I would wake up in the guard station after having water splashed in my face. The first thing on my mind was my hunger and desire to sleep.

   I was seated on a chair with a woman and man in front of me. They began speaking in a language I had no ability to comprehend. It didn't even sound familiar. I realized a few things with my newly enhanced mind. I could do magic simply by speaking it. In fact, that was all I could do. My words no longer worked as a means of communication between people. I could comunicate only with fundamental nature of the world. This had to change, and I knew how to change it. I also knew that I had limits. I learned that lesson well. But I felt like I had enough energy for something basic. I remember feeling most drained when the universe was interpreting my vague communication, so I would try being as precise as possible, hopefully my idea would work and this wouldn't be a case of more words equalling more cost. If I was wrong, I would try to think of some other method of efficiency.

   "I am to gain in the instant this sentence is complete full and permanent skill and understanding in using the writen and spoken languages of this world such that I might be able to communicate well with the inhabitants of this world who use spoken and written language." I thought it out as well as seemed appropriate and hoped for the best. In the instant I was done, it was exactly as I said.

   This confirmed a few things. First is that precision was in fact significantly more efficient. Now that I new what the drain felt like, I could be certain that I felt almost no drain at all after that meticulously crafted sentence. Second is that I was definitely not on Earth or even an alternate version of my same planet. With the "full" knowledge of the languages came the knowledge of the origins of each language. Worthy of note is that several of the languages are not human, some are not even possible to use with human vocal chords. Yes, in that moment my vocal chords were altered. I could now make just about any sound I could imagine. I could even harmonize with myself. This was becoming a stranger experience every passing moment.

   Ah, what of the two guards? Well, they stared at me speechless and wide eyed. I had clearly done something shocking. "What is so shocking?" I asked as innocently as I could.

   There was no reply. This was trouble. I was breaking too many social rules without realizing. I needed to restart and better assess my situation. I also needed to make sure I could safely get out of this. This language magic isn't exactly instant. "Sleep for one minute" I said as quickly as I could. And with two thumps they collapsed. I acted quickly. "You both and everyone in this universe who has seen me, heard me, or gained any knowledge of my existence will forget my existence completely at the end of this sentence. I am to be safely, comfortably, and instantly transported by the end of this sentence to the nearest safe, private, and comfortably habitable location where I won't be discovered."

   And this is how I ended up roughly 1km underground in the great underground fortress city of the ancient race of Halagan, the ancestors of the the many humanoid races that inhabit this world.

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    I looked around to find myself in a room entirely made of smooth stone. I could see because there was some very very dim near-ultraviolet and near-infrared light coming from alternating strips in the ceiling. I had never seen lighting like this. It looked painted on to the ceiling or like the stone itself was glowing. I took a moment to just appreciate my location. I seemed to be in a luxurious bedroom. I went over to the perfectly made bed and sat on it. It was dusty. It was also amazingly soft and comfortable. This was the most perfect bed I had ever sat upon.

   I immediately laid down and did a little magic. It was really amazing to me that all this was even happening. I definitely thought more than a few times that this was all some crazy dream or that I had gone insane or any number of things. But I also knew that none of those trains of thought were useful to me. They didn't lead to any reasonable course of action because they only worked under the assumption that I was nomlonger capable of proper reason. So I would assume all this is real because it was my only real option. "This room shal be cleaned as well as possible while only taking up to half of my capacity before the point at which I would be too tired to remain awake." I didn't yet know well enough what kind of other worldly germs might exist to be specific enough. So general statements were definitely the way to go here, but I also didn't want to affect more than just this room or drain myself too much.

The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.

   To my delight, that worked rather well. The bed was now the most comfortable and cleanest bed I had ever used. This was amazing. Before moving on, I decided to enact a bit of ensurance while also experementing with the way I worded things. I would begin by acting like I was speaking to an inteligent being, and that being was the one performing the magic. The fact I could get answers to quesrions made this seem appropriate.

  "Cause my body to be completely immune to all types of harm and violation."

   Other than a significant amount of energy being drained, there was nothing noticable that happened. I fell asleep quickly after that.

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   I would wake up some time later completely starving and extremely thirsty. Like an idiot, I let my curiosity and excitement get ahead of me. "Let there be set on a normal sized plate on the floor a foot away from this bed food that is both delicious to my taste and optimally nutritious to my body, and a couple inches away from the plate let there be a 40oz, upright, glass bottle filled with pure water." While small, the drain of energy was still painful to endure in my condition. I would soon see about fixing that.

  The food that appeared was beyond description. Apparently "optimally nutritious" was taken much more seriously than I ever imagined. But I get ahead of myself. It was a small leaf, yes, a small leaf, probably the most perfect leaf to ever exist. I did not recognize the shape, and the colour was almost impossible to properly tell in this strange lighting, but it was crystaline. That eas clear. The leaf was mildly transparent and seemed to swirl internally. It had no fragrance. It was soft and smooth to the touch. It was rather unassuming considering what this strange world might have come up with to give me.

  I first drank the water.  At least I knew what to expect with that. Then I decided to trust my wording and eat the leaf. I was too hungry to just leave it there.

   Delicious was such an understatement. It eas practically an insult. No words could describe this. It was perfect in every way I never knew I wanted. For an unknown amount of time, I was lost in the flavour. It could have been days or seconds. I didn't care. That flavour overpowered every thought in my mind. This was a perfect moment. 

  At some point I did regain a sense of myself and realised that I felt even better than I did after the toilet incident the other day. I felt truly at peace. I had to know. "What did I just eat?" 

  And then came the shock of the answer. I had eaten the very first leaf sprouted from a seed of a tree of divine life. With further questioning about this particular tree, I found that every leaf of this tree is great for food and especially the fruit, but the very first leaf is something special that helps the seed absorb cosmic and primal energies from the universe as efficiently and quickly as possible in it's initial growth stages. If the leaf is removed, the tree dies before it ever has a chance. On the plus side, my body would now absorb these universal energies just like this crazy tree. I would likely never grow tired from magic again. . . It was a bit overwhealming. 

  With all this, I was honestly scared of the power I had. Magic shouldn't be this powerful. This is broken, completely broken. "What is this language?"

  I should have expected it. All the signs were there. In this reality modern, standard English was the programing language of the universe. Why did the universe have such a thing? That should be obvious. I was inside a virtual reality program so advanced that it was an actual universe. I wasn't using magic. I was communicating with the infinitely intelligent operating system for the universe in it's native language. The being that could create such a thing would have to be both powerful and intelligent beyond my ability to ever comprehend. It's probably some 5th or 6th dimensional being, and this entire universe is the equivalent of Nario 64 to it. 

   I wasn't really ready to face the world after learning all this, so I went back to sleep on the nice bed and tried to forget what my life had become.