“Why would I die just from planting beans?” I asked.

“You won’t,” the bean merchant said, “But if they grow into a giant beanstalk, you will.”

“And why is that?”

“Because things aren’t the same as when the king planted his beanstalk. The giants know the story now. He got his giant by surprise, but the same trick won’t work twice.

“Obviously, you’re smart enough to know how dangerous giants are,” he said. “You’d be out there dead on the frontlines instead of here if you didn’t. When you go up in the clouds, even if you somehow manage to get away from the monsters up there or even manage to kill one, the other giants will be coming straight after you.”

“You’re saying all giant talks back and forth with one another?” I asked.

“There wouldn’t be a war if they didn’t.”

“But all of them?”

“Enough of them.”

Well this changes things. I thought. No, scratch that, this ruins things. After climbing the beanstalk, Jack the Commoner and Jack the Noble both ended up tricking the giant’s wife in their version of the story. If my giant’s wife in my version knew the story, I wouldn’t know what to do if she was intelligent enough to see through my tricks. And to make matters worse, the giants up in the clouds may end up sending the grey giant after me.

“And if the giants don’t get you,” the bean merchant continued, “The king’s men will. That inquisitor may look like the only thing he’s good for is shouting, but they’ve got eyes on every bean merchant, in every place that the army is recruiting. Just talking to me has got them watching you now.”

I tried looking over my shoulder like an idiot when he said that, but he just pulled me back in.

“I don’t know where you live or where you’re planning to hide out and plant your beans, but it doesn’t matter. Plant it big and they’ll already have someone on your tail before you step foot out the barony.”

Great. “So you're saying the beans won’t do me any good and you’ve also gotten me into trouble,” I said. “I’m thinking I might want a refund on the beans.”

“I never said they won’t do you any good, just that planting a giant beanstalk is the worst thing you could plant with them.”

“Well, what else could I plant with them?”

“Anything you want,” he said, before correcting himself. “No. Anything you need. You don’t need a giant beanstalk, but you need some way to avoid the king’s army now that they’re watching you.”

Now this whole conversation was going way off script for this story, but I said, “Okay. How do I get the beans to give me what I need?”

“Just think of what you really need when you plant the beans. If you’re genuine, then you’ll have a stalk ripe with beans by the morning.”

“What did you need to plant beans like those red ones?” I asked.

“Something you’ll never need,” he said. “Now take the beans and do as I said. Remember to think of how you need something that will get the king’s men off your trail when you plant them.”

“How did you learn—” I began, but the bean merchant pulled away.

“Thank you for your business,” he said, then got to tying his rope around his new cow.

“...You as well.”

I wanted to ask more questions, but it looked like I wouldn’t be getting any more answers beyond ‘go away.’ With nothing else to say, I told him the amount Keith was offering for the cow and then went on my way.

After my deal with the bean merchant, there was still time left before I needed to meet up with Joyce and Hailee, so I decided to loiter around the market for a while. The army recruiter did a couple more rounds of shouting from his box while the people around him bought and sold produce, but I didn’t really pay him much attention until he started mentioning Jacks.

“Jack Hounding, Jack Strong, and Jack Fearless,” he said, “all great heroes and all once commoners like you and I.”

He hadn’t mentioned them the other four times I’d heard him give his recruitment speech, so it caught my attention. “From commoner to nobility, if they can do it, so can you. Any of us can be a hero and surely there is already a hero hidden in you. Join the king’s army today and reveal that hero within to us.”

Hounding, Strong, and Fearless. Heroes, huh? I wouldn’t call a Jack in any version of Jack and the Beanstalk I’d heard a hero other than the king himself. He and his band of mercenaries got their fame from slaying the monsters that were swarming from beyond the fey border during his time. The treasures he stole from the giant helped him get started, but in the end, people only treat magic beans like lottery tickets here because of all the cool stuff he did after he cut his beanstalk down.

With all that said, I didn’t think people would be calling me a hero by the end of my version of the story. I felt bad for everyone who was suffering, but I’d feel even worse for myself if a giant put his foot through my chest.

I looked towards the bean merchant from across the square. I hadn’t seen a single person approach him since he finished doing business with me. Maybe they were just smart enough not to gamble on beans or maybe everyone was just more discreet than me, but either way, it made my patronage stand out.

Once I had had my fill of watching him pack up shop, I went back to the matchmakers to wait for Hailee and Joyce. When they came out, Hailee was looking the same as when she went in, but Joyce was looking less than pleased.

“How’d it go?” I asked.

“We’ll talk about it later,” Joyce said. She didn’t start venting until we had left the market with a few fruits that they didn’t grow in the hamlet. “And then he said, ‘She don’t look worth much more than a goat.’ Can you believe that?

“Of course my Hailee’s too pretty for someone to say something like that to her, but I still felt bad seeing something like that happening to someone else’s daughter.”

“So what happened after that?” I asked. Apparently, with the giants leaving villages destitute and all the refugees flooding in from the county, many families were offering daughters, but few had bride prices to send their sons with. The mismatched market was leading to the sort of situation Joyce was describing.

“The matchmaker kicked him out,” she said. “Told him that if he wanted a desperate woman for his son, he wouldn’t be finding one there. I liked her for that one.”

“And how’d things for you and Hailee?”

Unauthorized tale usage: if you spot this story on Amazon, report the violation.

Joyce sighed. “Well, it’s a shame we didn’t come to her the month before with Martha and Maida. Wouldn’t have gotten so much competition then. Wouldn’t have had to deal with these big-headed men either.”

“So what are you going to do?”

“Well…” Joyce walked over and wrapped her arms around me. “I think I’m going to have to wrap my arms around your mother like this and tell her how happy I’d be if we could become family.”

“Hmph, if you do that, Hailee and I might actually end up getting married for real,” I said. Agatha had proven herself more than partial to her dearest friend to me over the past summer.

“Oh, now you’ve gone and gotten me excited.” Joyce let me go and laid out her open palm in front of me as we continued walking. “Come on, then. Show me what you’ve got for the bride price.”

I took out my bean pouch and put it in her hand. Joyce had a good laugh after seeing what was inside. “Hailee, come look at this,” she said.

Even with the depressed mood that she was in, she couldn’t help, but put on a smile after seeing what was inside. “Jack, what are these?” Joyce asked.

“They’re beans that the minstrel gave me for playing the king in his show today.”

“He couldn’t have given you something more useful for the work?”

“I wouldn’t call what I did work.”

“Fair enough,” Joyce said. She tightened the rope back up on my pouch of wooden beans and handed it back to me. “I’m going to want to see the real bride price now if you don’t mind.”

“Alright then,” I gave her my real bean pouch this time. She was still smiling when she opened the pouch up this time, but she was obviously much less amused.

“Hmm, Jack,” she said, “These are some very lovely beans, but the joke was funnier with the wooden ones.”

“I’m not joking this time, though.”

Joyce clicked her tongue. “Very funny, you bought some beans, now where’s the rest of the money leftover from selling the cow?”

“There is no money. I traded the cow for the beans.”

Joyce raised her voice a little. “A whole cow for a handful of beans?”

“A handful of magic beans,” I corrected her.

For about five good seconds she just stood in place with her mouth slightly agape. “Oh,” she finally said. “I see, my mistake.” She tied back up the bean pouch, “Here you go,” and handed it back to me like the last one. “Come on then. Can’t stand around all day.” She set off back down the road.

“Mom,” Hailee caught up to her and pulled on her sleeve.

“What? No point in going back now. Whoever sold them to him is probably already gone if he has any sense.”

Hailee looked back at me real quick. She didn’t look quite sure of what she should do and I don’t think me smiling at her was doing anything to help.

The rest of the trip home was much quieter than the trip to the market. “Can you tell us what the merchant was like?” Joyce asked, even now, she was doing her best to make conversation.

“I think he was an easterner,” I said. “He was covered in charms from head to toe.”

“Well, better chances that those beans actually do something…”

“If you don’t want the beans for the bride price, I can give you some of the giant’s treasure from the top of the beanstalk I grow instead.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll be fine waiting for that,” Joyce said.

When we got back to the hamlet, I think we had a bit more than a couple hour's worth of daylight left. Loitering in the middle of the street ahead of us were five of the local men, including Joyce’s husband. You could tell they were having a good time by how loudly they were laughing.

“Hey Honey!” Henry called out to his wife, waving, when he noticed us. “Just got back from working in the fields all day.” The other men shared a good chuckle after hearing that one.

“Hey Dear,” Joyce said, “Your daughter is here too.”

Henry gave Hailee a quick look. “She looks sad.”

“That she does.”

“I like you better,” Henry said and the other men burst out laughing.

Joyce sighed, then turned to me. “Thanks for escorting us today, Jack,” she said. “And good luck telling Agatha about your… buying decisions.”

“Thanks Auntie Agatha,” I said. The deep breath she took and exaggerated gave me the feeling she’d like demote this idiot back down to using Ms.

“Goodbye Jack,” she said.

“Goodbye.”

Hailee piped up. “Actually, Mom, can I talk to Jack real quick?”

Joyce gave Hailee a worried look.

I know, I thought, I wouldn’t want to leave my daughter with the guy who sold a cow for a handful of jelly beans either.

“Don’t take too long, okay?” Joyce said, before setting off towards her husband.

“Thanks, Mom.”

“So what do you want to talk about?” I asked, once the adults—by my standards—were out of earshot.

“You...” Hailee began. Shewas having a little difficulty figuring out how she should go about this.. “Can you tell me how much you remember?”

“To be honest, I don’t think I know enough to understand how much I’ve forgotten,” I admitted.

“You at least remember wanting to go somewhere far away right?”

“Well, I remember you, my mom, and just about everyone else telling me that’s what I wanted to do.”

“But you still feel that way right? That hasn’t changed.”

“Yeah,” that was something that definitely stuck around from the old guy. I felt the desire to go somewhere far way more than I’d ever felt it since I was a kid.

“Then why’d you sell your cow for those beans?” Hailee asked.

“Why wouldn’t I?”

"Because you said you'd never end up stuck as a farmer."

"Well sorry, I can't really remember that," I said. I couldn't really remember anything the other Jack had said. "But I wouldn't call planting a few magic beans getting stuck as a farmer."

"Jack. You said that the crops could be picking themselves out the ground and you still wouldn't become a farmer. That's how much you hated farming.”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Then I guess I’ve matured a little bi—”

“You said you wanted to go somewhere far away and you said you weren’t going to leave me behind. Are you going to mature out of that too?”

“Look, I’m not really getting what’s the problem here.” She was getting worked up and I was getting defensive.

“The problem is that you let someone trick you into buying those useless magic beans.”

“You saw the beans didn’t you? They look plenty magical to me.”

“Of course they do. Did Mr. Edward forget to tell you that they can use magic to make them look nice like that?.”

Oh no. “But the guy selling them was from the east.”

“And what’s an easterner doing all the way out here, huh?”

She was really backing me into a corner. I couldn’t think of a good reason other than what the page had told me about my story and there were plenty of ways revealing that could go wrong.

“Huh?” Hailee repeated.

“He probably came because I’m a Jack,” I said.

“You know how many Jacks are busy getting smushed by giants between here and the fey border? Why is he coming here for you in particular?”

“Well, I guess it’s because I’m special.”

“So what’s this I’ve been hearing about you being more mature then?”

“You know, I thought that you being more mild-mannered than your mother might have meant that you didn’t inherit her gift for speech.”

“Seriously, Jack, what are you going to tell your mom?"

“That I didn’t get tricked and that by this time tomorrow, I’ll have made my investment back and more,” I said. “And that once I’ve made us rich off the treasures of the giants, I’ll help out my good friend Hailee, so that she won’t have to get married to someone she doesn’t want to marry.”

Hailee shook her head. “You've been remembering your stories before you've been remembering your sense, Jack. We’re not kids anymore.

“You need to stop acting like we’ll get lucky like the people in the stories Mr. Edward has been telling you. You weren’t lucky when the giants came and neither was anyone else here. And now it’s my brothers’ turn to be unlucky, your best friends, and I don’t even know if we’ll ever see them again.”

“Listen Hailee,” I said, “I’m sorry about your brothers—”

“I don’t need you to be… I don’t need anything from you.” She took a deep breath. “But your mom does. And it’s going to break her heart when you walk up and—” She shook her head again. “Forget it.” She walked away and I didn’t stop her.

— — — — — — — —

“He took the road going west out of the village,” the boy said, pointing. He was a bit out of breath from running straight there.

“Good job,” Jack said, rustling the boy’s hair. A direction wasn’t enough to pick his house out from a village, but it was what they needed to start. “Me and the others will go find him.”