Slide 1: The Boy, the Gang and the Devil
At the beginning there were the endless oceans. The source of all life and ultimately even humanity. The water granted us life and prosperity as well as an unending fascination with the marine life and depths of our seas. Everything begins and ends in the raging waters.
Humanity has made water its slave. A prisoner that creates their electricity in tall dams, a tool for cleansing themselves and ultimately even something to be consumed for the survival of the species.
But what is water’s greatest achievement you ask?
Of course to be used on slides! Water slides if you will!
Some may claim penicillin was a pretty good invention or perhaps Smartphones are proof that humans have surpassed the gods by now, but I say humanity has reached the pinnacle of its inventiveness somewhere around the end of the 19th century. When water slides were created for the first time and brought to the homes of great people like Karl Marx, Otto von Bismarck and Theodore Roosevelt. Did not Winston Churchill once say “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” when referring to the shoddily constructed three loop water slide inside his garden?
What could surpass the grace, the sheer divinity and power of a water slide? It begins with the warm springs that rival those of Olympus itself. Its curves are like the Gordian Knot, impossible to untangle. Its colors put the greatest paintings to shame! And it all ends in a splash, which honestly is pretty fun.
“Oh jeez, Mark is talking to himself again.”
“He really does that a lot.”
“I think it’s really cool.”
“Ugh.”
As I finish my inner monologue, I am rudely interrupted by none other than my greatest companions and closest friends. Despite their words I know that we have forged a bond that nobody could ever break (whether we want to or not).
“I w-wasn’t talking to myself!” I retort, perhaps a tiny bit too forcefully. I point at the one who called me out on my musings, a girl my age who is staring at me with doubtful green eyes. Her light brown hair is cut short and makes her look pretty boyish and her black one-piece swimsuit is about as boring as a basic one-rail water slide. The definition of a tomboy.
Her name is Carla, but I just call her Carl. She doesn’t like that very much, which is the reason I will never stop doing it.
“Riiiight. Did anybody else hear that line about Churchill?” She crosses her arms and grins derisively.
“I don’t think water slides were invented back then.” A black haired nerdy boy with round glasses chimes in. His name is Ben, but we call him Beanstalk, because he is lanky and the tallest in our small gang. But he is actually physically weak. He would probably lose to a milk carton if it accidentally fell on him. His skin is as pale as Antarctica and his swimming trunks are covered in binary code. Whatever that means.
Of course I call him a nerd because he is also the smartest guy around. He can actually read a school book without falling asleep. And I could swear I saw him solve a formula once that belonged to his big bro’s homework. His bro goes to University by the way. “What’s your source on this Mark?”
“That’s just common sense, Beanstalk!” I reply confidently. “There are things that are true and things that aren’t. This is the former.”
“He convinced me already.” Ramirez says with a wide smile while stuffing french fries into his face. Where did he get those? I didn’t see him buy them!
Ramirez real name is actually Ralph, but that’s lame. So I just call him Ramirez. He is pudgy and overweight, which means he is fat. Don’t let that mislead you though. He is also strong. I saw him lift at least two whole gallons of chocolate pudding once. They disappeared about two seconds later, but their mass will always be a part of him. His need to eat enough for a whole suburban family aside, he is a really nice guy who always has my back. And everything around it too, should he stand behind me. His heart is as fiery as his red mane.
It’s hard to see his swimming trunks below that belly, but apparently they are covered in donut patterns.
“Ugh… can we just ignore his blabbering and go inside already?” Those words of utter disgust and teenage angst belong to my closest friend and rival, Ken. In some circles they would probably call him a pretty boy with his golden locks and the ridiculously dreamy blue eyes, but he is more like the Grinch on the inside. Green and doesn’t like fun. Also a really bad dancer.
His arms are perpetually crossed and he has never smiled once since I met him. I am honestly concerned if he might be cursed. Or perhaps it’s a medical condition. Either way he hangs out with us against his express will, even though nobody keeps him here.
He is the only one with a figure (and the tanned skin) that could pull of the surfer look, but he wears a white beach vest and a black speedo instead.
“Are you done with the introductions?” And here comes the bane of my existence. The casual, uncaring voice of my brother grates on my ears, but he doesn’t seem to notice. “Okay kids, we made it to the water park. I promised your parents to keep an eye on you, but you don’t need me for that, right? This is like the gajillionth time we’re going on a trip and nobody died yet.” He scratches his head and laughs.
“Mom said you are supposed to play with us.” I say with a frown.
“Yeah she probably did.” He shrugs. “But ya know, I have some obligations too. You can paddle in the water by yourself or roll down the slides or whatever you like to do.”
“We will conquer the Devil’s Spiral today!” I shout at him.
Joshua is such a dick. He looks like an older version of me, same chestnut hair and great jaw line, but he is a total douche and his stubble doesn’t look cool at all. Whenever we go to the water park my parents send him with us to keep watch, but he always goes to the solarium or the beach section to hang out with women in bikinis. I wouldn’t even care if he didn’t mock the glory of the water slide.
Needless to say a non-believer like him will go to dry slide hell one day. May he burn his skin on those sun heated metal slides!
What was he even doing walking around in his normal clothes when going inside a water park?!
“Woah, edgy name. That marketing team knows how to attract the ‘badass’ teen crowd.” He snickers in his hand and then winks at me. I glare daggers at him, but he already leaves through the ticket gate and walks towards the solarium. He is a terrible adult.
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“Don’t listen to him Mark! The Devil’s Slide is really cool!” Ramirez says with clenched fists and passion.
“Damn right! Let’s go and do it Sliders!” I shout encouragingly and march towards the ticket gate.
“Could you stop calling us that? It’s embarrassing.” Carla covers her face with one hand, but follows behind me anyway.
“It reminds me of that old novel. Or was it a movie?” Ben adjusts his glasses which are held together by nothing but tape and prayers.
“Ken, why aren’t you coming?” Ramirez stays behind to question the hardass.
“I won’t follow that call.” He huffs and turns away. Obviously he is too cool for team names.
“Okay, we will be back in 8 hours or so, have fun in the sun.” Carla calls over her shoulder with an ironic smile.
“…” Ken is sweating a lot and it is not just because of the burning sunrays outside the park.
----------------------------------------
““Woooooow!”” All of us (except Ken) exclaim in surprise and awe. The Splash World water park is the biggest in the world, but none of us could have imagined this… There are countries with less land and certainly less water!
And in the center of the country of water stands our goal, our destiny.
Devil’s Spiral. The tallest, biggest, roundest, edgiest, weirdest, unsafest, most gorgeous and stupidly expensive water slide ever made! If she was a girl I would fall in love with her on the spot. In fact I am in love anyway!
The water slide of the heavens and hell was gigantic. It far exceeds the water parks rooftop and seems to rise up endlessly above it. I can honestly not see the top from down here.
“She is so pretty….” I stretch my hand forward longingly.
“Stop drooling.” Carla glares at me.
“Comrades! Our long journey across the globe has finally reached its climax. We bested the sand-covered slides in the Sahara, the frozen loops of Russia and we even survived whatever that torture machine in North Korea was! All for this moment!” Tears of appreciation for my luck to have been born in this era start streaming down my face. It doesn’t matter; these tears are earned (by our parents’ wallets).
“Just in time too. Summer break will end tomorrow. Honestly I have no idea how we managed a world tour in just a few weeks.” Beanstalk looks at his notebook that he carries everywhere. He marks another day on the calendar.
“I heard a single ride on this thing takes 20 minutes.” Carla says with a raised brow.
“Yes!” I pump my fists.
“…they say that some people come out as a different person than the one who entered.” Ken finally joined us apparently. His sideward glance at the slide is probably supposed to look cool.
“YEAH!” I grit my teeth in excitement.
“You think they sell ice-cream for the people in line?” Ramirez sucked on his salt covered fingers.
“Probably!” I shout while shaking my head up and down like a jackhammer.
“This construction utterly disobeys the laws of physics. According to the pamphlet it actually pierces the clouds.” Beanstalk’s glasses reflect the blue pamphlet as he shares this detail.
“HOLY COW! Let’s go!” I rush forward like a Formula 1 car on nitro!
And similar to a Formula 1 car built by cheapskates my brakes are defective, because I can’t stop myself from crashing into the flesh mountain ahead of me.
“Bwah!” I faceplant painfully and make acquaintance with the hard floor. “C-can someone… tell me the number of that truck…?”
“Are you okay Mark?” Carla squats down next to me, but doesn’t even give me a hand.
“Oh my, kids these days, so wild and rambunctious.” That is the very snobby voice of a middle-aged lady with way too much sun blocker on her skin. She musters us from her slightly lowered sunglasses. She doesn’t seem amused.
“Sorry for bumpin’ into you Miss.” I hold my hurting nose and get up on my own. At least my nose now is in partner look with my red plaid swim shorts.
“Hmph! This isn’t a playground.” She says haughtily and turns back to her circle of friends. All of them are not exactly great to look at, not made better by the fact they are all carrying babies with them. That looks like a dissonant decibel disaster about to happen.
“I’m pretty sure it is though.” Beanstalk comments with furrowed brows.
“Can you believe it Trucy? That boy just tried to cut in line.” The face-cement plastered woman is making a big deal out of it with her fellow mothers.
“Like hell I was. Why would I wanna cut into your line?” I mumble to myself. Biting back would just cause an argument which would keep me away from the Devil’s Spiral!
With renewed energy I get up and run forward, urging the others to come along, but they don’t. I stop in my tracks and hold my mask like smile. Their expressions are similar. Slowly I twist my head in the direction of the water slide. It was quite far away. In fact we barely made any distance towards it from the entrance.
“Don’t tell me…” I try to suppress reality in my mind.
“…this is the line for the slide.” Ken says cruelly like the party-pooper he was meant to be.
“Nooo waaaay!?” I sink to my knees. The line is freaking long! No, not long like the line in front of an Apple store on a new release, long like freaking Jörmungandr, the world serpent! Even if the difference is not that big admittedly.
“Wow… if that goes all the way up to the top that must be at least…” Carla holds up her hands in a square shape as if making a photo.
“1.000.005 people.” Beanstalk calculated it in a second.
“Why the five specifically?”
“That’s us included.”
“Oh.”
I look up at the endless spinning circles of visitors on the steps that are waiting in line. One million?! If we wait until it’s our turn it will at least take a few days! Maybe we even need to camp out here. Under normal circumstances I’d have totally done that, but this is not normal. Summer break is almost over.
“We could just go to the pool.” Carla suggests like a total quitter.
“Stop saying silly stuff quitter!”
“Okay then.” Her eyes become dull and she looks towards the whirlpool in secret longing.
“Can we go to the restaurant first?” Ramirez asks a very Ramirez like question.
“If we save you a spot you can go maybe.” I give him the go ahead, because I am such a nice guy.
“Ohh... but I want to be with you guys. T-then I will stay in line!” He made a choice that not many men could have made. His willpower is inspiring.
“Not to sound negative or anything, but we will not reach the end of the line before next week, according to my calculations.” Beanstalk holds up his calculator for us to see.
“Then what can we do?! We can’t give up on the final battle. What were all our sacrifices worth!?”
“The price of admission, I guess.” Carla mumbles almost inaudibly.
“…then we just need to move ahead.“ Ken interjects with his back turned to us. His hair waves in the breeze that inexplicably exists in this in-door pool.
“What do you mean?” I ask as I gulp.
“It’s time to fight back.” Ken says with a gravelly voice.
“How do we fight back?” Ramirez gulps too, but in his case it’s just ice-cream. So they really sell some here.
“With cunning.” He points at Beanstalk. “With power.” His finger moves to Ramirez. “With our wiles.” He glances at Carla for a split-second.
“Hey.”
“And of course with willpower.” He slaps his own chest.
“Cool! And what’s my talent?” I ask happily.
“You are the most important.” He confesses.
“Really? I didn’t… I didn’t know you think so highly of me Ken.” My heart is moved by his trust.
“You will take all the blame.” Ken says with a straight face.
“Huh?” My face is frozen is space-time.
“Let’s move this line. With or without its consent.” Ken smacks his fists together and walks ahead. The others follow him.
“G-guys? Can’t we talk about this? Blame for what exactly? Guuuuys?!”
And so began our quest for the Devil’s Spiral. Looking back on it, perhaps we could have stopped right there and the police, the FBI, the firefighters, the ambulance, the gangsters, the aliens and the near end of the world wouldn’t have been involved. Maybe.
But then there would be no story to tell, would there?
(To be continued)