I step outside.

A weak breeze of air caresses my skin, a reminder that today it’s cloudy. The sun, nowhere to be seen, just barely illuminates the scene. I miss it, I long for the warmth of the first rays, the feeling of waking to a lively scene. The sensation of it not minding about me, my sleep, or a world that tries to stop it.

Yet today, my head does not have the space of mind to care about any of that. Is my life going as I want it to go? Have I accomplished what I wanted for myself? What is it that I want to do? Maybe it comes with age, maybe it’s me being over-paranoid, but I have these days were I get existential, where I question the meaning of life, the meaning of me.

I once heard that we all live to die, but to me, there must be something else to life than just an end. Is it the people I meet along? The experiences I have gathered so far? Honestly, I don’t know. I am navigating this sea of people, of feelings and emotions, without anyone at the driver wheel. I am adrift, going somewhere I did not plan for.

And yet, even with all of that, I am okay. I let the wind carry me. I take another step.

“It will rain today.”

My announcement, unprompted and unsolicited, goes unnoticed. It’s not like there is anyone to hear it, I am all by myself. But I felt the need to let someone know, even if that someone is far away from me and can not hear. It is obviously just my mind playing with me, trying to make the loneliness go away.

But I am not lonely, I am just alone. It's just me with my thoughts. It’s a moment for reflection and introspection, an opportunity to meditate about myself, what I am and where I want to go. Easy, right? It should be at least, as it is just my own self. Yet I have rarely done an exercise as hard as this one.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

Letting go of the breath I was afraid to release, I walk one more step towards somewhere. Where? I don’t know, I don’t care. I want to move. I want to see the world. If it rains on my way there, what does it matter?

I hear the first drop hitting the soil, small and insignificant, yet impactful to me. It marks the start of a bigger thing, it means that it’s about to get loose. I watch the mark it has left, imperfect, not round at all, splashes surrounding the impact zone. But that’s just who we are, imperfect, works in progress, an artwork waiting for the perfect observer, for someone who wants to buy us and admire even the small imperfections that make us unique.

Soon after, the next drop lands on my bare feet. “It’s cold, isn’t it?” As if the drop wanted to answer me, demonstrate that yes, it is cold, another one lands by its side. And the two of them, like playful children, let part of them connect in a single stream of water that starts falling from my foot.

I smile, one of those bitter yet honest smiles, one that I can’t even control. It just happens. I raise my chin, look up the sky. Ah, the sun just came out. Yet far from stopping, the rain intensifies, it slides from my cheeks, right below its source, falls from my chin, and jumps into the unknown.

“The rain today is specially cold.”

And, as much as I want to, as much as I would not hesitate even for a second to wipe the rain away, I let it continue. I decide not to play God, not to act on impulse. There is a reason for sun as much as there is one for rain. Things need a balance, and nature has created ways to reach this balance. Who am I to say that it is not the moment for rain?

One more step, a trail of drops marking the path I have followed, letting me know where I come from, but not where I will go. But that’s okay. I have time. I have dreams. I have everything it takes to see another shiny day. I will chase the clouds away, I will blow them out of here.

“Today, I will be the rain so that tomorrow I can be the sun.”