Wait a minute. If I was actually dead and my brain was deactivated. I wouldn’t be able to think right now, would I?

No.. no no, no, no no, oh fuck! Did I just do what Cade mentioned earlier and let him wire me? No- even worse, all my memories are gone. These were never memories at all were they? These periods of my life I thought I was recalling, that was just a warped perception of my life I had due to the drugs they had me on, wasn’t it? I felt like I was an outsider looking in, when I’ve been the goddamn subject I was observing all along. FUCK!

…

“Heha, good morning to you too. I guess Cade did a good job bringing you here, didn’t he? By the way, He doesn’t exist.” Ava teased, her soft face hovering a mere inch above mine. She had bright pink eyes, luscious black hair. God, the volume. So thick and smooth, not a single stray hair in sight, it almost glowed. Perfectly shaped eyebrows, thin, attentive- finely trimmed. Two silver rings on her right brow. Pearly white skin, not a hint of human tone left. The pure alien beauty of an albino goddess.

So here I am, in her bed. Her bead attached to the back of her neck, her lips brushing mine, her weight crushing me as she lays on me, but it’s nothing I’m not used to with what I wear every day. Her hand rubbing my cheek. It’s so cold. Yet I don’t want it to leave. I don’t want to leave. “I want to stay with you forever~” I murmur lovingly, my body overwhelmed with feeling so my mind cannot think.

“You can! I’ll be with you forever. Don’t worry, I can see what you’re thinking, you don’t have to try to explain.” She assures me, wrapping her arms around my body, encased in metal. “You’re scared, but I won’t hurt you. Unless you want me to.” She invited me, swinging her hips on top of me, and claiming her seat. This warmth in my groin again, what is it?

…

What?

…

“R-really? You aren’t scared of me..? You don’t think I’m inhuman, or strange, or-”

Her finger muted my lip. “I think you’re really cute, and smart, and you make me feel safe.” She praised, a grin crawling up her face as she watched my body relax, as she felt my mind give way to her every word.

…

Stop. Stop it. This isn’t something I want. I don’t even know what’s going on. Or where I am. I see bright lights, I see her face, I see her chest, I see her hands on mine, I see her lips moving as she speaks, I see her piercing pink eyes. Where am I in this picture?

…

“Hey.. hey wait. Where a-am I, if it’s okay to ask that?” I stutter, as I watch her face so closely, analysing it like a computer for the slightest hint of disapproval. Anything I could latch onto. I knew this wasn’t what I wanted. I know I could break through, I knew I could still choose. I just have to find my choice. I just have to last until it becomes clear. Until it becomes clear.

…

You know you’re going to hurt her. Regardless of how you do it. If you wait for your evidence that she isn’t what you want and then seperate from her, you’ll hurt her. And if you do it right now before you know, you’ll hurt her less. Why are you doing this?

Because I’ve never felt accepted before.

What about Adam?

He was imaginary. What we had was a connection, and a crucial part of my life, Adam kept me mentally afloat when I was so alone and afraid.

He hurt you too. You hurt him too.

Who is Adam?

He doesn’t matter anymore. You have someone who truly cares about you in your arms right now. You need to let yourself care about her in turn. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s

…

“Hey, look. It’s fine. Look. I’m here now. I’m here. It’s okay.” She assured me, curling my head into her arms, into her chest.

“W-where am I though?” I stammer again. God, her words of assurance feel so good. Why am I even asking where I am? I’m with her. That’s all that matters.

“You’re in my house, my little Owl.” She assured me softly, stroking my sweat-knotted hair.

“Where is cay, where is Cade?” I stammer. My breathing sped up, as I took in the scent of lavender. A black roof is above me, with LED strips stuck on. Controlled by the wires inside her body, commanded by her mind linked to them, just like mine.

…

Good god. Don’t you remember what the Obelisk said, what YOU also said?

…

“He doesn’t exist, remember?” She laughed it off, and pressed her face into mine, something wet from her lips drips onto mine, something fleshy and moving- her tongue. It’s disgusting.

“I spoke to the machine, using what I call, full conscience.” I repeat to her. The lustful gaze in her eyes contorted. “And I said. If you touch me again, I will stop pretending to be someone else. I will stop pretending to be the person you want me to be, and I will violate my own desires and wishes for the sake of personal growth.”

Ava slowly moved her body off of mine. “I wasn’t lying to you, you know. About those Brighton wires of yours. Rejects inbound traffic like I reject men with good intentions.” She said in defeat, and slinked off me. She began sliding her black leggings back on, then pulled her black hoodie back over her noticeably large frame. I could have sworn she was smaller. Was she using cog art to slim herself down, or just change her bone structure?

Wait. I know what cog art is? When did I learn that?

The narrative has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the infringement.

…

Deca Machina, what just happened to me?

This period was an odd one. It seems I got disconnected from my past self for a moment, thanks to something taking over my neurological processes. Don’t worry. I’m back now. I hope I didn’t confuse you too much, you’re probably the only in following me in this deep after all.

…

With a sudden click, Cade is sitting in front of me again, hands wavering as he carefully moves back from me. “Dude, you’re in reality right? I gotta ask just to be safe. What’s my name? Where are you right now?” Cade questioned, staring at me intently.

I coughed, and fell over staring at the table, my face an inch away from planting into it. “I’m in Deca Machina, at Zev’s, a local bar in District 9. I came here with the high profile criminal organisation known as The Scourge. You are Decade Gene, a cognitive arts dropout who is in a one sided open relationship with a third year cognitive arts student, Ava Frithia, of whom-”

Cade shoved a hand over my mouth. “Good. Good, you know. Fuck.. I guess I do know a thing or two.”

“Cade what did you do?” I press, bringing my arms up and comfortably leaning into the table. Sucks I can’t move my fingers though.

“I wired you. Only way to do that to a Brighton is a direct connection to the access port. Blocks inbound traffic, so a physical connection to the internal system is the only way.” He explained. “So, do you know anything new?”

My eyes widen behind the visor magnetically secured to my skull, with an electromagnet far too strong to removed by anything of this world. I thought it was bolted into my skull before, but that wouldn’t really make sense. A spark of knowledge whittled across my brain. “I do actually. I can talk to any device with wireless capability using my thoughts. My thoughts translate to reality, like when I used it to dial with Shula’s phone.” A smile grew across my face the more I spoke. The more I normalised it.

“Now I uh.. I got a big ask of you. I wanna unwire myself from Ava. But there’s only two ways to do that. Shut off the controller, or shut off the reciever. Our brains. Since you have a Brighton and all, something like a starry should be easy to shut off with a thought. It has division level clearance to the mindcloud network. You can shut her off for me right?” Cade pleaded. But he realises what he’s saying right? He’s asking me to kill her.

“Cade,”

“I know what you seen while you were wired to me. That’s what it’s like for me, man. At her command I become like that and there’s nothing I can do to stop her. This isn’t a relationship, it’s a dependancy and she owns me.” He begged further, clasping his hands around each other. I had to. After living through that, I can’t imagine being subject to that- no, i can imagine it. And I hate it.

“Alright Cade. I’ll do it. Even with the Brighton though, I need a frame of reference to know where she is and access something as complex as a wire.” I affirmed.

“I’m gonna wire you again. You.. know how to get out of it now though. At the end there when you snapped out of it, your Brighton overloaded my bandwidth. Entire mindcloud database versus a subscription based low tier mindcloud service and a homemade wire, well…” He trailed off, as he pulled the bead out from his arm again, and attached it to my access port.

…

Disconnected again am I? Why do I always feel like I’m looking back, when I know damn well I’ve never left the presence? I’m not disconnected. I’ve always been me. Me is all I am.

Ava is terrified.

…

Hidden in the corner of the dance floor, masked by a cognitive veil. I felt her shudders as she watched her sister look in her direction, terrified she might know exactly where she is. Shula looked so, so pissed. Ava could see why too, and without using cog assist. That poor girl wasn’t even trying to hit on Cade, she was just greeting him. And like always, Ava flew off the handle at the first sign she could lose something important. Because she’s never been important. And the moment she loses control over the things in her life, let’s be honest, the people in her life, let’s be more honest, her boyfriends, she won’t matter anymore. Because she’s only relevant if people have a reason to judge her, or a reason to start shit. She’s useless and outside of creating conflict has no real way to engage with the world. No passion. No curiousity. No knowledge. Just beliefs and grudges, fears and boundaries, she would probably kill herself if not for the things that make her feel relevant.

“Ava.” I call quietly, “I can see you.”

“Tedd?” She clammered.

“Yeah. Ava. I uh… Cade told me some things about you. I need you to unwire him and let him go.” I ask nicely, stepping beside her as I spoke. The disco lights shone through me of course, I’m not really there. I’m at a table with Cade, barely within sight of the dance floor.

“No. And I’d suggest you stay out of my relationship. You’re inside my wire right now, I could cause you brain death from here.” Ava threatens, turning to face me directly. Only she seen people walking through me, and rays of light obscuring my figure. But my pale glowing eyes revealed themselves to her. She’s the first to see them.

“Ava, you’ll hurt yourself if you do that. I’m giving you a chance. Come on-” an ear piercing ring cut me off, along with a bitter cold that shot through my nerves. My body stiffened up as if I were frozen solid, and it felt like I was too. Fine.

…

I shrugged Cade off me, and the bead disconnected from my access port. I heard a couple screams from over by the dance floor, and someone shouting about someone bleeding from her nose and ears. I know what happened.

I disrupted her wire, and it likely spiked her blood pressure and heart rate, percieving it as imminent death. Her brain is shut off. Nothing left in it. Only her wire would be able to turn it back on. Lucky for her, a wire can operate your vitals automatically. That part of your brain can’t be shut off by your wire, not any normal wire. Mine can, but that’s different.

So she looks dead, but really, her conscience and subconscience are shut off, with only life support systems online.

A malicious smile rest upon my face. I had the power to spare her, and I tried to. She refused to comply, she refused to stop hurting him. She was incorrect, a defect that refused to remedy itself. So I made the logical decision. “I removed the defective conscience from society.”

Standing over me were the faces of my friends, no doubt wondering-

“I know you fucking did this shit.” Kiara spat, gripping the back of my head and lifting my hair up. “I know what the fuck this is too, I was banking you didn’t know what the hell it was or how to use it. That’s what we get for trusting you right?” She raved in an obviously false joy, hand twitching on the back of my head. She let go and stepped away from me, mumbling something to Shula as she walked past. Shula stood still over me. Her palms were bleeding. Demi had a hand on her shoulder, so did Balor. “The moment you step out of this building, Tedd. I am going to kill you.” She stated coldly, tears fighting not to form. “So you better fucking run as fast as you can while these two are holding me.”

Balor looked down at me with a crooked grin, overjoyed at this outcome clearly. “You should listen to her, Tedd.”

I stood from my seat without speaking. My heart was racing, but it wasn’t anger or righteousness I felt. It all faded to guilt, fear, and pure humiliation. I had no right to even talk right now. Ava was in Shula’s arms, still dripping some blood and unconscious.

Step by step I approached the exit, and with a swing the door opens before me. I left.

…

This is the turning point, I believe. The first time I hurt people I cared about, and the first time I hurt someone while in a sound state of mind. I can’t blame what I did to her on rage or panic. I did that knowing what would happen to Ava.

In a previous period, I mentioned exploring myself in a way I was taught to never even think of, a taboo.

This taboo, is the capacity to feel anger, or malice, directed at someone other than myself. And past this point, that mental inhibitor is gone. So please don’t hold this against me. After all, I am only human, and I can only suppress it so long.

…

What did happen to Ava? I can’t very well ignore her after what I did. And I know about my wire now. So I can probably spy on her mind or something, since she’s unconscious and all. Can’t reject a connection if she isn’t even awake to recieve it.

…