(Bellamy POV)
“When I heard that the Joker was sending a representative, I had not expected Bellamy the Hyena.” Crack A. Barrel was all smiles as he led me through his front yard. I said front yard, but it was closer to the gardens of Versailles than any normal yard I had seen, both in style and scale. “I find myself pleasantly surprised.”
Probably because I was a much less challenging opponent than one of the Doflamingo Family. Bastard. If I hadn't seen the flitting derision in his eyes, I almost would have thought he meant it as a compliment rather than insult it was. How typical of an aristocrat wannabe, handing out backhanded compliments. Well, two could play that game.
“The Doflamingo Family tries to be accommodating in all its dealings. It wouldn’t do to send an envoy who doesn’t match the station of our potential partners after all.” I smoothly replied and I could see his eyes twitching in anger. I had after all, just called him a pawn to his face, though in not so many words.
Of course, I also called myself a minion but it was what it was. Life was full of hard facts and one of them being just how little Doffy valued Bellamy, which had been made abundantly clear on Dressrosa in the original timeline.
“How gracious.” But Crack didn't lose his smile. He was far too experienced for something like a simple insult to get under his skin. “I must of course return the favor.”
Uhm...I admittedly didn't like the sound of that.
“There is no need. Goodwill is extended without desiring recompense. Otherwise, it would no longer be goodwill, no?” Like seriously, there was no need for him to repay me in kind. There was nothing he had that I wanted apart from Doffy's agent's agent.
“But I insist. I would not want to be known as a poor host.” he maintained, beaming at me. Fuck you. In my mind, I mentally flipped him the bird.
“In that case, thank you for your invitation. We look forward to experiencing the famed Crack hospitality.” I literally first heard about you this morning, you country bumpkin. I, at least had a bounty, which I didn't earn but the important thing was that I had one. So I was somewhat famous and important.
“You shall find no one alive who has anything bad to say about our service.” His smile became sharper for a moment. “I guarantee it.”
“How…marvelous. You must be very proud.” I managed to say, though I had to admit that he'd scored a hit there. 1:0 for Crack. Damn it and he wasn't even finished.
“Oh no. My ancestors often preached of the dangers of pride and arrogance. Despite being the poor descendant that I am, I try to follow their teachings as best I can.” That fake sad expression of his was so fake it looked real. “It is a sad state of affairs when every crook and delinquent is rushing off to make a name for themselves instead of finding honest work.”
Ouch. What a way of justifying why he wasn't well known the world over and in the same breath calling me a glory hound. And also, honest work? Crook? This was a clear case of the pot calling the kettle black.
“Your ancestors must have been very wise and certainly sound like examples you should aspire to. I wish you the best of luck in navigating such trying times.” Well if I was a glory seeking delinquent, he was a pale imitation of his vaunted ancestors. Who were idiots by the way.
“…thank you. Same to you on your future travels.” 1:1 all. Though, I was going to have to watch what I ate around here, because he had just threatened to end my journey today.
“You have a very magnificent garden.” I complimented him, and this I meant wholeheartedly. It was objectively impressive. All the trees were well tended to, with many of them caretakingly grown into green statues. Meticulously arranged flowerbeds in every color and fountains in all the right places completed the set.
“Why, thank you for noticing. It is likely my greatest pride and joy. Plants are wondrous beings with a stunning amount of potential and beauty.” he replied, sounding very pleased with himself. Also, was I mistaken or was he talking about drugs?
“They certainly are beautiful.” I commented for lack of anything better to say.
“Did you know that near 90% of the world’s medicines were derived from plants?” he explained, avidly waving his arms around. This was the most excited I had ever seen him so far. “And that’s only a fraction of what’s possible.”
“A fraction?”
“Yes, think of all the good that could be achieved if we, as the human race, harnessed their potential to the fullest. A whole new frontier could be opened as millions were able to take a greater glimpse past the curtains which restrict our five senses. In fact, I’m sponsoring several research groups for this very purpose.” In other words, he was sponsoring drug labs to produce more drugs. I got it.
“I admire your passion. Not many would do what you do.” Seriously, not many would.
“How can I not love them? Plants are reliable. As long as you tend to them appropriately, they never betray your expectations. Other beings aren’t as trustworthy.”
I didn't say this lightly, but this man had issues.
"Trust is a valuable commodity." I agreed.
“But I’m rambling. Please, step inside. I’ll have the chefs prepare a little something while we talk business. Shall we?” Crack said, gesturing towards his open door. Once I walked in there, the prologue ended and the main game would begin.
“I believe we shall.” I nodded and entered.
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As the guest, it was only right that I stated the reason for my visit, even if both of us knew perfectly well why I was here.
“The Doflamingo family has bid me to extend their deepest disappointment, that a misunderstanding lead to the current regrettable state of affairs.” Knowing what I did about his character, I imagined that Doffy was quite furious even if Dellinger hadn't said so outright. Not at Crack, obviously, but at his agent who got caught redhanded doing his bidding and worse, captured alive.
“Truly regrettable. If only your men had contacted us before coming to St.Poplar, they wouldn't have gotten lost and things would have been much cleaner." Crack said, pushing the blame squarely onto Doffy's agent and to an extent on Doffy for not seeking his permission first before trying to do do business on his turf. "Unfortunately, for all involved, they seemed a bit hard of hearing when we offered to correct their course.”
“It must have been the language barrier. I hear that local dialects are difficult to understand for tourists.” As if you would have tried talking first when Doffy's agent showed up. It was far more likely that you rushed in, guns blazing and explosives on hand to blow out their eardrums. From what Ross had seen earlier today, the old base had been turned into a crater.
“That is certainly a possibility, but that is also why I train my men to speak the official dialect flawlessly.” he countered.
“I applaud your efforts.” You couldn't assume responsibility for the incident, because that directly correlated to the ransom sum. And Dellinger did say that I could keep the excess. It wasn't that I needed the money but the more useful I could prove myself to be, the safer I would be from Doffy. “It must certainly be a tall task.”
At that, Crack raised his glass in a silent sign of acknowledgement. One point to me, situation was 2:1 Bellamy. He could have kept arguing that he didn’t only try but succeeded, and thus the responsibility for the misunderstanding lay with Doffy’s side. But apparently, he had decided that it wasn’t worth the hassle and moved on to the next topic.
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“You will be happy to know that your man,” Singular not plural, I noted. I don't think I wanted ask what had happened to the rank and file. “is enjoying the best accommodations and service afforded to someone of his station. In fact, there are dedicated staff in his vicinity at all times in case of any emergencies.”
“I’m sure the Joker will be very grateful you offered such hospitality to your guests.” I said, stressing that the man was not a prisoner. “You should visit Dressrosa sometime. No doubt, you will get to enjoy the same treatment.”
“Ahahaha, I dearly wish I could, but I’m only a poor old man. How could I feed my household if I do not work myself to the bone?” Crack chuckled self-depreciatingly. Pfft, he was making millions every month. Poor old man indeed. Regardless, I offered him my sympathies, as was only polite.
“Oh dear, I did not know business was this poor.”
“I admit, it was a struggle taking care of the special needs of my newest guest. He almost ate me out of house and home.” Yes, you want more money, there was no need to lay it out that thick.
“Perhaps a change in location is warranted? Should you be in need of funds, the Joker will likely be happy to buy your local properties off you.” So how much was he asking for? It was a question that required careful deliberation on his part. If it was too ridiculously high, Doffy was liable to be very annoyed with Crack and come drag him out of whatever hole he hid yourself in.
“My family has taken care of St. Poplar for generations. I couldn’t possibly leave." Crack shook his head, acknowledging the threat. "But I hear the Joker is generous when it concerns his own.”
I was about to make my first offer when Aisa started whispering frantically to Laki. When I looked quizzically at her, she mouthed the words “Fight. Dellinger.” What were you talking about? Dellinger was in a fight? Why would he even be here?
Moments later, one of Crack’s subordinate rushed into the dining hall to whisper furiously into his boss’ ear. And I got a front row seat to how Crack’s mask of composure cracked (horrible pun I know) into confusion then alarm and finally fury.
His eyes were blazing with anger when he turned his attention back to me. “It seems that the Joker does not value his own as much as I had thought.”
Did Dellinger just use us as a distraction to break the agent out on his own? The absolute bastard. Him and Doflamingo both.
“Run!” I yelled, my crew and I dashing towards the nearest exits. Unfortunately, Crack’s guards had already blockaded everything but the door leading deeper into the mansion.
What followed was a chaotic chase around the mansion as we desperately tried to locate an exit. I wasn't sure what his walls were made out of, but I learned from personal experience that knocking one down would take far too long. Definitely longer than I had available and his windows were tiny, so that not even Aisa would fit through one of them, probably a deliberate design feature to discourage sniper attacks.
Crack’s mansion was a rat’s warren of interconnected rooms, staircases and hallways. It didn’t take long before we were utterly lost, the only upside being that our pursuers had temporarily lost sight of us as well. Meaning that we had the opportunity to regroup and catch our breaths in a small storage room.
“So, now that we’ve got some time to reorganize, anybody have any ideas?”
“They didn’t look so tough." Sarquiss pointed out. "Why don’t we just fight our way out?”
“Yeah captain, catch one of them and force them to show us the exit.” Lily agreed.
Now that I thought about it, why didn’t we fight our way out? Sure, his four big bruisers looked like a challenge but apart from them, most of Crack’s men weren’t better than the standard marine. We took down Enel’s priests, albeit with help. We should be able to handle Crack's goon squad. Plus, the sooner we could get out of the mansion, the sooner Rivers could begin supporting us with covering fire.
“Laki, how about you? You good for a fight?”
“Always captain. The confined area is going to limit my mobility somewhat, but I can manage.” she answered, cocking her rifle.
“Aisa?”
“I-I’m fine.” Good enough.
“Muret, take care of Aisa." I ordered. "We’re breaking out.”
“Aye, aye captain.”
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The enemy wasn’t expecting us to come to them and were caught completely flat-footed by our charge, having spread themselves out far too thinly while looking for us. Quickly backtracking the way we came, we returned to the entrance hall some thirteen rooms and forty bodies later. Aisa did flinch occasionally but stayed quiet for the most part.
“Right, we’re out.” I stated and we were. Just turned out that we'd run out of the mansion and into an ambush.
“Leaving so soon? You didn’t even get to have dessert.” Formed up in a half circle facing the doors was what seemed like Crack’s entire retinue. I was just happy that none of them were pointing guns our way. Actually, I hadn't seen a single man carrying a gun while on the island.
“It is very unfortunate, but sadly something came up. Perhaps we can reschedule sometime.” I offered, but we both knew that it was a futile effort.
“I’m afraid that rescheduling won’t be necessary." Crack declined. "You’ll be enjoying my hospitality for a long time. I insist.”
Sadly, it seemed that Crack no longer had the patience for further banter, the man waving his guards forward. To be fair, I probably wouldn’t have had the patience either if I invited someone into my home and was then ambushed in the middle of dinner.
Unfortunately for him, his guards didn’t stand a chance. My crew would have likely slapped them around with ease before I entered their lives. Now, with extra training, motivation and dials? It was slaughter.
But despite their horrendous casualties, they didn’t relent as if the words "realistic morale" meant nothing to them. Lily sending them flying? They’d just get back up until she broke their spines. Sarquiss slicing a man to ribbons? His friends just ignored their bloody friend to claw at my first mate’s eyes. Laki and Mani putting holes into their legs did barely anything, the wounded continuing to crawl towards them like zombies, frothing at the mouth.
I knew they weren't zombies because eventually they’d stop after being put down one too many times, but fuck if it didn’t creep me out and my crew didn’t feel any different.
Aisa had gone completely still, her head bowed and her bangs casting a shadow over her face. There were some fresh trails of tears running down her face, but she wasn’t crying anymore, having stopped sometime around when Rivers had claimed his eighth headshot. This wasn’t how I had wanted it to happen, but I guessed... welcome to a pirate’s life, kid.
Crack didn’t move a single facial muscle while we decimated most of his guards. He just stayed back and observed along with his four brutes as his men kept charging us, screaming unintelligibly.
How had he inspired such loyalty, that even his normal guards threw themselves at a hopeless situation, even as their friends were being cut down around them? Considering his specialty…well, I could guess.
“Your crew has interesting skills, Captain Bellamy.” He noted when we were done. “I shall have to punish my agents for neglecting to update your files.”
I had to hand it to him. Sending his men into the meat grinder so he could scout out the enemy? Ruthless and cold blooded, but effective if you could manage it.
“You drugged your own men.” I accused him, but the man just shrugged uncaringly.
“Just a little, a slight boost of courage. These guys?” he gestured to his bodyguards. “They’re the real deal.”
“You’re insane.”
“No, just a visionary, captain. Just a visionary.” Another wave. “Kill them.”