1 Soul Bound
1.2 Taking Control
1.2.2 An Awakening Epiphany
1.2.2.38 Concerning the true and the false
Bulgaria: “This means that much to you?”
Kafana: “I have a thing about betrayal, about being a cat’s paw. I always have. People in arlife have become so accustomed to those in power over them treating them that way, that it seems natural to them. Not just acceptable, but inevitable and unchangeable, like there’s no other way things could be. I hate that. I absolutely detest and loathe it, with a visceral revulsion in the pit of my stomach. Earlier this evening, I found out that Antonio gave information about us to Grattelard, for what he felt were good reasons. Would Kullervo have known we’d found the note on Igraine’s body and have set a trap for us, without Antonio’s help? I don’t know. It was an inconvenient thing to learn in the middle of a funeral, when I wanted to merge minds with Nicolo one last time. But would I prefer to have been protected from it, even though it brought me sadness and reduced my opinion of someone I’d previously liked? Would I cast a mind magic spell to remove the knowledge from my own mind if I’d had the option? No.”
Bulgaria: “You’ve been polite enough not to say so, but this is an ultimatum, isn’t it? Something I’ve done has raised significant doubts about me in your mind, and if I don’t address those doubts, you may never trust me again.”
Kafana: “Yes. Sorry, Bulgaria. I didn’t want this. I’ve been making excuses for you in my mind, looking for any possible reason to not doubt you. But I’ve got people relying upon me. I owe it to them as well as to myself to not ignore well founded doubts over whether I’m being played for a dupe. If I’m not in on the information, I can’t take responsibility for making the decisions, and you’ll need to find someone else to pin a glowing target on their back.”
Kafana gestured at her literally glowing skin. At least it seemed to intimidate insects as well as people. Bulgaria was regularly swatting at the midges from the marsh just over the wall, but they didn’t seem to want to land on her. She waited.
After a while, Bulgaria sighed.
Bulgaria: “Well, when you’re right, you’re right. You clearly do have a need to know, and you’ve shown you understand the magnitude of the additional responsibility you’ll be taking by accepting these secrets. Not the least, you’ll then also bear the burden of having to keep them from others, including your friends. At least until they too have protection against mind magic, and a willingness to use it at all times. Ask away, and I’ll answer what I can. Where I can’t answer, I’ll directly say why, rather than avoiding the question or attempting to deceive. I hope that will be enough.”
Kafana: “First question. You haven’t just been avoiding having your mind read. You’ve also been going out of your way to avoid people realising that’s what you’re doing. It was only when I noticed the pattern and asked my expert system to review things that I realised you’d lied to us at the Zoo. You said you were flipping out to arlife for half an hour, but you only went away for a few minutes. Long enough to avoid Lady Dieconeura. That was a deliberate lie, I think. You didn’t want us to wait for you, you wanted us to carry on so you wouldn’t have to greet her. Why?”
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Bulgaria: “One of the first things I did on arriving at the city, was steal a belt with a magic buckle from a rather unpleasant trader who’d been bilking his customers. I followed him to a brothel, caused a disturbance, and nipped into his room when he ran out, trouserless, under the mistaken impression that the place was being raided. His mistress was most amused; he didn’t treat her as well as she felt she deserved. It provides protection against my mind being read. But not, unfortunately, against mental status effects such as confusion or sleep. Wellington’s athame is much higher quality.”
Green.
Bulgaria: “Capabilities are most useful when others don’t know you have them. Tomsk has a need to know my capabilities relevant to combat, and Wellington’s plans are so wide ranging that I’ve told him practically everything I can do. The rest of you didn’t need to know, so I kept it hidden.”
Light green.
Bulgaria: “And because I didn’t trust you all to be willing and able to keep the secret if I had told you. Kafana, you in particular have always been very direct and truthful. Even if you had agreed to give up opening your heart to others, just to conceal the knowledge that I was protected against mind reading, it would have been a burden upon you.”
Green.
Kafana: “We love children, but at some point you have to stop treating others that way, even if you are older than them, or you deny them agency over their own lives. True friends and equals share their pains as well as their joys, their weakness as well as their strength.”
Bulgaria nodded, waiting.
Kafana: “Ok, second question. You’ve not been very forthcoming about what you knew and when, about the trap the Immortals laid by planting that fake message on Igraine’s body, about the danger to Pierrot, about the Brute Squad’s ambush, about Kullervo’s sword and the uses he put it to, and about similar related matters. Isabella said that somebody had asked the Sanctum to rule on a controversial point. I think that somebody was you, and that all those meetings she went to were the priests writing the Missal of the Spirits because of something you asked them. Did you know, even then? What were the decision points, where you could have said or done something which would have resulted in me not ending up being the captive of a sadist? Talk me through what your thoughts were, at the time and after, about those decisions.”
Bulgaria spoke for nearly 20 minutes. The resulting tale wasn’t entirely to his credit, but he spared himself nothing and the diadem stayed a solid green, except when he spoke about failing, blaming himself and self-hatred, when it shone the rich dark green of particularly heartfelt truth. He had realised nearly immediately that the note was probably faked, and had verified that with a mole in Nevermere. He’d thought he could head Kafana off without revealing his knowledge of The Immortals in case she said something in a recording that put Tlaloc at risk, but she’d blindsided him and, when it came to the moment on the beach he’d decided to go with her instincts rather than try to argue her out of it. He’d heard second hand about Kullervo, but didn’t really realise what it would be like, and blamed himself for not being the one to be trapped by the sword.
The picture of him she gathered was a lot more fragile and fallible than the image he’d always projected. He explained that a leader owed it to their followers to appear confident and quoted at length to support his position. “A king must be first into a battle and the last out of it. When food is plentiful, a king eats magnificently, that others may aspire to rise in his regard. But when food is short and times are dark, a king must eat last, work hardest, laugh loudest and inspire others by his example.”
She got the impression that he was trying to persuade himself as much as to persuade her. Had he always had this self-esteem problem? What had happened in the past to cause it? If she stopped trusting Bulgaria, she had a feeling that it would break something inside him, that just her questioning him and driving him to the point of opening up like this had irreparably changed something. But she couldn’t stop here. There was one last question she had to ask; probably the most important one.