Twas the night before Smirkmas, when all through the house

Not an expression was stirring, not even a grin

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care

In hopes that St Smirk would soon be there

The children were nestled all snug with their electronics in their beds

Wile visions of legalized weed and bad singers danced in their heads

And mamma in her dominatrix gear, and I in my gimp suit

Had just settled in for a long BDSM moot

When outside arose such a clatter

Mamma begrudgingly unbound me so I could see what was the matter

Away to my phone I flew like a flash

Opened the security camera app to spy what was out

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The streetlights highlighted new fallen snow

Gave lustre to a drunken wastrel as he peed below

When what to my wondering cameras did appear

But a carload of high dude bros did step clear

With the cockiest expressions so smug and uncaring

I knew at that moment that it was St Smirk they were bearing

More rapid than the eye could follow

Was the dude bros’ sorrow

Smirk Claus whistled and shouted as he flayed the bros open

All the while they giggled as they were broken

Now Smile now Grin now Frown and Sneer

On Grimace on Scowl on Glare and Leer

To the top of the porch to the top of the wall

Now dash away dash away all

The other expressions fled leaving Smirk in a mood

Open this smirked door I don’t want to brood

Through the front door St Smirkolas came with a bound

Smirk was dressed all in in fur, from foot to crown

And Smirk’s clothes were all tarnished with blood and skin

A sack of smirks did Smirk flung from their back

Smirk looked like a peddler just opening their pack

Smirk’s eyes- how smug they were Smirk’s dimples how conceited

Smirks cheeks were heated most likely from because they felt cheated

The other expressions had fled leaving Smirk for dead

But not one to be deterred Smirk smoked a bowl

When the munches hit St Smirkolas raided the fridge and ate a casserole

After blowing up the bathroom Smirk asked about our sex life

Smug St Smirk then smirked my wife followed by smirking our kids

Smirk smirked me last and left me with 15 quids

Out the door lightning-fast Smirk spank into their sleigh at long last

Opening a beer Smirk gave a whistle

The other expressions returned quick as a missile

And away they all flew as if being chased by an official

But I heard Smirk exclaim as they drove out of sight

Happy Smirkmas to all and to all a smirk night!