After my GATE exam, as promised, Ashwin came to pick up Aarti Ma and me from JNTU. Since it was a long, tiring day, we decided to stop by a nearby restaurant for some snacks. As we settled down, Aarti Ma suggested, "I’ll order a masala dosa. What about you two?"
I wasn't in the best mood, still feeling anxious about how the exam went, so I responded, "No, I’m not really hungry. I’ll just have some tea." Ashwin, noticing my unease, called the waiter and said, "We’ll have one plate of masala dosa, two cups of tea, two samosas, and fresh pineapple juice—no sugar."
Despite Ashwin’s efforts, I couldn’t shake the guilt I was feeling. My mind kept circling back to the exam and the pressure of living up to Ashwin’s expectations. He had invested so much in me—financially and emotionally—and the thought of disappointing him made me uneasy. Adding to my worries, Ashwin had been a little distant these past few days. I couldn’t figure out why, but I sensed something was off. Every time I tried to ask him, he would brush it off, claiming it was work-related stress. But I wasn’t convinced.
We ate our snacks in silence, the usual warmth between us replaced by an unspoken tension. When we returned home in the evening, Aarti Ma tried to lift our spirits. She announced, “Ashu, Dolly, I’ve booked movie tickets for both of you. The show is tomorrow.”
Ashwin immediately protested, “But Ma—”
Before he could finish, Aarti Ma cut him off, giving him a firm look. “No buts or ifs. You two are going, and that’s final.”
I didn’t say anything, though I wasn’t in the mood for a movie. Instead, I went straight to our room to freshen up. When I came out of the bathroom, I noticed that Ashwin wasn’t in the room. I called out, but there was no reply. Curious, I stepped out and heard muffled voices coming from the other bedroom. It sounded like Ashwin and Ma were having a conversation behind closed doors.
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That made me anxious. They rarely ever locked the door for a private conversation, and this secrecy was unsettling. My mind began racing, wondering if something serious had happened. Trying to distract myself, I went back to the kitchen to check on the cook, who was preparing dinner. I had asked him to keep it simple, but my thoughts kept drifting back to Ashwin and Ma’s closed-door discussion.
After the cook left, I decided to muster the courage to check on them. I knocked on the door, trying to keep my voice calm, “Ma, Ashu, dinner’s ready. Let’s eat.”
They eventually came out, but something about Ashwin’s demeanour told me that whatever they had been discussing had left him feeling down. We ate dinner in near silence again, and after we finished, we returned to our room. The weight of everything was becoming too much, and I couldn’t hold it in anymore.
I turned to Ashwin, my voice soft but trembling with concern, "Ashu, did I do something wrong?"
Ashwin looked startled by my question, his expression a mix of surprise and guilt. He quickly shook his head, “No, Dolly, you didn’t do anything wrong.” He grabbed my hand and gently guided me to sit on the bed beside him. “I’m sorry for making you think that way.”
I held his hand tightly, my voice almost pleading, "You don’t need to apologise. I just want to understand what’s been bothering you."
Ashwin sighed, laying down on the bed next to me, staring at the ceiling as if gathering his thoughts. Then he spoke, his voice tinged with vulnerability, “Don’t laugh, okay? It’s just... I’ve been feeling envious. When I was giving my entrance exams, I was alone. There was no one to accompany me. Ma couldn’t come with me because she had responsibilities back home. I felt really lonely back then. Now, seeing her here with you, helping you and supporting you... it made me feel envious, like I missed out on something.”
I was taken aback by his confession. I hadn’t expected that at all. I leaned in and hugged him tightly, resting my head on his chest. “Ashwin, you should have shared this with me sooner. I understand exactly how you feel. When I saw Yogesh being doted on by everyone, I used to feel the same way. But I promise, you're not alone anymore.”
The tension in the room slowly began to lift as we lay there in each other’s arms, sharing our insecurities. Ashwin’s vulnerability made me realise just how much he had been carrying inside, and in that moment, I felt even closer to him.