Krrelehs-of-Bracken
The captain of “The-Curious-Wanderer-Seeking-Veracity” was, for short of better term, bored. Her team found an uncharted system with parameters decent enough for colonisation and were conducting all the necessary tests thrice over to ensure a smooth transition of the survey with the following Senate team who decide to exploit this place. Sadly (or fortunately depending who you are), due to the experience of the people she’s working with, it meant no problems were happening, so nothing for her to do aside seat on the bridge and look pretty… which was fine for 3 to 4 days but…
“{IT’S BEEN 3 WEEKS!}” she let go way too loudly, but the bridge crew barely reacted. They were used to her antics after almost half a century of work together.
Although her complaints were understandable, this was their last stop before going back towards [Dirt] after all, and the discovery of potential colonization delayed their holidays on a Zephyr by quite the time. But few had the time to complain. Work is work, and the quicker they are done with it, the earlier they get to see more tiny-chompers. Thankfully, the end was in sight.
“{Officer Rdzi, put me in contact with the labs.}” she ordered her signals officer for the 12th time this day.
No buts were heard and the call was made.
“[Hello Bridge? What can I do for you?]” a member of the science crew picked up.
“{How are the analysis going ?}” Krrelehs dryly asked.
“[Well Captain, calling every cycle won’t make our computers work faster. But we should be done by the end of this shift if our estimates are correct, thanks to everyone pulling double shift for the past week. Some work will still need to be done, but these tasks will not require our presence in this system.]”
Finally some good news.
“{Great job. I will initiate the departure protocols then.}” She answered eagerly. “{And… uhm… While I have the call open, what is Émilie up to?}”
“[Well, the science wing isn’t on fire for a start. And she’s been a great help over determining the exact composition of some of this system bodies thanks to her knowledge on transmittance and spectral radiance of elements. She even beat the database to answers in speed once or twice just by looking at the graphs alone. I tell you; things are moving fast in her little head…]” the scientist continued before a higher pitch, human, voice is heard from the background.
“[-nd you have a triple chin.]”
“[What?]” said the confused scientist.
“[You said my brain was tiny!]” an obfuscated Émilie retorted from outside the view of the camera.
“[I said your head was small, which is a fact. [Human] heads are smalls. I wasn’t trying to demean your intellect. Whatever… I was just doing the activity report to the Captain, anything you want to add?]”
Called by her colleague, their resident tiny-chomper finally stepped into the video feed, showing quite the expression. It reminded Krrelehs of those [Squirrels] animal from [Dirt] who stuff their cheeks with food, for Émilie’s ones looked quite full…
“[Uhh… ah yeah. I found heavy concentration of various monosaccharides in many rock samples, which surely indicate the presence -or former presence- of biological activity in the system. Although the crystalline lattices of the incrusts make me think that they formed naturally through the minerals.]” She said looking straight and sustaining the look of her Dorarizin captain, the glint of mischief present in her eyes, before returning to her workstation.
Something felt odd.
“{Why does she look like that?}” Krrelehs inquired.
“[Like what?]”
“{Her cheeks.}”
“[I don’t know, I think she’s pouting?]”
“{How did she found about the presence of sugars in the samples…}”
“[Émilie?]” the scientist slowly turned toward the target of the inquiry.
“{And are all sample accounted for?}” The captain asked, her accusatory gaze falling on the small shape of Émilie who was already sneakily leaving the labs in the background.
They looked at each other for a few seconds in silence, before Krrelehs finally sighed.
“{What are you waiting for? Go! Get that little gremlin and make sure she doesn’t choke on a rock.}” she said with a sign of the hand, the scientist rushing after the French intern. The call was not terminated before the bridge heard the live protest sounds of a cornered and angry tiny-chomper, made to spit out her sweet space rocks of dubious origins. Some of them apparently underwent partial caramelisation on the totally-not-missile probes impacts.
Why the tiny-chompers were so fascinated with eating rocks despite their dentitions and jaws not being made for that purpose was still a galactic mystery.
“{Welp, that chaotic cute-spawn just gained a free trip to [Ahzassn’han] office. If she swallowed any rocks, I’m cutting away her favourite sodas from the food fab until the next mission.}”
And with that little incident handled, she could finally focus on her job (now that she finally had something to do).
“{Spool the engines and chart the jump, I want to be ready to leave this place as soon as the research team got their results.}”
“[Yes Ma’am!]” the bridge stations said in unison.
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Sometime later, medical ward.
Ahzassn’han
“
“[Can I go now?]” Émilie asked, clearly unhappy to have spent the past hour doing a battery of tests for what was just some space candies.
“
“[And?]”
“
“[…you aren’t versed in the way a maiden heart work, are you?]”
“
“[I’m leaving.]” Émilie murmured, tears pearling at the corners of her eyes. What kind of insensitive bastard would look at the weight of a girl and fucking reveal it to half the workspace in the same breath. What happened to medical secrecy…
“
Only to become the target of the Smol-Fu Anti-Jornissian secret technique numero uno “Big Steppy on Da Sneky”. A technique that, when perfectly executed, consist in jumping with your full weight and using your heel on the end of a Jornissian tail, then taking advantage of the open and screaming mouth of the victim to throw a bottle of hot sauce (the kind you see on the final round of Hot Ones and whose use by the police is banned in many countries) inside their throat, before bailing out as fast as your short human legs allow you to.
It was something that most Tols could see coming if prepared of course. But they would never expect it to come from a small human. Even less from a docile one like Émilie. For her to resort to violence was unheard of.
“[I hope you choke on your tail!]” were Émile’s last words, leaving a hurt and confused doctor behind her as she left the medical ward and returned to her cabin.
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Émilie
‘What the fuck is wrong with him?’ she said to herself buried under the blankets of her giant bed. Sure, she has been letting herself go a bit since her departure from Earth, but that is no reason to doxx her weight to the full ship. At least no one will come and see her for the next few hours, between mandatory media hours and the jump preparations, so she has some time to calm herself down.
“Let’s see, what can I watch? Gosh, it’s been too long since I got some time for myself with all the double shifts we’ve been pulling lately. Hmm… no not that series… already seen that one… not another reboot of a Hallmark Christmas movie…” *she mumbled, looking through her movie files for something to keep her mind from spiralling down.
“Ah! Just what I needed!”
Her choice made, she started the ritualistic making of a pillow fort and wondered if she should hit the mess to grab some food before the session.
“Meh… I won’t be able to get anything with that bullshit diet oversight anyway… I should check if my candy stash in the vent near the heating beds is still there.”
It was still there.
In almost pristine shape. Almost.
Turns out, the repeated and alternate passage of hot and cold air made the candies melt and fuse inside their respective packaging, creating huge sweet blobs of various flavours -the smurfs one looked like a flesh pit monster from a Lovecraftian novel, but eh, the taste should still the same-.
Her little food trip done, she served herself a nice glass of violet syrup, put on her rainbow beanie, hugged her ‘This is fine’ flame-shaped destress cushion, and hit play.
“WHO WERE THEY?”
“WHY DID THEY COME?”
“WHAT DID THEY LEAVE BEHIND?”
“WHERE DID THEY GO?”
“WILL THEY RETURN?(yes, yes they did)”
“ANCIENT ALIENS. RESTARTED.”
A familiar face.
“Welcome friends of Earth and of everywhere else ! Welcome to the 3rd episode of this season Ancient Aliens Restarted. Many of you speculated on what the topic of this episode would be, and while the debate brought forth some interesting ideas, none of you managed to get it spot on. Although, credits to @TotallyNotASentientToaster and @PropanevangelionHank for getting pretty close, I am sure that you will like tonight’s exposé. Said exposé will take us for a trip around the world in an attempt to explain a common trope in many antique civilizations.
My name is Giorgio Tsoukalos the 5th; alien enthusiast and truth seeker. As always, I come bearing questions, and with the help of eminent professors and detectives of our past, hopefully answers as well.”
‘Another global trip? Damn, things get more and more farfetched with each episode. I hope the screenwriter is doing okay.’ Émilie thought as Mr. Tsoukalos introduced this episode guests.
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Ahzassn’han
After learning first-hand the power of warm-cuddles napalm sauce, Ahzassn’han decided to enact Émilie new diet measures on all the ship fabs asap. Not without getting some laughs and giggles from his co-workers for his new raspy and wheezing voice. He will have to bear with it for a day or two while the anti-inflammatory medicine is taking effect.
Around the time he was about to finish his round, the doctor received a private message from the captain on his personal data pad.
*Émilie media hour about to start. Everyone busy with the survey and incoming jump but you. Go record.*
‘Serpentine sigh. It’s like a normal sigh, but with a lot of ssssssss.’
“
Moving to his cabin to record it without taking part of the currently much needed workspace, Ahzassn’han was surprised to see how much junk food Émilie still managed to amass despite her new restrictions. But once more, she would not give him time to think too much about it, as she started the replay of her show before the Jornissian could even fathom where did she find all the treats.
“[Welcome friends of [Dirt] and of everywhere else ! Welcome to the 3rd episode of this season of Ancient Aliens Restarted…]”
It was him. The infamous. The only. Tsoukalos the Ayys-man. The night promise to be interesting!
“[Said exposé will take us for a trip around the world in an attempt to explain a common trope in many antique civilizations.]”
“
“[--- EPISODE 3 : Life, Death, and lot of snake rings; or the Jornissian preachers theory ---]”
“[You’ve seen the title so let’s cut short to the waiting. It is snakes. But not just any snakes. No no no. Otherwise it would a topic way to broad to find correlation in the sources. We’re going to have an in-depth look at snake iconography related to the circle of life itself; and will try to explain why such trope is present everywhere across our world.]” Professor Hasekura started with the explanation.
“[The earliest, and most famous, depiction of this trope comes of course from Ancient-desert-rock-triangle-land under the form of [Ouroboros].
Written in the ‘Enigmatic Book of the Netherworld’, the text records the actions of the god [Ra] and his union with [Osiris] in the underworld in which [Ouroboros] is depicted as two serpents holding their tails in their mouths. One encircling the head and upper chest and the other surrounding the feet of a large figure, which may represent the unified [Ra-Osiris].
Both serpents are assumed to be manifestations of the deity [Mehen], who represents the beginning and the end of time. Looping around, indicating a continuity of life in death, vice-versa, and the presence of a natural cycle to our existence.]”
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“<[Ra-Osiris]? Or was it [Ra, Osiris]? Those two names infer to two different entities if I understand correctly… If that is a third different being, the warm-cuddles aren’t really gifted with names. But we kinda already knew that. Who name their planet ‘Dirt’?>” The Jornissian doctor commented to himself. “
“[This snake round symbol and its meaning are then taken and integrated into other philosophies and thoughts movements of the Old-World-Central-Sea basin such as Ancient-philosophes-in-toga people alchemy or 3rd centuries post warm-cuddle Baby-salvation-son-of-God birth knowledge seeking sects. This movements did build upon the previous meaning of the symbol, a serpent biting its tail now symbolizing eternity and the soul of the world.
But not just any serpent. These thoughts movements also introduced a subtle change to the iconography. Whereas the serpents biting their tails were previously only surrounding a person, they were now surrounding the world as they saw it at their time.
A concept known to us nowadays as ‘World-serpent’. Keep that word in mind, it will become relevant soon.]” the warm-cuddle professor continued.
Ahzassn’han was glued to the documentary. Such fascinating history they have. He still failed to get the point of the exposé, although it was hardly his fault. That was more due to how the warm-cuddles were slowly recouping bits of lore from various to reach an unforeseen conclusion towards the end of the show, thus revealing the logic behind their ramblings very late in the documentary. Leaving him confused for the moment, but that’s how this content is supposed to be enjoyed if the giggling of Émilie is something you can trust.
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Before the start of the documentary, mess hall
Sser’Sarkxess
Bored and depressed. If he had to choose two words to describe himself right now, it would be those two. With the amount of work the crew is pulling these past weeks, they rarely had time to sit down for a good meal at the ship mess hall, preferring light snacks and energy rations here and there to continue working… Meaning the resident cook of The-Curious-Wanderer-Seeking-Veracity had basically seen no one for close to a month.
There were some greetings from people getting their food fab orders before getting back to their tasks, sure, but nothing aside that. Sser’Sarkxess wasn’t a talkative Jornissian, but he did appreciate having a lively workplace despite his silent behaviour.
Although, if it was just that, it wouldn’t have been an issue. He worked through similar period in the past. The kind of deal when you feel lonely for a bit, but you know things will go back to normal soon. Today was different. Today he had to make food for someone. For Émilie no less. His first custom order of nachos after doing nothing for so long, so he went full master chef. This will be the best nachos plate in this corner of the galaxy, he swore his honour on it.
However.
However. This was without counting on a new mail, marked of the highest importance, from the ship medic and co-signed by the captain which arrived as he finished the giant pile of tortillas, cheese, and salsa. “New diet restrictions regarding astrophysicist intern warm-cuddle syrup-catastrophe-space-lover”. It seems Émilie health began to decline thanks to the abundance of rich food, she started piling weight and Ahzassn’han was seeking to fix that by our return to [Dirt]. All was understandable… but that also meant that he made the nachos for nothing.
His disappointment was immeasurable and his day ruined.
Not wanting to throw his masterpiece to the recycler, he decided that if Émilie wasn’t going to eat it, he will find someone who would.
----------------------------------------
‘Science wing. Too busy to eat.’
‘Drone bay. Enough grease in the workplace they said.’
‘Bridge? No, sounds like a bad idea.’
‘Perhaps to someone relaxing on a heating stone… No, it took days to remove the cheese drippings after last time.’
‘Oh. Ahzassn’han is off-duty at the moment.’ Mentally remarked the cook as he was strolling around the arms full of nachos.
‘Well. He is responsible for this! So he’ll have to make sure to not waste a single chips.’
And with a newfound conviction, Sser’Sarkxess entered the cabin of his Jornissian fellow. Only to find him glued to warm-cuddle media, thinking aloud whatever weird theories came to his mind.
“
“
“
“
“
“<…>” he acquiesced silently.
“
His curiosity piqued, Sser’Sarkxess slithered next to Ahzassn’han, put the nachos on the table for them to enjoy, and started watching as well. He was pretty much off-duty as well with how frequented the mess hall was.
“<… So? What’s this one about?>” he inquired.
“ Before that, it was about giant snakes circling [Dirt] and the cycle of life…>” “ “ “[-erally meaning ‘tail eating’, and interpreted as a symbol for eternal cyclic renewal or a cycle of life, death, and rebirth. The skin-sloughing process of snakes symbolizes the transmigration of souls, the snake biting its own tail is a fertility symbol, while the tail of the snake is a phallic symbol and its mouth womb-like symbol.]” the documentary narration continued to fill the moments of silence between the two Jornissians words. “ “ ---------------------------------------- Émilie ‘Ughh.’ Why does tonight’s episode have to talk of snakes being dicks. I mean, she knew at least one snake who behaved like one… but now it will make their next meeting even more awkward with that fresh imagery on her head… “We’ve been over the meaning of the symbol for quite some time now, so let us go back a bit over the symbol proper as we go on.” Tsoukalos said, cutting her from her thoughts. “As described earlier, through its inheritance from the Egyptian myths to the Gnosticism movement, the serpent evolved from circling people to circling the world… becoming what we refer now as a world serpent. And much like pyramids, world serpents are quite common in our ancient tales anywhere over our planet. We can cite the Leviathan from the Bible described as “its tail is placed in its mouth, twisting around and encompassing the entire world” in the poems of Kalir; the famous Jörmungandr from the Norse mythology who was “tossed into the great ocean that encircles Midgard and grew so large that it was able to surround the Earth and grasp its own tail”; and the anaconda god from the Shipibo people of south America lowlands who is “circling and biting its own tail, holding the waters at the edge of the world-disc” as described by Peter G. Roe in the Cosmic Zygote.” “Hmm… At least they search far and wide for the script of this episode. Perhaps too widely…” Émilie wondered. And perhaps as a weird coincidence in this twisted universe, Mr. Tsoukalos choose this exact moment to convey her incomprehension to Professor Hasekura. “Well Professor, I dare say the history lesson is fascinating but I fear our viewers may still be confused about the goal of this trip.” “Damn, the man knew.” Émilie exclaimed. This timing, either the script was good enough to have the people ponder that question at this very moment, or Tsoukalos has mind-reading powers. And while the latter would fit the show, she was watching it in replay and thus had to applause the writing team for the trick they just pulled. “I was getting to it, young man!” the professor interjected. “While the earliest form and meaning of the Ouroboros are man-made in my opinion, I think the beliefs surrounding them were altered to reach their ‘world-serpent’ forms under which we know them today.” Hasekura continued. “Think about it. The first symbol was at human scale, you would need at least two decent serpents of decent size for North Africa to make a ring capable of surrounding one or two people. This makes sense, the ancients were wise and took inspiration from around them. But at some point, roughly between 600 BCE and 200 CE, the scale completely changed. Why? What would bring people, whose only snake reference were small common adders and grass-snakes rarely growing above a meter, to suddenly imagine serpents so big that they coil around the world?” ---------------------------------------- Ahzassn’han What warm-cuddle Professor-wise-but-wrong was bringing up was a valid point. Such a sudden shift in the iconography should result from an event of extreme importance for the people at the time. Finding archives of events 2000 or so years in the past of the Jornissians collective would be stupidly easy; but for such a young and short-lived species that are the warm-cuddles, it sounded like a nightmarish challenge. Especially with their tendency to break, deface, lose, and/or alter the records or their predecessors… It’s almost no wonder why they think we’re a probable explanation for any blank spot of their history. “” “ ‘Humm. Turns out, Sser’ is pretty talkative went he isn’t burdened by his social anxiety. Perhaps he preferred a restricted number of people in his entourage to feel at ease? Or is he just venting for the nachos not going to Émilie?’ Ahzassn’han thought. “[So, Professor? Will you just tell us that it was because of aliens?]” “[Yes…]” “[Then I must say that I am be disappointed. This is quite short of an explanation, even by our standards.]” “[…but no. You didn’t let me finish. Saying that “It was aliens” without developing on it would be such a soyjack conspirasionist move. I, however, am a chad truth seeker. And thus have an answer to the conundrum I described earlier!]” Hasekura shot back. “[Professor, please stop using references that most of the audience won’t get. I wasn’t even born at the time.]” “[You complain about things prior your birth, yet you present a show about ancient history?]” “[Touché.]” “[Future historians will have to study memes at one point, I’m just getting a head start. But that is not the point. The point is that this time, the answer to the change wasn’t on our planet to find out. Seeking new elements to pursue a hypothesis of mine, I flew to the stars and asked the people concerned by it, aka the Jornissians.]” “[The OIH really let him do that? Damn, times sure are changing.]” Émilie’s commentary could be heard over the recording device. “[Young warm-cuddle 5th-gen-alien-enthusiast, and you people from the audience, would you believe me if I said that I found a source talking about a world-serpent way before its mentions in our myths? Those of you versed in our slithery friends religion would know of who I talk about. Sotek-who-circles-the-world.]” “ “[I conclude that, around the period of this mentioned earlier, humanity came in contact with Jornissian preachers who taught us their ways. Not understand their beliefs completely, we just integrated the concept of world-serpent from their pantheon into ours. And what’s even stranger is that this string of events happened multiple times over our history, which is why quasi-identical beliefs were integrated in myths with origins completely separated from one another. I suppose that these different preachers all thought that they were the first to reach us, because I doubt that they would proselytize here multiple times knowingly.]” “[But professor, there is something I don’t understand. During all of our previous research, and the ones made by those before us, we have always arrived at the conclusion that the aliens visiting us became the gods of our tales and myths. But here, you are saying that we didn’t adopt a Jornissian as a divinity, but instead accepted the divine of our visitors as ours? This is a first! But I fail to comprehend how people at the times could have accepted such drastic change to their views.]” Tsoukalos asked. “[For the same reason we believe our visitors to be gods in the first place. They were so much more advanced than us that they must be right when they talk. What do you gain lying to a being of lesser evolution? So when you’re a simple man living piously back then, and giants snakes people came down the sky to tell you about a humongous serpent circling the world, you can bet your ass that they speak the truth. How can you contradict them? They’re the ones who came from outside your world so they must have saw it on their way to you, wouldn’t they?]” Professor Hasekura immediately countered. “[I fail to find a flaw to that logic. Once again, you’ve enlightened us with your research, closer to the truth this time more than ever before I feel. I thank you again for your presence with us as we’re closing in on our time together this week. Any last bit of wisdom to share with our viewers before the end, Professor?]” “[Nothing about wisdom, but I wanted to congratulate again @TotallyNotASentientToaster and @PropanevangelionHank, and all the people in our followers who got pretty close in predicting the topic of this episode. It warms my old heart than there is so many youngsters out there who are so passionate about my line of work. I will be holding a meet the fans and signing session in the Zephyr 12 around the end of the year festivities, and I hope to greet numbers of you there. Before I give back the antenna, I kindly ask for some of the more hardcore fans to stop making fanarts based of episode 2 of me and the cast squished between Dorarizin milfs, thankyouverymuchinadvance.]” “[That would be appreciated, yes. On that note, I bid you all a good night. I give you rendezvous next time for a voyage in the far eastern lands, to unveil the root what lies behind the cycle of water. The betting pools are now open again, get predicting!” Giorgo concluded. *outro song & credits* And with that, the streaming stopped. No reason to continue the spying on Émilie if there is no human media to watch. “ “” answered the doctor. “ “ “” Ahzassn’han said sarcastically. “ “ “ “” said the cook, embarrassment almost peeking through his façade at the question. “ ---------------------------------------- Some time later Krrelehs-of-Bracken The jump preparations were done. And with nothing else to do, Krrelehs-of-Brackens decides to take a stroll waiting for the science team to finish their tests. Tiny-chomper mandatory media hours were already done, a shame but assuming Ahzassn’han did his job she’ll have a replay to savour later tonight. Talking about Ahzassn’han, she should check on her friend to see if watching the media alone affected him in any ways… Well, it seemed that Ahzassn’han wasn’t watching it alone, as Krrelehs had the surprise to find him in the middle of a heated debate regarding their most recent human media recording with none other than her ship’s head chef Sser’Sarkxess. Both engaged in a complex argument regarding Sotek, tails, and cross-species romance? A quick questioning told her all she needed to know. “{So it’s that show again…}” she sighed. “[Yes!]” the Jornissians answered in unison. “{Not sure I will watch the recording then… Also, why were you talking about romance? What does it have to do with the shitshow that emission usually is? Does any of you finally found a partner?}” she inquired. “[Well… The warm-cuddles made it very clear that our tails were… to quote their term… of phallic significance. And that a snake biting on its tail was a symbol of fertility.]” the doctor answered. “{Okay, so far so weird. But within tiny-chomper levels of weird. What’s the catch?}” “[Earlier when I was doing Émilie check-up, she said that I didn’t understand her heart and that I should choke on my tail. In hindsight of the new warm-cuddle symbolism knowledge, I was debating with Sser’Sarkxess if that was a courtship attempt from Émilie or just overthinking.]” “{…}” “[And I keep repeating you that it was just an eloquent way to tell you to “go fuck yourself” by her part.]” the cook intervened. “[And why so?]” “[Did you have snakelets Ahzassn’han?]” “[Can’t say I have, why?]” “[Well, if you ever want some, let me fill you on an open secret. Never mention their weight to women. And if you really have to, keep it as concise as possible.]” “[I am a doctor, I kinda have to. Especially when it’s endangering their health.]” “[True. True. She gained weight and you asked her to start a diet; clear, concise, and part of your job. It was fine. The email regarding her weight to all the personnel with fab access? Not so much.]” Sser’Sarkxess explained. “{I concur, myself and most of the female bridge crew members flinched at the lack of tact upon receiving the mail [Ahzassn’han]. On the paper, you did nothing wrong, but in my honest opinion some apologies are in order.}” Krrelehs added. “{Preferably before we reach [Dirt], I’d hate seeing Émilie not coming back for the next run because she doesn’t feel comfortable around this kind of behaviour. Something that would be very much understandable. I’d hate even more to see you skinned by her father, I heard he is a real maniac when it comes to her precious daughter.}” The doctor remained silent but acquiesced to the words of his captain. “{Good. Now that the matter is solved, I shall go back to the bridge and get ready for the jump. I also need to think of a gift for Émilie’s family, we’ll reach [Dirt] around that time of the year for them after all. In a way, we’re lucky to have spent so much time here, otherwise our rest period would have ended before their festivities.}” With the mention of the incoming event, all tension between the two Jornissians faded away. They were about to live their first tiny-chomper end of the year festivities. Anger gave its place to joy. And excitement. And precipitation. So little time left, yet so many preparations to be done! During the trip back to Earth, the crew almost depleted their stock of polymers to fab way too many Christmas hats, costumes, and decorations. All cool and good. Although the fairy lights on the outer hull were perhaps too much.