As the entity's touch met my brow, I braced myself for something momentous, something grand and profound. However, to my surprise, nothing of the sort occurred. The entity withdrew its hand from my forehead, relinquishing my form and returning to its previous state. I was left puzzled for a moment, unsure of how I was supposed to act.
In my confusion, I finally mustered the courage to ask, "What can I do to help?"
The entity remained silent for an extended period, leaving me to wonder if it had lost the ability to communicate once it had reverted to its original form. My theory was quickly dispelled when the entity finally spoke, breaking the silence that had hung in the air.
"I will soon give up this form," it stated matter-of-factly.
"Give up this form?" I repeated, still somewhat bewildered.
"In other words, I will soon, in your kind’s terms, die," it clarified.
The concept of something like the entity dying left me dumbfounded. Could something that had claimed to be a tool even die? Questions flooded my mind, overwhelming my thoughts.
"That being said," the entity continued, "I am not a living being. I will not die or perish like living beings do when I'll be killed."
"Killed?" I stammered, my mind reeling.
Something will kill you?
Something is able to kill something like you?
Will it be another God? Something like you? Or something else entirely?
The entity's explanation only deepened my confusion. Perhaps having understood "I," it went on to emphasize, "as in the one you're talking to, will simply disappear, leaving behind shards of what I'm made of."
I listened, still trying to grasp the implications of its words.
"I will entrust one of these shards to you for you to wield," the entity declared.
"Entrust it to me..." I murmured, still struggling to comprehend the magnitude of the situation.
"Yes," it confirmed. "Wield it. For what purpose, you wonder? I don't have to explain. You will know. You will feel it."
With these enigmatic words, the entity left me with more questions than answers, but a newfound sense of purpose and responsibility began to take root within me. I had been granted a unique opportunity, one that carried both uncertainty and potential.
In spite of the inherent risk, I couldn't resist asking the question that had been gnawing at my mind: "Will I live again?" The entity's earlier mention of my death and its plan had left me with a lingering hope that I might return to some form of existence.
The entity's response was swift and definitive. "No."
"No?!" I exclaimed, surprised and baffled by the unexpected answer. I had been so sure that the entity's plans would involve my return to life in some capacity, and this answer shattered my certainty.
Gathering my thoughts, I tried to make sense of the entity's cryptic words. "But as I do, you will exist," it added, leaving me even more puzzled.
"Like you do..." I mumbled, still trying to wrap my head around the enigmatic statement. I couldn't yet grasp the true meaning of its words, but I understood that I would "exist" in some way or another. While it was not the answer I had hoped for, it was a glimmer of hope that I could still hold onto.
The space around us continued to shift and change, an infinite kaleidoscope of simultaneous transformations that defied comprehension, or at the very least, mine. It was a maelstrom of swirling energies and shifting dimensions, a journey into the unknown.
With a strange finality in its voice, the entity declared, "It's beginning."
"What's beginning?" I wanted to ask, but a sense of restraint held me back. I had a feeling that some things were not meant for me to know, and the entity seemed to confirm this as it continued, "You will soon arrive in a new plane of existence."
"A new plane of existence..." I mused, trying to make sense of the concept. "Is it like a parallel universe or something like that?"
"It is a world completely separated from your old one, but no doubt, you will find similarities," the entity explained.
Then it added, "I expect nothing of you except for one thing: to act upon what the shard I will leave behind would want you to. The rest I leave to your discretion."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I questioned internally, feeling a surge of confusion. Did the shard have a mind of its own? Was it like a separate entity? The questions multiplied in my mind like wildfire.
Before I could voice my inquiries, the entity seemed to sense my confusion and said, "We have no time to answer all your questions, but I have just enough time to address the question you asked earlier."
As it spoke, I felt a subtle shift in its tone, as if it were becoming more warm and, dare I say, emotional, closer to something living than a machine.
"No doubt she has no need for any prayer, but feel free to pray to her as much as you wish to. The being that I, K.R.U.L, was created to assist was A42675."
"A42675..." I repeated, trying to wrap my mind around the name. It didn't sound like any name I had ever heard. "Is that a name? Is that what gods' names sound like?"
"It isn't much of a name, but that was the appellation she went by. If anything, there is another name, or perhaps it would be more accurate to call it a title she went by in the plane of existence you will soon arrive in: A42675, the Outer God of Corruption."
"...the Outer God of Corruption;" I mumbled, humbled by the revelation that left me with a profound sense of fear, awe and trepidation.
I felt so small, so insignificant.
As the space continued its relentless and unpredictable transformations, something different occurred this time. The surroundings shattered into countless glass-like shards, creating a mesmerizing and chaotic spectacle.
"It's the end," the entity declared in a voice that carried a sense of finality. The shards of reality shimmered around us, and I couldn't help but feel a profound sense of apprehension and anticipation.
In that moment, it felt as though the entity, K.R.U.L, turned its attention toward me. It spoke my various names, the aliases and identities I had held in different moments of my existence. "Do your best, Hassan, the prince of the street, Pedsi, or whatever name you shall go by in the future. Show me—no, show her what your dedication and loyalty are made of."
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Even though similar words in the past had led me to a place nothing short of torment, right now as if having not learned from past mistakes,I couldn't deny the effect these words had on me. They touched a deep corner of my heart, prompting me to drop to my knees and declare with unwavering honesty, without any hidden agenda, "I will."
As I made my solemn pledge, a profound sense of purpose surged within me, filling every fiber of my being with unwavering determination. The chaotic shards of reality that surrounded us began to respond to my newfound resolve, converging and aligning into a singular path, as though the very fabric of existence was bending to my will.
A pillar of light materialized within the tumultuous space, and it was soon followed by a blinding radiance that enveloped me completely. Unlike the searing agony I had endured in that otherworldly place, this radiance did not burn or hurt me. Instead, it bathed me in a soothing warmth, embracing me like a comforting cocoon.
In that moment, as the radiant light surrounded me, it felt as though I was being gently torn apart into countless tiny particles. It was a sensation both surreal and sublime, as if I were being disassembled at an elemental level, ready to be remade in a new existence.
----------------------------------------
Time became a nebulous concept as I existed in my disassembled form. It was impossible to gauge how long I had remained in that state—minutes, days, weeks, months, or even years. The passage of time seemed irrelevant, for I had lost all sense of it.
Eventually, I began to regain a semblance of awareness. However, it would be inaccurate to say that I "came back to my senses," for my senses themselves were absent. There was no hearing, no sight, and certainly no taste. My consciousness felt as though it floated in an empty void.
Touch, though muted and indistinct, was the only sense that remained. It was as if I were touching something, or perhaps someone, but it wasn't clear what exactly. The sensation of touch was unlike anything I had experienced before. It felt as though my consciousness was blindly venturing into a lightless cave, exploring unknown depths.
At that moment, I couldn't help but recall the words of the entity, K.R.U.L: "You will not live, but you will exist." Those words sent a shiver down my nonexistent spine.
I found myself questioning the entity's intentions. "Oh, mighty K.R.U.L, what have you made me become?" I pondered, struggling to form a mental image of the enigmatic being. Our exchange replayed in my mind with impressive clarity. I remembered every word, every sensation, as if I were reliving the moment.
It brought with it the vivid recollection of the entity's touch on my forehead, the indistinct but unmistakable scent of that mysterious place, and the feeling of all four senses in a reality that seemed devoid of any sensory experiences.
As I delved deeper into the memories of that fiery place, the hyper-realistic recollection of its torment engulfed me, as if attempting to replace my current existence. "No," I gasped, feeling a growing sense of panic. "Oh, God, no!"
My nonexistent heart seemed to beat erratically in my nonexistent chest, yet the sensation was undeniably real to me. I desperately tried to dispel the overwhelming memories, but they clung to me like a relentless specter, threatening to consume the fragile sense of existence I had in this mysterious new realm.
I struggled in vain to free myself from the torment of those haunting memories. My attempts to shake them off proved fruitless, and it was only in the continuous failure that a desperate thought finally occurred to me. If I had legs, they would have bent, and if I had arms, my fingers would have crossed in prayer. If I had a body, it would have been prostrated on the ground. So, I prayed.
I prayed not to the mighty K.R.U.L, but to the God he claimed to have been created to assist.
Oh, A42675, Outer God of Corruption, I don't rightly know how to talk to you, but I reckon I have to try. See, I've been through something I can't rightly explain, like I've been to hell and back, and it's like I'm still there. I don't even know if you're listening, but if you are, I sure could use some relief.
I ain't never prayed before; I never had much use for it, but right now, I'm clutching at straws here. I'm not even sure if I'm praying the right way, but something deep inside me says you might be the one to understand this torment I'm going through.
If you can hear me, A42675, I know little to nothing of you, but if you can see this pain that's eating' away at me, please, I'm asking' for your mercy, your relief, or whatever it is you can offer. I don't know what I got myself into or what kind of cosmic mess I stumbled into, but I'm lost, and I need help. Maybe, as your name suggests, you are not a god of kindness and love, but I'm hoping you can spare some of that dark power of yours to pull me out of this nightmare and take away this reliving of hell.
If you're willing to help a lost soul like me, I'll be beholden to you, A42675. I'll find a way to repay the favor, whatever it takes. Just give me a sign, show me a path out of this darkness, and I'll follow it, no matter where it leads.
A42675, if you're out there, if you're listening, I'm praying to you with all the clumsiness and honesty in my heart. Please give me relief from this intolerable torment. Grant me your mercy.
As I began to pray to her, I felt a profound sense of relief washing over me. The memories and pain were still there, but they were slowly fading away, replaced by the radiant memory of the place where I had met K.R.U.L.
Even though I lacked a physical body, I felt as though I were catching my breath, regaining control of myself. "So, this is faith," I thought, a sense of humility washing over me. "Now I feel so foolish for mocking all those people who I believed were worshiping an inexistent 'skydaddy.'"
***
It took me some time to fully regain my composure, or at least what could be considered composure. I was still far from what one might call "normal." My sensory experiences were still limited to those strange, touch-like sensations.
It wasn't like the tactile sensations of a physical body; rather, it was as if I had an internal or external outlining of my form. I had a sense of where my supposed limbs would have ended, but I had no limbs to speak of. Instead, I felt like a strange, hollow cavity. The only comparison that came to mind was that I felt like a cave. Yes, a cave.
This unusual sensation was disorienting and surreal, as if aside from the touch-like sensation I was feeling, I had become an abstract concept rather than a physical being.
In the echoing emptiness of my existence, I couldn't help but lament, "Oh, mighty K.R.U.L, what have I become?"
My words, however, found no response, not even the faintest echo. It was a silence that seemed to stretch infinitely within the confines of this cave, or rather, within me.
As I contemplated my situation, I realized that I had become the cave itself. There should have been some echo in this space, but there was none.
I let out a sigh, or at least, I sighed within the recesses of my consciousness.
"I should just accept it," I murmured to myself, or at least to the thoughts that continued to swirl within my newfound state. "I'm not alive anymore. Perhaps I was reborn, but not as a living being. What I am now is clearly something... something different."
I hesitated to use the word "dead," for it didn't seem to quite fit my current state. After all, while I was, I’m not anymore, I’m here.
Okay, perhaps I’m really more dead than alive, but I’m here, really.
The entity K.R.U.L had mentioned something about inheriting a shard of itself, and I couldn't help but wonder if this is what it felt like for him, or them. But I quickly quashed that train of thought, realizing it bordered on blasphemy.
Time passed, although it was hard to measure it in this formless existence. I found myself pondering K.R.U.L's fate. He had mentioned something about "giving up this form" and entrusting a shard to me. "Is this what he meant?" I wondered.
With a growing sense of purpose, I considered how I might act upon the shard that had been entrusted to me. "How do I do this?" I questioned, knowing that the answer to that question might hold the key and true purpose to my new existence in this new form.
In the midst of my pondering, I suddenly felt something, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say that I sensed it. It was an unusual sensation, difficult to describe, but if I had to, I would liken it to a brief, localized itch. However, this itch was fleeting and quickly gave way to another sensation.
It was as if I had a weight resting upon a specific part of my not-so-formless being. The sensation was neither heavy nor uncomfortable; it was just there, a presence within me.
Considering that I had become something akin to a cave or some alien cave-like entity, this weight existed within the cavernous depths of my being, nestled somewhere deep inside.
I couldn't help but wonder if this was the shard that mighty K.R.U.L had entrusted to me, and if so, what significance it held and how I might begin to fulfill the purpose it was supposed to have me act upon.
As I continued to dwell on the peculiar sensation of the weight within me, something unexpected occurred. It wasn't another touch-like sensation this time; rather, it was a visual one. I found myself gazing at a screen or something akin to one.
"What's this again?"