Home hadn’t ever felt like home. At night, Eve had trouble sleeping. This was nothing new, but the intensity of her insomnia had increased since the death of her father. While Seraphim tricked their mother into letting her go outside and explore, Eve isolated herself inside their bedroom, too scared to leave. Samantha hadn’t returned since the death of Lillian. There was only Mara left, and she refused to act as though anything had changed at all.

“Why aren’t you dressed, Eve? We’ve got to get going, and you’re going to make us late.”

Some people never changed. Earlier that day, Eve had spoken to police with her mother present. The scene of the crime was no longer closed off for investigation, but it still made her feel strange. When she was sent outside to get food from the cellar, she could barely shake the anxiety that accompanied her.

“I’m not going.”

Mara was different without Orion. She was less aggressive, and spent more time with her children. This wasn’t a particularly good thing. Eve’s father had a way of bringing out the worst in people. Mara was less of a bully without him around, but she wasn’t a good mother, and likely would never have recognized this of herself. Most of Eve’s siblings were already dressed for church. Asher hadn’t been home since the night of Orion’s death. Hannah said this made him look very suspicious, but Eve wasn’t sure. She and Asher were similar, but even the best of friends could keep secrets from one another.

She’d seen him the night of their father’s death. He was acting strange: stumbling, slurring, so that Eve could barely hold a conversation with him. She hadn’t been aware of the commotion that was going on outside, because Seraphim had started an argument, and it distracted her from everything else. Eve’s mother would say she was easy to distract. Seraphim would purposely annoy her siblings when she was bored, which was often.

“I can’t sleep. Can I sleep in here?”

Asher’s bedroom was across the hallway from Eve’s. Sometimes, when she and Seraphim were having trouble getting along, she’d sneak into Asher’s room for the night. He often had trouble sleeping, and always appreciated her company. The night he disappeared, Eve snuck into his room and shut the door quietly behind her, sitting cross-legged on his floor.

She knew the kinds of things teenage boys did when they were alone. Many things were off limits at home. Most of the children found a way to do them anyway. Asher was always up late, talking or texting on the cell phone he kept hidden underneath his mattress. He was almost old enough to move out. Eve envied him for this.

“What’s wrong?”

She wasn’t allowed to sleep in her brothers’ rooms. Seraphim, who knew of Eve’s frequent journeys to Asher’s room, could have told on her at any time. Eve spent a lot of nights feeling hopeless and sad, but she kept it to herself, knowing no one would take her seriously.

“I feel anxious,” she said, unrolling the blue blanket she always used in Asher’s room, “and I don’t know what I did that I should feel guilty about.” She’d disrespected her father. She’d spoken out of turn. No matter how hard Eve tried to be a good daughter, there was always something worth being disappointed about.

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Eve’s father said that when it came to people, there was either good or evil. Her mother had no opinions of her own, following Orion around day and night, loudly seconding everything the man said. When Eve was a little girl, she wanted to be like her mother. The older she got, the harder it became to figure out what to believe.

Asher wasn’t a boy who talked a lot. He was timid and kept to himself, never standing up to those who mistreated him. Seraphim called him a pushover, and other things she’d never say to his face. “I’m tired.” He grumbled, shoving the phone under his pillow. Orion was stupid and prideful. Eve was exhausted by the constant fight with her siblings for validation. “You can sleep in here if you want. I’m going to get some water.”

That night, she’d been woken sometime in the middle of the night by Asher returning to his room. He was covered in dirt and packing a backpack, holding a small flashlight in his hand.

“What are you doing?”

From a young age, Eve was taught the immorality of mind-altering substances. She knew nothing about drugs or alcohol, aside from the very basic information that had been told to her by her parents. She knew that Asher had a bag of weed hidden underneath his bed. He never told her where he got it from. Come to think of it, maybe it was possible that he was a murderer after all. He came across as an anxious and gentle boy, but this could have been an act. You should always trust your family, people say. What if your family is not worth trusting?

Asher had looked at her, looking nothing like himself. He had a look in his eyes that she’d never seen before: she could only describe it as frenzied. He slung the filled backpack over his shoulders, but never told her what it was for or where he was going. The bedroom window was small and ground-level; Asher opened it carefully and squeezed through, saying nothing as he vanished into the darkness.

Mara had never cared for the other women. Eve wasn’t even sure if she cared for Orion. Her parents met online, on a religious site meant for dating and socializing. Orion was married, and to his credit, shared this information with Mara soon into their conversation. There was little that Eve knew about her parents. They rarely shared information about their personal lives or relationships, and disliked being asked questions. Eve had never really seen her parents as actual human beings. Perhaps their secrecy contributed to this.

“Excuse me?”

Like anyone, Mara had her secrets. Maybe she had loved Orion at one point. Maybe, at the beginning of her relationship with him, he was kind and compassionate. Eve’s brother told her once that the most harmful people aren’t usually harmful at the start.

“I’m not going,” said Eve again, feeling timid. Her mother always made her feel timid. “I don’t want to go to church anymore.”Kids are meant to do what they’re told, because the older you get, the more you know. This made sense to Eve, but many of her siblings argued it. Some people just liked to argue.

The house was noisy and crowded. Even in her bedroom, Eve was never alone. “I don’t care what you want.” Mara wore a muted peach dress that made her look old. Before Eve’s father died, he enjoyed deciding what the women could wear. “You know what your responsibilities are. Get dressed; the neighbours are already here.” This brought Eve no comfort. Nobody had spoken about Asher’s arrest. Eve wanted to bring it up.

On the rug inside the door, Sebastian helped the youngest children tie their shoes. The kids loved him, and Eve had to admit he was a doting brother. These days, it was hard to figure out who was trustworthy.

“Hi, Eve,” said Sebastian when she entered the room. Sebastian might have made Eve uncomfortable at times, but he always put effort into telling the twins apart, and she appreciated this. Most of her siblings didn’t even do this. “How are you?” She saw him too often. With so many people living at the farm, there didn’t need to be any more taking up space.