BACK ON THE ROAD
Four horses pulled a rather flamboyant carriage across the dirt road, their hooves kicking up the dust as they galloped along. The scenery surrounding the horses was quite plain, with two fields stretching out into narrow valleys, cut through with a wide, quick river.
The carriage suddenly stopped as a body flew out from the back, flipping through air like a kite and landing a few dozen meters away, kicking up some more dust. Shortly after a screech followed and a monkey flew through the sky brilliantly before landing on his butt and crying out in pain.
“Why did we bring her along?!!!” the monkey cried out, cursing at Lynne who was tapping off the dust from his robe while grimacing in pain. “It’s your fault! ‘Hey, she helped us! We can take her along, no problem!’ - you rotten bastard, has your brain finally rotted completely?!”
“Oi, screw off monkey! You didn’t complain when I suggested it, so what the hell are you complaining for now?!”
“She just kicked us out of the carriage – the one YOU paid for with nearly dying – and you’re just going to let her off?!”
“Hai, of course not! I’m Lynne the Great! I am Revengence!”
“… you’re what?”
“You know? The revengence. Revenge and vengeance combined for double the… I don’t know, avenging?” Lynne raised his shoulders slightly as he spoke, turning around and walking back towards the carriage.
“I meant it as a compliment!” he shouted at the back of the carriage where a young, beautiful girl was standing, angry.
“The sad part is, he probably did…” Thalia said, sighing.
“No, the sad part is that his brain even came up with it.” Parsia added.
“Hey, I just got dust-fed! Show some sympathy! Aren’t you my friends?”
“…”
“…”
“… wow, really? Really? You’re just going to break my heart like that?”
“Ah, just apologize Lynne so we can move on.” Thalia said as she went back into the carriage, quickly followed by Parsia.
“Fen’er, oh dear Fen’er,” Lynne suddenly knelt before the carriage and the girl standing at the entrance. “Oh the sweet angel, my words were crude and barbaric; how can a Knight utter something as shameless as ‘Does your ass grow fatter every time you sit on it? ‘Cause it seems you’ve been sitting on it a lot’? I am ashamed! I am truly, humbly ashamed!”
“Fen’er, oh dear Fen’er,” the monkey knelt next to Lynne, his voice apologetic. “Oh the sweet angel, my words were crude and barbaric; how can a… Knikey-”
“A what?” Lynne interrupted.
“Knikey? Knight plus monkey?”
“Wouldn’t Monight be better?”
“Now that you mention it...”
“Hey!” Fen’er yelled at the two, startling them back onto their knees.
“How can a Knikey-I mean a Monight utter something as shameless as ‘Maybe she should sit on your face so your empty brain can suck out all the fat from her ass’? I am ashamed! I am truly, humbly ashamed!”
“Ugh, just get on and keep your mouths shut.”
“Aye aye fat--” Lynne suddenly stopped talking as Fen’er glared angrily at him. “Ah, allow me.” he spoke as he flung himself backwards through the air, ending up eating dust yet again.
The group departed a few days ago from the city, saying goodbye to the three months they’ve spent there. The Major gave them four Storm Stallions, a special breed of horses meant for distant journeys through hard terrain – which a continental movement towards Eastern Wastelands certainly qualified as.
They were currently crossing Rolyhard’s border into Saylar Kingdom, six-generations standing dynasty of Rodder Kings and Queens. Known for export of quartz, Saylar Kingdom is the only Kingdom on Alloy Continent without organized military force, as they maintain relatively harmonious relationships with everyone. Their borders to the East are defended by volunteers and nomad tribes of Mages in return for supplies of quartz and gold, which in turn makes their economy a steady constant.
“There should be a threefold split close by,” Parsia said as he was examining the map. “We need to avoid the main roads and travel through mostly uninhabited parts.”
“What?” Lynne looked at the staring monkey.
“Old man looks really suit you.” the monkey sneered.
“Hey, at least they’re looks. Unlike yours.”
“Hey!”
“Shut up!” Thalia interrupted, perking her ears slightly. “Do you hear that?”
“… uh, your annoyance?” Lynne asked.
“No,” she shook her head as she suddenly jumped to the carriage’s exit and looked outside. “There’s an incoming caravan. Guarded; eight in total.”
“Should we avoid them?” Parsia asked.
“Too late, they’ve spotted us.” Thalia said as she went back in. “Lynne, go outside and deal with them.”
“… why me?”
“…”
“…”
“What?”
“Just go.”
This content has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.
“… ugh, fine.”
Lynne passed through the cloth opening as he found himself atop a horse, slowly bumping up and down as the caravan approached. As they neared each other, the caravan halted suddenly as Lynne followed suit. He jumped off the horse and headed towards the incoming group of two older men and two guards.
“Gentlemen,” Lynne smiled warmly as he made his voice hoarse, as if destroyed by eons of time. “How do you do on this fine day?”
“What are you transporting old man?” the merchant asked arrogantly, glancing at the carriage behind Lynne.
“Ah, just my children.”
“… your children?”
“Aye, a group of misfits,” Lynne chuckled proudly as he glanced back. “Ah, they were banished from our home village.”
“Why?” the other merchant asked.
“Ah, their mother – god bless her soul – while a wonderful woman, was also one of a kind.”
“Hm?”
“Ugly, really, really ugly. Unfortunately, all our kids became wonderful, ugly people. We were banished because of the latest Projectile Incident.”
“…”
“…”
“You don’t want to know.” Lynne said, sighing somberly. “Is there anything I can help you with? Ah, are you merchants? Wonderful! Truly wonderful!”
“W-why?” the merchant asked as he took a step back.
“One silver for one child! Ah, they are truly wonderful kids! It’s a bargain! They can cook, they can clean – I mean, I wouldn’t let them touch anything with their bare hands – but they’re useful!”
“N-no, no need.”
“Fine, fine, one copper! I’m losing out here!” Lynne said as he bowed lightly.
“I-I don’t deal in-in slaves.”
“Ah, you truly are a merchant; fine, you can take them! They’re yours! Free, no strings attached!” he leaned in slightly as his voice grew serious. “Just get them off my hands, I beg you!”
“H-here,” the merchant suddenly tossed him a small, plain bag as the group of four began backing down. “I-I hope it will help you and your… f-family. We’ll be going now.”
“Ah, wait~”
As the caravan was passing through, despite the naysayers called common sense and reason, the merchants and the guards glanced back into the carriage. Their hearts heaved relief as they saw several figures completely covered in cloth from head to toe. Quickly turning around, they proceeded onwards, doing the best they can not to imagine what Projectile Incident was.
Lynne returned to the carriage while counting coins inside the coin purse, his face draped in beautiful smile. As he entered the carriage and as the horses began pulling forward again, he didn’t notice the heavy atmosphere inside and instead played with coins – despite the fact that there were only ten silver ones – as if it was the world’s brightest treasure.
“Ugly?” a voice jolted him out as he turned sideways, finally noticing the expressions of his fellow companions.
“What? You told me to deal with it. I dealt with it.” Lynne shrugged it off.
“Projectile Incident?” Thalia arched her brow as she looked at him.
“Hey, it’s only as bad as your imagination is!” Lynne protested. “Besides, you know what they say? Perfection is in the flaws! So, the more flawed you are, the more perfect you are!” Lynne smiled widely after which he suddenly sighed. “Good lord, some ugly people are really desperate, aren’t they?”
“Why are you fondling ten silver coins as if they were mature woman’s bosoms?” the monkey asked; Parsia suddenly coughed as he looked away, with Fen’er awkwardly lowering her head.
“We’re broke,” Lynne said plainly, ignoring the two. “I’d fondle them even if they were made out of shit if they would buy us food.”
“So, you fondle stuff because they feed you?” the monkey asked, sneering.
“Oh, nice one!” Lynne sneered back, giving him thumbs up. “Fondled to a full stomach, huh?”
“… can we stop with the fondling?” Parsia finally interjected, sighing. “Do you have no shame? We’ve got two ladies here for crying out loud!”
“Eh? So?” Lynne looked at him strangely. “It’s not like my hands are the only ones having fun.”
“…”
“…”
“Ho ho,” the monkey laughed strangely. “Looks like you’ll be eating dust yet again.” strange silence covered the carriage as the monkey’s laughter died out, causing them to look at others. “W-what? No… no. No. Right? You guys? No…”
The duo flew through the sky as sun beams beautified the land around them. The dust storm was kicked up as coughs broke out from it and two bodies emerged, sprinting at full speed as they caught up to the carriage.
“Here we are,” Thalia said as she glanced through the opening up front. “The three-way split. What do you think Parsia?”
“Get out!” a harsh voice sounded out from outside.
“… seriously? Bandits?” Thalia sighed as she got up, followed by everyone else.
A group of fifteen men, armed with hatches and swords, surrounded the carriage from all sides as they stared at Lynne and others. Their clothes were tattered and they were clearly underfed, and however intimidating they wished to appear, they failed.
“How to do this?” Thalia muttered.
“I’ll take the front,” Lynne casually said as he stepped forward. “You guys support me.”
“No, I’ll take the front.” Thalia pulled him back.
“Eh, no, the front is mine. The front means the leader. And I’m the leader.”
“First off, if you’re a leader in any sense of that word, all of us here are angelic mass of purity,” Thalia said as she turned towards him. “Second off, remember what happened the last time you took the front, huh? I suppose it should still be quite fresh in your memory.”
“Okay, first off, if you guys are angelic mass of purity, can you stop being so mean to me, huh?” Lynne protested back. “Second off, if you’ve forgotten, I was kind of, uh, I don’t know, fighting a freaking God back then? Do these thin sticks look like gods to you?”
“Hey!” someone from the bandit group protested.
“Shut up!” Lynne and Thalia yelled out in unison. “Look,” Thalia said, smiling quite evilly, causing shivers to run down Lynne’s spine. “I don’t care if they were squirrels without eyes, tails and nails, you aren’t taking front. As the matter of fact, you aren’t taking anything. Just kick back in the carriage, relax, and wait for us.”
“We’re robbing you here, stop pretending like we don’t exist!”
“Oh, bugger off!” Thalia waved her hand gently, rousing wind around her and causing the group of fifteen to fly backwards like kites.
“The front is mine dammit!” Lynne exclaimed.
“The front of the back maybe.” Thalia replied.
“Ugh, fine, at least I’ll be able to ogle at your fat asses from back there.”
“Oops.” the monkey said as he retreated back into the carriage.
“Ah…” Lynne sighed as he stopped. “For the record – before I fly off – I actually think your asses are great.”
“Go.”
“Yes Ma’m.”
Lynne flew through the sky yet again, starting to slightly enjoy the experience of eating dust. As he returned to the carriage, the group took the leftmost path through the mountain ring.
What they failed to see, though, was that behind them, the fifteen bandits were nowhere to be found. Instead, in a tall grass, a head popped out. Hair rolled out like waves – sky-blue in color – with eyes as round as eggs, azure-colored, and a smile to topple over the Kingdoms. A girl in her early twenties was staring at the carriage while smiling.
“Interesting…” she muttered. “Looks like Eastern Front is about to get a hella lot more interesting.” the woman suddenly vanished into thin air, leaving behind only a faint whizzing sound, leaving fields to their tepid silence yet again.