I hate this.

Here, let me carry that bag for you

This sucks.

We can take a break if you need

End me please.

I’m sure there’s something for you to drink in here somewhere.

Every step up is filled with agony. I can’t be nice! I’m a fearsome undead! I should be wreaking havoc and slaughtering households!

Oh, mind your head here ma’am

Ma’am? Seriously?

What next? Milady?

Hmm, not bad actually.

…

What did I just say!?

And what’s this warm feeling in my torso!?

Although it doesn’t feel too bad…

But that’s beside the point! I can’t just give up and like this! I need to fight and keep my drive.

So let’s just get to the top of the stairs.

***

How far up do these stairs go?

We’ve been climbing them for ages, but there’s nothing but more stairs as far as the eye can see (or just my eye can).

Although it probably isn’t made any faster by the frequent breaks we’re having to make because of a certain human currently sat on the stairs.

Breathing heavily.

And the leaks have spread to her entire body, she’s covered in some kind of shiny liquid coating.

Speaking of coats. I should wear that cloak for her, I won’t be weighed down as much and her skin should be able to dry off.

Milady, do you mind if I- yes it’s quite alright

Ew ew ew ew

I know I’m a bunch of bones but this is disgusting. The liquid coating soaked into the cloak.

It’s soaking into my bones.

…

…

IT’S SOAKING INTO MY BONES!!!

NO! I FEEL DIRTY! NOT TODAY!

***

The girl looked on in shock and surprise. It had offered to carry her cloak while she rested on a step to catch her breath, then immediately started freaking out and ran full shamble up the stairs.

“Oh- but I still- huhhh” the girl stuttered breathlessly. And with a big deep breath hopped to her feet and began to follow.

***

Well I’m not running anymore.

And why would that be? Simple.

I ran into a door.

And fell apart.

My skull is rolling back down the stairs as I speak. It’s quite the dizzying ride.

Oh, wait. I think my skull just stopped bouncing. Now all that’s left is for my vision to stop spinning.

Slowing.

Slower.

Sloooooow.

And I’m starting to focus again.

Shapes, I guess that means I’m alright

Oh, something’s holding me.

Hark, who doth saveth my head?

…

Oh.

It’s the girl.

Well Satan damn it. Now I’m all grateful.

I guess the question of to be or not to be has been answered.

And I’m having to accompany her as she picks up all my pieces and puts me back together.

A case of literary theft: this tale is not rightfully on Amazon; if you see it, report the violation.

Okay now we’re all caught up with the last piece of my structure.

I’m just making sure there isn’t any bones out of place, and after switching my ribcage the right way round I should be-

“We did it! We made it to the entrance of the dungeon! Isn’t this great?”

Well as long as the sun doesn’t make me burst into flames then I guess-

“It sure is milady!”

…

…

Okay what the heaven is going on.

I’ve been getting impressions even since I became this girls pet, but this just goes too far.

“Well you better get used to it, because whenever you get too out of line, I take the wheel!”

Oh this is not going to be fun. I thought compulsion was bad with his switch sense nonesen-

“Oh yeah, compulsion just asked me to clarify that it should be called lich sense. Y’know, like the undead magic lich type things?”

Oh I knew right off the bat, it’s just after compulsion got me into those messes I decided not to give it the time of night.

“That’s cold mate. Oh yeah, you may wanna keep up with our mistress”

This isn’t over I still have a bone to pick with you impression.

“*snort*”

Ignoring this, I follow the girl out through the door into the blinding light outside.

This better not be the end.

The sunlight hurts my eyes!

And my bones.

Somehow I think the sun may not be my friend.

At least I still have this darned cloak over me. I pull the cape around my ribcage and the hood low over my skull.

“ahhh, doesn’t the sun feel amazing?” the young mistress is saying.

Well, milady, I think you just want me to-

“Of course it does milady!”

One of these nights impression. One of these nights.

Well this is a strange feeling.

Some kind of dampening field is condensing around me. I can’t see anything through my eye, but my lich sense- no don’t get big headed compulsion I said until I was corrected- I could see an energy condense around me.

Another thing, there’s a ring of life-force the same as the young mistresses around me.

*shudder*

Did I really just refer to her like that voluntarily? Why am I being put through this? Why dark lord!? Why must you forsake me so!?

***

The girl stretched out, basking in the golden rays cascading through the trees.

The entrance to the tunnels was marked by a small fenced in stable area, a sign post, and the heavy wooden door standing in the tunnels entrance in the middle of a dense forest.

“ahhh, doesn’t the sun feel amazing?” the girl sighed, feeling at last like the worst had passed.

The skeleton on the other hand had dropped to the floor, the only trace of him was the crumpled cloak on the floor.

The girl cocked her head to the side, her new familiar had become like a hermit in the sun, but she felt as if it was responding happily whenever she spoke.

It stayed there for a good fifteen minutes before starting to unsteadily rise from the ground, brownish streaks burned into the white bone, mimicking the rays of light dancing through the leaves.

But as it stood, the light seemed to hit a barrier coating the bones of the skeletal familiar, blocking the majority of the light, and giving it a darker, shadier appearance, as if dipped in shadows. But as quickly as the shadows had appeared, they faded out of sight, but kept the light from burning it further.

Protected from the light, it stood ready by the girl’s side, and drew the dagger from its broken ribcage, ready to start on the old dirt track leading away from the tunnels.

***

Well, no point in waiting around, now that the light is bearable and I can see through my eye again.

I pull out the dagger and get ready to start on the road to wherever young mistress calls home.

*shudder*

I really hope I can stop calling her that soon

But anyway, I guess all I can do is wait for her to start moving, however long that might take.

Darn it mistress *shudder* would you stop breathing and start ordering me to do something. Preferably killing something.

“M-mister skeleton, I think we should get moving, we could get ambushed by wolves or something if we just stand here”

I nod in reply, determined not to break to milady again.

…

Not a word from either of you. Especially not you impression.

“Hey, it’s not me pal. Honestly I don’t see the problem.”

Hey! I said not a word!

“Okay, okay”

Good, now onwards!

Oh.

I’ve been walking the along beside her the whole time. Sour.

I think.

This forest sure is dense, other than the path we’re, on its either brown or green, with a few shadowy black spots in the gaps.

I’m surprised that mistress is so calm. It’s almost as dark as the tunnels, but she’s just walking along like an evening stroll.

Maybe it’s a living thing.

But Satan damn is this taking forever. How far can this path go?

Are we there yet?

…

Are we there yet?

“Yes”

Really?

“No”

The moment I find a way to get rid of you I swear I’ll make you disappear for good.

Oh, the path is getting a little wider, we might be coming to an opening or some kind of road.

Well.

It’s no road but it’ll have to do. It’s more like a grove of trees with lots of weird coloured things hanging from it.

*thud*

Ah! Unholy crap man don’t scare me like that!

Oh wait, you’re dead.

“Th-th-that’s a thief!”

Milady is shouting about thieves, I suppose it does look like a pretty shady corpse, but I doubt it’ll be picking any pockets in that state.

Mangled arms, gashed legs, and pinkish-grey stuff coming out the head. Probably brains.

Brains.

Now there’s a thought!

I scoop up the brain mush and slip it as carefully as possible through the big hole in my skull.

Unfortunately is just slid right back out again, smearing my spinal column with the mushed grey matter.

That was a word I never thought I’d use.

Or thought I knew.

I go back to rooting though the brains of this dead thief, which is very difficult since he’s wearing a hood and cloth mask.

I find the biggest chunk I can find (which just about a handful, but a little smaller) and drop it in the hole.

…

…

THOTH! ATHENA! MINERVA!

Woo! what a rush!

No, wait, it’s gone.

But the dagger feels more… at home in my hand, and I can call up a few swings.

*rumble*

That doesn’t sound good

*snap*

That sounds worse

*crash*

Wait, how am I hearing this? I don’t have ears yet.

I quickly check to find another bats ear on top of my head, and turn to mistress, who is looking around me in paralysed fear.

I turn slowly, getting a really uncomfortable feeling, and face the terrible monster before me.

Through my eye, I see an ogre. A stony skinned brute, with a round (but bumpy and warty) stomach. And thick arms dragging its short legs behind it.

But my lich sense- no compulsion I told you not to get a big head- is showing the green that the zombies showed. It’s an infected ogre.

I take up stance in front of my mistress. I don’t want to or know why, but I do.

“It’s because she’s the sweet and caring mistress we all love!”

No, that’s not it. And keep quiet if you want us to have a chance at surviving!

The ogre stares at me.

Or rather, through me, and squints for a long while before turning and crushing its way through the forest again.

I drop my arm and slump over with relief.

I’m alive

I’M ALIVE!

***

The girl fell back, verging on tears. Her new familiar had just gone picking through the remains of the thief’s head. Then she started hearing the sounds of something big on its way.

She quickly placed yet another bats ear on its head to get its attention.

The girl had thought mister skeleton was just going to run, but stood rigid between her and the ogre, and for some reason, it worked.

The ogre defied its own logic and just left.

Maybe it was because we’re so weak? She thought.

And so the girl was there, sat on the floor with tears of horror, fear and gratitude mixing down her dirty cheeks.