Penance would have to wait. Kass tried not to think about the guy she’d just killed, or the look in Cat’s eye after she had done it. There had been a brief flash of confusion on Cat’s face but it had quickly been replaced by something more like resignation or post-justification. Somehow Cat trusted her, trusted that Kass had made the right decision, and for some reason, Kass was feeling horribly guilty about that.
It was the right decision. She was certain of that. Cat’s knock to his head could have killed him just as easily, or left him alive but brain-damaged, and they had needed to make sure he didn’t alert anyone to their presence. If their mission didn’t remain stealthy, there was a good chance many more people would die tonight.
‘Why are we here?’
That was the problem.
Kass hated looking people in the eyes. It was too easy to read what they thought of her, to see her self reflected back, and Kass didn’t much like herself.
That was the problem.
When you’d made so many mistakes that undoing them felt impossible, what was one more? When you no longer feared death but welcomed it, what impact did taking a life of another have? When your sole purpose for staying alive is to protect one person, the rest of world falls away in comparison.
But Kass couldn’t protect Jesse if her enemies found her, because if they found her then they found him. She had been a fool. She’d made another fatal mistake. Information was everything. And this facility had information on her, on Jesse. She wouldn’t rest until she’d destroyed every piece of it they had. She’d thought it had been buried, but if they were digging this place up, who knew what they might find, or who they might share it with.
Cat trusted her and Kass had lied. Well, maybe not entirely. Anything else they could get while they were here was a benefit, maybe even worth a few lives depending what it contained. Baelfire had made some sense in what he had said. War was never-ending. One way or another they would come out of here with something.
There hadn’t been anywhere to hide Derek’s body so they had left him where he was. Cat had suggested moving the chair to the corner and positioning him to look like he was sleeping but it wouldn’t pass an inspection more detailed than a glance and no one would just leave a sleeping guard to it. Hopefully no one would enter that room until the next shift swap, which Kass had gleaned wasn’t for over an hour at least. Still, they needed to move fast. If Kass could at least deduce which department they were then she could have Indi hack in and wipe any information in their systems later. That plus she needed to know the state of any files that might have been on the lower floors and the chances they would be found. She knew they couldn’t go down there tonight, but if it looked like it might be awhile before anyone else did then she’d have time to think of another plan.
Cat followed her without question through a few empty hallways. They were lucky enough not to encounter anyone other than the door guard. Neither of them were familiar with this part of the facility and couple of times they had to back track when they reached what looked like a recently sealed corridor. Mental panels had been welded in place, preventing access to other parts of the facility. At least the lights seemed to be on 24/7.
“It’s too bad they don’t have one of those ‘you are here’ maps,” Cat joked as they walked along one corridor. Kass could hear the boredom starting to creep into her tone.
The next door they found was a light blue and held nothing but for a bucket and a few mops.
“Imagine having to mop this whole place,” Cat said.
They got luckier around the next bend, a whole string of green doors. Kass pressed her ear to one.
“Snoring?” she said as she pulled away.
“Bunk rooms?” Cat suggested.
Kass nodded. “I guess this is where personnel slept.”
“It’s bigger than I remember,” Cat observed.
“That’s cause you’ve aged since we were last here,” Kass replied completely deadpan.
Cat choked on a snort.
Kass held a finger to her lips but she couldn’t help the small smile that touched the edge of her lips and when she caught Cat’s eye she could see the self-satisfied glint of mischief. Kass almost let herself get carried away in the enjoyment of the moment before she remembered why she was here and all that had led to this moment and then she remembered that she didn’t deserve to be happy.
“Come on,” she said more seriously.
They walked further along the corridor. Kass paused again at another door. This one was slightly ajar with a light on. She listened carefully, then very slowly she pushed the door inward. It was definitely a bunk room. There were two single beds pushed against each wall, a desk, and one large wardrobe.
Cat followed Kass inside.
While Cat made her way toward the desk drawers to inspect their contents, Kass pushed the door behind them so it was almost shut, only a small gap remained. That way she could easily hear if anyone returned.
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She went for the beds, running her hands under the mattress and pillows, not entirely sure what she was looking for. These beds probably belonged to soldiers who were on duty tonight. She had seen many more tents outside and she wondered what rank one had to be in here. Hopefully they were important enough that they might have some useful information. She found nothing.
She was just about to join Cat searching the wardrobes when a pair of voices could be heard coming down the hall.
“Quick, in here.” Kass pulled Cat inside the wardrobe.
“I am not hiding in a wardrobe again,” Cat complained in a low hiss. But she got in anyway.
“There’s nowhere else,” Kass replied, then once they were inside without thinking she asked, ”What do you mean again?”
But Cat never got to reply for a moment later two men entered the room.
“I don’t get why they don’t just seal this place up and be done with it,” one of the men could be heard complaining.
“Isn’t it obvious,” replied his partner.
“Well, if it’s so obvious Captain Genius, why don’t you explain it to me.”
“It’s simple. Harold wants the power of this place for himself. It’s a splice and very unique one. Who knows what sorts of magic was cast to make this place. Besides if the necromancy department can’t produce something useful while being in charge of this place then the transportation department will argue that it should be handed back over to them.”
“I don’t know, Bash. You didn’t see those things. We set them on fire and they just kept burning. No matter what we try, we can’t kill them. Drowning, electrocution, poison, nothing works. Whatever the transportation department was doing here goes against everything we stand for.”
“Yeah, but it’s already done. Maybe what we can learn here will give us a leg up over our enemies. Did you know when the guardians made this place they created a plane that preserved the dead.”
“I don’t know if preserved is the right word for those things down there. That’s some dark magic at play, that’s for sure.”
“Look, better the devil you know than the devil you don’t right? Now that Harold’s convinced the council to give the necromancy department ownership of this place we can make sure everything’s appropriately taken care of and responsibly managed. Anyway, the place is welded up tight. They can’t get through.”
“I hope not.”
“Just get some sleep. Harold wants a meeting first thing in the morning.”
His companion groaned. “I wouldn’t mind that so much if that damn HPL lady didn’t keep booking all these middle of the night meetings.”
The men could be heard moving around. Kass silently hoped they didn’t need anything from the wardrobe. They heard some boots dropped to the floor a bed squeak soon after. A few seconds later, the thin strip of light that had shone through the wardrobe door disappeared and the lights in the room were switched off.
Neither of them moved immediately. They needed to wait to make sure the men were asleep. Kass counted slowly in her head.
It had only bee a few minutes when Cat whispered, “They’re asleep.”
In the quietest voice she could manage Kass asked, “How do you know?”
“Dreamwalker,” was all Cat needed to say.
They slipped from the room with a little extra help from Cat’s magic. Once people were already asleep it wasn’t too much effort to try and keep them there, or at least make them a little less likely to wake.
“What do you mean again?” Kass asked once they around the next corner.
Cat was silent a moment, considering things. Then she sighed. “We hid in your wardrobe in your dream. Marc was chasing us.”
“Oh.” Kass turned away, eyes downcast. “Did he have a knife?”
Cat narrowed her eyes. “Did he do that a lot? Chase you with a knife? Or just the two times you mentioned?”
“No,” Kass sighed, still looking at the floor. “It was a couple times. I don’t even know where he got them all from. One night I woke up and he was standing at the side of our bed just watching us with a knife in his hand. When I woke Sparrow, Marc hid the knife and it was like an instant personality change except for this brief look he gave me. I worried one night he’d kill us for real.”
“And you never put a lock on your door or sent him to a shrink?”
Kass shook her head. “The boys shared a room and the shrink found nothing wrong with him.”
Kass picked up speed. She didn’t want to talk about this anymore.
Cat sped up too but didn’t say any more.
But the next corner they rounded made them both stop dead. Another welded up dead end. The lack of movement caused Kass’s thoughts to catch up with her. Even now he haunted her. She couldn’t shake him from her thoughts. Couldn’t find that deadly calm she was so used to. Up against the wall and looking for anyway to snap her out of it she suddenly blurted out, “Sometimes I wonder if I wasn’t rough enough.”
Cat glanced at her with a surprised look on her face. She found Kass’s gaze.
Kass met it and then glanced away. Spun on her feet to turn around, walk a different direction.
Cat narrowed her eyes. “I'm not gonna tell you you were justified in hitting him, if that's what you’re looking for?" Her voice was surprisingly relaxed and clear.
"No, no, that wasn't what I wanted," Kass stuttered regretting her words already. What had she expected? Anger? Yes. Why? Why had she felt such a sudden need to provoke Cat? And here of all places. Perhaps she had just wanted to share a simple truth even if it was only one of many, and she worried as much about not being rough enough as she did about being too rough.
"What then? You want me to beat you. Give you some kind of penance?" Cat’s tone was pointed but still weirdly calm. For once she didn’t rise to the bait, perhaps because she was so familiar with laying it that she knew exactly what Kass had done and why. Perhaps she knew even better than Kass did.
Kass hesitated but she did glance briefly at Cat.
Car studied her with a frown. "It's stupid fixating on the past as if there's anything you can do to fix it. You can't change it so why think about it?"
"Maybe to do better in the future. I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that about..."
"You don't need to know the past to do that and punishment doesn't make doing right in the present any easier. Decide who you want to be and then fucking be it. Don't waste time apologizing. Evil never apologizes."
"Maybe I was hoping that I wasn't evil," Kass sighed. It was an off-handed statement but there was an element of truth in it. More objectively she added, "I think there's more of a difference than just not apologizing though and I don't think it's that black and white. The past can still teach us things. Long term consequences and that sort of thing."
"Doesn't change what's evil. Evil hurts kids," Cat replied. Then she stopped as if realizing what that meant for Kass in the context of her old job and she hadn't actually intended that.
"So I am Evil?" Kass asked more bemused now than anything. Cat was honest. She needed an honest answer. Maybe the truth would set her free? Perhaps she did want to be beaten, and if not with fists then words would do.
Cat shrugged and casually replied, "Maybe you were in the past but it doesn't mean you have to be today."
The walls around Kass seemed to fall away so fast then that she found herself longing for their comforting embrace, for the familiar, even if it was wrong.
Their conversation was interrupted by the cry of a baby. Slowly the pair of them turned toward the sound. It was coming from behind the metal wall.