There was always a wall between us

It stopped me from reaching out my hand to you

But that wall doesn't exist anymore

There was a knock on the door that snapped Kato out of his thoughts. He glanced at the clock. It was 7 AM already. He had spent the entire night lost in thought, his swollen eyes betraying his lack of sleep.

Kato stood up and trudged to the door. When he unlocked and opened it, Mira was standing there, her expression a mixture of concern and determination.

Kato: Mira?

Mira: Kato… can we talk?

Kato: (sighs) Sure….. why not.

Mira: Also I don't want to talk here. Let's go outside.

Kato: Outside? Do I have to?

Mira: (grabs Kato's right hand) Yes you do.

Soon, Kato and Mira left the main building of the Hashido estate and began walking toward the garden. Kato’s gaze drifted to the people around them, their smiles radiant and carefree. He couldn’t bring himself to smile back. The weight of his guilt and sorrow felt insurmountable.

Mira, walking slightly ahead of him, stole glances at his downcast face. Her heart ached as she recognized the same pain she had once carried.

Mira: (to herself) This feeling… I know what it is, Kato. I know exactly what it is. Because we’re the same. I, too, lost my mother, and it sent me spiraling.

Chapter 54: Something I Couldn't See

When I was younger, I struggled with low self-esteem. I felt different from everyone else. And it wasn’t just because I was born a Shadow.

My mom owned a flower shop, and my dad was the head of the Hashido Clan—the highest-ranking family in the Shadow society. But none of that was why I felt different.

I always believed that because of the roles people play in your life, they won’t always tell you the truth. Sometimes, they lie to spare you the pain the truth brings.

When I didn’t do well in my shadow technique training…

When I accidentally broke the flower vase at home…

When I didn’t do well in school…

I felt useless. I thought I deserved to be scolded or reprimanded. But no one ever did. Instead, they always said things like:

“Oh well. You can get it better next time.”

“Don’t beat yourself. Not everyone gets it at first”

“No need to say sorry. Everyone makes mistakes right?”

I know encouragement is supposed to help, but sometimes it felt like a mask for the truth. And their refusal to tell me the hard truths only deepened my insecurity.

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The only people who ever said what I thought was the “truth” were the Imperial Guard, who clearly didn’t like me. But hearing their harsh words didn’t make me feel better. It only made my self-esteem worse.

By the time I was thirteen, things had reached a breaking point. My mother, Ayane Smith, noticed my behavior and called me to talk.

Ayane: (combing Mira’s red hair) Is something wrong, Mira? You’ve seemed down lately.

Mira: Oh, no. Nothing’s wrong, Mom. (puts on a fake smile) I’m fine.

Ayane: We both know that’s not true. Come on, you can tell me anything. It’s just us here now.

Mira: (lowers her head) Mom, do I have value?

Ayane: (eyes widen) Of course you do. Why would you even question that?

Mira: Because I always seem to mess up, no matter what I do. And everyone just says the same things over and over. It feels like they’re hiding the truth from me. And not saying it hurts even more.

Ayane: (gently lifts Mira’s chin to look into her eyes) Oh, Mira, I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. It’s okay to feel like you mess up sometimes. We all do. But those mistakes don’t define your value or who you are. You’re good. I promise you that my words, and your father’s, aren’t meant to hide anything; they’re meant to show you that you’re good but can be better.

Mira: You think so?

Ayane: I know so. You have so much potential—not just as a Shadow, but as a person. Mistakes are just steps in the journey to becoming who you’re meant to be. If anyone ever lies to you, it won’t be your father or me. Okay?

Mira: (nods)

Ayane: (pats Mira on the head) Just continue to improve on yourself and I assure you that you’ll find the value you claim you’re lacking. Whenever you need help, call me or your father. We’’l be there to help you.

Mira: Okay.

Of course she won’t tell me what she actually felt. She’s my mother.

She did say she’d be there for me and that gave me some hope. But the very next day, my mom was diagnosed with glioblastoma. Exactly one year later, she was gone.

Even before her death, she tried her best to help me see my own value, but I just couldn’t see it.

But even then I tried & improved on myself and became better at doing things but the way I viewed myself didn’t change—not until that day in high school.

It was after class, and I was the last one in the room, finishing my notes. I overheard a conversation outside the window. Curious, I peeked out and saw Kato, Takimo, and two other boys talking.

They didn’t notice me because they were deep in their conversation which seemed to be about which girl they would date in our class.

“Such a boy thing to do” I thought.

Boy 1: Hey Kato, it’s your turn to talk now. Which girl from our class would you date?

Kato: (scratches his head) If I had to pick, I’d choose Mira Smith.

Takimo: Mira?

Boy 2: HMMMMMMM……

Boy 1: (pats Kato’s back) She’s way out of your league, bro. Give up.

Boy 2: Out of his league?

Takimo: I mean, she is the prettiest girl in our class.

Boy 2: But she doesn’t have any friends!

Takimo: What does that have to do with anything?!

Boy 2: (laughs)

Boy 1: Why would you want to go out with her, anyway? What do you see in her?

Kato: Well, I admire the way she always tries her best, even when things don’t go as planned. It’s not perfect, but it’s better than doing nothing at all.

Boy 2: Huh?

Boy 1: I’m lost right now man.

Kato: My point is that I admire the way she tries to show her worth. And… Her red hair is kinda cute too.

Takimo: (to himself) That’s Kato for you. Always seeing the good in people.

Boy 2: If you ask me, you’re looking at things too deep. Just say you like her because she’s pretty.

Kato: Huuh?

I left before they could see me. But for the first time, I smiled.

I don’t why but I always felt that because of the roles people play in your lives, they won’t ever tell you the truth all the time and they’d sometimes lie to you to spare you the pain that the truth brings with it.

But this was different.

Kato and I weren’t even friends at that point, and his role in my life then was nothing more than that of a background character.

Yet, he saw the value in me—value I couldn’t see in myself—and he had no significant role in my life at the time.

So he couldn’t have been lying, right?

Right?

If what Kato said about me was true, then that means everything my mother and father had said to me was true as well.

“I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. It’s okay to feel like you mess up sometimes. We all do. But those mistakes don’t define your value or who you are. You did good. I promise you that my words and that of your fathers aren’t meant to hide anything; they’re meant to show you that you are good but you can do better”

The words my mother, my father, and everyone close to me had said weren’t lies. And it took hearing those same truths from someone outside my family for me to finally believe them.

I was such a fool.

After that realization, I decided that the cruel words others—like the Imperial Guard—said about me didn’t define who I was. It was in that moment of clarity that I awakened my second shadow technique: the Nullification Technique.

Mira continued leading Kato, who trudged slowly behind her through the garden. At one point, she stopped walking and turned to look at him. He didn’t notice her gaze, lost as he was in his thoughts.

Mira: (to herself): This is just like back then, except now our roles are reversed. Your words unknowingly helped me change how I saw myself, and for that, I’ll always be grateful. That’s why I chose to be your friend.

To chase after you.

To be that person you always saw.

To see the value in people the way you saw the value in me.

To always be close to you.

You think me being the second best after you in class is a coincidence?

You changed me, Kato.

Your words saved me, Kato.

“We'll be here for you when the aftermath starts.”

Mira: (to herself): Just like you helped me back then, I’ll fulfill my promise to help you now. I’ll do whatever it takes to bring you back from this. I’ll do anything just to see your smile again. Because I…