Lyra's eyes opened begrudgingly. She felt disoriented for a moment until she realized she was aboard Allegra, and alive. She took off the oxymask and drew a slow, deep breath. Her memory of what had happened was muddled and fragmentary. She remembered the moment she'd ejected from the disintegrating Striker but everything after that was a jumble of half-remembered sensations—pain and panic, solitude and sadness. But then a warm feeling like arms wrapping around her. And his voice, whispering to her.

Seeing Taz asleep beside her, Lyra carefully eased up on her elbow. She had a vague recollection of what he'd done and how much of his life he'd spent to keep her from the abyss of death. His chest rose and fell in a slow, steady cycle. She slipped her fingers into his short hair, relishing the feel of it, and the warmth of his scalp against her hand.

The door slid aside and Tess stepped into the small medbay. Looking tired but happy, she smiled at Lyra and whispered, "Good evening, partner."

"How long's he been here?" Lyra asked quietly.

"Since bringing you aboard. Nine, ten hours?"

"He used all of his strength to revive me. I could feel it pouring out of him." She trembled and looked at Tess with something like desperation. "How do I pay that back?"

"You won't have to, Lyra. He has this thing about helping people, sometimes even when they don't want it." She smiled. "It can be annoying but endearing, too. It's why he became a medic."

"Oh, I know all about the annoying part," she quipped but she smiled at him when she said it.

"It's why I fell in love with him," Tess admitted in a soft voice. "That and his smile. And his pretty blue eyes." She looked wistful, like she was remembering something fondly.

Lyra's heart faltered. "You still love him, don't you?"

"No, I—" Tess stopped, a conflicted look on her face. "It's not that simple. Even if I did, he's... not mine anymore." She put her hand on the bacta capsule and watched Varun sleeping. "The man I love is right here."

Lyra wasn't quite sure what to make of that. Instead of dwelling on it she said, "Thanks, Tess, for taking care of everyone and Allegra."

Tess's expression brightened. "They're all so precious to me. On Filve they have a word for it—kaashuub. They're as dear to me as my own family." She smiled at Lyra's familiar look. "The way you flew that Striker, alone... That took real courage, Lyra. That kind of courage comes from right here." She took Lyra's hand and put it over her heart. "You only do that for the people you love."

She remembered what Rendix had said to her not too long ago. "They're my crew, the closest thing I have to a family. And Allegra's Heart... feels like home." The realization brought an unexpected wash of warmth. "You and Varun, too," she admitted quietly, then chuckled. "I'd never have believed I'd be..."

"Putting your life on the line for a bunch of Rebels?" Tess gave her a lopsided grin.

"Something like that, yeah."

"We'll never forget what you did, Lyra." Tess squeezed her hand. She regarded Taz, asleep on the stool. "He needs someone like you, now that I'm not…" she trailed off, then looked back at Varun.

Is she saying he's mine now? Lyra shivered again. "I don't know, Tess. I don't know if I'm ready to be needed like that."

"Just be there for him," Tess replied. "You don't have to love him."

It might be too late for that, Lyra thought, stroking his hair. He looked peaceful and terribly handsome.

Taz shifted on the bed. Lyra took her hand away and hoped he hadn't heard any of what they'd just said. He opened his eyes; a relieved smile spread slowly over his face when he saw her.

"Ensign Nimor," he yawned. Despite the hours of sleep his voice was laced with fatigue.

Lyra smiled back. "Evening, Officer Oktos."

Taz stretched and rubbed the kink from his neck. "Hi Tess. Been here long?"

"Not long," she answered, "I just came to check on your patients for you." She gave him a sly grin.

He smirked at her and got to his feet. His body was stiff and unsteady, and he felt like he hadn't eaten in weeks.

In the bacta pod Varun's eyes slowly opened amidst the commotion in the cramped infirmary. Taz consulted the capsule's vital signs monitor and nodded his satisfaction at the readings. Varun looked rested, and restless.

"You're ready to get out of there, aren't you, sweetheart?" Tess said brightly, taking his hand through the glove on the capsule. She remembered how anxious he'd been during his bacta treatments back at Letsago Drift and Arclight. She glanced at Taz expectantly.

Taz regarded his two patients. "You're both getting complete physical exams, and no complaints," he added, forestalling an objection from Lyra. "Then I think Sera and Rei are going to need some help getting Allegra patched up." He wiped at his tired eyes and shivered suddenly. It occurred to him that he'd come close to dying himself, recalling how much of his strength and vitality he'd transferred through the Force to keep Lyra and Varun alive.

Lyra caught his hand and held it fast. "I know what you did. I know what it cost you." Her eyes were fierce and full of barely restrained passion, verging on tears. A flood of words crowded her thoughts, things she needed to tell him but couldn't just yet. She mastered her unsteady feelings with a loud sniff. "Promise me you won't overdo it."

"I won't, I promise," he said with as much of a reassuring smile as he could muster. He operated the controls on the bacta pod and purged the capsule. After the liquid finished draining, the front of the capsule rotated open, accompanied by a hiss of air. Taz unhooked the breathing mask from Varun's face and withdrew the catheter that had fed artificial blood into his arm. Numarkos drew breath deep into his lungs, looking like a man reborn. Tess held both of his hands and wouldn't let go. There were tears in her eyes.

"How do you feel?" the medtech asked Varun.

"Like a drowned biskr," he rasped, "but a live one. I owe you my life."

The corner of Taz's mouth twitched. He grabbed some towels from the supply cabinet and handed one to Tess. "You don't owe me anything, Varun-grasha. Try standing up."

Varun gingerly swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Tess and Taz each took an arm as he stood. He shifted cautiously from side to side.

"Dizzy or lightheaded?"

"Nope, just a little weak."

"How's your balance?"

"Feels okay."

"Good." They began wiping off the remaining bacta. "You'll probably feel weak for a while. I'll want you back in the tank for a couple of hours over the next few days to finish healing your internal injuries." To his distasteful look, Taz added, "If it makes you feel any better, I'll be using it too."

"No, that really doesn't make me feel any better at all," Numarkos frowned. Tess gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Eat if you can tolerate it. Something easy to digest; bread and vegetable soup, maybe. And take it easy, no strenuous activity. Just relax in the salon or your cabin. Doctor's orders." To Tess he said, "Make sure."

"I will," she said, clinging to Varun's arm, "even if I have to sit on him."

If you spot this tale on Amazon, know that it has been stolen. Report the violation.

Taz ran full medscans on Lyra and Varun, and a quick one on Tess's shoulder. Satisfied that they were all in good condition, he released them to the ship's lounge for supper and some recovery outside the confining medbay. Then Taz grabbed a shower and went to the galley. He ate like a half-starved rathtar and Sera insisted that he get more rest. He argued but Sera gently reminded him whose ship he was on and Taz went back to his cabin. He relaxed into the Force and entered a healing trance for a couple of hours.

Feeling more refreshed, Taz grabbed some tools and got to work with Reiko to repair the power converters and buses. During his years aboard the Pride of Olminar he'd held secondary ratings in sensor operations and starship gunnery. Those skills included basic maintenance and his natural inclination for fixing things made him a competent assistant to an excellent engineer like Reiko, or a passable tech on his own. He was hardly unique in that sense. In a Rebel cell, everyone was a multi-tasker.

Reiko, Sera and Taz worked into the next afternoon repairing Allegra's major systems. At dinner Varun looked healthier following his bacta bath, with normal color and tone returning to his tanned Filvian skin. Nevertheless, Taz suggested that he should get plenty of sleep and Numarkos didn't make a fuss about it.

Reiko was exhausted; she'd thrown herself headlong into the repairs, as much to hold in abeyance her depression over Yuzu's destruction as to get the freighter minimally spaceworthy. She went to her cabin as soon as she finished eating. Lyra headed up to the cockpit to be sure their orbit wasn't in danger of prematurely decaying, leaving Taz and Sera sitting at the big table in the salon.

Taz poured khaff for them and handed her a cup.

Sera smiled kindly at him and took a drink. "You look tired, Doc. You should follow the advice you gave Numarkos."

"Probably should," he agreed, but seemed content to sip his khaff and watch Beta Fonidian II's slow rotation out of the thick viewport at the front of the salon.

The thing that had nagged at Sera for the better part of two days was uppermost in her mind. As Taz's friend she wasn't sure she wanted to broach what was likely an uncomfortable subject, but the combat leader in her overrode their friendship. "After Lyra's Striker got hit, something happened to you."

"Yeah." It came out more like a breath than a word.

"You said you did something you shouldn't have. Mind telling me what it was?"

Taz shuffled his shoulders and looked away. "I... used the Force to kill Vaniel Ruatha. I—" He looked at her from beneath furrowed brows. Sera stared back with the unflappable demeanor he so admired in her. It did little to assuage the gloom he was feeling, though. "I was enraged, angrier than I've ever been in my life, Sera, even after Vrast. There was only one thing I wanted: vengeance for Lyra."

His breathing grew heavier as the feelings returned and he spoke haltingly. "There's a dark side to the Force, Sera. It's... powerful and seductive. I used it to kill Ruatha from hundreds of meters away." He barely whispered the words.

Sera tilted her head. "Is that why you looked like you were choking someone?"

"Did I do that? I don't really remember anything, just the murderous thoughts pounding in my head and feeling the life being squeezed out of her." Taz shuddered and leaned back, his head against the wall. A sheen of sweat broke on his forehead. "I couldn't—" He looked at her, scared and desperate. "It wouldn't let me go, Sera. After I killed her, I couldn't stop it. It wanted me to keep killing. I—" He shook harder, his eyes moistening and verging on terror.

Sera put her hand over his. "It's okay, Doc. Take it slow."

He nodded nervously and forced himself toward calm with slow, long breaths. After some time he spoke, a ghost of a tremor in his low voice. "Breaking out of it was the hardest thing I've ever done. It terrified me. It terrifies me even more now, because... I'd do it again if anything happened to Lyra or Tess, or to you or Rei."

Sera looked at him like she was considering the pros and cons of a military op. "Mmm. And you're afraid if it happens again you really won't be able to come back from it?"

"As I am now, untrained? It'll consume me. " He stared at her, wild-eyed and pallid. "There won't be any Taz Oktos left."

"That sounds a little dire, Doc."

"I wish I was exaggerating, Sera, but I don't think I am." His fist clenched reflexively. "There's so much power in the dark Force. The Emperor's lieutenant, Vader? The one Nanvarr mentioned? He was a Sith Lord."

"What's a Sith?"

He waved vaguely. "Opponents of the Jedi, I think. Sith tap into the dark side of the Force for their power. It gives them unbelievable strength but it corrupts them. Every one of them." He still looked aghast, but he was calmer. "I don't want that to happen to me, Sera. I don't want to hurt the people I care about." He fidgeted, then grasped his cup of khaff with both hands to keep them from shaking. "I need to ask a favor of you."

"Sure, Doc, you name it."

"If you ever see me like that again, I want you to kill me."

"Wait a minute, Doc, I—"

"Promise me, Sera, please. If you truly are my friend, you'll stop me before I hurt anyone. Because if I fall like that again—" He broke off, unable to continue for a moment. "I'll be gone already and you'll be killing a monster." He gripped her hand hard and stared at her, tight-lipped, while a tear slid down his cheek.

"Okay, Doc," she assented. Her voice shook more than she'd expected it would.

"Thank you," he whispered. He relinquished her hand with a deep sniff and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"You should really get some sleep."

"I know," he said, smiling just a little. "I will, just gonna finish my khaff." Sera drained her cup and slid off the bench seat. "Thanks, Sera... I'm sorry to ask you to bear that burden."

Sera shook her head. "You're a good man, Doc. Never doubt that." She squeezed his shoulder on the way to her quarters, looking troubled.

Taz sat for a minute, then swallowed the rest of his drink. He got up but instead of going to his cabin he took the lift up to the cockpit.

Lyra turned when he entered. "You don't need to take watch. There's not much to do up here."

"I know," he said, sliding into the copilot's seat and turning it toward her. "I, um, wanted to talk to you, if it's okay."

The hard set of his jaw and his beseeching eyes took her by surprise. She swiveled to face him. "Sure, what is it?"

He took a deep breath to steady himself. "During the fight... When I saw your ship get hit and break up—" Taz hung his head. His heart pounded and his throat tightened up. He barely managed a ragged whisper. "I was so scared I'd lost you."

In the dark cockpit, he might not have seen her eyes soften and dilate. "Hey," she soothed and took his shaking hand. "Relax, Oktos. I'm right here, okay?"

The corner of his mouth twitched as Taz worked to calm himself. After a stretch of seconds, he looked up. The concern in her eyes brought comfort of a sort. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize," she said with a little grin. "You didn't lose me, you brought me back."

He sniffed deeply, feeling a degree better. "I shouldn't have bothered you. I'm acting like a child." He stood and started to go.

"You aren't bothering me." Lyra stood with him and wouldn't let go of his hand. "You don't always have to be strong, you know. It's okay if you need to lean on someone."

Taz turned back to face her. Should I say what hasn't been said? He pulled her closer and she didn't resist. "On the planet when Varun and I were pinned down by those stormtroopers at the data vault, I thought I was going to die without telling you how I feel." The dim cockpit lights caught in her bright, beautiful eyes. "Lyra, I—"

She covered his lips with her fingers. "Please Taz, don't say it," she interrupted, almost a whisper.

"Why not?"

"Because I… want us to stay like this." She slipped her arms around his waist and held onto him.

"Like this?"

"Like what we have right now. I don't want us to get… weighed down." She looked up at him for a moment. "We're crewmates on a tiny ship. I know how you feel right now, but maybe, someday, you won't feel the same. Or maybe I won't. If that happens, I want us to… part as friends."

Taz stiffened. "So, you want us to be friends?"

She shook her head against his chest. "Don't be dense, Oktos," she gently chided. "I want... more than that." She surprised herself, hearing the words. "It's just, I don't want to lose you." She looked up at him. "I'm sorry if that sounds selfish."

"I don't want to lose you either, ever again." She was so warm, pressing against him, and it seemed like she'd abandoned her normal reticence. He wrapped her in his arms and his dour mood bled away. Speaking softly, he continued, "How do you know how I feel?"

"You're not very good at hiding it, for one thing," she teased, sensing his discomfort fading. "The truth is, I heard you, when you pulled me aboard Allegra. I was suffocating, scared and hurting, but then I heard you, calling to me." Her voice fell. "I heard you tell me how you feel."

Now it was her turn to shake as those memories overtook her. She embraced him harder and he responded, caressing her silvery hair. "It made me want to fight, to hold on just a little longer so I could get back to you." She hesitated as she spoke, her voice quavering. "I heard you say you didn't want to live without me. Do you know how happy that made me?" She looked at him with sudden tears in her eyes. "It scares me, Taz."

"Why?"

"Because it's been so long..." she broke off, afraid to finish the thought.

"Since someone's loved you?"

"Dammit Oktos, I told you not to say it," came her whispered protest.

"I didn't, exactly," he chuckled and pressed her even closer, "but I won't say it again until you tell me it's what you want to hear, I swear."

After a while she nodded and raised her eyes to his. "In the Striker right before I ejected, there were two things I thought of; Allegra, and... how nice it would be to spend another night with you in those ruins."

"Lyra," he breathed. Taz lifted her chin and kissed her soft lips for a long time. "It's not a tumbled-down Dai Bendu temple but there are warm bunks down below." He took her hands and backpedaled toward the lift. His blue eyes were delighted and just the slightest bit mischievous.

Lyra let herself be led along. He loves me, and I love him. We don't need to say anything. She still felt scared, but maybe not quite as much as she had before.