The day was winding down to a close and even the Murk district was beginning to come to life a bit. Not to the same level that the better parts of the city. Especially without the glittering glow of the Skystream up in the air illuminating the night in its own way. But it was nice to see anyway.
“So that’s the one right?” I said to May gesturing to the restaurant we were walking towards. A busy looking place called the Lazy Angler. The sign above the door had a slumped obviously sleeping man next to a river with fishing rod attached to a fish who seemed to be toying with the line. Being so used to working in bigger franchised restaurants and fast food places it was nice to see a cozy looking Mom and Pop shop do well.
“That’s it.” May said happily. As we both made our way inside. The ordinary bustling sounds of the nightlife outside on the street was cut off as the door shut behind us and the more muted atmosphere of the softly lit restaurant. There was surprising mix of Beast folk and human customers. Something I was gladdened to see. Tutoring Pyga over the past few days and working under Grima had opened my eyes to how many difficulties some Beast folk were dealing with just to live their lives. Difficulties caused almost exclusively by other humans.
It was just a single restaurant. Nothing major in the grand scheme of things. But seeing it lifted my mood.
“Hello!” said a sweet voice as May and I turned to a human woman who was obviously a server here. “Table for two?” She asked with a polite smile.
“Yes please.” May said nodding.
“Right this way then please. And then once your comfortable I’ll get you both something to drink.”
“Toby?” May asked. And I started, realizing I hadn’t moved to follow May and the server. I was just standing at the door like I’d walked into an invisible wall.
“Sorry.” I said apologetically. “Don’t know what came over me.”
We followed the server to a smaller table with two chairs and ordered our drinks. Deciding to take it safe instead of ordering anything with a strange name I just went with water.
“So how has everything been with the tutoring?” May began once the server left. “I didn’t realize you had the kind of education to teach others about Classes you don’t have yourself.”
A light blush of red lit up May’s cheeks as she put her hands up. “Not to say that I didn’t think you were educated! I just assumed… ah.” May said awkwardly. It was the first time I think I’ve ever seen her flounder for words.
“It’s alright really!” I said chuckling. “To be honest, I probably don’t don’t compare to you at all in the education department. My smarts are all more-” I waved my hand as I searched for the right thing to say. How do you describe knowledge you got by growing up on another world? “Well they’re less useful than you’d think, just a mish mash of facts and ideas I managed to make something of.”
There. I thought smiling internally. That’s a pretty good way to describe Earth schools growing up right? Not like anything I learned there ever prepared me for the real world.
“There you go selling yourself short again.” May said frowning slightly. “Toby, I know you mean well but you’ve done some really good things in the short time I’ve known you.”
“Thank you.” I said after a pause. Receiving compliments was still a new experience for me. “I guess I just…” I began trying to think of an answer that could turn the conversation back towards something light hearted but looking at May’s face and her prismatic eyes stopped me cold.
“It’s just…” My brain stalled out. But despite myself my mouth kept going. “I’ve made a lot of mistakes May.” I said a bit shocked at the words that had come out.
Seeing the concern in May’s eyes made me look down at the table, unable to meet her gaze. All the old habits and walls I kept up on Earth warned me against going any further but I found myself going on anyway. Like the words I’d just spoken were the push my emotions needed to begin snowballing out of control. Maybe it had something to do with seeing Falisa open up to me talking about Pyga, maybe I’d just reached a point where I needed to say something and have someone listen to me. I didn’t know.
“Back… where I’m from.” I said slowly. Alarm bells ringing in my mind as my mouth moved on its own. “My family doesn’t want anything to do with me. And to be honest, neither do I. I cut myself off from them completely. And without their help I was barely able to get by on my own.” I said. My fist clenching tight on the table as I held it there. “That wasn’t because I was discriminated against or that I’m a victim of anything May. These people-” I said gesturing to the Beast folk and humans around me with my head. “These people have suffered more than I ever have. From the Syndicate, from the Elves, from trying to live in this city, from all of that. You know what excuse I have?”
“That I’m just a good for nothing failure.” I said pained. “That I had every chance in the world to make something of myself and I chose not to.” The weight of that fact still hurting after all this time.
“I had opportunities because of my family May, they had money. Serious money. I could’ve gone to the best schools and Universities around and I threw that all away to get back at them. They were never there for me growing up, I’d be lucky to see them a few times a year. Even before their divorce. Then when they forced me into top of the line schools I drank, I did drugs, I failed my classes. All for nothing.” I said fiercely. The emotion seeping into my voice and choking me up.
“I never made friends. Never got close to anyone. Because the only kinds of people who ever got close to me never actually wanted to know me. They wanted to have me as a connection, to call in favors, to show up at parties to prove how influential they were. I let that get to me. I did so many things I’m not proud of…”
“And then I did something stupid.” I said quietly. My mind taking me back to my first day in Kanaan. Blindly walking into that Awakening ceremony. “I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know anything. And because of my mistake…” I continued. I wasn’t in the restaurant anymore. I was in a run down room with upturned tables riddled with crossbow bolts. Bodies strewn across the floor like broken dolls. The wet warmth of their blood on my hands.
“People got hurt because of me.” I whispered. My hands clutched together on the table. My gaze locked onto them even as my vision blurred through unshed tears. I almost flinched when May spoke up after my rant.
“That may all be true.” She said softly. “If I’d known you more and seen you make those mistakes, I might not want anything to do with you.”
I clenched my teeth and closed my eyes. Not able to bear looking at May, not after all she’d done for me. Not after all her father had done for me.
“But I can tell you what I see right now.” She continued and I flinched as I felt her hands close around mine. Shocked, I opened my eyes and saw May staring straight at me. The glow in her eyes, radiant in a way I hadn’t noticed before.
“I see someone who is doing everything they can to change for the better.” She said firmly. Her hands squeezing mine. “To help the people around them despite not having any reason to. Whatever horrible things you believe about yourself, however much you try to convince me otherwise…” She trailed off. Smiling with a warmth I didn’t deserve as her hands opened mine and clasped them tenderly. “I won’t believe you.”
I was at a loss for words as my mouth opened and shut. In the middle of my chest, there was something there that I’d never noticed before. Something that eased ever so slightly looking into her eyes.
“May.” I began. “I-”
“Got your drinks here!” Said an amicable voice I recognized.
Our hands let go of each other as we leaned back in our seats, red in the face as our server placed our drinks on the table. When asked if we knew what we were ordering May said something abut needing a bit more time to think about it. I don’t know if the server could sense the mood she’d ruined at our table or not but she left rather quickly after that.
With the whole mood of our earlier conversation getting so mercilessly slain by our server I couldn’t help a smile at the situation. As one of my better habits came back to save me.
“I’m gonna leave a smaller tip.” I said with a small smile.
May stifled a chuckle as she hid her mouth with her hands. “And I’ll leave a complaint with the manager.”
We both laughed shortly at how the tension from our earlier conversation was so easily cut through by our server. And I wiped at my eyes before getting back in control of myself. “But really May. Thank you.”
“Of course.” May said. “Let’s save any more talk of that until we’re somewhere more private, alright?”
“Fine by me.” I said with a nod. “So what else did you want to talk about?” I said as I lifted the glass of water to drink.
“Well…” May said. “I don’t mean to pry and you can refuse to tell me if you want to. It is your business. But…” May trailed off gauging my reaction and I motioned for her to go ahead. “Why did you wait so long to get your Awakening in the first place? My Father told me that when he first met you you didn’t have a class at all.”
“That’s ah…” I said stalling. I didn’t really have a good answer for that did I? After some time in Kanaan to get the lay of the land and everything. It was pretty out of the ordinary for a guy to wait until adulthood to not get a Class but not unheard of. Gregor had explained what he’d thought when he first met me. That there were people who followed the Church of the Akashic that were split along certain ideals and doctrines, like the Reservationists, the kind that Gregor had mistakenly thought I was, believed that receiving a Class was the highest of Callings in a person’s life. So much so that whatever Class Reservationists received became almost their entire identities.
Because Awakenings were such a massive part of their beliefs they would purposefully wait much later to receive a Class. Oftentimes filling the years waiting for Awakenings with fervent prayer.
That could be respectable in its own way but most of society frowned on that practice. People without Classes were just inherently less useful than their Awakened counterparts and without Levels they were also more prone to injury, fatigue, and sickness. As an added bonus, even when Reservationists received Classes they had a tendency to become, well. Gregor described them as super-intense-no-nonsense-killjoys.
“I was raised in a Reservationist household.” I said hoping that sounded believable. In reality Mom and Dad had about as much respect for religion as I had for them. But it felt like a good excuse at least. I’d rather not have to try and convince May that I was actually from another world. I didn’t see that going over well in any scenario.
“I see.” May said. Obviously taking that information and linking it to my confession from earlier. “I think I can understand a bit more why you’d become a Rogue at your Awakening. Did the Syndicate-” She began, looking around briefly before continuing. “Did the Syndicate try to recruit you?”
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“Recruit me?” I said baffled. The thought had never once entered my mind. Back when I’d been manhandled into a Syndicate hideout they hadn’t exactly given me a welcoming impression. Locking a person up inside an old serial killer’s meat locker isn’t how you make new friends.
“No they definitely didn’t try to recruit me.” I said sure of myself.
“What did you do that would make the Syndicate go after you? Did you do something for them?”
“Ah.” I began. But any more words just failed to follow. “Honestly?” I said. “I’ve got no clue. I know as much as you do.”
“None at all? Maybe something that you did before your Awakening.”
“That is highly, and I really do mean highly, unlikely.” I said. There was no better alibi than being on another planet entirely. If they really had a way to pre-emptively track me down while I was on Earth then this city had a whole other level's worth of problems. Dimension hopping thieves guilds after little old me? No thank you.
“What are you thinking? Trying to find out my secret plans and evil misdeeds?” I said sarcastically.
“Ha ha.” May said deadpan before speaking to me more seriously. “Truthfully Toby, I want to know what your plans are for the future. It has been good seeing you heal from what the Syndicate has done to you and how you’re moving on from it. Working at that Beast Folk’s butchery, volunteering to teach a child you’ve never met before. All of that is good. But aren’t you… erm, forgive me. I’m not sure exactly how to put this.” She said sheepishly.
“It’s all good.” I said waving away her concerns. “Just say what’s on your mind.”
May seemed to gather herself for a second before looking questioningly at me, with an intensity I hadn’t seen from her before.
“Don’t you want to do something to get back at them?”
I frowned. That hadn’t been what I’d expected May to ask. “Get back at who?” I said honestly.
“The Syndicate Toby.” May continued. Leaning forward and lowering her voice as if worried others might hear in the crowded restaurant. “Don’t you want to get back at them for what they’ve done to you?”
Taken aback by May’s questions I had to stop myself from speaking the first words to come to my mind. Hell no. The Syndicate was a mix of thieves and killers. On Earth that would be scary enough but once you throw magic and skills into the pot, everything else goes out the window. Gregor had given me the rundown on each gang that made up the Syndicate during our talks and everything I’d heard just made it more clear that I should stay as far away from them as possible.
Blackwater were exactly the kind of cloak and dagger thieves guild that was cool to play as in video games but utterly terrifying to face in real life. The fact that they’d sent goons dressed as guards after me barely a day into Kanaan only made them more scary. I didn’t even know why they’d wanted me in the first place, but even if I never found out and never met any Blackwater again it would be too soon. I knew intellectually that they hadn’t meant to plant Rykas into my head either during my kidnapping but part of me blamed them for it all the same.
Just one brief encounter with Blackwater was enough to completely change my life in Kanaan going forward. If it weren’t for them I, well I didn’t know what I would have done or how my life could have unfolded going forward.
Then there were the other Gangs. The Redbrand were a bunch of fire wielding xenophobes who I honestly hoped I’d never have to face either. Same went for the Maulers. I’d already scrapped with a few their number and would very much like to never do so again. With most Beast folk having stupid levels of natural strength and speed I didn’t even want to think about what Awakened Beast folk in the Maulers could do to me.
The last gang in High Water was the one Gregor knew the least about. The Silk Spinners. They were rumored to operate in the more affluent part of High Water. Dealing mostly in espionage, spying, and stealing what they wanted from businesses and officials who didn’t pay them their respects. That didn’t sound so bad at first until Gregor went on about how the people who tried moving against them had a bad habit of dying in unfortunate “accidents”. Their wealth siphoned away by a sudden rise in high value thefts despite their heightened security. The Silk Spinners took their time taking out their targets. Trapping their enemies by building a web piece by piece until they could take them out with a single strike.
So yeah. Do I want anything to do with the Syndicate after all I’ve been through? Nope. Thank you and goodnight. Roll credits. Exit on your left please.
I couldn’t say that to May though. “I…” I began before words failed me. “I haven’t thought about it.” I said hoping that was a good answer.
It wasn’t. “Toby, don’t be daft.” May said sternly. “You’ve already done some good when you fought off those Mauler brutes during that mugging. How much harder would it be to take that a step further? With what you can do and what you know, you could make a difference.”
“May where is this coming from all of a sudden?” I said trying to understand. Make a difference? Me? Former pizza shop worker Toby Kincaid? No, I was not that kind of guy. Hadn’t I already told her how much of a screw up I was as a person?
“It’s because-” May started before she cut herself off. A pained expression contorting her face as she got herself under control. “It’s because we have all suffered because of the Syndicate Toby. We’ve all lost family, friends.” May said as her hands clenched on the table. “They take and take and nothing ever seems to be enough to stop them. Even with my Father working himself to the bone to help it’s never enough. And I can’t do it on my own.” May said holding her hands out and displaying the Sigmata on her arms as if to make me understand.
“I’m a Sigmatist. It’s always been my dream to be one. But I can’t make a difference as I am now. All my time at the University has been nothing but worthless practice and theory. My teachers have been telling me over and over to slow down and play it safe but I can’t. Not when I could make something that might help someone fight back. If you could just use the things I made for you, you could break into a Syndicate hideout and find some evidence. Or if you can’t I’ll make something else that can help. We have to do something Toby.” She said, her eyes pleading. “We have to.”
All of a sudden it all clicked together in my head. May’s willingness to get close to a Rogue like me. To offer me so many Sigmata at no extra charge. To come up with things like her Grapple Sig in the first place. All her plans for Sigmata that seemed so out of the ordinary. It was to use them. To use me. To get back at the Syndicate.
“No you don’t.” I said instantly. Shocking her back into her chair. “You don’t have to do that. You aren’t responsible for this May, for any of it.” I said with more heat than necessary. May’s speech had touched on something in me. A roiling bundle of emotions that I’d spent years keeping down. I wasn’t mad at May for wanting me to be her solution to this city’s mess. Not even a little bit.
I was afraid.
All my life one thing had been shoved into my mind over and over. So much so it became truth. One person can’t make a difference. Not a person like me. The entire world was purpose built to fuck over little guys like me, the people who stand out. The people who try to change the system for the better, only get the privilege of getting stepped on first.
The only way to survive is to keep your head down. Everyday and every hour. No matter how much it hurts, and just hope you live your life small enough that no one ever goes out of their way to get you.
What May was asking of me wasn’t something I could do. I wasn’t a hero. I couldn’t save anyone. Not a city, not other people. Fuck me, I couldn’t even save myself. What May was asking me to do went against every instinct the world had ever taught me. What May was asking me to do was something I couldn’t do anymore. To believe in something naïve and vain. It was a fantasy.
The kind of beautiful fairy tale you believe with all your heart until the world rips it out.
“And what would you have me do?” May said biting back. “Just sit on the side lines and hope for the best?”
“Yes!” I said gripping the table now. “It’s not your problem. What you want to do- what you want me to do? Is suicide.”
“Suicide?” May said incredulously. Anger in her eyes now. “Is it so wrong to want to do something good? To try to change the world for the better?”
“It is when you want to risk your life for something stupid.”
“It’s not stupid to want to save lives Toby.”
“It is when they’re people who don’t give a damn if you live or die.”
“Someone has to do something.”
“There are people who are doing something. Leave it to your Dad and the other Shieldguard.”
“I can’t.” May said fiercely.
“Why not!” I said loudly, getting angry myself.
“Because I can’t-”
“Can’t what? Accept that it’s not your fight? What reason do you possibly have to do this, to do any of this?”
“Because I c-”
“Because you want to be a hero? That’s so-”
“Because they couldn’t save my brother!” May raising her voice in a shout that shut me up instantly. The entire restaurant seemed to quiet then, and I realized too late how loud our argument had gotten. May had a wetness shine thought the Sigmata in her eyes before she clamped them shut and tensed. Forcing the tears down as she glared at me with a burning indignation.
“They got to him a few years ago.” She said clearly pained but still forcing the words out. “After our Mother died to a Dream Plague. Father threw himself into his work and I drowned myself in my studies. We weren’t there to help him so he dealt with his grief by going out late at night. Drinking and hanging with the wrong people. He had a Merchant Class and used that to ingratiate himself with some Syndicate thugs. Told them what was being sold and where.”
May took a steadying breath as her hands clenched and unclenched on the table. Her drink forgotten and untouched. “They found him in a gutter early one morning.” She said quietly. “They took his clothes. His shirt, his pants. Everything. Till there was nothing left on him but the Sigmata I made for him.” She finished. Barely holding back a quaver in her voice.
Every word from May felt like a punch to the gut. She left me lost for words, and I regretted everything I’d said to her. “May I-”
“Don’t.” May said cutting me off. “You’ve made your position clear.” She said ruffling through her things and bringing out some coins to place on the table. “I’m sorry I thought so highly of you Toby.” She said standing.
“Wait.” I said wanting to stand up and stop her but finding it difficult for some reason. My legs were shaking under the table. I put my hands on the table to bring myself to my feet but they were trembling like mad.
“Wait May. I’m sorry but-”
“That’s his cloak your wearing by the way.” She said starting to move away. “Thought you should know.”
I opened my mouth and tried to say something but my chest was clenching tight like it was in a vise. I was utterly confused at my state for a long heartbeat. Was it my nerves? Getting rejected by May so completely? Anxiety? Poison? Then in one horrible instant.
I knew.
Ever since I’d gotten it. My Danger Sense had made it clear that it wasn’t something I could rely on. The only time it had actually helped me was when I was being carried off by Blackwater’s disguised goons. And even then, with one of them about to club me in the back of the head, it had barely been more than a whisper. I could only feel the thing warn me if I was completely focused on it and even then it was finicky. In my fight against the Maulers I hadn’t heard or noticed a thing from it and I’d gotten a good scratch from a massive Beast Folk at the time too without any warning.
But I’d felt it the moment I’d walked into The Lazy Angler. It wasn’t even anything tangible that I could focus on. The feeling had been as light on my senses as a feather on the breeze. But it had been there. Ever so slowly increasing in severity as I sat oblivious with May. Too wrapped up in our feelings to notice what was happening.
“Something’s wrong May.” I said every muscle tensed as I slowly stood. She must have heard something in my tone that made her turn around to look at me. “I’ll say.” She said before her brows furrowed in worry. “Are you alright?”
“I…” I said breathing heavily as I looked fearfully at the people seated around me. Was it one of them? Was someone here for me? The feeling I was getting from Danger Sense was getting worse by every second. But for the life of me I couldn’t see any threats in the room. It had only ever reacted to people before hadn’t it? What did that mean?
Some of the people looked at me warily but I couldn’t tell who it was causing the feeling. There were some Beast Folk at that table. Were they Maulers? Other Syndicate groups in hiding? Immediately I started Identifying the people closest to me with my Sigmata.
[Class: Tailor (Common)]
[Level: 4]
[Class: Cobbler (Common)]
[Level: 3]
[Class: Sailor (Common)]
[Level: 4]
I wasn’t seeing anyone suspicious with my Identifies but the feeling in my body only grew worse as I stood, knees bent to react to anything. “We’re not safe here.” I said flinching as a human man sitting alone rose from his table in the middle of the restaurant and made for the door.
“What’s wrong then?” May said stepping closer to me. “How do you know?”
“Sir are you well?” Our server said coming forward before May waved her back. “It’s fine he’s just had a bad reaction to the food.” May said easily. Playing off my pale expression. “You didn’t order any food yet.” The server said confused. May leveled a glare at the girl and the server moved away as though everything were normal.
I didn’t understand it. How could Danger Sense be going off this much without anyone-
“Sir! Excuse me sir!” Our server said loudly. Calling out to the man that just left. “You left your bag!” She said as she crossed the room towards the man’s table.
Danger Sense was building in me. Pressure just accumulating more and more like nothing I’d ever felt before. I frantically searched for what it could be as my eyes landed on the bag the man had left. Plain, unadorned and latched shut. But obviously filled with something. A small bit of red shimmering under the top flap.
Red that flickered like a light.
Like a fuse.
“Stop!” I called out to the Server. Moving in front of May as I stepped forward. Yelling out. “IT’S A BO-”
In a fraction of an instant the world exploded. Turning a blinding white as a wave of pure force slammed into me. I felt it through every part of my body, through my clenched teeth and my very bones as a sound like thunder ruptured my eardrums. There was heat, a burning blazing heat as my feet left the ground and I hit something hard.
Then there was only the deep silence of the black.