- Shari -

Now it’s getting critical.

According to our last briefing, the viscount has a small army staffed on the premises of his residence.

So if anyone gets alerted before we can escape we are in trouble.

Liqu got progressively better during the last few days but I doubt she could stand a drawn-out fight.

Thus it's imperative that we won't be seen.

Fortunately, the worst point of slimes is that they move completely silently.

Yet this also means no talking, and that better start now since when something can come from up there our voice may travel the other way.

So, albeit slightly reluctantly, I touch Liqu.

* "Okay, Liqu. At this point we're only communicating via linking. No talking." (Shari)

* "Yay!!" (Liqu)

* "Don't 'Yay' me! And don't dare to link for anything else but what is relevant for our mission." (Shari)

* "Yes, yes." (Liqu)

Well, at least I can trust her to follow my command.

At this point, we need to split up with Elin who has no convenient clinging feature to her body.

Though I suppose she doesn't mind being excused from climbing the drainage.

Since the same rules as last time in the palace apply for this covert mission, I remove my clothes and luggage and only hold on to the essential tools.

The queen made it very clear that any possible no-killing ban is lifted for this mission. Those people are "considered enemies of the crown" as she said.

So this time I can also count my blades and poison amongst my equipment.

In particular, I'm bringing a bit of my sleeping poison.

It's going to be useful to bring that viscount.

Naturally, not all of it, that stuff was expensive, but a small portion that I carefully scrape out and keep in a part of my body I try not to move.

With all preparations finished, we’re ready to go.

It's time for our shitty ascent.

Just why does it have to be the toilet entrance?

Already the remains on the walls would make me puke if I would have any biological features.

And then the way it interacts with my body!

This is just...

"Buuargh" (Shari)

Damn, the mental image was just too strong.

Promptly, Liqu leans over and makes contact with my body.

* "You shouldn't waste matter. You might need it." (Liqu)

* "Sorry, but that was inevitable." (Shari)

No one's going to deny that, right?

After I was somehow able to partly overcome my intense disgust by applying dissolving on the parts of my body where my blades aren't located, we can move further.

Yet are once again stopped in our tracks by a metal plate blocking our way.

* "What now?" (Liqu)

* "Just wait, I need to think." (Shari)

But that's weird.

Something like this would contradict the very purpose of an outlet if it won't allow the waste to pass.

And just a few moments ago, we saw the passage in use, so it couldn't have been blocked at that time.

So I inspect the plate a little closer, forcing slime through all the gaps I can squeeze it through.

It doesn't seem to be welded into place but there is a narrow space to the side.

Thus, I come to a realization.

That's a mechanism!

One that can be pulled to the side to allow the waste to pass.

But for what reason?

Why would anyone build something so complicated to prevent one's excrement from leaving the premise?

And it surely is annoying.

As if it's only there to stop us.

Us... slimes!

That's a goddamn, racist, anti-slime prevention barrier!

Those fucking high borns don't want to get their ass eaten while sitting on the pot!

Oh, now you don't have to expect any mercy from me.

* "Liqu, dissolve that thing. It's metal but shouldn't be very thick." (Shari)

While this kind of barrier should work on normal slimes who just look for another target once the source of sustenance they were drawn to is out of their sight, we are different in so far that we know a reason why to spend energy on dissolving metal that by itself isn't granting any energy.

Not to speak that we aren't even here for that reason.

Liqu doesn't take very long but what comes from behind the plate makes me glad that she was before me.

There wasn’t enough time for a large amount to gather above the shutter, but this doesn’t change the fact that it’s the most unpleasant place I’ve ever been.

The cave we enter is small and partly still filled with the unspeakable.

Above us are three more channels.

I suppose those lead to the different toilets.

Yet I don't really want to have to explore all of them only to learn which one leads furthest up to the second floor.

So while it's against my principles, I have to consider that I'm at the absolute limits of what I'm willing to bear with.

* "Liqu, I'm sorry, I know this isn't pleasant, but would you go see which of those leads furthest upwards?" (Shari)

* "Why would this be unpleasant?" (Liqu)

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

I should start to learn that this slime has very different values from mine.

* "Can we just agree that for me all this shit, piss, and whatever else people drop down here is the absolute worst? I'm very much struggling to not completely lose it right now." (Shari)

* "Oh, sure. Then I'll try making this easier for you." (Liqu)

She isn't even trying to turn this into another lesson for me?

Is this the power of understanding my point through linking?

Well, that's a benefit I need to say.

Without further ado, she begins moving up the first channel, and I can only hope that nobody up there has urgent business to conduct at just this moment.

Since it's in the middle of the night, it hopefully shouldn't be the case.

Liqu doesn't take too long and after she went up the third one she comes back and makes a "this way" gesture with a tendril.

So I'll have to crawl up this literal shithole.

Sigh!

I move along the walls and start to wonder.

Why is this channel so clean?

Don't tell me...

* "Liqu, did you..." (Shari)

* "It was just there. You were uncomfortable and since I don't mind it... It's just a source of energy like any other." (Liqu)

* "We... We have to talk about this. But later when we have any leeway to do so." (Shari)

I'm not sure if I should be grateful or uncomfortable because this slime literally ate shit for me.

Finally, I make it out of that hole.

Once again I'm confronted with the personally very conflicting feeling of being a slime who just crawled out of the toilet.

On one side there's the general sense of wrongness, on the other a liberating feeling that I made it out there.

But to get out, I need to know if it's safe to open the door.

Just then I remember that one trick.

I can go by the vibrations around me.

Funny enough, it works better in solid stone buildings like this where the vibrations can travel better than, for example, on loose dirt.

So, that one moving signal over there might be a nightguard.

No, two!

But at the moment they're nowhere close.

And this... There's someone snoring, three rooms to the left.

Okay, that should be easy enough.

So I open the door and move along the floor towards the door at the end.

The slight creaking of the outlet door makes me nervous, but according to the vibrations, the patrol is still making their round on the lower floor.

I reach the room, but when I try getting in, it's locked.

Given the current situation, the reason might be justified paranoia.

But I'm skilled enough that this doesn't pose a hindrance.

I place two fingers against the lock and only dissolve the part that's connected to the wall for the locking effect.

"Zsch"

Since metal is denser than most other materials it takes a while to dissolve.

Then I only have to push.

"Creeeaaaaak"

What did I do, world?!

I'm not sure if my victim is awake but I'm not taking chances.

I swiftly rush towards the bed and place my hand on his face.

"Hmph!? Hmmphff!" (viscount)

If he wasn't before, he's awake now.

But not for long, since I move my poison to this hand and push the poisonous slime down his throat.

He's trying to struggle, but this fat man, who obviously lacks a regular workout, is no opponent to me, and his own bed cushions all his desperate movements.

At that moment, I feel another touch from behind me.

* "What should I do?" (Liqu)

* "Close the door! And more importantly, DON'T DISTRACT ME WHILE I'M DRUGGING SOMEONE!!!" (Shari)

She does so and the door closes again, yet not without creating another horrible creak.

Some moments later the poison finally shows effect and he gradually becomes more sluggish until he completely ceases all movement.

However, I can't relax now.

This is because the vibrations tell me that the patrol has started moving in our direction.

The guy is out cold, but with our only escape route blocked, there isn't much I can do to get out of the situation.

If possible, I would like to avoid anyone becoming aware of the involvement of slimes in this.

So I can only hope this will work out.

The steps end shortly before the door.

Liqu, being better at this detection ability than I am, already moved to cover behind the door.

I, on the other hand, have to use the only hiding place in my close vicinity.

Under the bed.

Sigh!

"Sir?!" (night guard)

Two men rush in a panic into the room, probably after noticing that it isn't locked. Yet they find the man they thought to be in grave danger laying in his bed.

"Milord! The lock to the door is damaged! Someone must've entered!" (night guard)

Well, he surely won't answer with the amount of relaxant I pumped into his system.

But now the man has approached the bed and starts shaking his boss.

It won't take long till he realizes that this isn't just related to an extraordinarily deep sleep and that something is wrong.

So I have to act now.

I send out my mass to grab his legs and drag them towards me under the bed. If anything this suffices to take his balance.

At the same time, I go with all my blades for his throat. Ambushed like this he doesn't have much of a chance and can barely squeak out a tone.

Quickly I scan the room for number two but see that Liqu has him already within her grasp.

And according to his choked expression, there's not much going on with him anymore.

She's reaching out to me with a tendril.

* "He's dead. Couldn't be careful without risking noise. What should I do now?" (Liqu)

* "We... can't leave traces. Dissolve the bodies." (Shari)

I don't like this.

Killing like an assassin.

It's cold and cruel even if it's the most practical approach and I don't have much of a choice.

And having Liqu desecrate the bodies isn't great either.

I don't know if I stirred any more guards, but I sure as hell won't stay long enough to find out. I hoist the body of the boss while Liqu is dissolving number two and carry him in the old slime way to the toilet room.

As soon as I reach him I become aware of another problem, linked to my victim's apparent wealth.

Damn, he might be too fat for the toilet channel.

Well, all I can think of is to widen the seat and slime him to make him more slippery.

Also, maybe a bit of teamwork might help us push through this.

Liqu is at this point almost done with her "portion".

* "Liqu, you go in first. I'll push this man from above and you pull. But not too hard, we need him alive." (Shari)

* "Sure. I know how much a human body can endure." (Liqu)

Now I'm slightly concerned in which way she tested this out before.

Like this, we commence the plumbing operation.

After Liqu went down the channel I plummet the man legs-first inside.

As I thought, he promptly gets stuck.

While trying not to suffocate him, I evenly apply pressure from above.

I only start to work a little hastier once the vibrations around me indicate that we might soon get more company.

So I'm at one point going all in and pushing with all my mass on him.

"Splop"

And finally, he squeezes through the channel into the repository.

Fortunately, the second chasm leading to the sewers is far bigger and we only have to drop him from here out.

From a safe height, naturally.

"Plompsh"

Just good that the ground is kinda "padded" down there.

But why would I have to be the only one to deal with all this shit?