Elurra placed her hands on her hips indignantly. “Excuse me?”
Terrin squared his shoulders as he advanced toward her.
“You have been toying with my emotions for months!” he shouted, switching to the offensive. “You treated me like a servant and manipulated my childish desire to go on an exciting adventure. I gave up everything for you. I was almost murdered by your crazy aunt a dozen times! Why do you think I came back after you got me shipped off to the slave trade? I could have gotten my fill of adventure on the high seas, but I came back and conscripted allies for you. I even had to endure hiding our relationship unless we were alone because you insisted.” Terrin’s words poured out like a bubbling brook. He balled his fists and paced the room, far too agitated to stand still any longer.
“I had to wonder if I would ever have a place by your side and suffered in silence when you talked about marrying someone of your own class. I was forced to watch you dance the night away with another man because I was not important enough to warrant your time, even though you are the most important person in my life. You never valued me like I valued you, but I dealt with it. Why do you think I stayed by your side all this time, Snow? Why do you think I accepted Olfe’s bets? There is only one girl I have ever wanted.” Terrin stopped pacing and faced her. His violet eyes flashed as he stared at her with such intense longing and bitterness it scared her. “It was always you, Snow. I have never wanted anyone else.”
Elurra was in a state of shock. She was completely speechless, so Terrin continued to vent his pent-up frustrations.
“Was it not obvious? I am in love with you, Elurra. I have been for months, but you always kept me at arm’s length. Was I never good enough for you? Am I still not good enough for you?”
“No! Terrin, please, it was never like that. I pushed you away because I was afraid of losing you, not because I was ashamed.”
Elurra wanted to reach out to him, but she feared his resentment was too great, and he might snap if she got any closer. He stared at her for a long time in silence as turbulent emotions played across his features. Finally, some of the fire left his gaze, and he ran his fingers through his hair.
“Do you fully understand what I have sacrificed for you?”
She gulped and shook her head, not daring to say a word. To her surprise, he promptly slipped his shirt over his head and turned around. Elurra gasped involuntarily. Ragged scars crisscrossed his back, a reminder of his attempted escape from the slavers forever marring his dark skin.
“I have gone through more than anyone should ever have to bear just to stay by your side.”
He sounded tired and worn. Elurra stepped forward in a trance-like state and touched one of the rough lines running across his back. Fresh tears filled her eyes. He stiffened as soon as her fingers brushed his skin but immediately relaxed and took a shaky breath.
“I did look down on you when we first met, but I was a foolish snob then. You showed me character matters much more than class and changed my perspective on the world.” She gently traced the whip-marks down his back and across his spine. “I have considered you my equal from the moment I lost you to the sea. I realized exactly how much you meant to me, and I was terrified of getting you killed. I never deserved your friendship or your loyalty, and I never will. I am unbelievably lucky to have found you because I was lost and broken before I met you.”
Terrin felt his animosity melt as her fingers ran over his skin, as if her words were a salve to his open wounds.
“I did not mean to hurt or toy with you, but I did purposefully put distance between us because I never knew how to categorize our relationship,” she continued. “I cannot understand why my chest aches when I see you. I thought about you every single day while you were away, and it felt like I had lost you all over again when I saw you with Lady—”
Terrin turned around, and the words died on her lips. Disbelief rippled across his face in waves. He was only inches away, his bronzed chest rising and falling as he took in ragged breaths. She had to make a conscious effort to keep her eyes from wandering.
Terrin’s quirky smile, which she hadn’t seen in months, spread across his face as he reached out and gently brushed her burning cheek. Elurra closed her eyes and leaned into his touch instinctively. A flutter of butterflies exploded in her stomach, and she took in a shaky breath of her own. Her heartbeat thundered in her ears, and she felt dizzy with adrenaline. Before she had time to think about what was happening, he bent down and pressed his lips against hers.
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A tidal wave of emotion escaped the cage keeping her feelings at bay and flooded through every nerve in her body. She kissed him back, forgetting the hesitation plaguing her only a moment before. He was timid at first, but when she reciprocated, one of his arms slipped around her waist, and the hand on her cheek threaded its way through her hair. A sudden sense of urgency fueled by weeks of longing gripped Elurra. She wrapped her arms around his torso and closed the distance between them. She was sick of trying to push him away when all she wanted was to pull him close.
Her fingers brushed over one of the scars on his back, and she remembered she was poison to everyone she loved. The political battle over Lur Alava consumed her life, and anyone close to her would become a casualty. Especially Terrin—Nitiri had a vendetta against him already. Her dream from months before came back from the depths of her subconscious to haunt her. She remembered holding Terrin’s broken body and looking into his lifeless eyes as Nitiri demanded she make a choice between her country and him.
I choose Terrin. Let Nitiri have Lur Alava. Why should I have to give up everyone I care about for a kingdom that never accepted me?
But she knew ignoring her aunt would lead to Terrin’s demise as well. When Nitiri eventually managed to get her hands on another Kutsal Stone, hundreds of innocent people would die. Elurra couldn’t listen to reports of terror in the North knowing she could’ve tried to stop it. Additionally, once Nitiri found out about the new prince of Tipet, the threat of assassination would loom over his head for the rest of his days. Elurra only had one choice. She had go to Lur Alava, and she had to leave Terrin behind. She couldn’t live with another gruesome death vexing her nightmares.
She loved Terrin. She had wanted him for so long, and the bliss she felt when his lips met hers was more potent than alcohol and more intense than the heat baking the Tipettian deserts.
I cannot have him follow me when I leave, for his sake.
Reluctantly, she pulled away and met his warm periwinkle gaze. His hair was tousled, and an aura of happiness radiated off him. A playful grin pulled at the corners of his mouth as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
“What’s the matter, Snow? Need some air?”
She was having trouble breathing, but it had nothing to do with the kiss. She looked away and forced her mouth to move.
“We…we cannot do this, Terrin.”
The words twisted her stomach into knots. He stiffened. She forced herself to keep talking as she grasped for any reason to justify what she was about to do. Anything but the truth.
“You…You belong here, but I do not. I cannot be part of your world.”
He was too close. Everything about him was intoxicating. She wanted to run her hands over his olive skin and through his dark hair.
“What on Incari are you talking about? We can go anywhere. If you don’t belong here, then neither do I. We can run away. We can travel over the mountains to Bastil if you want a new adventure.”
He tilted his head to meet her eyes, but she refused to let herself fall into the violet abyss of his gaze. She couldn’t let him see how much it was tearing her apart.
“There is no way to make this work. I belong in a field of ice and you belong in the arid desert. You have a family, responsibilities, and duties here, but I am an anomaly. I could never stay here, and the same applies to you in the North. Terrin, we belong on different sides of the continent. This was never meant to be. It is like a fish and a bird trying to make a life together. They can never be happy because they belong in different worlds.”
Terrin stiffened, then started shaking. For a moment, Elurra was afraid he was crying before a deep, bitter laugh escaped his lips.
“You’re telling me that, after all we have been through and all I have sacrificed to protect you, you don’t want to be with me because of the weather?”
Elurra felt tears welling in her eyes. She would go without a day under ninety degrees for eternity if it meant she could spend the rest of her life in his arms, but she couldn’t tell him that. She had to protect him, even if it meant making him hate her. If he despised her, he would let her go. When she didn’t say anything, he jerked away from her like she’d morphed into a Demon. She didn’t look up, but she could sense the look of disgust plastered on his face.
“I can’t believe I was ever stupid enough to have feelings for you. You’re the most selfish, conceited, manipulative, arrogant, secretive, vile, stubborn woman on the planet! You know what, Elurra? I’m done. I’m tired of trying to live up to your expectations. I hope you look out on your barren wasteland of a kingdom one day and realize your haughty attitude was the reason you were alone your entire life. Then, on that day, I want you to think back to this moment, when you decided you couldn’t sacrifice anything for anyone else. When that day comes, I hope you regret every word you just said.”
He stormed out of the room, leaving Elurra petrified and alone. She couldn’t breathe. Every heartbeat pumped fresh anguish through her.
I regretted every word before I even spoke, she thought as she fell to her knees.
Tears pooled onto Garen’s floor, but this time no one came to comfort her. A miserable laugh, intertwined with her bawling, escaped her throat as she remembered why she’d gone looking for Terrin in the first place.
“Happy birthday, Elurra."