The saddest people smile the brightest.

It was only when I manifested my conscious into my best friend's body that I realized the true meaning behind that quote.

Irina has always been the outgoing, cheery girl. One could physically experience the subtle change in the air as she enters the classroom. Overflowing with positive energy, my bestie was probably the most optimistic person in school and was even nominated as 'life of the party' by our class.

But... why is it that I feel such emptiness...?

This heavy feeling was best described as an utter hopelessness, the complete opposite of what I expected. I felt trapped. Alone. Isolated from others and being shackled by something. It felt as if I lost myself but I have no clue what was missing.

Why does my heart feel so uneasy...?

Hidden underneath these overwhelming waves of emotions, there was bitterness. A brooding mixture of resentment and disappointment. As if the world was forcing me to act a certain way, which was completely false to how this body truly felt.

I feel so numb.

These endless streams of negativity kept pummeling against my brain while constantly drowning me into the cold depths of the void. And in this perpetual darkness, was a psychological hell where happiness ceases to exist.

I don't understand.

I don't understand why you feel this way...

As I resurfaced back into my body, Irina leaned in while her lips curled into a beaming smile. It was her signature smile — one that could easily brighten anyone's day. However, I immediately averted my gaze from the cheery girl.

"Jan, how did it feel to be me?"

"Different." 

I took a deep breath and regained my composure. After experiencing that emotional intensity, my feelings felt somewhat out of touch.

"You pestered me for the past few weeks and now all you have is this blank look on your face, how anti-climatic~" Irina imitated my facial expression and spoke in a deep voice. "I'm Jan and I look like a dummy."

You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.

I shrugged, still focused on solving the mystery behind her feelings. And that was when Irina poked my cheeks repeatedly, bringing me back to the present.

"Oi oi, don't forget about your promise, this manifestation is going to cost you that delicious Supreme Deluxe Premium Sundae. Say goodbye to your thirty dollars kiddo."

Her mouth began to drool uncontrollably, probably thinking about devouring the ultimate dessert any sweet-tooth could ask for in this town.

"Um."

How should I phrase it?

After recollecting those thoughts to the best of my ability, I mustered the courage and asked:

"Why is it—"

Irina interrupted me midway, shushing me by pressing her index finger on my lips. Her fingers felt warm despite the frigid feelings she had contained inside her. With a playful wink, she said:

"I'm too hungry right now. Dessert first, talk later."

I paused then nodded. Besides, a classroom was definitely not a good place to talk about this.

"Alright, Irina."

"I'll meet you at the front entrance after school, don't be late okay~"

She left the classroom before I could say anything.

For some reason, it felt like Irina purposely interrupted me. That was because if I were to finish that question, it could potentially destroy our friendship.

What should I do...?

I am afraid that we won't be the same after.

Irina, what do you want me to do?

Memories of the past seeped into my mind. Back in middle school, I was ridiculed by my peers. I thought my manifestation ability was ubiquitous, that everyone could experience life from other person's perspective. After sharing my power with my classmates, they initially thought it was a joke. But after recognizing how zealous I was into my roleplay, I gradually became an outcast.

"Don't talk to him, Jan's those weirdos that can't distinguish fantasy from reality."

"Oooooh! Watch out. he's a ghost and he will possess you. Ooooh!"

"And you wonder why Jan doesn't have any friends."

"Grow up already, this isn't Elementary School anymore."

As the months progressed, I found myself becoming a lone wolf. I sat by myself throughout all six class periods. Judgment was a cape I constantly wore around my back. Working in group assignments became my worst enemy. During lunch and break, I remained nonexistent in the school social circles.

In other words, I was the best at being a nobody.

But yet, you talked to me.

I still remember that day crystal clear.

You casually sat down next to me while I ate my lunch by myself near the school rooftop. Then you talked to me as if I was your close friend despite meeting me for the first time. You showed interest in my boring, everyday life. You laughed at my stupid jokes for some reason. Then you encouraged me to try new things and eventually introduced me to your friends.

And everytime lunch ends, your lips would bloom into that signature smile. And that alone would give me the motivation to keep attending school. With a quick hug, you would say in that dulcet voice: 

"See you tomorrow, Jan."

I am so grateful that I met you. You made school fun. You gave me the courage to keep moving forward. You were there for me when no one else was. And that was why I decided. 

Whatever that emptiness may be, I will be the one to fill it up...

...just like you did for me, Irina.