Can I still find my way,

When you're gone?

A few hours later, Kato and Ervin returned to the Hashido estate. Ervin went ahead to inform everyone about Kato’s mother’s death. Even though Mira and the others had anticipated it, the news still saddened them. Kato, new to the shadow society, bore the heaviest weight.

Kato went to his room and locked the door. Alone, he sank into his thoughts, the emotions swirling until they overflowed. Tears streamed down his face, unrelenting, until…

A six-year-old Kato played on a swing in the local park with other children. Suddenly, he heard someone call his name. Turning, he saw his mother, Korra, standing at the park entrance, waving.

Korra: (waving) Kato! It’s time to go home now.

Kato: Alright, Mom!

Kato jumped off the swing and ran to her. He smiled and grabbed her left hand as they headed home together.

Korra: Did you have fun?

Kato: (nodding) Hmmmm!

When they arrived home, they found a man with blonde hair—Kato’s father—already preparing dinner. His face wasn’t clearly visible, but his presence was unmistakable.

Kato: Dad! We’re back!

Kato’s dad: (smiles) Welcome back.

Chapter 53: Kato Hamura

Before my mom and I moved to Benville City, we lived in Keys Town, a small place near the city. I attended a tiny school and had many friends. Life was simple and happy, especially coming home to my mom and dad waiting for me.

My parents always did their best to be there for me. My father taught me to, “Always look out for others and help them when they can’t move on their own.” I admired him for that and believed he lived by those words.

But……..

One night, I overheard my parents arguing about something. I was supposed to be asleep but had gotten up to use the bathroom. On my way back, I caught snippets of their conversation. I couldn’t hear everything, but I remember my dad saying, “I have to go. But I promise I’ll be back once I finish this.”

The next morning, my dad was gone. When I asked my mom where he was, she said he had something important to do and would be away for a while. There was sadness in her eyes, but I decided to trust his words and wait for his return.

Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on Royal Road.

One year passed.

Then two.

By the third year, my mom and I moved to Benville City. Despite the move, I clung to the hope that he’d come back. But he never did. I never saw him again.

My mom took over his role, working tirelessly to provide for us. She smiled around me but wore a sadness when she thought I wasn’t looking. She missed him.

I missed him too.

But he left us.

Did he not care about us? Were we not important to him?

I have to go. But I promise I’ll be back once I finish this.

Those words lost their meaning over time. After three years with no contact, I stopped believing in his promise. To me, it was clear he didn’t care and had found a way to escape from us. He wasn’t coming back.

That’s when my hatred for him was born. He didn’t value us, but I decided I’d be different. I’d value others and always help them. That’s how I met Takimo and why he became my best friend. I also vowed to value my mom and make her proud.

I excelled in school, acing every test and remaining at the top of my class. My achievements brought a smile to her face. Her happiness became my reward. I lived for others, not for myself, and for a while, life was good.

Then the Shadow Bug incident happened. I became a Shadow, and my mother passed away.

The scenery shifted. Kato found himself back in the park in Keys Town. He wandered until he reached the swings and sat down, staring at the ground. His eyes were swollen, and his face was bleak.

Suddenly, he heard crying. Lifting his head, he saw a six-year-old version of himself standing before him, tears streaming down his face.

Kato (6): Mom……Mom…….Mother is dead.

Kato: That’s right. Mom just died. Of course, he’d be sad. I’ve cried so much that I can’t cry anymore. (thinking of his mother’s final moments) Mother just died…

Kato (6): (crying harder) Damn it! DAMN IT! Mother! Why? Why did it have to be this way? Why did you leave me all alone? I miss you so much! MOTHER!

Kato: I miss her too. (sighs) I miss her too.

Kato (6): DAMN IT!!! (wiping his tears) Why do I feel this way? I thought after Mira and the others shared their experiences, I’d be ready for this. I thought I could face anything. So why do I still feel this way?

Kato:It’s my fault. You had nothing to do with it.

Kato(6): Huh?

Kato: You had nothing to do with it. Your goal was to value and help others, to be there for Mom. You did that perfectly. I’m still able to do it thanks to you. But me…? I’m nothing but a liar and a coward.

“Sorry to break it to you but the world doesn't work according to your desires.”

Kato: I’ve never been honest with myself since becoming a Shadow. I lied about being ready to face this path. I lied that I was strong. I lied that I could handle my mother’s death. Deep down, I’ve been denying everything, hoping it was a bad dream that would end when I opened my eyes.

Kato (6) wiped his tears

Kato: Someone once told me, "The world doesn’t work according to your desires." Even though he’s a member of the Kaimi Daja, I knew those words were true. But I still tried to deny them. Deep down, I never truly accepted that I was a Shadow—not even after realizing that not all Shadows are evil. I kept lying to myself, pretending that if I ignored the truth long enough, it would disappear, like a bad dream I could wake up from.

Kato(6) moves to sit on the swing next to Kato.

Kato: Even when Mr. Ervin told me my mother’s chances of survival were zero, and Ms. Dana said she was awake, I discarded everything Mr. Ervin said. I clung to this childish belief that they were wrong and everything would somehow turn out the way I wanted. But when Mom said she was dying, I realized how foolish I was—how I was denying reality. I made you believe in that fantasy too, and for that, I’m truly sorry.

Kato(6): I’m not mad at you. But don’t you think you’re being too hard on yourself? Calling yourself a coward and the weakest person in the world?

Kato: But it’s true, isn’t it? I’ve been lying to myself and to you, even though the truth was as clear as day. I can’t even bring myself to honor Mom’s last request because I’m so full of doubt. I’d probably lie to myself again and say I can handle it, but I know I can’t. No matter what I do, I’m just a liar. Maybe it would be better if the Kaimi Daja took the God Eye from me and ended my life. At least the world would be free of my existence. (clenches his fists) I hate myself.

They both sat on the swings in silence after this as the wind blew them and the swings swayed a little even as they sat on them.

Kato(6): What if, instead of hating yourself, you tried to forgive yourself?

A knock at the door snapped Kato out of his thoughts. He glanced at the clock—it was already 7 a.m. He had spent the entire night lost in his own mind, the evidence clear in his swollen, tired eyes.

Rising from his bed, he walked to the door and opened it. Mira stood there, her expression soft but filled with concern.

Mira: Kato… can we talk?