December had arrived in a whisper, enveloping the city in a blanket of frigid air. Despite the cold, the morning was peaceful, free from the rain and wind that often battered the coast. Not a bad day, I thought, as I walked briskly towards the lighthouse. The thought of a hot coffee and Erik's company brought a smile to my face.
Upon reaching the imposing stone structure, the door creaked open, revealing Erik, disheveled and his face etched with weariness.
"Good morning," he greeted, rubbing his eyes sleepily. "What are you doing up so early?"
"It's almost eleven," I replied with a smile, raising a paper bag that contained the freshly bought pastries from the bakery. "I brought you breakfast."
In an instant, Erik enveloped me in a warm hug, resting his head on mine as he let out another yawn.
"Thanks, love," he whispered in a husky voice. "Just what I needed."
"Long night?" I asked, stroking his back tenderly.
"Yeah," he replied, sighing. "Heavy fog and a ship had trouble on the Hirtshals-Torshavn route. I had to be on standby all night, with the radio blaring non-stop."
"Hirtshals? Where's that?" I asked, frowning.
"Hirtshals is a town in Denmark, up north," he explained. "And Torshavn is the capital of the Faroe Islands. A beautiful archipelago, by the way. I was there a couple of years ago and was mesmerized. Coffee?"
I nodded and Erik started the coffee maker while I placed the pastries on the wooden table.
"Are the Faroe Islands independent?" I asked, confused about their actual political status.
"They're part of the Kingdom of Denmark, but they're an autonomous archipelago," he clarified.
"Maybe someday we can go together," I murmured, feeling my heart pounding in my chest.
Erik looked into my eyes, and in his gaze, I saw a flicker of desire that ignited something within me. He smiled, a mischievous grin that melted my heart.
"I'd love that," he replied, pulling me closer and placing a tender kiss on my lips.
"How's your novel going?" he asked in a husky voice, stroking my cheek with his thumb. "What percentage have you finished?"
I had finally started writing it. In the end, Erik was right, and putting my story into words had helped me bring to light many repressed emotions. I felt like I was slowly healing, and I had also taken the brave step of contacting a psychologist. I had bi-weekly sessions with him that had allowed me to better understand my past with Oliver and the source of my fears with Erik.
"I'm not sure, but I'd say around 40 or 50%," I replied.
While the story was not a strict autobiography, it did contain many of my thoughts and experiences. However, I still resisted putting my experience with Oliver completely in writing, aware that this book would be read by people I knew, my parents, my friends... I was not ready to fully open that door to my privacy and my wounds.
"Well, almost half, that's very good." Erik sat down next to me while preparing the coffee, stroking my knee tenderly. "You've come a long way."
"Yes, but then comes the revision process, polishing the draft... it's not that simple, it's still a long way off." I sighed, feeling the weight of responsibility on my shoulders. "By the way... uh..." I didn't know how to approach the question.
"Just spit it out, don't try to soften it." Erik smiled, with that intuition of his that always seemed to know how to read my thoughts.
"Christmas."
"Are you going to Spain?" Erik asked.
"Yes. My mom and Vir asked if you're coming," I replied, tapping my fingers on the table nervously.
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The question had popped out of my mouth without much thought, but the idea of spending Christmas with him, surrounded by my family and friends, filled me with excitement.
"Do you want me to come?" Erik asked, searching my eyes for the answer.
"Can you?" I whispered, feeling my heart pounding in my chest.
"Who's answering questions now?" Erik laughed, throwing the ball back at me in a playful tone.
"I don't know if you can," I said, trying to hide my nervousness.
"Ask me," Erik smiled with a mischievous grin, his eyes sparkling with a mix of curiosity and complicity.
I stared at him intently. Our relationship was something undefined, a constant dance of feelings and emotions. We saw each other every day, shared a bed, dinners, and confidences. Erik had been my refuge, my unconditional support on the road to healing. However, every time the moment came to define our relationship, fear would invade me. My psychologist attributed it to the aftermath of my toxic relationship with Oliver.
"Do you work on Christmas?" I asked, trying to keep my voice calm.
"That's not what you really want to ask me, Andy," Erik replied with a sly smile, pinching my nose and getting up to pour the coffee.
"But it's what I have to ask you because it depends on the answer, I ask more, or not," I said, adjusting myself in the chair, unable to hide my nervousness.
"If you're going to Spain and I'm left here alone, possibly," Erik replied as he poured the coffee into the mugs.
"Don't you celebrate with your aunts and uncle?" I asked, looking for an excuse to change the subject.
"Don't evade the issue. Ask me the question," Erik said firmly, his eyes locked on mine.
I groaned, because he always caught me in my attempts to avoid the problems I wanted to face.
I sighed, resigned. It was time to face my fears and take a step forward.
"Do you want to come with me to Spain for Christmas?" I finally asked.
Erik looked into my eyes, and in his gaze, I saw a spark of joy that lit up my heart.
"Of course I want to," he replied with a radiant smile. "I'd love to spend Christmas with your family and you."
At that moment, I knew I had made the right decision. Spending Christmas with Erik, surrounded by my loved ones, was the perfect gift to celebrate the end of a difficult year and the beginning of a new one full of hope.
"But it's not going to be weird, is it?"
"Weird why?" I asked.
"I don't know, maybe it's a cultural thing," Erik explained, blowing on his coffee mug. "In Scotland, Christmas is for spending with family. I don't want to be an intruder."
"But you're like my family here," I murmured, feeling the heat rise to my cheeks.
"Oh, yeah?" he said with a mischievous grin. "Do you really consider me part of your family?"
His hand ran down my leg, sending a shiver of excitement through my body.
"Of course I do," I replied, feeling my heart pounding in my chest. "You're very important to me."
"Like a distant cousin?" Erik insinuated with a mocking smile, sliding his hand under my shirt. I gave him a light punch on the arm, pretending indignation, while he withdrew his hand with feigned amusement and resumed his coffee.
"I don't sleep with my cousins," I said with mock indignation, provoking his laughter.
"You have to write faster," Erik reminded me with a knowing wink, referring to our private joke: no being a couple until I finished my book.
"I'm not going to finish it before Christmas," I shrugged, taking a sip of my coffee. Erik made a dramatic grimace that endeared him to me.
"Then I'll have to settle for being the friend," he said with a tone of false sadness. Erik's wit and humor always managed to get a smile out of me, even in the most difficult moments. "But I have one condition," he added with a mischievous glint in his eyes.
I looked at him with a mix of curiosity and anticipation.
"What is it?" I asked with intrigue.
"Every year I have dinner with my friends from Glasgow, a few days before Christmas. If I'm going to eat with your family on Christmas, I want you to meet mine."
The idea took me by surprise. I didn't dislike the idea, but the mere mention of meeting his friends filled me with a mix of nervousness and excitement.
"As your distant cousin, I suppose?" I joked, trying to ease the tension I felt.
Erik burst out laughing. "I don't sleep with my cousins either," he said mischievously.
We both looked at each other in silence, and a shared image crossed our minds: Nora. A grimace of disgust appeared on our faces, followed by an explosion of uncontrollable laughter.
"Alright, I accept. I'll be the poor foreigner you've adopted out of pity," I said with irony, trying to hide my true enthusiasm.
"I was thinking of introducing you in a different way," Erik looked at me with a mischievous look that instantly piqued my interest.
"In what way?" I asked with intrigue.
"Ah, you'll have to find that out when you meet my friends," he shrugged with an enigmatic smile.
"Alright, I accept," I resigned myself, unable to hide my excitement. Meeting his friends didn't seem like such a bad idea after all.
"Tell me which days you're free to fly and I'll make arrangements with them and Angus to cover me at the lighthouse," Erik said, visibly enthusiastic.
I nodded with a smile. I would look into the flights later. When I told my mother that I would spend Christmas with Erik, I was sure she would be overjoyed.