiring here. But I am also being polite to this place.”
Only now did Maris realize there were only four of them. She looked behind her to see a small circle of light drawn on dry concrete not far from the door. And of course the door itself, through which this circle of light was cast. And behind it was another member of their group who had decided to stay aside. This wasn’t right. All of them should have come down here.
“There is something ahead.” Aliis said. “Some light. Perhaps a broken ceiling.”
“How far?” Marco asked.
“Don’t know. Twenty, thirty meters at most.”
With a quickened pace Maris rushed after the others, trying not to lose sight of them. This was not the best place to get lost in, especially if she put some more thought into what Mariann had been telling them the last couple of days. How their own mind could easily scare the shit out of them.
“Is there any water there?” Maris asked, slowly moving forward, unable to tell who was in front of her.
“Nope, this is just a corner.” Sad voice of Aliis sounded out. “There’s a hole in the ceiling right in the middle of the hole.”
“Does this not remind you of the movie Stalker?” Mariann asked. “Same kind of road, in the same kind of hallway.”
“I doubt there’s an iron door at the end of it, like I doubt that Aliis has a revolver.”
“There’s another corner here.” The same voice continued. “And behind this corner a couple of dozen meters ahead there is a staircase or a ladder or something.”
Maris could now also see the light falling through a crack in the ceiling in the corner of the corridor. She also managed to see the face of the taller person ahead of her. It was Mariann, A step later she again disappeared into the dark, her existence and realness only revealed by her breathing and voice. She turned around a corner and then stumbled into something heavy. It seemed to be a brick.
“Why did you not say there’s a brick here?” She asked.
“Was there?” Marco asked.
“I was hoping you too would stumble on it.” Mariann said.
“Well thank you very much.” Maris said.
She turned around the next corner, this time not being able see a glimpse of the person ahead of her.
“Where are those stairs going?” Mariann asked. “Up or down?”
“As if they could go anywhere but down.” Maris muttered.
“This is the Zone.” Mariann said, stopping Maris from stumbling into her. “One can go anywhere in here.”
“Downward.” A voice said far ahead of them.
A sensation that somebody was nearby her disappeared and Maris could continue walking. Going by hand she finally found the staircase and descended into a great big hall. At one wall of that hall, Mariann had already managed to ignite an oil lamp. She looked around. This was an expansive room full of small support beams. In the middle of the hall there was the staircase they had descended on. On every wall of the hall there was at least one hallway into darkness.
“This is the right place. This is where we are. This is where we are supposed to be.” Mariann said.
IX
“Why are we here?”
Aliis turned around, but instead of seeing Mariann, she saw a girl in blue denim with her clothes soaked with water.
“As I said, this is the place where everything really began.” Mariann looked around.
Aliis too examined the walls. To her, the walls told more than they may have told the others there. All that her beloved had shown and explained her. Had tried to make her understand. Back then, all of that seemed so complicated, boring and it had been almost impossible to grasp all that shit back then, illuminated by a small flashlight. And now she was here, with knowledge others would have difficulty grasping.
“This is where the weapons were kept.” She suddenly said, turning around.
“Weapons?” Maris asked.
“Yes.” Aliis eyes Mariann as she said that.
She looked at her, leaning against the wall, rubbing her arms and legs against it like a cat trying to leave her scent.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m thinking.” Mariann said. “Do you know where these corridors leave to?”
“No.” Aliis said. Se fell silent, trying to remember things from her many subterranean lessons. “I don’t know, that part I have forgotten.”
“Very good.” Mariann said, but kept staring at hear with a strange gaze.
“From this moment onward, we are all equal.” Allis looked at the girl in black push away from the wall and walk towards the center of the large room. “Each of us gets one path. You cannot turn back and in reality there would be no point to it. Nobody gets a lantern. And nobody can go together. To explain it in more precise terms, here is a way to the reasons why we are here. Each of us has their own reason, their own circumstances. To share that later is up to each of you to decide. There is no point in turning back because you will end up in the corridor anyway. You can get out of here only by meeting your past. See you on the other side of the Lake of Forgetfulness.”
With these words, Mariann picked the hallway behind her and disappeared into the darkness. Aliis stayed to gaze at the dark tunnel for a few moments, only then realizing that the girl in black had disappeared into her prime element – darkness. There was nothing more they could do here. Despite the three of them being together, each of them was now alone. Each of them had to face their own corridor, their own darkness.
She still remained standing there, now looking how Marco disappeared into another dark tunnel. She decided not to wait any more. Instead she turned around and walking into a dark tunnel behind her. With a brave quick pace and her skirt flowing. As it was supposed to take place according to Mariann. She just went, listening to the silence, her own steps, small rocks and how her skirt rustled as it rubbed against the concrete floor. Having walked down the hallway for some time, she decided to look back.
Emptiness. Total nothingness. Both ahead and behind her. She was used to it being dark, she did not need sight to walk here, she just needed to go. She rested her hand against the wall for a moment, just to be sure it was still there. Yes, it still was. But there was something else, a cable, it seemed like regular electricity cable, two wires, no ground. And there was yet something else. A switch, something she could press. She slid her fingers over the panel and pushed the top button. Somewhere in the distance a relay engaged with a dull thump and a series of dim yellow incandescent bulbs under heavy glass domes turned on, illuminating the whole hallway and it turning right at the end. There seemed to be one light every ten meters or so.
The light was dim but at this moment, even that was too much for her eyes. She peeled her eyes and rushed along the hallway. She reached the end of it, turned right and stopped. The hallway ended with a ladder raising upwards. This immediately reminded her the metal bars Mariann had dropped into the garage, as proof of climbing the tower. Despite that unpleasant memory, she grabbed the ladder and started ascending. She found herself in darkness again, there was also cool fresh breeze. Had she seen anything at all she would have been convinced that she was outside. Or at least in some well ventilated place. She got up and continued in a single direction, finding a door. She opened it and then found herself in a brightly lit toilet.
Everything was still silent, as if she had lost her ability to hear. She knocked on the tiled walls. This produced a slight sound, maybe even louder than she had expected it to be. She lowered her hand and looked at it. Black sleeve, much longer than seemed right, also black not too long nails on her pale fingers.
She rushed towards a large mirror and then froze in place. There was nothing left of her own appearance. It was all gone and she looked like Mariann. She was Mariann. A strange feeling welled up within her. She was herself, Aliis and yet she was Mariann. Had Mariann also been present at that time? She could not remember and thus the question remained unanswered. She pushed herself away from the mirror and then walked back towards the door. She kicked it open and found herself in an empty gas station convenience store. There was no attendant present. It was lit, well-stocked and seemingly open. She walked around the front counter and headed outside, hearing loud high-pitched engine noise.
As soon as the door to the gas station store closed behind her, she saw a young man and a girl riding their bike round the gas station, circling it many times, seemingly still at rational speeds. A few laps later, the young man slowed down and they stopped quite near Aliis. She could see how the young man and the long-haired girl in blue denim jeans headed towards her, although she was pretty sure they were instead heading towards the store behind her.
“We’ll try it at 100kph next.” The young man said with excitement.
“Oh yes.” The girl replied in a similar tone.
“That’s some idiocy.” Aliis said in Mariann’s voice, this bothered her. “Maybe you’re not thinking that much in advance but should some other vehicle turn into the gas station, they’re gonna have to clean you off the pavement with a broom and a shovel.”
“Thanks for worrying, but that’s not gonna happen.” The young man said.
Aliis walked away, still hearing the young man muttering the word “idiot” under his breath.
The reality was different, different for that young man. Parallel temporalities, options. And this gas station was a border where all those things intersected. This was the place for one to decide whether to cross over to one side or the other. Whether to choose life or death. In the end it was but a blind choice, people could only foreknow the possibilities. Aliis shook her head, if indeed it was still her head, trying to get rid of the Mariannian ideas in it. She was not the girl in black, despite her appearance and clothing.
She followed to people into the gas station store. It was a compulsion to follow them in, these people were important, at least in this place. They were people. Regarding the rest she could not be so sure, the rest just… were. Not people and yet not something unbeing, they just were. Their idea of a dinner was some domestic energy drink unfit for human consumption that the vodka factory in the center of the country produced. And then shipped into the stores either in small cans or large plastic bottles.
Aliis kept one isle away from them, eyeing the face that looked back at her on the glass door of the beer refrigerator. Who was not the person she was. She was something else, something different. She did not want to be the one who stood here right now. The girl in black turned away, now noticing a puddle of milk which had appeared under the adjacent door. The girl and the boy were probably in the next aisle, weighing a one and a half liter cherry red plastic bottle in their hands and talking. Quietly, with no significant thought or emotion, just a quite exchange of words as if they knew she was standing here frozen, eyes towards the shelves.
She raised her eyes. There was parabolic mirror in the corner, allowing either a camera or a person to keep an eye on the whole store at once. According to the mirror, the girl and the young man were no longer in the next aisle. She turned around the corner to be sure that the mirror had not been lying to her. Indeed, there was only an empty aisle lined with plastic bottles on shelves. Them not being located on these spatial coordinates made it seem as if the space itself had a fault to it. She then heard the till popping open and being pushed closed a little later.
Now she too headed towards the checkout, she heard the front door open, as the bell on the door gave a distinctive ring. And then a different ring when the door fell closed again. She had told them everything she knew or could say. Why then did she still feel like something had been left undone? She walked away from the abandoned checkout towards the door. She pushed it open and stepped outside, watching as several bikes sped past the gas station at high speed. Followed by several sports cars.
“They’re always speeding on this road.”
Aliis was startled by the young gas station attendant who was wiping dirty oil off his hands.
“It’s a mild turn and you can see far ahead. Sometimes the police set up their ambush here as well, chasing down anybody doing more than two hundred.”
She again heard the bell to the door and only now did she think to turn her attention back to the people by the motorbike, to the young man and the girl sharing a bag full of pastries and a big bottle of energy drink. As she kept looking at them she also started to remember why she herself was wandering the gas station like a homeless hitchhiker. She remembered the truck, the hairy stinging driver and lots of other moments from the ride up here. Also flashes of throwing herself into the road side ditch again and again to not be run over by passing vehicles.
She walked back and forth between the fuel pumps. Looking at the prices, the scratched up fuel pumps and screens with plastic protective covers still barely transparent. Still keeping watch over the young people by the wine-colored bike talking and eating. The two of them had almost finished off the bag of pies they had bought. The bottle with the remainder of the contents would probably be stuffed into the saddle bag on the bike. Metal shining in the sun. Even from the distance she could see that the cherry red surface was full of shallower and deeper scratches and other damage.
She walked to the large windows of the store, leaned against the glass and then slid down to sit on the ground. She now also remembered the reason she was here, and also that it was something she should have arrived to had she given it some logical thought. She was waiting for a person and a vehicle which had room for her, to take her away from this place. For her and the clothes on her back. The people with the motorbike seemed to be ready to go, Aliis still had nothing left to say to them.
Aliis? Or was she Mariann? Or was she really neither, just a girl in black. Somebody that everybody felt about like she was a stranger and yet somehow familiar to them. That there was no particular name as such, nothing concrete, just a description, short and to the point because it made everything much simpler.
Now the feeling that something was about to happen was much stronger. The feeling which had compelled her to follow these people, talk to them and observe them. This overflowing feeling that something bad was going to happen that somebody would die and the color black had some part to play in it. That this was her last chance to go and tell them that what was about to happen could also not. She was afraid of this feeling, just as she was afraid of going and talking to them. As maybe that would be the cause to bring forth the event she was so desperately trying to avoid, just sitting here.
She could hear the machine start to life again. How the springs creaked as the people got on it. And then how due to the exertion of the young man, the contact patch of the rear tire heated up and quickly filled the whole gas station with tire smoke, probably leaving several millimeters of the tire tread onto the pavement. And again the crazy riding began, sharp figure eights around the gas station pumps and also further away. With ever increasing speeds. The girl in black could hear how the machine between the young man’s legs screamed as if Old Granpa had blown life into it and given it the soul of a pig. She could also hear the rear wheel slip as the driver of the bike was inches from the moment of the pavement peeling cloth, skin, flesh and even part of a bone off his knee.
Finally, the young man managed to achieve what he had promised the girl. When the roars of the engine and the tire screeches collapsed into one and the same, when speeds grew so high that keeping the vehicle under control had become a real problem. At least it seemed to her that way.
And there was another noise a low-pitched rumble she could not tie to the bike nor anything else, but she knew it had to originate from a vehicle. And then, after the bike had passed her again with deafening engine noise, a black Volga turned into the gas station. A GAZ-21. It passed her with a low rumble of a V8 engine and then stopped. Suddenly that cherry red bike appeared out of nowhere it dodged the black car with impeccable paint glistening in sun and after making a wide arch sliding on the ground, it hit the wall of a warehouse next to the gas station.
Not even noticing it herself, she had gotten up from her position leaning against the store window and walked to the nose of the black Volga. She kept looking at the pile of broken metal and flesh which had appeared at the wall of the old warehouse. The people who had emerged from the Volga were staring at it as well. Even the tall slim guy with long hair wearing black denim, a black sweater and combat boots.
“You knew this would happen, didn’t you?” the young man asked, looking at the girl in black. “Come with us. You know it needs to happen. You know you must come.”
Aliis was standing alone in a hallway, peering into the large dark chamber in front of her. She could see nothing. Even the stairs descending into the darkness were something to perceive with one’s imagination rather than sight. She took a look behind her and saw a bright circle of light on the floor. She then turned back to continue staring into the dark. This darkness was mysterious, it felt as if it demanded that she step into it, demanded her inside. As if something within it was rushing towards her but at the same time never getting any closer to be revealed. And then a strange feeling conquered all her thought again. Not being able to tell whether she was Aliis or Mariann. Or the girl in black.
And in that case, who was the girl in black anyway? Was she one of the two of them or somebody third? An unknown being Mariann had not yet told them of but whose existence was clear as day. She retreated from the darkness and turned around to head towards the small circle of light. An exit, finally. Se wanted to get out of here, she needed fresh air, reality, clarity, that she was still her and not somebody else, whoever that else was, whether Mariann or Aliis. Or Mariann. Or Aliis. Or both at the same time. Or the girl in black.
She walked faster and finally stepped into the circle of light. She looked at her dark skirt. This gave her no hope, it only deepened the controversy, confusion of thought, the disturbing world. The confusion about her own personality and being. A confusion which did not allow her to know who she was. This annoyed her to such a degree that she wanted to find a sharp pointed steel rebar poured into the wall and use it to beat clarity into her mind and the lack of clarity out of it. Or to put it in a simpler way to beat either Aliis or Mariann out of it.
She pulled the door open and squinted her eyes as the daylight hit her. She felt the post-rain cool of the night and the sharp sweetness of cigarette smoke in her nostrils. And finally a voice that brought clarity and calm to her mind.
“Are you pleased with what you saw?” an emotionless voice which could only belong to Mariann asked.