The next thing Lily knew the meat was gone. She felt dazed as if she had lost some time. She looked down at her hands and was surprised and horrified to see the blood there. She’d even gotten it on her sleeves. Then her gaze found the empty plate in the fridge, nothing but juices left. An animal part of her felt the urge to pick up the plate and drink the juices too but the conscious part of her recoiled at the idea. What had she done? She didn’t feel hungry anymore but she did feel horribly horribly sick.

She stepped back from the fridge and glanced around the kitchen. Kate had stopped crying now. Gemma was over by the window, rocking her gently and singing a lullaby. Not looking Lily’s way at least. Katrina and Salem were still squabbling, although their exchanges of insults were less frequent. They seemed to fall silent for a several seconds every time Sirius yelled at them. It seemed he’d just get back into the swing of adding some sauce or another and then they’d start up again.

“Don’t make me come out there!” he yelled without ever looking up.

So no one had seen her. Lily turned and fled in the direction of the laundry. There was a bathroom off there as well as an exit into the hallway. But she didn’t want to go upstairs right now, that would have meant going past Katrina and Salem, and she was certain that would be a bad idea. She could feel the blood on her face, the red juices slowly trickling down, threatening to stain her clothes in more obvious ways. She disappeared into the downstairs bathroom and shut the door.

This room was just a toilet and a sink with a small mirror. She looked in horror at her own face. Her eyes looked sunken, her skin had a clammy greenish white hue. Had she looked like that before she’d eaten the meat? Her lips and teeth were rimmed red. Before she could wash the blood of her face she leaned forward and vomited violently into the sink.

It was loud but she had no fear of being heard for right as she leaned forward over the sink the baby started up her crying again. Between that, the sizzling of the cooking, and Katrina’s and Salem's squabbles, all the sounds from the bathroom were drowned out.

Lily stepped back from the sink and looked at her face in the mirror. She could still taste the sick in her mouth. A second later she was back over the sink retching again. She remained there until she was certain even her intestines had come all the way back up and out her mouth and nothing remained of her insides. Nothing but a squirmy feeling. The sink certainly looked like she’d emptied her guts out into it. She was suddenly very worried that it would be stained that colour.

She turned on the tap and watched as the water washed all the chunky bits down the drain. She felt like it was washing herself clean at the same time. Once not a drop of red remained on the sink Lily washed her face and inside her mouth. And then she tried to do her sleeves. But her sleeves were more difficult to clean. No matter how hard she scrubbed there still remained the faint tinge of red.

She panicked, spent a few more minutes washing them, then she closed her eyes, breathed in slowly and deeply through her nose and out in a quick huff. She repeated that three times until she felt calm. She eyed the bathroom door. It sounded like things had quietened down out there now. She didn’t feel quite ready to go out though, besides, her sleeves were soaked.

From the kitchen she heard Sirius call out, “Dinner’s ready.”

Lily eyed the corner of the small bathroom. It looked cozy and safe. She sat down there and pulled her knees up to her chest. There she stayed until someone rapped on the door.

“You okay Lily?” Sirius asked.

“Yup, out in a minute,” she called back from the floor. She was glad it was Sirius asking. He always actually seemed to believe her when she said she was fine and he never asked twice.

Lily gathered herself together, put on a brave face, and left the bathroom a few minutes later. No one at the table seemed to give her a second look. There were a total of six seats at the James’s kitchen table. Even with their usual count of seven there wasn’t room for everyone but the family rarely all ate together. Typically the kids would eat while their parents, or parent if one one was home, cleaned up the dishes.

Sirius was already seated at the table but there was a spare seat for Lily as Amanda and Bobby had still not returned from outside.

Salem was almost finished his food by the time Lily sat down, in classic Salem style. He would often wolf his food down as fast as he could and then race back to computer.

“Slow down you pig!” Siting next to him, Katrina eyed his feverish hunger with displeasure. She looked down with concern at what was left on her own plate and then back at Salem again. Lily figured Katrina was worried he was going to finish first and claim the computer before she could. But she seemed disinclined to match his eating pace. Katrina preferred to eat her food with a measure of elegance. That was how she put it.

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Katrina made a soft rather inelegant growling sound as Salem cleared his plate, leapt up from the table and sprung toward the foyer.

“Salem!” Sirius called.

Salem skidded to a halt at the kitchen door. Groaned, spun around, grabbed his plate, took it up to the bench, and then sprinted out of the room.

Katrina glared at him as he went.

Beside her, Sasha was creating some sort of miniature castle out of her carrot sticks and potatoes.

“Sasha, eat your food,” Sirius told her.

Sasha pouted. “But it’s more fun when it looks like stuff.” She stuck a carrot in her mouth with some begrudgement anyway.

“What are you? Five?” Katrina asked.

Sasha’s frown deepened but she didn’t reply. Her stare could have melted her potatoes though.

“What are you? Anorexic?” Gemma asked Katrina with a smirk and a carefree slouch, bringing attention to Katrina’s normally slow eating.

“Gemma!” Sirius warned.

Katrina narrowed her eyes at her older sister then she slapped on a fake smile and flicked her dark hair as if she were above it all.

Gemma just smiled smugly right back.

They ate in silence for a little while. Lily picked at her food but none of it sat quite right. She forced herself to eat it anyway.

When she was done she put her plate on the bench as the others had and headed outside. She thought the cool air might make her feel less sick, plus she liked watching the horses grazing in the paddocks.

Outside the light was low and although it was not quite twilight yet she could see that the barn light was on. She was drawn toward it like a moth to a flame. Amanda and Bobby were probably in there helping the injured horse. She was curious abut what magic they would use to do it. Magic was one of the things she had lost, both her powers and her memory of them. Ever since her resurrection she’d found there to be gaping holes in what she could recall of her life before. She remembered her parents, her mother’s happy smile, her father being away a lot because of work but how whenever he came back after a long trip he’d always brought back a present. They’d had a cat, a white fluffy one called Mittens. Lily wasn’t sure what had happened to her. She hoped she was okay. She did remember liking horses and unicorns. There were plenty of those here at the James’ Farm, or was it a ranch? She felt like it should be a ranch but everyone just called it a farm. She wasn’t sure what the difference was. Ranch sounded fancier.

As she got nearer the barn she could hear voices coming from inside.

“You don’t need to be here for this,” Amanda was telling Bobby.

“It’s my fault though. I should be the one doing it.”

“It’s no one’s fault but if you want to blame someone blame the rabbit.”

“But if I hadn’t tried to heal it.”

“A broken leg’s a death sentence anyway.”

“It wasn’t for Rorschach.”

“That was a special case, and I’m still not certain it was the right decision. He’ll never be ridden again and he’ll spend the rest of his life with a limp.”

“Better than being dead,” Bobby grumbled.

Outside the barn door, Lily pressed herself up close to the wall.

“Like I said, you don’t have to be here for this. Go and have your dinner.”

Lily peaked around the corner. They were both further in and both had their backs to her. On the ground before them lay a horse. Was it dead? It’s chest appeared to be moving. Amanda was holding something in her hands. Was that a gun? She sometimes took one when she went out for longer rides, mostly for shooting rabbits, but Lily wasn’t sure why she had it out now.

Bobby shook his head. “It is my fault. If I had just waited for the vet...”

“They would have come out, charged us a fortune, and still come to the same decision I have. The local vet’s not a healer remember.”

“The one in Marblewood is.”

“And he charges more than that horse costs. It’d be different if it was one your pets but Cinna’s a working horse, and one who’s already past her prime.”

Bobby had his arms crossed. “ Rorschach was a working horse.”

“Bobby, it takes months for a broken leg to heal naturally, you know that. And that’s when it’s a clean break.”

“And one that hasn’t been partially healed.” Bobby was staring down at the horse and not looking at his mother.

“From what you said, it sounded like it was pretty shattered.”

Bobby didn’t answer.

There was a moment’s silence and then Amanda said, “Go back inside.”

“I should stay.”

“What for?”

Bobby shook his head and kept looking down at the horse.

Amanda reached out and placed a gentle hand on his arm. She squeezed it comfortingly and then let go. “Bobby, that horse was done for even before you messed up the heal.”

“I shouldn’t have tried.”

“You couldn’t have made it any worse.”

“I could have.”

“But you didn’t.”

“Didn’t I? She’s got a bunch of tumors in her leg now because of me.”

Lily heard Bobby sniff. Was he crying?

“Not ones that are doing her any harm at the moment. If anything, it might be less painful. And you learnt something, got some practice.”

Bobby mumbled something Lily couldn’t hear.

Amanda too, lowered her voice as she leaned in close to talk to her son, so Lily snuck forward and slipped into a stall without being seen. She felt like this wasn’t something she should be interrupting but she wanted to know what was going to happen to the horse.

“Healing is hard,” she heard Amanda say, “And harder still on an injured animal who won’t stay still. Dosing her up like she is now probably would have helped but then you’d have needed to have had the drugs on you.”

Bobby didn’t reply but Lily saw him nod slowly.

“Now, are you sure you want to stay for this? You don’t have to.” She gently touched his arm again.

Lily saw Bobby nod once more.

“Okay.” Amanda took his hand and squeezed it. Then she turned to face the horse more directly. For two seconds they both just stood there staring at the horse and then Amanda raised the gun and she fired.

The horse’s chest rose once more and then fell still.

Lily fell back into the empty stall with a muffled gasp. She dropped into the corner a scrunched herself up into a ball. With a terror she hadn’t felt before she found herself staring down at her covered arms. Beneath stained sleeve she knew her skin was all broken and puss-coated. Had she been healed wrong too? If so would they do to her what they had done to the horse?