An unusual looking vessel exited from warp when the ship was within three hundred million kilometers of Starbase Lya Station Alpha. The front part of the ship had the appearance of a Starfleet vessel, but the rest was from no known design. The mid-section was a combination of a Klingon War Bird and a Ferengi D’Kora. The tail section had the appearance of a small Borg cube with a few modifications. The underbelly of the ship showed Romulan disruptor cannons with Starfleet torpedo tubes, with a few adjustments. No call signs on the exterior made the officers at the communications desk nervous. There were many uneasy looks as the first communications officer relayed the standard message.
“Approaching vessel, please report your call sign and reason for destination,” came a stern but polite voice through the communication system of the approaching vessel.
A Ferengi looking creature appeared on the monitor of the communications desk which made those same faces now appear distrustful. “We are Titan Two,” began the Ferengi. His voice was high pitch and had an annoying echo. “This is our experimental ship. The first of her design.” A tiny annoying sound which was supposed to be a laugh came from the mouth of this unusual Ferengi. “This is our maiden voyage. Isn’t she a beauty to behold.” The Ferengi gave an unappealing smile. He then made the odd gestures that Ferengis were known for followed by another obnoxious laugh.
“She is indeed, Titan Two,” replied the communications officer in a tone that made everyone around know she was pretending to be nice. The other communications officers began to laugh. “Please state your purpose of your visit.”
“To trade, of course,” replied the Ferengi with an obnoxious tone. More weird gestures with the hands. “Much business must be done so we may make our beauty better than your Flagships.”
“Thank you, Titan Two,” came the reply. “Docking station eleven is open for your arrival. We ask that you keep all weapons aboard your spacecraft. Sensors will alarm security of any weapons found. Thank you for visiting Lya Station Alpha and we hope you enjoy your visit.” She immediately terminated the hail not wanting to speak anymore to the Ferengi. “Great,” she said with her disgusted face to the other officers. “More short, big-eared aliens asking me for a drink.”
The other officers laughed. “It is the smell that gets me,” said one of the male officers. “I mean deodorant has been around for millions of years.”
“Oh, I agree,” said another male officer. “And that ship. What kind of awful design is that? It looks like a male Cardassians’s genitalia.” Large laughter from everyone around. “Not that I would know of course, but I have heard rumors.”
“Harry?” questioned Asani. “Why did you represent this ship as Ferengi?”
The Hologram, still appearing as a Ferengi, said, “We are annoying creatures, Asani.” The high pitch voice was the same. He gave him a tilted face and did another annoying gesture with his hands. “If we give them the idea that this is a Ferengi ship, no one will come close to it.” The Ferengi Harry shrugged his shoulders and gave out another annoying laugh.
“That was a perfect idea,” said Thomas with a grin. He gave the Ferengi a fist bump.
“I am tending to agree,” said Asani while shaking his head. A slight grin appeared on his lips. “Ensign Thomas, dock our ship in Docking station eleven.” Asani then stood up from his captain chair and began preparations to visit the Space Station. He was nervous being around Federation personnel once again, but he was more anxious about being spotted. He was supposed to be dead and any scanners detecting his presence would create cascading events which would bring the wrong people looking for him once again.
Asani walked over to the “miscellaneous” cabinet and removed what looked like a head, which made both Harry and Thomas roll their eyes. “Not that disguise,” said Harry, now in his normal form. He walked over to Asani. “It is both freaky looking and hilarious.”
“That is the idea,” said Asani as he removed the face from the head. A wig and ears remained attached. He placed the face over his own and began to stretch and tighten the fake face at different spots. Once done, he then grabbed the wig. The fake hair was long and brown and resembled hair of a Klingon. Once placed on Asani’s head, the hair completely hid his own and caressed nicely his fake face down to his shoulders. Then the ears were next. They were pointed much like a Vulcan’s but hairy like that of a Klingon. He then grabbed what looked like a spray can and sprayed a mist over his entire head. The face and ears began to shrink and tighten until all crevasses and openings were sealed.
Asani began to test out his new face by opening and closing his mouth and eyes. “Well Harry,” said Asani while smiling with his new face. “What do you think?”
“You look like the ugliest Vulcan and the most hideous Klingon had too much to drink one night and created you,” Harry said with complete sincerity. Thomas was now attaching docking clamps and was giving the biggest smile while trying to hold in his laugh.
“So, what you are saying is there is no chance I will be detected,” replied Asani while giving a large smile.
“Nobody will know it is you, but you will get a lot of looks. Looks of remorse,” said Harry with a smile.
“We are now docked--,” said Thomas as he swiveled in his chair and then stopped talking. Upon getting a complete view of Asani’s disguise, the Hologram began to laugh then stopped and pretended to cough. Harry began to laugh. Thomas regained his composure. “We are now docked, Captain.”
“Oh, I forgot the best part,” said Asani as he reached down and grabbed the false teeth from the mouth of the fake head. He placed them in his mouth and began to adjust them so they would fit. After a few tries, Asani gave the holograms a big open mouth smile. The teeth looked original. They were black and gritty looking. Both Harry and Thomas had to look away so they would not burst out laughing.
“Looks good, Asani,” said Thomas as he continued to look down. Harry was giving a heavy silent laugh. His whole body shaking.
“Oh, and the voice sensor,” said Asani. He grabbed a tiny patch off the fake head and placed it at the base of his neck in the front. “Testing one two, testing.” His voice began to change. “Or-an-ges. A-pples, A-va-ca-dos” continued Asani, saying each syllable clearly. The tone of his voice was deepening.
The holograms were now outburst laughing. They could not control it. “Asani, please stop!” yelled Harry between laughs. “If I had tear ducts, I would be crying.”
“His face his hideous!” shouted Thomas. More laughs. “I can’t stop! The teeth are horrible!”
Asani then stopped talking and looked at the two holograms with a stoic face who were now covering their faces, trying to hold any laughter in that they had left. “I believe my face is ready,” said Asani. His tone much deeper and mysterious. “Now where is that heavy cloak?” He rummaged through the “miscellaneous” cabinet. He pulled out an old gold and white cloak and draped it across his chest. He then held out his hands to the two holograms as if he was modeling his outfit. “I believe you two have made it quite clear what you think of my disguise,” said Asani with the new voice. The two holograms were now only slightly laughing. “I am glad you find me so amusing, but I cannot risk detection.”
“No chance,” said Harry with a large smile.
“That is for certain,” nodded Thomas.
“Now I need you two to be serious,” said Asani. His voice now seemed deeper. “I need you watching my every movement through my eye contacts and,” he placed an orb in his ear, “listening to everything around me.” The two holograms nodded and showed serious faces. He then covered his mouth and whispered, “Testing, one two. Do you both hear me?” Again, the holograms nodded. He then turned so they could not see his hands. “How many fingers am I holding up?”
Harry began shaking his head. “One, but you did not need to use that finger.” Thomas gave a smile.
“Correct,” said Asani smiling. His black, gritty teeth showing. “That was for laughing.” He walked to the exit and looked back. “My eyes and ears. You promise?” Both nodded showing they knew this was important. “And no playing rock music.” The holograms shoulders slouched. “I need your full attention.” Asani exited the ship with a wink.
This outpost facility was more iconic looking than others but had all the new gadgets that have come with technology. The color scheme and decorating theme would make you think that a young James T. Kirk was walking these halls, but the ample supply of Food Replicators, Holodecks at every turn, incredibly sophisticated hand-held devices, and higher quality uniforms with pristine communicators, brought you back to the twenty-fourth century. Thousands of different species walked the corridors of this Starbase, but Asani found the disguise was working exactly as planned. He was receiving a lot of looks but nobody recognized him. He knew the life of Starfleet personnel. They always encountered unusual looking creatures, but if they were behaving and there was no sign of trouble, then just stay away. The Holograms were having fun taking snapshots of the surprised faces that Asani was encountering. They began placing them on the big monitor and laughing. They spoke into Asani’s communicator that only he could hear saying, “That man’s face says, ‘I thought I saw bigfoot’,” or “Her face says, ‘I will be having nightmares tonight’,” until Asani told them to stop.
He entered the turbolift and began ascending. Others in the turbolift kept their distance. Harry made reference to a joke about passing gas which made Asani roll his eyes. The hideous creature exited on the thirtieth floor at the delight of everyone that remained on the turbolift. This was the officer floor where the big conferences were held and meetings to discuss the ongoings of the Starbase. He was immediately greeted by armed guards.
“May I help you,” said a large male Klingon in a Starfleet uniform. His forehead stuck out farther than his nose. A much younger and shorter human guard in the same uniform was by his side.
“I am here to see Lieutenant Michaels,” said the hideous creature with his deep voice. His black, gritty teeth showing. “He heads the trading of this Starbase.”
“Do you have an appointment with him?” asked the shorter guard.
“I do not, but it is important,” said the creature trying to smile. “An economic dispute about a trade with the Ferengis.”
“You will have to get in line,” joked the Klingon. Harry and Thomas laughed into Asani’s ear. “If he did not request you, then we cannot let you through.”
“Tell him it is about the Ferengi named Rexi,” said the creature. Both Thomas and Harry repeated the name with another laugh into Asani’s ear. “It is about smuggling kemocite. He told me to reach out if I have information.” Rexi was an old acquittance of Lieutenant Michaels. Back then he was known as Ensign Michaels, and it was his first year in the academy along with Asani. Rexi and Timothy Michaels had too much fun one night and Asani found out. He asked Asani to never say anything about it. His reputation was at stake. He threw in the kemocite to scare the guards. It worked. They sent a message to Lieutenant Michaels.
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Soon, a tall, slender human with a pristine Starfleet Uniform arrived where the hideous creature was standing. Lieutenant Michaels, being very professional, didn’t bat an eye when he saw the grotesque face. “You said you have information on a kemocite smuggling.” Michaels was more interested in the name Rexi but had to appear professional.
“Is there somewhere we can talk in private?” said the creature while looking around. The two guards standing close by gave Lieutenant Michaels a concern face.
Michaels pondered the request and then extended his arm asking the creature to pass. He eyed the guards asking them to stay alert. He led Asani into a small room with a desk and monitor. As the door slid closed behind him. He asked, “So what is this about? Can I get your name?”
“It has been a long time, Michaels,” said the creature with the still deep voice. “I knew the name Rexi would get your attention. It was your first year in the academy.”
Lieutenant Michaels gave him a confused face. “Who are you?” he said sternly.
The creature slouched his shoulders and extended his hands. “I thought for sure that clue would tell you.” Michaels still showed his confused face. “I dated your sister until she found that half human, half Romulan Amok. You thought it was for the best because you hated hearing about me sleeping with your sister.” Harry and Thomas both laughed in his ear. They liked how the story sounded much like a movie from the 90s in the twentieth century.
Michaels face showed complete surprise. “What? How do you know this? Asani?”
“Yes, Timothy. It is me.”
“It can’t be. You died. I saw the reports. I got drunk and cried.” Harry and Thomas both gave their “ahh” face. A slight pause. “What did you do to yourself,” continued Michaels as he looked Asani up and down. “This better not be a joke.” His face showed anger.
“It is not a joke,” said Asani. “I am in this disguise because I do not want to be recognized.”
“Well, that hideous face does the trick,” agreed Timothy. “What is going on? Why does Starfleet believe your dead?”
“It is a long story,” said Asani as he put his hand through his long Klingon hair. “How did the report say I died?”
“It said you died in an accident on the planet Athlios. First thing I thought is why you on such a miserable planet. Then, the report said they found your body and belongings, so I drank and remembered old times. I even called my sister.”
“How did she take it?”
Michaels gave another confused face. “Asani! What is going on?!”
“Sorry, Tim, Sorry,” said the ugly face with his hands showing an apologetic gesture. He gave a heavy sigh. “I was living on that ‘miserable planet’ trying to put my life back together when I received a visit from two members of the UC.” Timothy showed a shocked face. “A Starfleet Admiral and a Klingon High Commander. It was not the first time Kili had visited me, but it was a first for Admiral Richards.” Tim knew both of those names. “I won’t go into all the details, but their request was highly unusual.” Harry and Thomas agreed into Asani’s ear. “I did what they wanted and next thing I know a group of mercenaries comes flying in and destroys my home and practically everything else. The leader of this group of assassins points a type of large disruptor rifle and shoots me in the chest. I was luckily wearing my own personally made body shield. He thinks I am dead and leaves in his own personal Bird of Prey.”
Lieutenant Michaels mouth was wide open along with his eyes. Harry and Thomas smiled knowing the story sounded unbelievable. “What in the hell have you gotten yourself into, Asani?” said Timothy. “You’re telling me a group of Klingon mercenaries were hunting you?”
“They were not Klingon. They looked to be humans, Cardassians and I believe one was Vulcan.”
Another surprised look. “And they were flying around in Birds of Prey?”
“I took down two of their Birds of Prey,” said the hideous creature with a boastful smile.
“You did have help,” said Harry into Asani’s ear. Thomas nodded giving his surprise face on why Asani was taking all the credit.
“How? With what?” asked Tim. “You steal a ship or hire a vessel?”
“I…I built my own ship.” The creature’s face looked astonished as if he was just realizing what he did.
“Your own ship!” yelled Lieutenant Michaels. “Where did you get parts to do that? Starfleet gave you parts?”
“I…I had connections,” said Asani. Harry and Thomas were laughing when they saw Timothy’s face.
Lieutenant Michaels walked behind the desk and sat down hard in the chair. He placed a hand on his forehead showing he was flabbergasted. “You get a visit from two members of the United Council. You build your own ship. You take down two Birds of Prey. Escape…some group of mercenaries. Survive a shot from a disruptor rifle. Now you come here asking what the report said about your death?” Lieutenant Michaels sat back in the chair and looked at the hideous face. “What is going on, Asani? We need to talk to Command. We need to tell this story to the high Admirals.”
Asani leaned forward on the desk. “We cannot tell anyone yet, Tim. Not until I know more.”
Timothy’s face showed the same surprised look. “More about what?” He shook his head. “This story makes no sense. Why do they want you?”
Asani stood straight up. “It is about my ‘First Contact’ away mission on the home world of the Xiezios people.”
“What!?” yelled Tim. “You were on an away mission to Xiexath?” His face was stunned. “There are no reports on this. Nothing.”
“It was completely classified,” said the hideous creature. “No one knew about it except a very few.”
“I heard rumors that you were injured on an away mission and had left Starfleet, but had no idea,” said Timothy.
“I was told to leave quietly,” replied Asani.
“Well, with everything going on with the Xiezios…I can understand why.”
“What is going on?”
“Have you been living under a rock…well, actually you have if you have been living on that ‘miserable planet’,” expressed Timothy with his noted smile. “They are at war with everyone in their sector. No one can get within five-hundred million kilometers of their home world. Their ships are incredibly powerful, they have taken out numerous Space Stations and vessels from Starfleet, Klingons, Vulcans, Romulans, Ferengis…you name it, they have attacked.”
“Cardassians?” questioned Asani with his fake eyes narrowed.
“Yes, even them, but it seems far less,” noted Timothy. “They seem friendlier, but we know they have had a good relationship with them in the past.”
“Admiral Richards and Commander Kili had explained how Xiezios are becoming hostile during their visits, but it appears they have become much worse.”
“Members of the UC…visiting you…an ex-Starfleet officer?” Timothy’s eyes were now narrowed. “I am just completely shocked by that.” Timothy gave a nervous gulp. “What did they have you do?”
Even through the hideous disguise, Lieutenant Michaels could see that Asani was nervous. Asani never thought he would have to explain his actions. Thomas and Harry were both mumbling into his ear about how they told him not to do it. “It is something that I am not ready to explain right now, but will when I am ready,” said Asani with a lump in his throat. “Let’s just say that it is something I regret.”
Timothy gave him the non-judgmental look which was one of the top reasons why Asani appreciated him. Lieutenant Michaels knew that if Asani had made the decision to do something big, it was done with much thought and care. He trusted him. “If you regret it, then I am guessing these two big wigs from UC did not tell you the entire truth.”
“That is exactly what I plan to find out. The entire truth.” Asani’s grotesque face looked nervous again. “You…maybe could pass me the reports and scans of what they have seen by Xiexath.” A smile appeared on the lips of the ugly face. “I need to understand what is going on.”
Timothy gave a heavy sigh. “Those reports are classified. They don’t want anyone to know what is going on in that sector of space.”
“Tim, they sent mercenaries to kill me. I need to know what and why this is happening.” Asani gave another smile. “I promise that I will never tell anyone about Rexi.”
Lieutenant Michaels shook his head and smiled. “Fine. If it will help you solve what is going on. I will give you what they shared with me. I, being only a lonely Lieutenant, did not give much, but still there is enough to scare even me.” He placed a small chip into his computer on his desk. After a few moments of clicking buttons, he pulled out the chip and held it up for Asani to take. As Asani grabbed it, he held on and gave him a stern look. “All of command is worried about what is going on in that sector of space. It is looking more like an all-out war. Worse than the Borg attacking.” Asani nodded. “Be cautious on who sees this information. Even Starfleet personnel.”
Asani gave him a confused look. “Are you saying there is a civil war among Starfleet?” He placed the chip in is bag.
“Starfleet isn’t what it used to be,” said Lieutenant Michaels. “But you did not hear that from me.”
“Thanks Tim,” said Asani with his ugly smile. “Thanks for trusting me.”
“I am just glad you are alive,” replied Timothy with a half grin. “You still owe me a bottle of Romulan Ale.”
Asani gave a light laugh. “That was years ago when we were in the academy. Amazing you still remember that.”
“I still remember what you told me about my sister,” laughed Tim. “Every time I see her, that image appears, and I blush.”
“How is she?” asked Asani.
“Her half Romulan husband and her have three wonderful children. They own a restaurant in San Francisco.”
“Romulan cuisine in San Fran?” questioned the creature. “That cannot be good.”
“It is surprisingly one of the most popular restaurants. Go figure.”
Asani walked to the door. “I will let you know what I find out. Promise to keep in touch.”
“You better,” smiled Tim. “I have plenty of secrets that I can share about you.”
Harry said into Asani’s ear, “Oh, we have plenty of secrets that we can tell him. Such as your like of that crappy music they call ‘Country’.”
“Do not knock Country Music,” replied Thomas. “You haven’t lived unless you go line dancing with…”
While the holograms were discussing, Asani said, “Now, I am sorry I have to do this, but I have to get back into character. So, ignore the next couple of sentences.” Timothy showed a confused face as Asani made the door slide open. He began to yell so all could hear, “You Starfleet officers are all the same! I am robbed and you do nothing about it! Ferengi are trash! Those big ear, ugly face, backstabbing rodents can never be trusted!” Asani gave Lieutenant Michaels a wink and left the room. All eyes were upon the creature as it stormed across the thirtieth floor of this Starbase.
As Asani reached the turbolift. The guards looked back towards Lieutenant Michaels with faces asking if they should stop him. Timothy waved them off as Asani entered the turbolift and with half a smile towards the Lieutenant, the doors closed and the turbolift descended.
“Very impressive,” said Thomas into his ear. “I would give you an Emmy for Best Actor.”
Asani gave a confused face not knowing what an Emmy was and then said, “I need you two to look over this file.” He was alone on the turbolift, so he pulled a transporter tag from his bag and placed it on the chip. A blue flash and the chip was gone. “Fine out everything you can about the Xiezios home world. We must fine the connection between them and these mercenaries.”
“Copy, Asani,” said Harry. “What is your next move?”
The turbolift doors opened, and Asani exited on the main floor. “I am going to try to trade for parts for our ship,” said Asani. “We need it working in perfect condition if we go into battle.”
“Battle!” the Holograms said together.
“We barely survived the last battle,” noted Harry.
“We have to be ready,” said Asani as he walked the main floor of the Starbase. Thousands of different species continued to walk the same floor. All were keeping their distance from the ugly creature. “There is a very strong chance that we will be attacked again. I have to get my ‘pulse effect’ working or we will not stand a chance.”
“How about we work on the Warp drive?” asked Thomas. “That is more a priority.”
“Weapons first,” replied Asani still walking down the corridor. “There is a good chance we can—”
Suddenly, Asani was pulled into a side room. The move was so effective that not one of the thousands walking the corridors noticed. Asani found himself shoved up against the wall of a dark room. A female voice was heard.
“Computer, lights.”
As the lights, came on, Harry yelled into Asani’s ear, “Oh no! It is the Romulan Devil!”
“Hello, Asani. Even with that grotesque disguise, you are still the sexiest human alive.”
Asani replied with his hideous smile. “Hello, Jajot. How did you know it was me?”
“I placed a tracker on you. Do you want to guess where I put it?” Asani looked straight down and then looked back at Jajot. Her smile was bigger than ever.
“Oh my,” said Thomas. “That is disgusting. Damn sexy, but disgusting.”