"Lorretta, this is a terrible idea," Allen groaned, his examination of me reflecting that of a sorcerer whose spell created bubbles instead of fire in the middle of a fight. We sat around my kitchen table discussing the implications of my transformation and had come to something of a disagreement.

"Yeah, alright, that's one way to look at it, sure. But have you considered it might be an amazing idea?" I suggested, raising my eyebrows and tilting my head as I pointed at him.

"You are under the effects of an unknown curse from an untested magical herb. No. I do not think, 'ignoring all of that and going back to school' is an amazing idea. Are you insane?" He lectured and I just gestured at my clearly teenaged body.

"A little, yeah! And let me tell you, Allen, it feels amazing. You should try one!" I suggested, holding one up to him. He buried his face in his hand.

"I'm good," He replied, absolutely zero emotion in his voice. Then he sighed. "We need to examine the mushrooms, and we need a cleric to examine the curse. It's not like anything I have seen before, it could be dangerous, this isn't the time to be fooling around!"

I sighed and slumped on the table like a spoiled child. "I know, I know. And we will, but surely you don't need me all the time! I can't just... waste this!" I insisted.

"Loretta, you could hurt yourself. You need to rest until we know what the side effects are," he lectured but I waved him off.

"Allen, I've hurt myself every time I sneezed too hard for years. And once this curse is gone, I'll be hurting myself for the few years I have left. Come on, don't tell anyone. Let me live a little! Besides, I really do think something is bothering Lance, this could be my only chance to find out what!" I begged him with my eyes and he sighed, his face softening.

"Fine. I won't tell anyone who you are, but you have to promise you will come to the healer's hall and meet with a cleric this evening. And you will do what they say, or I'm telling your daughter!" he threatened and I nodded eagerly.

"Cross my heart, hope to die," I swore. He then turned to dig through his bag and I immediately started pumping my fist in celebration. I failed to end the victory dance in time as he looked back and he gave me a flat stare.

"Take this twice a day. It should prevent any serious complications from any curse. It's a stopgap though, don't grow reliant on it. The cleric will have something better," he ordered, offering me a vial of purple liquid, which I happily accepted and tucked into my pouch. "I'll tell Lance not to worry. We'll stick with the diarrhea story you oh-so cleverly contrived. Please, don't make me too much of a liar?"

"I wouldn't dream of it Allen, mercenary's honor!" I promised and he scowled.

"That is less than comforting, Loretta" he intoned but I was already halfway across my living room, looking for stationery.

"Yeah yeah, Goblin's honor then. Hush now, I need to write a glowing recommendation letter for my great niece Lara! I do believe she is the finest swordswoman I have ever met," I chuckled and Allen hung his head in defeat.

I'll admit the letter took me a few... drafts to get right. Allen didn't seem to think a teenage goblin could hunt a full pack of werewolves without already being famous. He wouldn't even let me say 'Lara' had killed a single Kobold lord! It's a good thing we eventually found a version we both agreed on because things were about to get ugly. I swear, I was about to strain his credulity if he mentioned it one more time!

Nevertheless, I was finally able to depart for the academy, recommendation letter in hand. It was a strange time to transfer, but they wouldn't mind. I held my chin up as I marched through the quiet little town, waving happily at my neighbors and even helping a little old lady carry her books. It was the duty of the young and strong, after all. As I arrived at the little school I grinned. To the side of the main building was the training ground and the martial training ground was full of bright-eyed students.

We weren't a large town, but we were larger than the others around us, and children from all of them attended our academy. I practically drooled as I saw two students sparring with wooden long swords. I seriously couldn't wait. "I wouldn't get my hopes up, goblin girl," a naisely voice said behind me and I looked over my shoulder. "The martial faculty isn't really a place for beasts. Perhaps you should have your eyes on the Kennels?" the tall elf suggested.

'Who is this prick?' I thought. Some in Elvish culture can be a bit... slow to adapt, but that way of thinking was archaic when I was young! What was some little boy doing flapping his jaw about such things? I crossed my arms and tilted my head instead of answering. Then, he noticed the sword at my side and laughed.

"Oh, a little goblin swordfighter are you? Here, give me that before you hurt yourself!" he joked, then started to reach for it. I smacked the back of his hand and he pulled it back in shock.

"Hands to yourself Grabby Gary, did your parents never teach you to ask before touching a lady's things?" I asked and he scoffed.

Still rubbing his hand he retorted, "My parents taught me to muzzle dogs, now hand over the sword!"

"Your parents probably wanted you to muzzle your dog because they were afraid of what might happen if you reproduced," I quipped, "and I said hands to yourself!" I had to smack his hand again as he made a second attempt. A red line rose up his face like a filling thermometer.

Unlawfully taken from Royal Road, this story should be reported if seen on Amazon.

"Fine, if you want to keep the sword, let's see if you can use it!" he huffed pulling one glove off and throwing it at my feet. Well, he tried anyway. I caught it before it hit the ground and stuffed it in my pocket.

"Don't litter kid, we only have one planet," I rebuked before turning on my heel and marching off to deliver my letter and apply to transfer. "I swear, kids these days," I mumbled.

"Where do you think you are going?" He called after me, "I am challenging you to a duel!"

"Sorry boy," I called back, "my ears aren't what they used to be!" I then laughed to myself as I entered the building. I handled creeps far worse than him in my younger years. It was an act of mercy to decline his duel. I wondered if I should have come to the academy sooner. It seemed as if they could use an instructor to teach their students some damn manners. "Excuse me," I asked a passing teacher, "I'm looking for the headmaster's office?"

"Right down that hall there, the first door on the left. He's not there right now but I'll let him know he has a guest," she offered and I smiled.

"Thanks miss, and if you don't mind my saying, that blouse looks great, who is your tailor?" I asked and she laughed.

"Oh, no one still around. It's a hand-me-down from my mother. Honestly, it's laundry day, I don't usually wear such old lady clothes," she laughed. I narrowed my eyes at her and she smiled cluelessly at me. There was an awkward silence before she spoke again. "A-anyway, I'd better go find the headmaster," she chuckled before hustling away. I clicked my tongue.

"Old lady clothes my ass," I complained under my breath. "I have several similar things at home!" With my mood soured, I entered the office I had been directed to and sat down to wait. There was a well-maintained plaque on the headmaster's desk and I admired my reflection in it. Damn, I looked good. I made flirtatious looks in the reflection for a moment. "Get it, granny," I whispered, before realizing what I was doing and blushed, embarrassed at my silliness even while alone. To distract myself, I picked a book off the shelf near the desk and started flipping through it.

It was an updated bestiary, but I recognized everything in it. I paused when I got to the "Swamp Hag" page. This particular hag was, like myself, a Goblin. A suspiciously familiar goblin. 'Is that wart in the same place mine was?' I wondered when I heard a man coming in and lowering the book.

"I'm headmaster Rhogaff, I heard a young lady wished to speak with me?" the impossibly tall, blue Dragonborn asked as he entered. He was looking through paperwork through impossibly small spectacles as he spoke and sat down without looking at me. I looked at him across the desk and almost cleared my throat when I saw the plaque again. Then, I immediately put the book back up in front of my face.

"Fuck," I said under my breath as I hid my face. Thank the Goblin Lord I was wearing gloves and long sleeves.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Rhogaff asked and I coughed, then did my best to make my voice higher in pitch.

"Uh, um, nothing, headmaster!" I lied. I was panicking a bit. I didn't know how it happened, but I was back to my old appearance again. I didn't feel old again, but I certainly looked exactly how I had that morning, before the mushrooms. The scratch in my voice was back as well. 'Classic curse, had to be all unpleasant and obvious the first time. But give me a warning before shifting back? Nah, why would it?' I complained in my head.

"Uh, miss, would you mind lowering the book so we can speak?" Rhogaff suggested politely, but not patiently.

"Well, actually I would," I replied. The air was heavy with silence for several moments.

"... Why?" He probed and I coughed.

"Actually, that's a very private question, I would rather not answer," I gambled, only to be met with silence again.

"Young lady, is this some sort of dare?" he tried, the weariness of a long-practicing teacher in his voice.

"N-no, it's just. My acne. It's very bad. Just melted cheese with pretty eyelashes back here really," I answered in my unconvincing 'young' voice. This was met with a sigh.

"This may surprise you, but I've worked with my fair share of teenagers over the years. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, it's normal at your age," he promised.

"Still," I replied, "If it's all the same, I'd like to keep the book up."

"Suit yourself, whatever makes you comfortable. May I ask what you needed me for?" He inquired and I, awkwardly, fished out the the letter I had written while holding the book in one hand.

"I uh, I have a letter from my Great Aunt Lorretta," I answered holding it in his direction. I felt the paper pulled from my grasp and heard him tearing it open as he replied.

"Oh, how is old Loretta doing?" He asked and I choked.

"Oh you know, still kicking ass, as she always has," I answered.

"Really? I would have thought at her age she would be too frail to leave the house much, I'm glad to hear she is doing well," He mused and I scowled.

"Excuse me?" I responded in a low, unamused growl. He didn't seem to notice as he had already become absorbed in the letter.

"So you must be Lara then! Wow, Loretta speaks very highly of you! Stopped a vampire in your hometown, did you? I would have thought news of something like that would have reached me here, you must have caught it early," he praised. "Ah, yes, I see. You'd like to transfer, would you? Well, we usually do an entrance exam but, Loretta is well-known around here. We would be happy to have you!" he agreed and I sighed in relief. "We are already mostly through classes today, but I'll enroll you in the standard classes, as well as swordsmanship based on the letter. Come by first thing tomorrow morning and your homeroom teacher will introduce you."

I did a silent celebration in my head. "Thank you so much, headmaster!" I replied, "I'll definitely be here!"

"No problem, you are more than welcome here. If that's all, I really do have other duties to attend to, I'm sorry, but I'll have to leave you here," he apologized, and I heard him stand and walk toward the door. I turn in the seat so he can't see my face as he passes which causes him to pause. "Although you will probably need to show your face, I'm afraid. Perhaps go to a cleric, they should help the acne a bit if it's really as bad as you say," he advises.

"Certainly, I think I'll do just that," I agree.

"Very well then, I will see you tomorrow miss Lara," he says, then departs. I sigh in relief and lower the book. Then, I look back at my reflection, then the bestiary entry again. That was me! I flipped the book around to look at the spine and it was as I feared. The author was listed as 'Henryetta Stubbletoes', a halfling mercenary I used to work with.

'You little shit,' I thought. I took the book with me as I walked back home from the academy. It had an important appointment with my hearth. On the bright side, I was certain Lance would want to check on me when he got home from school. My shifted appearance would help avoid an awkward conversation.

I made it home and was halfway through a cup of tea, heated by the labors of my dear friend Henryetta, when there was a knock at the door. I put my tea down and stood to answer the door. That would be Lance. I'd have to ask him where he got the mushrooms. I'd need more if the effects were temporary. I'm about to open the door when I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the glass window on top. My very young reflection.

'Great Goblin Lord's third testicle, talk about fucking timing!'