I woke up somewhere around midmorning to the sound of birds chirping. Considering that I had gone to bed just short of sunrise, I should have been tired, but I wasn’t. I could thank the power of the magic beans for that.

“Jack?” Agatha called me from outside the Bomber’s wagon. She had probably done so a few times by now.

I reached out towards the split in the wagon’s drapes where the sunlight was bled through, grabbed the board of the front of the wagon, then pulled myself forward to poke my head out. Just as expected, the wagon was right where I’d left it the night before, in the middle of the clearing and facing the house.

It looked like Agatha gave a sigh of relief once she saw me pop my head out of the wagon. She’d been calling from a good ‘I can still run for my life if there’s a murder in there’ distance away, so I couldn’t exactly hear it to be sure.

“Yeah, Mom?”

She’d asked me a question as she started jogging over, but she was still too far for me to hear, so I asked her to repeat herself.

“I said, ‘What happened?’ ” she said after stopping a few feet from the front of the wagon.

Still sticking my head out the wagon like a gopher, I turned to look at my now fully ripened bean patch grown from the beans I had returned from the market with. After giving that a good look, I turned to the bean patch I had planted in the giant crater I could bury a few elephants in that the Bomber had been kind enough to leave our yard the previous night. I reached around in the wagon for a bag of coin, before pulling one out, then looked Agatha straight in the eye and told her, “I got a refund.”

—

After explaining to Agatha what the word ‘refund’ means, I gave her a tour of my new bean farming operation. I didn’t exactly feel comfortable leaving a small nuke’s worth of beans stored inside of my wagon, so I took each jar of beans, poured them into my bag, turned them into those harmless Base Bans the merchant had given the Bomber, then poured them back into their jars.

Once the majority of my deadly arms had been deactivated, I started replanting them as the beans the Bomber had gotten from Hungry Jack.

Sorry, I meant the beans from the Jack who was just trying to feed his siblings. Hungry Jack was the name the page gave him to differeniate him from me and the other Jacks the Bomber had targeted. In case you were wondering, I was the Lumber Jack and the other two were the Jumping Jack and the Jack of the Lake.

Anyways, I used the deactivated Bomb Beans to fill the crater and regrew them as Full-feeling Beans along with a few of my Constrictor Beans. After explaining what the Full-feeling Beans did to Agatha, I picked one of them from its pod and offered it to her, but she told me she was fine for the time being.

I said okay and moved onto explaining the Bomb Beans to her. The Bomber notes had confirmed that people other than him and the owner of the bean bag could use them, so I wanted her to have some just in case for self-defense.

I squished a couple of the Bomb Beans I had left, then threw them in the air to give Agatha a demonstration. That was probably the wrong idea because she was definitely too scared to try them after seeing them explode. Didn’t even want to touch them.

At least she was willing to try throwing a Constrictor Bean at a tree though.

“Oh!” she shouted, vines bursting out from between her fingers. She’d gotten herself a bit excited after wrapping a couple of the tree trunks with vines and squeezed her third bean a little too hard. “Jack!”

“Yeah?” I asked, doing nothing to hide my smile.

“Come help me get this thing off me!”

I guided her through getting the bean to untangle the vines from her hand, then asked if she wanted another go, but it appeared that she’d had her fill.

“Here.” I handed her one of Jumping Jack’s beans. “Eat it.”

I think that round of target practice had helped get more comfortable with the beans, because she did so with very little hesitation.

“What’s it supposed to do?” she asked after finishing her bean.

I gave her a look. “Shouldn’t you have asked that before eating it?”

“Jack...”

“You feel lighter now don’t you?”

“Well, now that you say something—”

“Good,” I cut her off, then swept her off her feet. Before she could do anything, I’d already jumped twenty-feet into the air.

“Ahhhh!” She gave me a good scream. Wrapped her arms around my neck so tight that she was practically choking me. I didn’t hear her sigh when she saw me pop my head out of the wagon, but I definitely heard the sigh of relief she let out once we landed back down on the ground.

I gave her a second…

“That was—” she began before I jumped again. Took her to about halfway through the fourth jump, before she was beating on my chest telling me to put her down. I was laughing the whole way through.

“Please, don’t ever do that to Hailee,” she said, still trying to get her balance straight after I let her down.

“I don’t want to make any promises,” I said. Agatha just shook her head in response to that.. “Next—”

“Next nothing,” she said, “I’m done.”

“Come on, we’ve got one more bean left.”

“Tell me what it does first or I don’t want anything to do with it.”

I laughed. “I don’t know what they do yet.”

“Oh, is that so?” she asked. Her skepticism was very apparent, but I was being serious. My specialty bean hadn’t finished growing by the time I went to sleep. It was only now that I was seeing its stalks with its fruit fully ripened.

I picked one of the beans from its pod. The soon to be named bean was the kind of black that shined like onyx with sparkles on the surface that stood out like the stars on a night sky.

Like the Bomb Beans before it, this new bean sent me the message that it wanted to be squished. As the Bomber once told me to do, just the day before, I ignored what the bean whispered, put it in my bean bag, and pulled out my page.

When the choice was between testing out a bean that could potentially send me to another dimension on activation or just reading a quick summary of what it does, I chose the later.

[Unnamed] Magic Bean: When smashed into a fine paste, this bean will become a fantastic ingredient for the finest of magical inks.

And would you look at that, they weren’t dimensional portal beans. Yeah, wasn’t surprised about that one. Had added it to my shortlist of twists almost as soon as I had planted the darned things. I hadn’t expected the whole ‘use the beans to make ink’ part, but I’d had a feeling that dimensional travel might not be as simple as planting a few beans in your backyard.

It was still disappointing even with me having already thought all of that out, but at least I had an idea of what to do next in my journey to get back to my old world. The bean gave me what I needed and if I needed ingredients to make ink, then it looked like I was going to have to write myself a way back to my original world… however that worked…

“Looks like it's nothing special for now,” I told Agatha the truth. She looked relieved to be hearing me say that. “So what do you think?” I asked about the beans in general.

“I think I owe you an apology.”

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“For what?”

“For thinking you were foolish for selling the cow for those beans.”

“I was foolish, though.” If the Bean Bomber hadn’t come through and died having brought all this treasure here in tow, I’d only have the Constrictor Beans to really show. And if I hadn’t taken the risk to pour the giant’s blood on half of them, I’d only have some black bean paste.

Agatha disagreed. “It just looked foolish. Obviously, you knew better than that.”

“Well, I guess I had a feeling,” I said. Hey, if she was going to praise me I was going to roll with it.

She took my hand. “I want to tell you, that I don't know much about anything that was happening out here last night, but I’m glad that you’re safe. It doesn’t matter how upset I get at you, I don’t want anything happening to you. ”

I gripped her hand back. “Thanks, Mom.”

We let the conversation rest there for a moment before we continued. “So,” Agatha said, “You’ve got yourself a wagon, coin, a horse, what’ll you do now Mr. Jack of the Beanstalk?””

Ugh, why is it so embarrassing hearing her call me that?

Putting that aside, the general plan hadn’t changed since we had talked about it at the end of summer. Agatha and I still needed to leave, the beans and the Bomber had only served to reinforce that. Before we could leave, however, there were still a few things I had to handle.

After I explained my plans to Agatha, I put on the hat that I rarely wore, a bag filled with pouches stuffed with coin from the Bomber’s cache, and tied the Bag of Bean Holding to my belt, before heading off towards Milaway. While I was away, Agatha would get started on harvesting and packing the huge amount of Full-feeling Beans from the crater for me.

It was a good thing I set off when I did because when I arrived at the hamlet along the way, I caught the villagers just before they had set off to Milaway themselves.

Eager as ever to be the first one to say something, Joyce ran up to me as soon as she saw me coming. “Good morning, Jack.”

“Morning, Auntie Joyce.”

“Did you happen to see Steven yesterday?” she asked.

“Yes,” in pictures and in the Bomber’s story, “Why?”

“Did you happen to see him at the market? His wife said he never came back once he set off for it yesterday.”

“Oh…” I acted like I had just remembered something important, “Yeah... I saw him getting taken in by the inquisition the other day so that they could question him. They took a few people from the other villages around here too. He told me to tell his wife that he’d have to spend the night over.”

She looked confused. “Why didn’t you say anything about that yesterday then?”

I scratched my head. “I kind of got distracted after Hailee and I were having our disagreement.”

Joyce frowned. “Well, are you going to the Milaway today?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“Then you should just go on ahead then and come back with Steven. I’ll tell everyone that you're going to go pick him up.”

“Tell his wife we’ll be back soon then.” I tried heading off after saying as much, but Joyce grabbed my wrist before I could go.

“Did you tell your mother about the beans?” she asked.

“Yeah, I did.”

“What did she say?”

“She called me Mr. Jack of the Beanstalk.”

Joyce gave me an incredulous look. “Huh?”

“I know, it was kind of embarrassing.”

She clicked her tongue. “Quit playing around, Jack.”

“I’m not,” I insisted. “The magic beans grew in really well.”

“So what you’re telling me is that you’ve got a giant beanstalk sitting out in your yard right now?”

“No, but we’ve got a whole harvest of the beans ripe for the picking back home. Which reminds me, my mom asked me to ask you on my way back around if we could borrow your husband to help us with some work.” Asking for him was my plan actually, I just thought it would go over easier if Agatha was the one to ask. “Does he have the time?”

Joyce shook her head in disbelief for a moment, before shrugging her shoulders and saying, “Sure, I guess.”

I thanked her and then went on my way down the road east out of the hamlet.

Once I arrived in Milaway it didn’t take me long to find the house the Bomber had his lackies staying in. It was a perfect match for the picture I pulled up of it in his story.

I gave the front door of the merchant’s house a couple of knocks and then waited. It didn’t take long for one of the Bomber’s day laborers to answer. It was the tall one.

“Yeah?” the tall man asked as he opened the door.

“I’m here on behalf of the inquisitor,” I said, holding up an illustration of the house. “He sent me this painting to help me find you.”

“When did he...” the hireling loudly whispered. He reached out for the page, but I pulled it back.

“That’s something beyond what he needs you to understand,” I told.

“Right. Come in, then I guess.” The tall hireling brought me into a room where they had Steven sitting at a table. One of the other hirelings, the short one, was keeping watch over him. Mr. Average Height and the orphan were missing.

“Who’s this?” the short hireling asked.

“Someone the inquisitor sent,” the tall one responded.

“Nice to meet you,” I said, offering the shorter man a handshake.

“And how do you know that he’s from the inquisitor?” he asked, leaving me hanging. Just like the Bomber had thought when he first met the man, he didn’t come off as someone who was quick to trust.

“He showed me a painting of the outside of the building that the inquisitor gave him,” the tall one said.

“Could you tell me where the other two are?” I asked him.

“See?” the tall one said. “I never told him how many of us there are.” He turned to me. “They went out shopping to get us something to eat.”

“I see.” I showed the shorter hireling the illustration of the house before he could start voicing his suspicions again, then put it away.

“So what did you come to tell us?” he asked once I had done so.

“I’ll tell you when everyone is here,'' I said, before taking a seat at the table next to Steven. I was playing it cool like I didn’t know him, but Steven wouldn’t stop looking over at me.

After a while, there was a knock at the door. “We’re back,” the third hireling said from outside. The tall one opened the door and the third hireling and the kid walked in. As soon as the kid saw me he had his eyes opened wider than Steven’s when I walked in.

“Oy, who’s that?” the third hireling asked.

The shorter hireling shrugged. “The inquisitor sent him, apparently.”

“So where’s the inquisitor then?”

“I’m afraid he won’t be joining us today,” I said.

The kid started pulling at the third hireling’s—hireling three’s—sleeve.

“What is it kid?” he asked.

“He’s the guy the inquisitor sold the beans to yesterday.” the kid said, pointing at me.

“Yeah, that’s me,” I said. Such an honest admission got all eyes on me.

“You’re the Jack he’s been looking for?” hireling three asked.

“I’m the most recent Jack he’s been looking for,” I specified.

The second hireling slowly got out of his chair.

“So why didn’t you obey the king’s decree?” hireling three asked.

“Who says I didn’t?” I asked back.

“What?”

“Who says I didn’t?”

Hireling three looked confused.

“Allow me to fully introduce myself,” I said. “I’m Jack, Jack the Inquisitor if you feel so obliged as to include the title. Nice to meet you boys.” I tipped my hat.

The three day laborers all shared looks and for a brief time there was a lull in the conversation.

“You expect us to believe that?” the short hireling finally asked.

“What?” I responded. “Lord Finding exists doesn’t he? You don’t expect the army to throw all of us to the giants, do you?”

“How come we’ve never heard of you, then?”

I smiled. “The inquisition is a lot more effective when no one’s expecting it. I assume that’s the reason you all thought that your employer had for not wanting you lot telling people he was one of us.”

“But if you're both inquisitors,” hireling three spoke up, “Why’d you buy those beans from him then?”

“Because your boss wasn’t an inquisitor and I’ve been tracking down a certain merchant who’s been selling beans to Jacks and then murdering them.”

The tall one groaned then cupped his face while hireling three swore.

“Don’t worry,” I said, “The four of you aren’t in trouble, I’m even going to pay you for the time that’s been taken from you.” I took out a pouch of coins from the bag I had brought with me and poured it out on the table. “Of course, I’ll be needing you all to stay quiet about this, though.”

There was another pause in the conversation as the hirelings looked over the hefty sum I had laid out before them. It was definitely more than they were owed under their agreement with the Bomber.

Again, the shorter hireling was the one who broke the silence. “How do we know that you aren’t just playing us for fools?”

I sighed. “Look, he wasn’t paying you lot enough to be asking that sort of question. Let’s say I was the one lying, what are you four going to do about it? Do you honestly think I would have come here if I wasn’t prepared for you to do something dumb?”

It wasn’t a question that received an answer. I definitely wasn’t joking when I said it either. My hands were in my pockets and I was plenty ready to use a few Constrictor Beans on them if that was going to be necessary.

“Now save yourselves the pain,” I kneed the table hard enough to shake it, “And walk away.”

Had to do a little more corralling after that, but I got them marching to the front door soon enough. Since I doubted the day laborers would be interested in taking care of the orphan, I told them to leave him behind.

“And oh,” I said, pulling back out the Bomber’s page, “One more thing.” I ordered the page to display illustrations of the three of them and let them see the full process as it formed them. “If you ever think about telling someone about this, remember that I know what the three of you look like.”

That should have scared them straight, but just in case, I watched them walk down the street for a bit to make sure they weren’t going to immediately do something stupid. After a couple minutes of that, I walked back in, left some money for the house’s owner, and then told Steven and the kid that we were leaving.

“Jack, I—”

“We’ll talk about it on the way back,” I said to Steven before turning over to the orphan. “You still willing to work, kid?”

The boy gave a reluctant nod.

“Good. We’ll be talking about that too once we get back. For now, you two come with me. I’ve still got some business to take care of here.”