Creaaak!

Thump!

I gave myself some more distance from Abs as we exited the city. I didn’t like him all too much and he smelled very pungent. I started to slip into a blank stare as I walked untill I thought of what we were doing again and… a few other things. I decided another toothpick would probably be a good idea.

Abs looked over at me with his shiny toad-like eyes.

“How many of those do ye’ got?” I swear, a small grin must’ve been playing on his lips with the way he said it.

I shrugged in response.

“You don’t know how many you have!”, He looked me up and down like I was some strange creature, “How do you keep from running out then, won’t you run out eventually?”

I nodded towards the upcoming trees.

“You can’t use a tree as a toothpick, they’re too big.” He shook his head at me as if I were an idiot. “I’m not gonna call you short but, you’re not that tall.” He looked around for a moment before mumbling, “Maybe I am…”, and removed the jaw of his mask so I could see his mouth

Once we reached the first tree Abs yanked a branch off of the tree and then tore the small twigs off of it so it resembled a long pole.

“Lemme see…” He looked at it from several angles and then proceeded to jam it in his mouth. Soon after, he began laughing loudly. He pushed it to the side of his mouth so it looked like a massive cigar as he spoke out of the side of his mouth.

“You’re just too short for the tree toothpicks. It’s all a matter of height. So, how are you going to keep yourself from running out?” I could hardly understand him with the wood stuck in his mouth, but I understood enough.

He’s crazy.

“I make them often enough that I don’t run out.”

Abs ran his hand over his beard for a moment.

“I suppose that does follow some mea… me…-Oooh mead I love mead. What were we talking about?” He looked around for a moment before raising a triumphant finger, “Right! I remember. Hmm…”

He turned to look behind us where Drifa was trailing a little behind and squinted his eyes. Once he looked back at me he whispered the most audible whisper I’d ever heard.

“She can only use splinters for toothpicks then, eh?”

I blinked a few times.

“What?”

He made a sound effect as he lowered his hand, “She’s short, she can only use small toothpicks. She wouldn’t be able to use a tree like me.”

That's, that’s not how that works. And that’s not even a whole tree…

The man was making me tired and made little logical sense. I just hoped he would settle down in the dungeon once we got there.

“How long until we reach the dungeon.”

“Ohhhh, probably lets see…” he counted his fingers a few times while staring at them almost cross eyed. “tommorrow evening?”

He looked around at the sun and followed an imaginary path of it setting with his fingers.

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

“If we’re this far before it bloops down and its… that far away and then we get that far again…” he mumbled some more nonsense then stated, “Well be there three hours before sunset tommorrow.”

How did he figure that out with what he was saying?

… I’m not going to even ask at this point.

I pinched the top of my nose once I realized I’d forgotten something quite important.

“Which dungeon are we going to?”

With the distance I’m a little worried.

“Oh, that! We are going to the Never Ending Dungeon” he wiggled his fingers around like you would for a scary children's story.

I frowned.

“What’s the matter Mr. Beaver?”

I’m not even going to respond to that at this point.

I opened my mouth as if to answer. But stopped.

Why do I care? It’s all dungeons anyways, right? Wait that doesn’t make sense why am I doing this again? I could probably get some sort of normal job and just not participate in the sacrificing.

[Is User Ismund of well mind?]

I believe so?

[Fill in the answer sheet.]

[No or No?]

… that’s not even-

[No selected by default…]

[The System will now analyze User Ismund Theodore, please wait…]

I waited in confusion.

[The separation of your soul between yourself and the parasite entity has disrupted your thought process. This has already been stated but it is more severe than originally believed. It is recommended that you regain the lost portion of your soul.]

How do I do that?

[Destroy the Usurper while protecting soul.]

That doesn’t help.

… hello?

Nothing.

Once I looked around me again I saw Abs shoving a stick in my face.

“Is Mr. Beaver hungry?”

I scowled in disgust and pushed the stick away.

“Stop.”

“You stop acting like a beaver first.”

I walked faster and made some more distance between us.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Drifa walk up to me.

“I’m going to switch.”

Then walk over to Abs.

You’re funeral.

I didn’t watch, but I had no choice but to listen.

“What are you doing with that stick?” Drifa asked curiously.

Abs sighed in disappointment, “I was just trying to help him.”

“You gave it a good shot! He likes wood… why did he not want it?”

“I’m not sure… well, that doesn’t matter anyways. We’re talking, we weren’t able to before.”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

Oh no.

“What!” Abs almost shouted.

I couldn’t hear what she said but I could figure it out by listening to Abs.

“Oh really now! You decided to listen to me instead and block him out? Serves him right! He blocks you out, you block him out.”

I glanced back at them, I could tell Drifa was somewhat uncomfortable with that statement but was trying to get along anyways.

Once he finished talking Drifa changed the topic, “Say, how are you staying warm? You’re not wearing much of a shirt or coat.”

Abs laughed, “I should say the same Missy! You’re wearing a shirt and a light coat and it’s probably cold enough to get some decent frost bite”

Drifa countered weakly, “You first!”

“You!”

“You!”

Abs wiped a tear from his eye as I turned to look ahead of myself again.

“Well,” he paused as he did something, “[I’m A Dragon!]. Rahhh! Fear me!”

Drifa laughed, “Ahhh! what can I do to save myself from this dragon!”

I glanced over again. Drifa pulled out her round, dull, butter knife.

“My fancy metal stick with the power of friend-ship will do it!”

Abs looked at Drifa with horror.

“Don’t wield such a dangerous thing! If it has a whole ship in it that could do some damage! It’d be pretty heavy.”

“It doesn’t have a real ship in it.”, she said through a mischievous grin.

“Oh.”, he pulled out his small mallet.

“Let me introduce you to Pork Chop! He’s a like ham and ham is like hammer,…”

They went on back and forth for a while being quite absurd. It wasn’t rational at all. Drifa was more sociable before, but this was a much different side of her. It made me uneasy.

Is she really my ally or is she giving me a false face?

I thought it was usually good to be at least a little paranoid about those kinds of things.

I wonder how long it is until the System is up and working like usual.

[System is working as usual if usual means that it is capable of spending the energy to communicate with it’s users while being unable to fulfill the rest of it’s intended purposes. Yes.]

My eyes widened.

Why didn’t you tell me earlier!

[It was not necessary.]

I frowned.

Can you tell me a bit about the titles being equipped?

[Equip [System’s Favor] title for this privilege]

I rolled my eyes and did so a little leerily. I didn’t want to lose the benefits of [Mr. Toothpicks], as ridiculous as the name sounded.

[Unequipped titles will still have their passive traits act but you will be unable to use their active benefits. For example, if [Mr. Toothpicks] is not equipped you will still achieve stress relief but will no longer have the ability to clone toothpicks as you make them. Equipped titles have their full capabilities.]

Okay.

I decided I’d rather zone out and look at the forest while I walked than talk to the System. Even if it was beneficial information.