Connor wasn’t too far from the loundroom when his father, yet again, yelled for him. Shaking his head, Connor was already ready to go back home!
When he finally saw his father, standing at the fireplace and looking at a picture of the family, Connor couldn’t help but yell, “Yes Dad, what can I do for you?”
His father snapped to attention, “You trying to be a smart-ass boy?”
Connor smirked, “Ah no, it just comes naturally.”
His father was getting angry, Connor could tell, his eyes went to slits and his mouth was nearly a perfect line. “There’s no need…”
Connor interrupted, “That’s right dad there’s no need, look you’re going to have to change, at least while myself and Amillia are around, because she’s going to be a part of the family and you might as well get used to it. Now, there’s a few things you should know, one is Amillia has cancer and you may see us more often. I don’t care if you hate me or her but be nice, please! And two, I need you to be a friend, because the father figure thing is just not working. I’m not going to have you spoil my happiness just because you don’t like who I am! I say tough, get over it and move on! I may need a shoulder to cry on, and I’d rather it be you then a stranger! And…This is your last chance, if things don’t work out between Amillia, you and I, it may be the last couple of months that you have a birth son at all!”
Connor wasn’t sure if he had actually said those words or not, as his father didn’t change his face or rigid stance for at least a minute. He was just about to pinch himself when his father finally broke the silence, “Well, that’s something I’m definitely not used to, especially from you Connor! I will find the medium between us, but it doesn’t mean I agree with your unmanly poems. I did wish though that I had more time to get to know this Amillia girl, I strongly suggest that you find more about her before you take the steps of real responsibility.”
Connor sat heavily into a couch chair and closed his eyes, he didn’t understand how someone could be so closed off into his own little space, “Your suggestion is beyond your control as we are getting married!”
His father huffed and said, “But you don’t know her, how can you trust her. What if she’s not the one for you? Have you even considered these things?”
Connor stood up and walked towards the picture his father had been looking at when he had first walked into the room and picked it up. It was a family picture with Cameron before his death. Those days were easier, even though his father was still on his back, but the family smiled more. It has been quite some time since they have been so close…Connor remembered when he was homeless and that they had rarely rang him. Sighing, he felt at fault that he didn’t pick up the phone much back then, but he could not help but feel he could have gotten more help from his father in the past.
After a short moment of looking at the picture, Connor looked to his father, “We could be like this, you know…A family, people who love each other, trust each other to make their own choices and not fight about who they are.” Connor looked back at the picture and then suddenly smashed it against the coffee table.
His father went wild almost straight away, his eyes were wide, and mouth opened in shock, “What the hell! What did you do that for? You need to clean this up and fix it right now!”
His yell echoed throughout the house…
Connor looked at his dad, “This is what we are right now, can’t you see? We are broken! We have so many small bits and pieces around the place and we can’t connect on the same level. In the next few months, will you choose to put the picture back together again, or throw it in the fire!?”
Connor was getting sad, his father was shaking his head making something of nothing…Not understanding…
Connor had had enough, he had not known what he was going to tell his father when walking into the room, but he knew that change had to be in order, or the family would get worse and he would practically disown them…Which was something that he didn’t want to do!
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For so many years Connor had put up with his father mocking him and telling him that he just wasn’t good enough! He had not done any kind of retaliation to his father’s hurtful words! It was like…Two years of anger had finally blown up inside him and he had let it lose! And…It was for a good reason!
Connor did want his father and mother in his life, he wanted to share them with Amillia and give her the best experience he could give her! She didn’t have a mum or dad anymore, so it was his, she could have his but…He wanted his father to get his head out of his ass first!
Suddenly…His father slapped him in the face and Connor grabbed his arm, “I know, that you wish it was me instead of Cameron that had died! I have known all this time! It has been years and you still haven’t accepted the fact that I’m still here! You still think I’m a boy, you don’t trust my judgement, you don’t see my happiness! And…I’m sick of waiting! Waiting for you to be proud of me, waiting for you to accept me! I don’t care for it anymore!”
Conner hadn't realized that his voice had slowly risen to a shout while he was stating his inner most thoughts. He had even gotten to a point that he didn’t even care if his father was really listening to him or not because…He really hadn’t much want to care about his father at the moment!
Connor let go of his arm, he couldn’t look at his father a moment longer and decided to clean up the mess that he had made with the photo frame.
His father stood there silently, waiting for Connor to clean up so that he could move because of being bare foot and not wanting to step on glass. Connor saw his movement to go pick up the picture, but Connor got to it before him and without looking at him, he put it out of reach, saying, “I’ll be keeping this! When you make your choice, I will do what is required.”
As soon as he was finished cleaning, his father made yet another move towards the picture, to which Connor took it again.
His father was boiling mad, Connor had never seen him so mad and it was making him feel strange, as if he didn’t care. For the first time in his life, his father’s mood or reasoning's behind his moods didn’t matter to him at all...
His father put out his hand, “Give it to me Connor! Now!”
Connor held his stance, “No!”
He had gone this far, he wasn’t going to back down now and become that ‘nobody’ in his father’s eyes once again! Even if he was thought of as a bad guy, at least it was better then before! Anything was better then feeling like he should have been the one that had died instead of his brother!
“You cannot come into my house and take my possessions like this, it is theft!” His father still did not remove his outstretched hand.
Connor could see the outcome already, his father was going to be an old, lonely man. “And you can’t tell me how to live my life! I’m sick and tired of trying to get your opinion of me upgraded to something more than it is! I’ve had it! I am happy with who I am, and no one should tell me otherwise and you will let mum do her poems as well, and you will like it old man! Besides…Don’t you think that we are living borrowed lives? Why can’t we take advantage of the fact that we are still alive! Go ahead, put me up for theft and I’ll burn it!”
His father went to go hit him again, but Connor stopped him. “I feel sorry for you Bruce. You go around threatening everyone, yet when you are in that position you go a step further and try to give the blame to somebody else. You hold a lot of anger, but I’m sick of you blaming me! I won’t come by for a few days, as I don’t want to lose my temper at you again, but you will see us. Again, you have a few weeks to change!”
With that Connor walked up to his mother’s room and gave her a kiss. “I love you mum, we are off, we’ll come back soon ok.”
His mother took his hands and looked at him, “I’m sorry he’s like this Connor, I have tried but he has to do this alone…I didn’t think it would take so long though...Right well, I love you both, see us again soon!”
Connor kissed his mother’s hands and turned to Amillia. Things were ok again, she filled his heart with such warmth that the thought of losing his father to bitterness wasn’t so bad. If he thought about it more, he’d probably realize that he got his strength from Amillia, yet he didn’t want to go into depth upon why he suddenly stated all those words to his father. As far as he was aware, they were said, it was done, and upon the reason why he had said them didn’t matter anymore…
He put his hand out to Amillia, as she put hers out to him, “Ready?”
With a nod from her and a wave, they were gone…
Connor had to start getting things together, not only did he want to kick the cancer in the butt, he still had to go to work and look after Amillia. Smiling, when the car was out of the driveway, Connor felt a great weight lifted from his shoulders!
He was going to do this, and he was even looking forward to it! He had to admit though, speaking to his father the way he did, felt awesome! Connor nodded and thought he’s gone from a Jedi knight to a Jedi master! But…His heart still hadn’t gotten back to normal yet!
Connor smiled, “I feel like I could beat up an anaconda!”
Amillia laughed at him.
“I'm serious! I have never talked to him like that! I feel invincible! Haha!”
Amillia didn't want to be the one to take him off his high horse when what he said might have been what needed to be said.
As much as she wished everything worked out nicely for her first visit to her future in laws, she couldn’t…
She had never thought Connor would yell at his own father!
That surely was a surprise and probably pretty embarrassing for them but…Amillia knew Connor and knew of his feelings…So she understood.
Connor wanted them to be a family and felt like this episode had to be done or that they couldn’t move forward, it was just sad that it had to be done on this day, the first day to have met them…
Hopefully, she thought, they’ll get along and well, perhaps it was this very day that made it possible…Who knows!