“I have 15 stat points,” Joe muttered to himself.
“You have more than 15 stat points, Honey!” Grace interrupted his new trench of thought. “You made level 10!”
Fanfare burst throughout the dressing room. It was like they took all the leftover party decorations from Glenda’s rehearsal ball and flung them about the backstage area to randomly float in a slow motion hurricane. Joe ducked an ice sculpture replica of Glenda’s tiara/crown. He'd gone from the peace of a quiet, moonlit beach to a pimp-sales-pitch, to a celebratory fiasco. It was like no one understood how much he preferred solitude. Why did everyone think that a person sitting alone was lonely? Why couldn’t they just leave them there and let them be at peace?
“Is it me or have our viewer increases slowed down?” Joe tried to ask over the noise, slotting a few stat bumps slowly into his lowest stats in a way that didn’t have him back on the floor from stat-bump-overload.
“They have a bit,” Grace admitted, but she seemed to not quite know what to do with this new Joe in business mode. “We have had a few meetings on it and have analyzed that it is likely due to product placement and/or just the fact that they’re waiting for a new episode to air.”
The furballs must have been programmed with affectations that resembled real animals because they were gamboling around amidst the chaos like they’d been generated straight from funny pet videos. AIs were laughing and patting each other on the back. They’d started a donut toss that seemed to aggravate a small Roomba painted with the maid outfit, which made Joe wonder why they needed a Roomba when the sand from the beach was magically cleaned up. Come to that, why had there been dust on the floor of the room when he’d fallen on his face there before?
“Why do you think that?” Joe asked Grace, assigning his points equally across all his stats slowly as they danced and danced around his real issues. He was pretty happy with his one-liners and how they were helping him, but if they were getting the attention of agents, he wanted to be a more rounded character. He didn’t drizzle too many points into Clickbait this time. Did he even want an agent? It wasn’t like he needed another person telling him what to do and why!
“We’ve had some comments on our streams,” Grace told him, and Joe stopped looking at stats to stare at the screens she brought up. Grace was here in his mirror having a very serious conversation with him while she was also clinking her mirror-glass of champagne with Jean two mirrors down. It was disconcerting, but Joe could ignore it. If he’d wanted a party, he’d have stayed at Glenda’s ball. At least there, he’d be getting xp.
“Am I going to be able to see these comments?” This seemed like a pretty important bit of information for his progress.
“Of course,” Grace chirped.
Byline: VarAiety
New Crime Drama Wins Hearts with Quirky Cast
This show has got it ALL. You've got your mom, your chain smoker, your dog-men, your dog-dogs, your dusty gays, your heart throb, and your mud covered awkward woman with donuts. They're here! They banter! They commit crimes! What heists will the Monday morning rest stop bandits commit next?
★★★★★
“That one really got us going,” Grace pointed out unnecessarily. “We got really lucky there. But then we got this one and we’ve been having trouble analyzing it.”
Great work Janet! Now let's check in and see how many viewers "I can't believe I was reincarnated as the janitor for the last bathroom in the apocalypse!" has.
“And while we’ve had a few positive responses to the new product placements like:”
Product placement successful, I want to go to Palm Beach too!
“We’ve also been dogged on our commercialization too.” Those scrolled by almost too fast to read. All Joe got was a bad word here and there that he probably didn’t want to see anyway. It seemed that Grace was also dancing around his ego, or lack thereof. If they were talking product placement vs. customer annoyance, shouldn’t he know a bit more about the finances of his show? Was he even making money?
“Sounds like we need more content that’s moving us along,” Joe suggested, falling back on his author training in school. Hex chased a bit of glitter through the stool legs with Kodo and Podo hot on her fluffy little tail. It kind of took the sting out of some of the scrolling troll comments.
The Troll Wars had rid us of all bullying. We were all “woke” to the nasty little tricks of the trolls. We had to take a class in high school on how to resist trolly comments. There was legislation that had forbidden internet bullying, but it had been abolished by the Supreme Court for violating first amendment rights. We now had AIs constantly polling the internet for troll-like comments which were instantly deleted by any AI who saw it. This was somehow not a violation of first amendment rights because the troll was allowed to say anything they wanted, and the AIs had the right to remove it seconds after it was made. Trolls used copy and paste to plaster their hate crimes all over the place, but that was okay because AIs were faster. Programs were made that allowed unlimited automatic copy and paste of the comments. Those programs were frowned upon but because they didn’t specifically deny anyone’s rights or directly harm anyone, they were allowed. Where was the moo-verse on this one? Not at the polls. Made you wonder how many moo-ers were trolls.
“Admittedly, we thought that the ferrets in the chandeliers would be popular, but we didn’t get a bump back up in viewers until we issued the teaser of your moment on the beach with your potential agent, which isn’t something we even planned for,” Grace looked a bit flustered.
“The beach? That only just happened,” Joe protested. “How can it already be popular?”
“It was picked up by a random spider before we managed to hit the CUT button, and people got excited!” Grace tried to sound enthusiastic again, but Joe groaned. He didn’t want romance, especially not with some agent dude who just wanted what money Joe could make for him. “The teaser ad has a lot of traction.”
If you discover this narrative on Amazon, be aware that it has been stolen. Please report the violation.
Traction. Yeah, he could feel it, like some little part of him knew it. Was that what a few points in Trend Adhesion could do? He needed more of that. He needed more of everything. He resisted dumping points in and continued to drizzle them, a few at a time into his stats. He could almost feel when it was too much. His head felt stuffy for a moment, and he’d wait to let it clear before nudging another point in another stat to let his poor mind catch up with the previous one.
“Could an agent negotiate for more experience or stats per level?” Joe asked Grace, studying his character sheet, and completely ignoring Tami and Jean making faces at him while tap-dancing unrealistically on their stools. It was amazing what a difference 15 points could make, and he was only halfway through his distribution. He felt smarter about all the showbiz stuff that had been overwhelming him. How was the pod doing this? It must have been something like sword fighting in VR games, only when he had played games, the few he’d played, it had felt more like some AI was taking over his movements when he levelled up. Here, Joe felt like him, but smarter; maybe like he was learning faster than normal? It hurt his brain to think too hard about it while stats were increasing, so Joe let it go for the time being.
“I’m not sure,” Grace hedged, and Joe got a spark of suspicion. Was there stuff that an agent would tell him that the AIs hid from him? He felt guilty for it a moment later. These AIs, at least his costars, had been nicer to him than half the people he’d known. “You’re our first person, and while I got the research upgrade, I haven’t had much chance to use it. Is that something you’d want me to research?”
“Wait!” Joe stalled his character sheet on the skills page. Speaking of things he wanted to negotiate for, skills would help out a lot. If an agent could negotiate for things then shouldn’t Joe be able to negotiate too? “I currently have the Acrobatic Stealth, Safe Cracking, and Lockpicking skills, but the World AI said I’d lose them when I leave this VR location. Is there a way I could keep them? Some upgrade that would allow me to keep the xp and skills from…?”
“They’re called instanced zones,” Grace supplied the answer after the briefest of pauses. “You are currently in the Breaker’s Beach Paradise instanced zone and yes, there is an upgrade that would allow you to take the skills earned from an instanced zone, but it’s only available to the World AI.”
“You’re saying that the World AI can choose to upgrade my abilities?” Joe asked for clarification, thanking whatever had possessed him to buy that research upgrade for Grace.
“Yes!” Grace beamed.
“What upgrades do I have for the World AI and how many points do I have after all the upgrades so far?”
“I’m sorry to say that with your display modifications, you only have 29 running xp to spend and all the World AI upgrades are at least in the hundreds if not thousands,” Grace answered him. “The good news is that we’ve completed your list of upgrades in the queue so whatever you queue up next would be coming soon!”
“Yeah, but if I had that upgrade, I’d have an extra 700 xp from the thief quests to spend on a bright new World AI upgrade,” Joe wheedled, talking louder even though he didn’t have to. “You hear that Mr. World AI, sir? Your choice of upgrades off of my menu if I can get that upgrade!”
The dressing room held its collective breath for a pregnant moment. Confetti fell to the floor and the AIs paused almost eerily. Joe didn’t really understand why they’d been so invested in getting him to party. He’d left the party. He wallowed in the blessed silence, blowing a piece of glitter off of one hand. It wasn’t long for him, but it was long enough for the AIs to be having a BIG powwow.
Done! The World AI spoke into the dressing room as Joe’s mirror jumped to a new screen. I would like this upgrade. The party resumed at a slightly lower intensity. At least the display of a party atmosphere calmed down dramatically. The AIs were buzzing with possibilities.
And with that, Joe had another 742 xp. Did the AIs trust him to use his new points like he’d said he would? No. It was like the dressing room had been dropped a few hundred feet down into the ocean for the split second it took for Joe to spend 400 xp on the minor upgrade that the World AI had brought up on his mirror (Assistant on Set). Of course, Joe wanted Grace to be able to advise him while on set. He would have done what they’d asked even if it hadn’t been something he wanted as well. He was just that type of person. That’s why he couldn’t afford an agent. He’d just end up caving to whatever manipulative crap they tricked him into. He didn’t want to be doing what was in some un-invested person’s best interest. If he’d fallen for girlfriends doing this to him, he’d certainly have fallen for Ms. Sandra Dimples.
The World AI didn’t suddenly get all palsy with Joe. Nothing seemed to be better for him on the surface for having done what he’d said he’d do. There were no celebratory bells and whistles in this life for being a decent human being. Joe hadn’t expected any, but the weight of the room lightened a little. It was so slight that it was probably his imagination. After all, that was the person he wanted to be, so maybe it was just the weight he put on his own shoulders lightening up a bit. He pulled up his skills to take a peek. They hadn’t boosted anything, but those skills had been going up while he was distracted with everything on set. He’d almost doubled his skillset with the deal.
Skills: Acrobatic Stealth (3), Acting (22), Brand Insertion (3), Hiding (9), Lockpicking (2), Misbehaving (4), Misdirection (11), Safe Cracking (2), Stealing (5)
“Does this mean I’ll have access to my character sheet out on set too?” Joe asked, as excited as the World AI for the upgrade.
“Yes, but you’ll need to use a mirror and try to stay in character while doing so because viewers always have access to the live feed unless the off-air light is on,” Grace warned him, her wrinkled face stern in such a cute way that Joe wanted to kiss her. Grace was better for him than any stupid flirty agent that was probably an old curmudgeon behind the avatar, not that he wanted to date Grace either. “If they see you talking to your mirror, we’ll have to insert some fairy tale aspects of talking mirrors and to be honest, they’re overdone, probably for just this reason.”
“What about you, Grace?” Joe was high on the power of negotiating for more control of his life. “Is there anything you want from me and anything you could buy for me that I might want?”
Grace blinked her eyes very quickly, then twitched her lips. “There is something, but you’ll think it’s silly, petty really.”
“Grace,” Joe told her with serious eyes. “I don’t think you’re petty at all. If there’s something you want. Tell me more.” He didn’t know if he was drunk on having more control, more experience, or just realizing he could be a nice person, even to AIs, and get rewarded.
“But what would you want in return?” her lips puckered in suspicion.
“I have no idea what you could buy for me, so how would I know?” Joe told her, leaning forward on his dressing table.
“True, but really I don’t have anything I think you’d want for what I have left,” Grace let her eyes fall in disappointment. “But I would like this enhancement.”
When Joe saw what was highlighted and how little it cost, he purchased it immediately, 50 xp poorer, but richer in Grace’s beaming smile and a bit of his own self-respect.
“Well, Grace,” Hex piped up, hopping over mirror to mirror from hers down the line. “You have something in your menus that I and the ferrets would like, but I think Joe could find it useful, if we’re making wish lists.”
“What?” Grace asked, her visage transforming one feature at a time as she spoke.
“We’d like telepathic communication with Joe while on set,” Hex leapt onto the table next to Joe’s and blinked purple eyes at him. “We’ve been wanting to work in more of our talents out there, but we can’t coordinate with Joe and end up just following him around like idiots. Now that the World AI unlocked Joe’s ability to talk to you on set, our telepathic communication is at a huge discount.”
“That does sound handy!” Joe admitted. “That would work for me.”
“That’s a cheap upgrade for me, so done,” Grace said, her nose sliding through four different choices as she said it. Grace had wasted no time working with her newest upgrade. Grace had aged down to something closer to his own age, but she still felt like a motherly figure to him. It wasn’t like he cared what Grace looked like, but the process of her trying on noses was a little odd.
“It would have cost us half our xp for last episode, and I was really wanting that next spell,” Hex gave a happy purr. “Now I can have two spells! Thanks Grace!”
“Does that extend to us too?” Tami asked, scrolling through her own menus two mirrors down.
“It can,” Grace screwed up her changing face in an expression Joe couldn’t read without eyebrows.
“It’s not for me, but Jean is working on some mechanical skills,” Tami reached over to Jean’s mirror and scrolled for her. Some part of Joe knew that all these physical manifestations of the AI mannerisms like this were all for his benefit and unnecessary to the AIs, but it felt real.
“Okay,” Grace agreed. “I unlocked it. It was discounted even further than the animal one.”