Somewhere near the fringe of the Orion Arm, the Senate approved exploratory vessel “The-Curious-Wanderer-Seeking-Veracity” is cruising its way from one stellar system to another, cataloguing celestial bodies on the road, as per its mission demands. Manned by a mixed crew -with all the conundrums it entails-, and recently retrofitted for [Human] safety, everyone inside were almost constantly jubilant! Not only their vessel was accepted for to be part of the uplift program after First Contact with humanity, was in the first generation of modified ships to be able to house [Human] on board, they were even amongst the first to receive a new ‘intern’ straight from [Dirt].
Their own real [Human], just for them, for months or even years, to cuddle and pamper and spoil and cherish and… you get the idea. Everyone was ecstatic. Years of training and paperwork, and a hefty dose of luck, paying off.
It has been several months since they picked up Émilie - their new [Human] astrophysicist intern – from the Zephyr Station 9, and she has been nothing but an adorable bundle of joy and curiosity. However, Émile was demonstrating an unnatural unbreakable good mood these past days, and not even the failure of the spectrophotometer in the middle of very important reading of comet trails was enough to remove that glee from her face. Such attitude proved to be contagious, and morale had skyrocketed, much to the pleasant surprise of Captain Krrelehs-of-Bracken. But as nice as it may be, this felt unnatural for the Dorarizin captain.
Measures needed to be taken.
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Émile
‘Quick. Quicker. Quickest. Must. Finish. The. Reports.’ was thinking Émilie, rushing through dozens of pages of test results, analysis, and other boring jargon as if her life depended on it. Knowing fully well that it won’t do her any good, she looked up at the clock on the wall of the lab (a little something installed specifically for her, she preferred that to looking at the time on her digital pad, made her feel like she was still back home in her school lab near Lyon… anyway).
16:32
Still an hour to go before the mandatory human time. She usually hated this rule. It was taking precious moments away from discovering the mysteries of the universe, but tonight… “Tonight will be different. It will be special. I can’t wait.” She chuckled.
“[In a hurry?]” resonated in her commbead over the growls and clicks of Dorarizin language coming from behind her.
Émilie literally jumped the room in her surprise, with nothing a because breathless squeak escaping her mouth, before getting her hind brain back in check. “H-Hello Captain Ceres. Didn’t see you were here, sorry.” She answered meekly, trying her best to get a normal heartbeat again. It was a wonder how much Dorarizin could always sneak up on her despite their size… Perhaps it had something to do with the [Great Hunt] they always mention. Whatever it is, her next cardiologist rendezvous was getting scheduled earlier and earlier with each of their little sneaky surprise.
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Krrelehs-of-Bracken
‘Awwwwwwwww Would you look at this adorable little thing! Did I frighten you? Do you want a hot [cocoa]? Can I hug you? It’s gonna be fine I promise.’ was screaming in Krrelehs’ brain as all her maternal instinct indicators were going orange.
‘No. No. Keep yourself together Krrelehs-of-Bracken. You are here for work. Ask her about reports, then about the recent attitude. Yes. Then perhaps you will be able to pet Émilie’ continued the inner monologue, only stopping when she noticed that she had already closed off the distance and was burying a very silent and confused human in her chest fur.
“{Sorry Not Sorry for the abrupt hug, but I needed to scent you again, you know how it is.}”
“[Was it already time? I could swear that you’ve scented me just some days ago.]” came muffled back from the little patch of caramel hair of the resident tiny-chomper.
“{Better safe than sorry!}”
“[If you say so… Can you put me back down?]”
“{Yes. Of course dear.}”
“[…]”
“{…}”
“[I meant can you put me back down like right now.]”
“{Oh! There you go.}” said as she delicately put Émilie back on her feet, petted lightly her head, and took a small step back. She caught the gaze of the tiny-chomper soon after.
“[Can I help you with anything? Not that I dislike the hugs, but they could have waited another hour that I finish my shift, right? What bring the Captain to the lab?]”
“{Yes!}” Krrelehs almost shouted, being reminded of her first purpose coming here. “{I actually wanted to talk about your recent attitude.}”
The sudden spike of fear scent after the last words nearly triggered another hug, but as a captain, she had to keep composure.
“[D-Did I do something? I already apologized for the spectrophotometer; I shouldn’t have tried to calibrate with [Grenadine] for the red bandwidth… nor mint syrup for the green... or-]”
“{Do not worry [Émilie], I am actually here to talk about your very positive behaviour. Something I can only praise. It is having a wonderful effect on the crew, but I cannot help but ask what is putting you in such jovial conduct? The last rogue comet was 2 [twelfth-of-Dirt-revolution-around-Sun] ago, so it can’t be that.}”
“[Ah. It’s showing that much? I’m just excited. A really popular show finally got a new season after more than 50 [Dirt-revolution-around-Sun] with no episodes. I made sure to record the première and was hyped of finally binging it tonight during mandatory media time.]” Émile answered, quasi apologizing at the same time.
“{How about you clock out early today then? Go watch your show, you can barely stay seated here.}”
“[Really? I mean, I haven’t really finishe-]”
“{You have the captain permission. Now go.}”
“[Thank you Celes. You’re the best!]” The caramel haired tiny-chomper squealed before pulling her into a brief hug then rushing out of the labs.
“{Remember to ask [Sser’Sarkxess] for the fab code if you want popcorn}” was all Krrelehs-of-Bracken managed to add to the conversation before the resident human was too far to not shout.
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‘Look at her go. Welp, I should start setting up the usual then.’ she hummed, silently leaving the science wing and moving toward the nearest conference room : a message for all the crew – minus Émilie – *[Tiny-Chomper] Movie Night, all free personnel in conf n°2 ASAP (sorry the rest will have to do with the replay), bring snacks.*
This whole operation wasn’t legal per se, but with all the rumours going around about [Human] unfiltered media on the GalNet, a lot of crews spied kept a tab over what their interns were looking at without them knowing. Everyone swearing secrecy oaths, knowing fully what the consequences would be if the truth were to be revealed.
For the “The-Curious-Wanderer-Seeking-Veracity”, such task was done through a hidden camera in Émilie’s room, positioned in her blind spot when seated at her terminal, and oriented to gain unimpeded view over the sweet sweet human media. A bit of zoom here, some image correction there, and it’s like you were in the room yourself.
Of course, the camera was under the sole control of the captain and its uses reserved for human media time and nothing else.
‘Tonight is going to be special, Émilie said it herself. Wonder what is getting her so hyped up…’ the captain thought as she arrived at her destination, only to see some people already waiting for her inside the room. ‘Let’s get this started!’
“{Always first to be seated [Ahzassn’han]. Do you dislike your work so much that you’ve rushed out of the medical ward as soon as you got the message?}” she remarked to a slender ruby and bordeaux Jornissian.
“[As this ship sole doctor and certified warm-cuddle psychologist, it is MY work to learn more about them through their media so that I can bring the best for Émile when the time calls for it!]” the giant python-like doctor answered with a faux-offended tone.
“{I suppose the bucket of [Nnrainze] is now part of the mandatory doctor toolset then.} Krrelehs pointed out with a chuckle at the recipient full of thick gravy-like Jornissian soup. Although perhaps ‘syrup’ would describe it better given its sugar content
“[Oh shush it. As if your heavy consumption of [Grznzd] was any better. Half the crew thought you got pups given how many of them you’ve eaten last movie night.]” he retorted.
The room continued to fill up as the two of friends spent some time bickering…
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Émilie
‘Alright! Popcorn; check. Soda coolant flavoured; check. Pillow throne; comfy and check. Door locked; double check. Special cap hat - I want to believe! Women want me! Fish fear me! Obey Big Chungus! -; also check.’ Émile was verifying everything one last time. It was a special night, and everything had to be perfect for it.
Once satisfied, it was time to launch the video she had saved on her terminal before their entry into FTL travel. She double-clicked the file and jumped in her pillow mountain for perhaps her best mandatory human media time so far.
“WHO WERE THEY?”
“WHY DID THEY COME?”
“WHAT DID THEY LEAVE BEHIND?”
“WHERE DID THEY GO?”
“WILL THEY RETURN?(yes, yes they did)”
“ANCIENT ALIENS. RESTARTED.”
A familiar face.
“Welcome friends of Earth and of everywhere else! Welcome to the continuation of Ancient Aliens. It has been far too long since our last episode. My name is Giorgio Tsoukalos the 5th.; and, like my great-great-grandfather, I come bearing questions. And with the help of eminent scientists and historians, hopefully answers as well.”
“Damn, he looks like the real old deal. Too much even. Uncanny. A clone perhaps?” she joked, getting herself in a pseudo conspiracy mindset, opening her mind to all the sorts of crazy ideas this man was about to unleash.
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Ahzassn’han
“[Welcome friends of [Dirt] and of everywhere else! Welcome to the continuation of Ancient Aliens…]”
One thought. In sync between all the persons in the conference room n°2. ‘Yay!!! [Human] media about us!’
The whispers. Lot of whispers. Too much in fact. Making listening quite the task for those at the back.
“[You think it’s similar to our live action shows with [Human] automatons in them? You know, like the one we show to leapies?]” two Dorarizins exchanged near Ahzassn’han.
“<1. It looks like a documentary. And 2. If you don’t want to get neutered next you come in my office, I suggest you stay silent for the start!>” he hissed at them to end the murmurs and turned back his gaze on the tiny presenter on the screen. ‘Nothing shall disturb this special moment.’
“[…. I am the son of the son of the son of the son of [Giorgo Tsoukalos]; and like my great-grandfather, I come bearing questions. And with the help of eminent scientists and historians, hopefully answers as well.
As you all know it, things have changed quite a lot since our last episode, we were proven right in our belief that life, Ancient life, existed in space! Strong of this fact, researchers all around the globe decided to pursue and revamp some of our old theories to better tackle the remaining secrets of our past!
Tonight we’ll take a deep dive on the history of [Quetzalcoatl] and bring new light on some elements to, perhaps, lift the veil on the true identity of this god.]”
At the mention of the topic, an excited ruffle of feathers and roar-tweets filled the place and could be heard from the bridge of the ship. To say that religion and Karnakians mix well would be an understatement, and even one less pious like Tk’Suig’tz was thrilled by the announcement.
The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
“[--- EPISODE 1 : [Ehecatl-Quetzalcóatl], or the Karnakian [Robinson Crusoe] theory ---]”
Immediate silence. No more growls, tweets, hisses, or clicks. Nothing. As if everyone was suddenly struck by the implication of such bold title. And truth is, they were.
“[Starting with what we know. [Quetzalcoatl] is a deity in the Old-people-from-south-sombrero-land culture and literature whose name in their language and means "Precious serpent" or "Vibrant-feather-feathered Serpent". In the 17th century, [Ixtlilxochitl], a descendant of Old-people-from-south-sombrero-land royalty and historian of their people, wrote, "[Quetzalcoatl], in its literal sense, means 'serpent of precious feathers'".
In West-Continent-Middle-Land history many different ethnopolitical groups worshiped a feathered-serpent deity. Evidence of such worship comes from the iconography of different West-Continent-Middle-Land cultures, in which serpent motifs occur frequently…]” Giorgo continued, his presence vanishing from the screen and his narration now over many representations of the feathered serpent god. Including the Codex Telleriano-Remensi one. The audience strongly flinching at the view of a human getting devoured but remaining focused on the forbidden information they were witnessing.
“[With the earliest known documentation of the worship of a Feathered Serpent occurring in [Teotihuacan] in the first century BC or first century AD. That period lies within th-]” the video stopping abruptly; Émilie voice being heard over the stream.
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Émilie
“Come on man! People aren’t here for the boring stuff, they go to school for that!” she said, hunching over the terminal to fast forward the video. “Give us the tasty bits.”
She stopped as the presenter’s face appeared again, and pressed play again. “Should be good. Now Ayys-man, whatchugot?”
“…. To the Aztecs, Quetzalcoatl was, as his name indicates, a feathered serpent. He was a creator deity having contributed essentially to the creation of mankind. But, to them, he also appeared under a different form, Ehecatl the wind god. A form displaying limbs, a lizard-like snout and multi-coloured feather! Quite the radical change from the serpentine body of the myth. What kind of influence could have brought such changes to their vision of their god?”
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In Rec Room n°2
“[…. a lizard-like snout and multi-coloured feather! Quite the radical change…]” as the show resumed, depicting the new form of the god with the help of the Codex Borbonicus illustrations, eyes slowly turned to the sole Karnakian crew member present. Without a word, a weird feeling started to grasp everyone guts – except Émile was still having a blast – and gazes went back to the documentary. The truth was near. They could feel it.
“[Revered throughout history as the patron god of the Old-people-from-south-sombrero-land priesthood, of learning and knowledge. [Ehecatl-Quetzalcóatl] seems to have cemented its position by teaching mankind secrets from his divine origin. He was known as the inventor of books and the calendar, the giver of cereals to mankind, and sometimes as a symbol of death and resurrection. According to the myth, [Ehecatl-Quetzalcóatl] was also born from [Coatlicue], the divinity who gave birth to the moon, the sun, and all the stars of the Milky Way.
With that said, I think we have exposed the facts as we know them, it is now time to turn to the experts to see what they have pieced together from all this. Professor, the place is yours.]” Giorno concluded.
A small man appeared on screen, old, wrinkled and giving wiseman vibes (surely because of the OG John Hammond look). Professor Hasekura gave a brief nod before sitting in the frame for all the see.
“[Thank you for having me mister [Tsoukalos], your great-grandfather was an inspiration for all of us, I am glad to have followed his footsteps, and now to be able to present the results of my research to you today.]” he added.
“[In my opinion, the facts are clear, so I’ll cut short the explanations. While the West-Continent-Middle-Land beliefs started as their own, something – or should I say someone – came and influenced these people. Someone who looked like a bipedal lizard with feathers. Someone who shared technologies with the people. And most importantly someone who came from space! I think we can all see where I want to go. A Karnakian.]”
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Tk’Suig’tz
The gazes were back.
More intense than before.
‘Why must they be looking at me like that?’ Tk’Suig’tz thought. ‘There is a good dozen of us on this ship and of course I’m the only one who’s not on duty right now!’
He could tell what they wanted. Answers. Or perhaps he was paranoid.
First contact with humanity was still fresh, less than 60 years ago, and didn’t exactly go smoothly with the Karnakian Theocracy at the helm. The ‘Hankening’ and a traumatized and burning world. And now they were potentially learning about ‘Little-needs-protecting’-Karnakian shenanigans up to two millennia prior FC! All their souls were flickering erratically. Incomprehension. Curiosity. Amusement. Jealousy?
“|What do you want me to say? It doesn’t make more sense to me than it does to you. Would we have found them some generations earlier; do you think that we would have not contacted the Senate about them?|”
Most of the presentees’ gazes were now fixed on him, barely registering the documentary continuing on the giant holoscreen behind them. More amused by the increasingly vibrating Karnakian reaction.
And for what felt like the longest minutes of his life, Tk’Suig’tz listened as the Little-needs-protecting professor continue to expose his reasoning. It was some kind of insane rambling, far-fetched connections between points and details with seemingly no shared ground, weaved together into a horrid amalgam this man called a theory. No. He called it the truth. And somehow. SOMEHOW. He was really convincing in selling the whole deal. Managing to tick on enough “what if” buttons in Tk’Suig’tz’s brain for him to start believing.
“[-nd that’s why I think a lone Karnakian is responsible for the [Ehecatl] aspect of [Quetzalcoatl]. Perhaps a loner tracing his way into the unknown and who decided to settle with us for a while; or a survivor from a spaceship accident who drifted unto us as a stroke of luck; or perhaps even a fugitive who went beyond the mapped world in search of a hiding spot, only to find our world. We can only speculate over that point… Whoever he was, it seems that he lost the ability to leave our planet after landing or crashing or it, a sane person with a ship would have tried to go back home at some point.]” the professor continued.
“|See? You hear that? We didn’t know, I swear! And if anything, it looks like our kin did some pretty good things for them. Let’s all chill for a bit.|” Tk’Suig’tz said, raising both arms high enough to deescalate the non-existent tension between him and his co-workers his paranoid ass was creating. Slowly and unconsciously backing toward the back wall and the exit. Just in case they don’t like the truth.
“[Poor lost soul. At least he was a cool Karnakian. Kinda sad we can’t thank him in person for bringing popcorn into existence. I’m sure he was a great person to be around, with all the knowledge sharing stuff he did.]” the voice of Giorgio resonated in the room.
‘What luck. By the little-needs-protecting words, everything was fine. It even looked like the situation would turn in my favour. Perhaps I could use this discovery to get closer to Émilie? I should introduce the topic in our next conversation. Thank you [Tsoukalos]-man. I will buy you a gift for our next [Dirt] stop!’
Shoulders slouched all around. Some stress chuckles and sighs were heard. Ahzassn’han almost started eating Naphtha balls with the wrapping alongside his bucket of Nnrainze. Just imagine a python gobbling eggs and you’d get a pretty good image of it. Crisis averted!
But fate is a cruel mistress… Some may even say that she is a bitch.
“[I wouldn’t quite agree with you, young man. To quote the Old-people-from-south-sombrero-land themselves as recorded in the Florentine Codex : "[Quetzalcoatl] is wrathful". And given who we are talking about and what we know about their religious ceremonies, do you have a rough idea of how many people were sacrificed to his name?]” cut the Professor voice.
"|FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-|”
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Émilie
“Rough estimate, Aztecs sacrificed around 20.000 person/year for their plethora of gods. Assuming that they were split evenly – which surely wasn’t the case – it would be near 1/20nth of that number, times 1400-1500. So 1.5 million would be a fair estimate. 2 million if we assume that creator gods like Quetzalcoatl received a bigger portion of the sacrifices.” Professor Hasekura quickly demonstrated.
‘Lmao. Talk about a nice K/D ratio. Even If they are only Assist, that’s a lot of them.’ Émilie giggled.
“Man, we can’t have the OIH approve this. Everything would go to shit instantly Haha!” she said innocently, unbeknownst to the current situation in conf room n°2.
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Tk’Suig’tz
Opposite to Émilie’s room, on the other side of the ship, everything was very much going to shit (at least in Tk’Suig’tz mind).
“[YOU FEATHERY FOUR-EYED ZEALOT SQUAMATE FUCK! BURNING THEIR HOMEWORLD WASN’T ENOUGH FOR YOUR KIND? YOU HAD TO MAKE THEM KILL THEMSELVES OVER AND OVER AGAIN?]” Krrelehs-of-Bracken was shouting, looking ready to snap and claw at a Karnakian who was on a record pace to beat the fastest galactic molt time all species confounded, only stopped by a wall of crew members – some giggling - trying to talk some senses to their captain about why expeditive murder was not the right answer to the current predicament.
“|I’m sorry. I’m sorry. We didn’t know. I swear we didn’t know. Please I’m sorry…|” was all Tk’Suig’tz could repeat. Again and again. Seeing feathers dropping from his crest with each seconds passing.
Then something clicked in his brain.
‘It all makes sense. The Great Soul must be testing me! It’s the only explanation.’ he thought.
Revigorated by his newfound religious inspiration, he flew… no. Soared toward the door. “|I SHALL MAKE AMENDS FOR MY PEOPLE! [ÉMILIIIIIIIIE]|”
“[I WILL DE-SCALE YOU MYSELF [TK’SUIG’TZ]!]” roared Krrelehs, faking the start of a pursuit after the fleeing Karnakian up the exit of the rec room.
“|[ÉMILIIIIIE]|” faded in the distance of the “The-Curious-Wanderer-Seeking-Veracity” corridors.
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Krrelehs-of-Bracken
“[You were quite harsh on the lad Captain.]” said Ahzassn’han (who didn’t even bat as much of an eyelid during the whole scene) reprovingly; his attention still fully given to the screen on which the documentary was continuing its course. “[He will miss the end of the show. Decent acting tho.]”
“{Oh come on! You know how hard it is to crack a joke with his kind. Half the time they end quoting some obscure psalms from their paths, the other half they take it literally and look like you just insulted their ancestors when you explain the underlying meaning later.}” Krrelehs answered with a deep laugh.
“[You’ve ruined the kid’s night! That was his first time not in replay. You could have gone softer of him tonight.]”
“{And would I have been the one doing it, someone else would have taken my place. It was destined to happen you capsaicined-tiny-chomper-pasta.}” She added triumphantly with her favourite Tiny-Chomper insult (the meaning of it was still a bit lost in translation, but it was pretty efficient at taking a piss of most Jornissians). Only to receive a defeated sigh from the ship medic. “{Glad you all picked up the gig instantly guys. Perhaps we’re getting too used to prank the boi when it’s becoming so natural!}” She said turning back to the rest of the crew present.
And so, the movie night continued.
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Ahzassn’han
After a long back and forth about the hypothetic morality of [Ehecatl-Quetzalcóatl] between Giorgio, the Professor Hasekura, and a few more interveners – and a tangent on if the supposed world ending asteroid of 2012 of the Mayan calendar wasn’t in fact a Karnakian rescue ship – it seemed that the episode was drawing to an end.
“[…It seems that all the time we’ve got for this week. Professor Wise-but-wrong-warm-cuddle, thank you for joining us today and for your enlightening research approaches. Anything else you wish to say?]”
“[Yes. I know a lot of people there are listening to us with great attention, waiting for the next ground-breaking discovery about our past. We have brought up some convincing theories today, but without factual matter backing them, they remain as theories for now. So don’t get too heated debating them online; okay? But, until we dig up a Karnakian skeleton, I want to believe.]” the old man answered.
“[I want to believe too, Professor. I think we all want to. On these wise words, I bid you all a good night. And I give you rendezvous next week for a return in the Old-World-Central-Sea basin, where we will once more dive into myths and legends to catch the truths lying underneath!]”
*outro song & credits*
“
“
“
People started vacating the room. Both because they did not want the responsibility of rectifying the situation, and because you don’t fuck around when the doctor is openly threatening the captain with medical malpractice. Sure, they are old friends. But better safe than sorry.
“[Alright, alright. I’m sorry. I’ll go clear things up…]” said the defeated Dorarizin captain, only to be interrupted by a thrill song echoing into the ship.
Growing louder and louder; Krrelehs, Ahzassn’han, and the remaining present crewmembers could only watch as a procession of almost all the Karnakians of the ship, even joined by the agnostic Pi’tchcceecci from accounting and lead by a naked Tk’Suig’tz singing, passed by the door of the rec room and towards their human quarters.
“
“[By the Great Hunt… Come and help me secure these fools before they end up hurting someone, will you?]” She pleaded to her Jornissian friend as she went after the line of Karnakians.
“
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Émilie
By the next day cycle, calm had returned to the ship. Émilie got a good of sleep (courtesy of the Dorarizin 10-hours sleep schedule). The frantic chase, hide & seek, search & subdue, and calm the raptors games of the night before came to a halt before anything too dire happened. Not that she knew anything about it.
There were a few visible bruises here and there and some ravaged corridors, but Émile was told that some crewmembers got a bit rowdy after a heavy drinking session and were punished for it. That didn’t really put her at ease, but a little lie was better than the truth the Captain thought, still tired of trying to talk down a cult rising over the whole night. Something she somewhat succeeded by having the remaining Karnakians watch the documentary without Tk’Suig’tz filter. Although she could not shake off the feeling that it was only delaying the inevitable, by the end of the night, only Tk’Suig’tz was still a lost cause.
Luckily, some broken plasteel plates were not enough to deter Émilie unwavering good mood. A new day of work was in front of her. More discoveries were awaiting her in the lab… as well as a fully moulted not-so-fluffy-anymore-dino apparently. And the captain.
“Hello Captain Celes. Suez.” She greeted. “Man, what happened to you? Would I not know you better, I’d be thinking you have pulled the equivalent of a Karnakian monk tonsure. Is everything alright?”
“[Hello [Émilie]. Yes, I am well. You aren’t far from the truth in fact, I have found faith again and wanted to let you know that, should you ever need my help, I shall endeavour to be by your side when the time comes!]” he said under the very scrutinous look from Krrelehs-of-Bracken.
“Ah! Good for you, Suez! I know that religion is important to your people. I’m glad you found your way. I don’t see why you felt the need to tell me tho… Like, it’s your decision and I would have respected it either way should I was made aware of it later. As long as you aren’t going full doomsday cult and start making people kill in your name, we’ll be fine you and me!” she congratulated, passing by her two friends to reach her workstation, giving Tk’Suig’tz a lite fist bump on the shoulder on the way.
Silence. A painful smile across Tk’Suig’tz’s face.
“What? Do I have something stuck in my teeth or was it something I said?”