“This place feels like heaven.”

My statement wasn’t directed at anyone as I found myself alone on a familiar island beach. I could feel serenity wash over me as I lounged back in my makeshift hammock. Kalo-Mahoi's warm, tropical sun baked my skin to a beautiful golden beige. The heat might have been uncomfortable if not for the salty, sea breeze cooling my skin.

Although I was acutely aware of my surroundings, I had no sense of how long I had been relaxing in the hammock. It felt like ages and, yet, not nearly long enough. Rising somewhat reluctantly to my feet, I felt my toes sink into the warm, wet sand. Turquoise waters so vivid they seemed to glow in the dazzling midday light called out to me. I instinctively knew it would wash away every ache in my body.

Shucking what little clothes I was wearing until I was just in my underwear, I set out toward the surf and didn't stop until I was chest deep in the cool blue sea. As expected, the gentle waves breaking over the sandbar some twenty yards in front of me soothed my tired, aching muscles.

Maybe it would take away the ache in my head as well?

But in anticipation of diving under the waves, I sucked in a deep breath. It was the wrong move. Pain shot up from my ribs, through my chest and into my throat. I sputtered and lurched over double, losing my footing as I fought back the intense jab of discomfort.

I might have been sucked under by the outgoing riptide if not for a tall, muscled frame plucking me out of the water like a child.

Ahhhhh....I thought to myself as I stared up into the ridiculously sexy face of Dick’s Centauri form. So, it’s a dream, then.

I’d had enough of these hot and steamy dreams to recognize them by now.

“You need to be more careful,” he scolded softly, as we trudged back to the beach.

“I doubt anything could really hurt me here,” I murmured in response. “It might scare the hell out of me, at most.”

As my body jostled against his, I was acutely aware of how thin and transparent my underwear felt while wet. I had my arms thrown around his neck and shoulder as he carried me damsel-style through the water. A quick glance over his shoulder and down his back confirmed that, though scantily clad, I was the one wearing more clothes.

“This dream is a little different,” Dream-Dick said, proving his exact point.

Most of the time, I was the only one aware of the dream. But I’d already figured out that this dream wasn’t exactly like my other ones. So far, they’d been in two categories, either memories of things that had happened before that then turned crazy, or brand new situations seemingly set in a possible near future. The first type tended to be informative, helping me realize something important. The second type seemed eerily prophetic, possibly warning me of a danger I could not yet see.

This dream wasn’t me reliving something that had already happened. We were on Kalo-Mahoi, yes, but I’d certainly never done anything close to this in our time regrouping on the islands. And since Kalo-Mahoi no longer existed in this state with all the majestic, floating islands hanging on the horizon, I knew it couldn’t be a glimpse of the future, either.

“You control this dream,” Dick said as he knelt in the sand under a shade tree.

A soft blanket I was sure had not been there earlier greeted me as he placed me softly on my back. The positioning made it nearly impossible for me not to look at his crotch. With great effort, I kept my eyes firmly glued to his; they were blue at the moment, a shade or two darker than the nearby ocean.

“I’ve never been able to control my dreams before,” I responded, not really knowing the point of talking to a dream, “or talked with anyone in it about the dream...except... that one time in the grotto when I nearly...”

Suddenly my mood shifted, and it was like the dreamworld was affected, as well. Anxiety, a small twinge of memory started to emerge, and I felt my heart start pounding. In response, the wind picked up and thrashed the waves against the beach, stripping palm fronds from the trees and kicking up sand all around us.

“Did I--?” I started to ask, trying to sit up.

Instead, Dick pressed his body gently down on mine, hip to hip, careful not to lean too hard on my chest and make it difficult to breathe.

“Shhh...let’s think of other things right now. That can wait.”

“It can?” I mumbled, groggily.

Instant heat flared up to wash away the panic I had just been feeling, and I couldn’t tell if it was the heat or his proximity making my head swim with a sudden rush of arousal. All around us, the stormy weather faded to a tranquil sunset and light breeze.

“Yeah, it can. You can do anything, remember?”

His hand ran the length of my leg to lift my thigh on his hip. All around me the light was beginning to fade, the world seemed to swirl. I closed my eyes. The effort to keep them open seemed monumental.

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

Then the world around me fell away into oblivion.

* * *

When next I opened my eyes, I was curled up, fully clothed, by a fire near the beach. I recognized it as our camping spot on Kalo-Mahoi. Nearby laughter drew my attention, and I peered through the night to see Dick and Cash sipping on drinks and trading stories.

I sighed wistfully. Apparently sleeping with Dream-Dick, and in his Centauri form no less, was exactly the same as it was in real life—nice to fantasize about but not going to happen.

“Well, that’s no fair,” I mumbled ruefully. “How is it possible to pass out in a dream?!”

“It’s not a good sign, for sure.”

Paul, the man we once knew only as Gramps, sat down on the soft, warm sand next to me.

“Visions of ghosts, no matter how welcome a sight, aren’t a good sign either,” I mused, and he laughed.

The old man’s kind eyes crinkled at the corners as he stared across the fire, a smile still on his lips.

“Don’t worry. I’m probably just a figment of your muddled imagination,” he replied.

“Probably?” I asked dubiously, which inspired another round of laughter from the jolly old codger. When his chuckles finally died down, I asked tentatively, “Am I dead?”

His expression became serious for a moment as he stared at me in sympathy.

“I doubt it, but who’s to say? You’ve gathered us all back here for a reason. You probably couldn’t do that if you were dead. But then again, maybe that’s all the afterlife truly is: wandering through your fondest memories with your friends?”

I pondered his words for a moment, wondering why my mind had chosen this place and these people to return to. It had been a happy respite from all the chaos that had infested our lives since boarding that fateful transport. But surely there were other memories I could have gravitated toward? My time with Ascella? The years I spent with my crew?

“Maybe this place and these people have come to mean more to you than you realize?” Gramps said.

It didn’t surprise me that he had essentially read my mind. I was starting to get used to the idea that all of this was in my mind.

When I looked over, Gramps was gone. I saw him lying lazily against a pile of supplies stacked near the fire. He had a hat pulled low on his forehead as he dozed. One would never believe he had just been sitting next to me talking.

Vomero took his place. He handed me a warm, aromatic cup of coffee as he sat down next to me.

“You might not be dead,” Vomero posited, taking up the conversation exactly where Gramps had left off. “At least not yet.”

The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

“You think I’m dying?” I asked, taking a soothing sip of the coffee.

“Injured traumatically, seems like the most reasonable explanation.”

I suddenly realized why my brain had conjured him to my side. Vomero was the logic my mind was trying to manifest, the analytical problem-solver helping me reason out what was happening to my body.

“Think about it,” he continued, gesturing around the area. “All of this...it’s comforting right? Therapeutic? Maybe it’s what your mind needed to heal from something.”

We both took a sip of our soothing coffee in tandem.

“Ahhh...” Vomero sighed. “You’ve either got a helluva good imagination, Skye, or you’ve tasted some damn good coffee in your life. That hits the spot.”

I smiled as I stared into the flames of the campfire we were all gathered round. Saphera used to make the best cup of coffee in the galaxy, bar none in my opinion. My brow furrowed, if that memory was so important, why wasn’t I with my old crew?

“Trauma doesn’t heal trauma,” Vomero said quietly. “And you’ve still got trauma there.”

“Because they died? So did Gramps, but he’s here.”

“Maybe the dyin’ aint what’s got you so traumatized.”

Ryuuk was sitting on my other side, one knee propped up as he leaned back and strummed a stringed instrument of some sort. I glanced back to see Vomero was gone, though I caught a glimpse of him tinkering with some contraption on the other side of the fire not far from Dick and Cash.

“What then? What trauma am I avoiding, and why does any of that matter right now?”

“I dunno, it’s your noggin’,” Ryuuk said, pausing from his song to point at his temple. “You tell me.”

“Aren’t you just here as part of my brain anyway?” I said sarcastically. “Just tell me.”

“Anythin’ I say is technically from your own melon, anyways,” Ryuuk pointed out and smiled. “I don’t know nuthin’ you don’t know.”

He held his stringed instrument aloft and gestured.

“Fer example, I have no idea what this thing even is, much less how to play it. Yet, here I am.”

And with that he continued to strum a light tune on the...lyre. I suddenly remembered the name of it, chuckling to myself. He was right. I’d never seen Ryuuk play an instrument before, but for some reason, his hokey flair always made me think he should be playing one like a minstrel or bard of some sort.

I focused on the tune he was strumming. It was called The Ballad of Astra Noma. It was sung frequently in Outlaw dives and bars throughout Corson. Some musician had put it together to celebrate the heroic deeds and epic battles fought against the Reavers. It was a beautiful song, but I didn’t like listening to it because, like most ballads, it magnified all the glorious parts of that event and glossed over the harsh realities. The cruelty of the Reavers, innocent victims rescued from a slave ship, children born and bred for captivity like animals, the lives lost trying to liberate them. None of that made it into the song. Nor did it highlight the real sticking point of the whole affair—how long it had taken for anyone to care enough to fix it. It’s not something I was too proud of as an Outlaw.

Ryuuk was my conscience, I suddenly realized. He was the part of my brain holding me accountable for the things I could have done better, and the part of my psyche strumming the words of my—

“Guilt,” I said to him. “And a little regret. You think that’s the trauma I’m avoiding here?”

Ryuuk stopped playing and raised a feathered brow.

“Do YOU?”

“You’re the one playing the song,” I huffed frustratedly. “You tell me!”

“I don’t even know this song!”

Ryuuk tossed the lyre into the campfire, crossed his hands behind his head and leaned back with a smirk.

“You’re ridiculous,” I sighed.

“And you’re arguing with yourself.”

The irony of my conscience being represented by a person I constantly found myself at odds with was not lost on me.

We stared at the fire silently for a long time. Eventually, I admitted, “I do feel guilty. About my crew.” Another long pause ensued. “It’s not as bad as it used to be. I can at least think of them now. But what does my guilty conscience have to do with me being here?”

“The question,” said a deep, strong voice standing over me where Ryuuk once sat, “should be how its going to help you get out of here.”

I looked up at Cash’s tall frame. He towered over me with a hand outstretched to help me up, a look of complete resolve on his face. He represented my will, my own resolve to push through whatever was keeping me here in this place.

I looked around at my new crewmates gathered around a cozy fire, taking in the tropical night air. Gramps, he represented my humorous side, I thought. The witty, lighthearted side I often showed to the world. Vomero, logic and reason. Ryuuk, conscience and self-awareness. And Dick...no need to speculate on what part of my psyche he represented in this parody. I just labeled it passion and left it at that.

And Cash was my resolve, but once again he was not as I remembered him on the beaches of Kalo-Mahoi. The arm he held stretched out to me was mangled and sputtering sparks.

“I did that,” I rasped, mouth suddenly feeling dry and achy. “That’s why I can’t leave.”

I pushed myself backward where I sat, away from his hand.

“What happened to my arm?” Cash said confusedly as he pulled it back to examine it.

“I’m doing it again. Letting people down, and those people are getting hurt.”

Suddenly, water was rising all around me, the dark cold water of the sea, and in it was reflected a thousand tiny lights from a clear night sky. The water rose until I stood waist deep in an ocean of stars.

“We did what we had to.”

My whole body stilled at the voice beside me. I didn’t want to turn my head to look at it’s owner, but I did it, anyway.

Matthew looked the way I remembered him from our days on the tropical islands of Kalo-Mahoi. Young, confused, innocent and vulnerable. I knew better. His eyes glowed faintly with dark purple void energy.

“We did what was necessary to protect our own,” he clarified. “There’s no need to feel guilty about that.”

As he spoke, he reached out a hand and placed it in the ocean's surface. Purple swirls of void magic leaked from each fingertip like glowing tendrils blotting out the stars reflected on the water’s surface.

My initial instinct was to attack him. He had caused all of us so much pain.

“But you’re not him,” I said, flatly, talking to both Matthew and myself simultaneously. “You’re just me...the darker parts of me.”

“I’m a bigger part of you than you’d like to admit,” he added. “Or have you forgotten? Mine to take. Mine. To. Keep.”

Hearing him recite the Outlaw’s Motto startled me. I lost my footing and fell beneath the surface of the water. Suddenly, it was deeper than I could fathom, and I was swimming frantically looking for the surface despite being unable to tell which way was up.

Just when I felt despair closing in, the overwhelming desire to breathe tempting me to suck in the cold seawater, a bright, white-blue light ignited in front of me. I swam desperately toward it.

I broke the surface as if crawling onto a beach, gasping for air as the water receded around me. A quick glance around told me I was on a sandbar in the middle of a tropical ocean. The floating islands of Kalo-Mahoi hung magically against the midnight horizon. Things were different from before. A large, white moon hung in the night sky, causing everything to glow faintly.

“Guilt is a powerful motivator.”

I looked up through sea-soaked hair to see Ascella. Spiritual mentor, caregiver, she was the only family I’d known from a very young age. I knew exactly what she represented in me. Looking down at my right hand, I flexed and my Zodian tattoos lit up. Faith.

“How do I absolve myself of the guilt I carry?” I asked her.

“Who says you should?”

“It’s why I’m here, right? Why I’m stuck?”

“It’s okay to feel guilt, bright eyes,” she said softly. She hadn’t called me that since I was a child. “Sometimes, it’s even necessary. To instruct you. To humble you. To let you know you’re not a heartless fiend.”

“But not to control you,” a voice chimed in from behind me.

I gave one last longing look at Ascella, sure that as soon as I turned away she would be gone. Finally, I pivoted to face Cael. To my surprise, he wasn’t alone. Saphera and Trace stood on either side of him. Each one offered me a smile.

“I’m sorry I let you down,” I said, shakily. “I keep letting people down, making stupid choices, all in the name of protecting my crew.”

“If they’re anything like us, they can take care of themselves,” Trace said, grinning cheekily.

I returned with a watery grin of my own. “Well, I thought so, but then you went and got killed.”

“Technicality,” he said, ruffling my hair.

“If I had been there...” I started to say, but couldn’t finish it.

“You were off being you,” Saphera said. “We loved you for that. Who would you have been if you had stayed when everything was telling you to roam free?”

She gave me a comforting hug before stepping back.

“This,” I said gesturing to the picturesque Kalo-Mahoian scenery, “is a little farther than I planned to roam.”

“Trying to explore the Chromos and ending up on the other side of the galaxy? That’s the most Skye thing I’ve ever heard.” Saphera laughed.

I joined her in laughter for a moment before turning serious. I looked at Cael.

“I’m going to find out what happened to you,” I said, resolutely.

“I know,” he answered just as assuredly. “We always knew.”

Tears pooled in my eyes, then slowly spilled down my face. I hoped that they truly did know in those final moments that I’d move meteorites to bring them justice.

“But first,” Trace broke in, “you’ve got to stop making dumb decisions that almost get you killed, Skye. You’re making us all look bad!”

“Trace! Be nice! She’s been through a lot!” Saphera scolded.

“And who’s fault is that?,” he joked. “She needs someone to tell her, right Cael?”

“I’m not getting in the middle of another squabble.”

“He’s just going to take my side, anyways.”

“Only cause you’re prettier, not because you’re right.”

“Awww, thanks.”

“I didn’t mean it as a compliment!”

I closed my eyes and felt the soft moonlight sink into my skin as my mind recounted hundreds of times I’d listened to them bicker just like this. The weight of carrying their memory with me suddenly seemed less like a burden and more like a privilege. I might have been the only one who remembered them this way, and therefore the only one who could keep that part of them alive.

As their voices slowly faded, I felt a hand tug at mine. It was different than other touches. It felt...real. I opened my eyes in surprise to see Dick standing in front of me. Not the sexed-up Centauri version from before, but his human form, the face I'd come to value as a friend.

“Dick?”

He just smiled and grasped my hand tightly.

“It’s time to wake up.”