We open up in a pretty boring room. There's not much going on in here. There's a desk with a plant on it on one side, a massive library of mint-conditioned books beside it, and a blue bed on the other.
Oddly enough, there's a significantly out-of-place flat-screen TV smack in the centre of this room. One must ask, who could possibly live so boring and be comfortable with it?
Saiki (Inner voice): Are you done insulting me?
What? Huh? You're not supposed to be able to talk to me!
Saiki (Inner Voice): In case you're wondering, my name is Kusuo Saiki. You might have heard of me from my show, or due to my curse. That is, my psychic powers. Of course, most people wouldn't consider having those as a curse. But that's until you end up in tedious death battles like I have.
He shuffles to the one singular window in his room while he monologues:
Saiki (Inner Voice): It almost feels like there's someone toying with my life. It's not as if I'm not used to that, but this seems different. Not like a random encounter, one with a slight bit of dread. Although I wonder who I'm up against this time. Some muscle-bound bald idiot who thinks strength alone can solve everything? Or maybe it's someone with powers as weird as mine. Either way, I can't afford to lose. Not when the stakes are... well, pride, mostly. And maybe my life if I'm unlucky. On the one hand, I could just escape here.
Then somehow, he looked up, directly at me. He sent shivers down my spine.
Saiki (Inner Voice): On the other, there seems to be a mess up in dimensions, as if something merged with my realm. Meaning that I can't escape, as I am already home. I wonder when I'll start seeing anomalies.
He opens the curtain, a gust of fresh air filling the room. Alongside that, is a is a dutiful and dull-witted boy with a peculiar butt-chin. Nendou Riki was riding on a flying broom.
Nendou: Hey partner!
Saiki stares at him for a second, before slowly closing the window.
Saiki (Inner Voice): Ah, who am I kidding? This is my life now. Might as well embrace it.
He reopens the window to Nendou, who is still waiting.
Nendou: Oh hey partner! Check out this kickass plane that I got!
Saiki (Inner Voice): Vintage.
Nendou: Anyways, the brand new bakery popped up! And it's selling this thing!
He whips out a poster, featuring a coffee jelly-filled cream puff. It looks gnarly.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): That looks amazing. Let's go.
They soon arrive at a tiny little corner shop.
The tiny bakery nestled between two taller buildings stood out with its quaint charm. A wooden sign, weathered but welcoming, proclaimed it as "Puff Heaven Bakery." The aroma of freshly baked goods wafted out onto the bustling street.
Saiki (Inner Voice): It turns out that this merger kept our worlds the same. It only seems like everyone flies around on brooms and have scars on their faces. I assume they'll all disappear when the battle starts. Maybe I could be facing someone from that one book.
Inside, the bakery was cozy and warm, with sunlight filtering through lace curtains onto polished wooden floors. Shelves adorned with pastries of all shapes and sizes lined the walls, while a glass display case showcased the star of the show: rows of golden-brown cream puffs, each filled with a glistening coffee jelly center.
Behind the counter stood a middle-aged woman with a warm smile, her apron dusted with flour. She greeted customers with genuine enthusiasm, adding to the inviting atmosphere of the bakery. Soft classical music played in the background, mingling with the murmurs of patrons discussing their favourite treats.
Nendou: This place is surprisingly cozy.
Saiki's gaze immediately shifts to the counter, expecting to see rows of coffee cream puffs, but instead finds the section empty.
Saiki(Inner Voice): Huh? How is this possible? Did they sell out already?
Just then, a pale-skinned boy with black hair styled in a bowl-cut casually walks by, clutching what appears to be the last cream puff.
Saiki (Inner Voice): I see where this is going. I could stop all of this. But damn, do I really want that Coffee Puff.
He positions himself behind a display shelf.
Saiki (Inner Voice): No Psychic energy. Alright, time to use apport. Just need to make sure he doesn't notice.
With a subtle wave of his hand, the cream puff in Mash's hand vanishes, reappearing instantly in Saiki's grasp. Instantly, he began to walk out of the shop.
Saiki (Inner Voice): Perfect. Now to get out of here- (He bumps into what feels like a brick wall.)
Mash: Hey. That's mine. Give that back.
Saiki (Inner Voice): Damn it. I should've known. Maybe I can still salvage this.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): No it's not. I just bought this now.
Mash: Really? Oh. I guess that makes sense. Sorry for disturbing you.
Saiki continues to walk by.
Saiki (Inner Voice): That should not be that easy.
As Saiki gets out of earshot, Lance Crown walks out of the shop to meet Mash.
Lance: Hey Mash, you know that was yours, right? That guy just lied to your face nd stole from you.
He sees the pink-haired guy eating the last of the puff, now almost a block away. His muscles tense. He hops around a bit, before getting into a starting position.
Mash: Hamstring Magic...
Saiki (Inner Voice): Why do I feel an impending doom on me?
Mash: Big. Bang. Dash.
He rushes at inhuman speeds, tearing through the roads like a hot knife through butter, delivering a massive punch.
That Saiki blocks.
Saiki (Inner Voice): Let's get this over with.
FIGHT!
In a swift, fluid motion, Saiki trips Mash, sending him stumbling forward. Mash's momentum carries him past Saiki, his wild swings slicing through the air as Saiki effortlessly sidesteps each one. With a flick of his fingers, he shoves Mash away using telekinesis, sending him skidding across the pavement.
Saiki (Inner Voice): Considering the effects of the merger, I don't have to lie low.
He drags Mash around, pummeling and bashing him against buildings of the city at high speeds, even almost bashing him against a flying pedestrian, who mysteriously disappears afterwards. But to Saiki's surprise, Mash doesn't seem to be taking any damage whatsoever. To Saiki's surprise, Mash seemed completely unharmed.
His hand tightens, and the pressure of his telekinesis increases exponentially. The invisible force constricts around Mash, attempting to crush him with immense pressure. Yet, Mash's expression remains oddly calm. As Saiki uses X-ray vision, he sees his muscles ripple and flex.
Saiki (Inner voice): Huh?
With a powerful flex, he shatters the force field around him, sending fragments of psychic energy scattering. Without missing a beat, Mash rockets forward, eyes locked on Saiki. His right fist is clenched, primed for another devastating attack.
Saiki confidently erected a psychic barrier, but before it could fully solidify, Mash unleashed his attack.
Mash: Triceps Magic - Ballista Knuckle.
The sheer force of his punch obliterates Saiki's barrier, causing it to disintegrate into a flurry of fragments, some of which graze and cut Saiki's face. The next moment, Mash's formidable fist connects with Saiki's body, sending him hurtling into the air with a powerful, unrelenting force.
Saiki is propelled high above the cityscape, spinning through the sky as he struggles to regain his composure. When he does, he looks confused.
Saiki (Inner voice): Damn it... This guy is ridiculously strong.
He heals his face and ascends further, gazing down at the park below where Mash is running rapidly across the water.
Saiki (Inner voice): Also really fast.
Saiki flies through the air, raining down embers on Mash from above. Mash deftly weaves around and punches through some of the attacks. Saiki then conjures a small fireball and hurls it at him, but Mash inhales it with a Kirby-esque gulp, then surges forward, still running.
Saiki (Inner voice): What is he...
Somehow, Mash seems to be ascending towards him!
Saiki (Inner voice): Ok, this is a bit too insane.
Saiki manoeuvres around the cityscape, unleashing blasts of electricity and ice. Mash skillfully dodges all of them until he manages to grab Saiki. In response, Saiki summons a small building from below, which rises and collides with Mash, lifting him into the air before slamming him away like a tennis ball.
Saiki breathed a sigh of relief, convinced he'd finally gained the upper hand. But his triumph was short-lived as a fresh wound opened on his cheek. Turning, he saw Mash still running in the air, wand in hand. The wizard used Shoulder Magic - Missile Throw and hurled the wand again, the impact echoing like a missile launch. Quickly, Saiki redirected it, encasing it in flames. Mash caught the fiery projectile, only for it to transform into a massive helicopter under Saiki's control. The makeshift aircraft plummeted Mash, but the wizard managed to land on his feet before leaping through the whirling machine. Then, in a swift, unexpected move, Mash tapped Saiki's shoulder and flipped him upside down.
Mash: Erector Spinae Magic - Hell Fall
Saiki (Inner outer voice): How did I get here?
As they begin to plummet down into the air, Saiki struggles, before turning into a worm, escaping his grip. Mash smashes into the ground, creating a crater while Saiki lands nearby, back to normal.
Saiki (Inner voice): He seems like a different opponent. It's time to test what works.
Mash struggles up, groaning.
Mash: That wasn't bad.
Mash responds as he cracks his shoulders with a blank expression.
Saiki (Inner voice): Ok, I might be out of my depth here.
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He smashes the ground and out flies a decently large rock, which he turns into rock shards. He then points all of them at Mash, who of course easily dodges them. Suddenly, he feels a rather firm grip on his shoulders.
Saiki (Inner Voice): Time to switch tactics.
Before Mash can react, Saiki grabs his arm. In an instant, both vanish from the spot, reappearing in a completely different location—a vast, endless ocean.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): Hope you can't swim.
He drops Mash by the collar and forces him downwards with telekinesis, before immediately teleporting back to the city.
Saiki (Inner Voice:) That got rid of him. Although, out of curiosity... (Uses Clairvoyance) Damn it.
Meanwhile, Mash is propelling himself towards the city at astonishing, almost superhuman speeds, swimming through the water with incredible force. His momentum is so intense that when he finally reaches land, he doesn't stop; he continues to swim, ploughing through the ground itself, tearing up roads and dirt as if they were water, leaving a trail of destruction in his wake. When he spots his foe, he jumps at him and charges up for a little bit of Muscle Magic: Barbarian Punch.
Saiki (Inner voice): What even goes through the mind of a beast like this?
And so, he tried to read his mind using forced telepathy, only to be met with one sentence in very, very large text.
Mash: He stole my Creampuff.
Saiki (Inner voice): Sigh, That checks out.
Mash is met with a sudden blast of laser vision, forcing him to brace himself and hold up his hands to shield against the intense heat. The impact pushes him back, his feet digging into the ground to maintain his balance. Seizing the moment, Saiki charges forward with incredible speed, catching him off guard. With a swift and powerful knee to the stomach, Saiki knocks the wind out of him, and follows up with a roundhouse kick, sending him flying through the air and crashing into the ground. Then, Saiki just straight up creates the Titanic, smashing it onto his body.
Saiki (Inner voice): This would be the part that I go "That oughta do it!" But trust me. I know. And I'm getting tired.
Saiki, using his telekinesis, repeatedly smashes the boat into Mash, each impact creating a deeper and more menacing, massive, uneven depression that seems to swallow the surroundings. Saiki continues with a single-minded focus, his telekinetic strength relentless until, finally, he grows tired. With one last, thunderous smash, the boat crashes into Mash.
Mash: I've been meaning to ask...
Saiki winces at this, watching in gasping disbelief as Mash effortlessly throws the boat into the stratosphere with a swift kipup.
Mash: Your magic is really strong. There's something about you, something that's different from the others. Do you really want to put all of that to waste by fighting a losing battle?
Saiki creates storm clouds above Mash, preparing to strike him. Annoyance creeps his way into his voice.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): You're a pain.
Mash: I guess it doesn't matter anymore.
There's a glint in Mash's eye, and after shimmying from side to side in a frankly, hypnotizing movement, Mash suddenly starts... breakdancing?
As he spins and twirls, his movements generate a powerful vortex that swirls around him. The spinning motion is so vigorous that it creates a literal tornado.
The tornado's gale-force winds not only draw in the debris but also absorb the lightning bolts descending from the storm clouds above. The energy of the lightning is absorbed and combined by Mash's dance, as he now brings a massive thunderous storm.
Saiki (Inner voice): He is actually break-dancing. I'm losing it.
The tornado is a bit too close for comfort, forcing Saiki to use a psychic coating of sorts on himself, to move within it. The wind is strong and could tear down any building.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): Being eccentric is one thing.
He walks through the mess of an attack, slapping away any debris that flies an inch near him.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): It's another to be annoying. Y-
Saiki feels a hand at his feet shatter through the coating. He sighs dissapointedly as he a brought into the ground until only his head is above the ground.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): Man.
Mash bursts from underneath, carrying Saiki and delivering a resounding Galaxy Crash suplex, now planting his head in the ground.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): I'm getting sick of you.
A Psychic boom forces Mash backwards, who is able to partially block the impact. Saiki is now back, floating slightly above the ground with Psychic energy in his palms.
Mash: You got me there.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): And I'm sick of your patronizing.
Mash: Oh. Uh. Sorry.
He looked genuinely remorseful, much to to chargain of Saiki. Suddenly, Mash can feel himself getting heavier by the second before his feet crush his way into the ground. Saiki now flies forward at him, looking to end this.
Saiki (Inner voice): Wait a second, why does he look braindead?
As Saiki attempts to deliver punch after kick, each and every move is effortlessly blocked or deftly dodged. It was like his body was in a state of perfect lethargy. The worst part? His feet were still planted in the ground.
Saiki (Inner voice): He's anticipating my moves. Purely out of instinct. Doesnt look like he can attack back...
In a sudden, fiery burst of aggression, Mash delivers a powerful blow that Saiki barely manages to avoid. The sheer force of his punch generates a swirling wind that dwarfs Saiki in size, forcefully tearing away his school uniform and leaving him momentarily clad only in his underwear. Remarkably, his clothes snap back into place as if by magic. The punch had left him in a state of shock.
Saiki (Inner voice): Huh.
Despite this, Mash continues his assault, pushing Saiki backwards with relentless punches. Even with the added weight he's carrying, Mash's strikes come fast and furious, raining down on Saiki with unyielding intensity. Saiki manages to block each blow, but his own attempts to retaliate seem to bounce harmlessly off, with no impact landing on Mash.
Saiki (Inner voice): He's pushing all my buttons. I need a bit of luck here.
Suddenly, he trips over some debris.
Saiki (Inner voice): Not what I meant.
Mash: Stay down.
BANG!
With that, Mash unleashes a devastating punch so impactful that it causes magma to rise violently from the ground beneath him.
Yet in a stroke of luck, despite everything, Mash's fist had stopped inches in front of his face.
Why?
His glasses were off.
Saiki (Inner Voice): You were a hassle.
From his toes up to his waist, every single atom in Mash's body felt itself solidify with an unyielding firmness it had never known before. Mash's eyes regain consciousness, and now, even a hint of panic. As the transformation reached Mash's upper body, he stood motionless, now completely encased in stone. Saiki watched at the stone consumed him, and Mash, was petrified.
Saiki (Inner voice): Finally. (He picks up the shattered remains of his glasses, healing them, then putting them back on his eyes.) Why didn't I just do this in the beginning?
Saiki walks away from the statue, and it hits him just how violent the battle was to the city structure.
Saiki (Inner voice): Maybe we went overboard with this. No matter, I'm sure they're no citizens here-
A cracking noise.
Saiki (Inner voice): No. It can't be.
Another.
Saiki (Inner voice): No. No. No!
The encasing shatters and Mash's aura is unlike anyone has ever seen before. His wrist weights shatter, his skin darkens, and his hair and clothes start lifting up from the sheer pressure he emits. Yet, when he speaks, his voice is just as low, just as blunt as ever.
Mash: I'm going to break you.
Saiki sends fireballs soaring through the air, conjures massive ice walls, and releases a flurry of crows to swarm around his opponent.
But Mash remains unperturbed. He strides calmly through the blazing fire, the flames parting effortlessly as he walks through. With a single, powerful swing, he smashes through the ice wall, shattering it into countless shards. The murder of crows, despite their frantic flapping and cawing, is scattered by Mash's unyielding presence as he continues his steady, unbroken advance. Through it all, Mash does nothing but walk.
Mash: Stop the background noise.
Suddenly, multiple Mashes appear. They all circle around Saiki, who oddly enough, also now looks emotionless as the camera rotates around him.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): What does that mean?
As soon as the words come out of his mouth, Mash's fist is right in front of him.
Mash: You held back. It means your time is up.
BANG!
The ground beneath Saiki shatters, cracks spreading outward as if struck by an earthquake. The force of the punch causes a blinding flash, briefly illuminating the area in a brilliant, searing light. Saiki's school uniform is torn to shreds, and his body is enveloped in a cloud of dust and debris. But when it all clears up...
He's still standing.
His face is darkened, with an unbridled rage, that the Psychic had never felt before.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): Heh. How did you know I was holding back?
His eyes flicker, and a shockwave is sent, sending him backwards. Despite everything, Mash sits on the ground, looking up at the Psychic, whose own clothes start lifting up.
Saiki had only been wearing one limiter this entire time. He removes it, and holds it up.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): Good on you. But soon you'll learn...
The limiter fades away, and Saiki teleports behind him, preparing a massive blow.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): My limits are far higher than yours.
As Saiki teleports behind Mash, a swirling vortex of psychic energy gathers around his fist.
Mash: You can't intimidate me.
Mash matches the blow with one of his own, the clash pushing the both of them back.
Saiki (Inner voice): He doesn't need build-up?
Mash, after performing a series of agile hops, charges forward with his usual athletic grace. Saiki returns the favour. The two clash once and hop around again at high speeds, preparing to clash again. However, to Mash's surprise, he crashes into an invisible barrier the second time, stumbling backwards. As he regains his footing, he gazes up at a dizzying, rising box.
The structure appears to stretch upward, vanishing into a hazy, distorted sky. The surfaces of the labyrinth are covered in some sort of shimmering, iridescent texture that gives off a faint, unsettling glow.
The continuous ascent of the walls creates a feeling of being trapped in a never-ending, nauseating spiral. At the apex of this surreal maze, Saiki hovers effortlessly.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): You don't fit in my domain.
Lasers fly from everywhere at ground level. Mash jumps, weaves, and even spinaroonies, deflecting some of these attacks. But, he starts to pant. Then, he grips his palm, growling.
Mash: And you don't fit in my world.
With a single, powerful punch, Mash shatters the entire domain, from top to bottom, sending the labyrinth collapsing in on itself. The once imposing and confusing structure disintegrates into fragments, leaving Saiki, who hovers above, utterly baffled and open-mouthed, unable to comprehend the destruction.
Mash: You're another obstacle to topple.
With a powerful leap into the air, Mash grabs Saiki, who can't struggle out.
Mash: Combined Muscle Magic: Galaxy Fall.
In one fluid motion, Mash executes a devastating suplex. The impact is so intense that flames erupt around them, igniting both fighters as they descend. With a resounding impact, the entire of this abomination of a combined city is engulfed in a massive explosion. One that can only be comprehended from far above.
Mash glances at the spot where he landed. Nothing. His gaze then shifts to Saiki's "corpse," which, bizarrely, is fizzing and emitting faint, crackling sounds.
Mash's expression is one of curiosity as he observes the strange phenomenon.
Mash: Hmm. I didn't know they did that.
BORN! SHIT, I MEAN BOOM!
The explosion left some char on Mash's face. He didn't seem all to bothered. Until...
Saiki (Inner outer voice): Guess you didn't get the memo. No one can topple me.
Saiki, no longer relying on speed alone, begins to teleport instantaneously around the fatigued Mash, delivering a relentless barrage of attacks from every angle. Mash, despite his exhaustion, manages to block many of the strikes, but a few powerful blows land, pushing him further toward his limits.
As Saiki's final strike lands a blinding hit to Mash's face, he seizes the opportunity to grab Mash, and with a sudden, jarring shift, they both find themselves in the cold, vast expanse of space.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): Good riddance.
He spins the magicless mage around, and throws him into the pathway of the sun.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): And goodbye.
As Mash hurtles toward the blinding light of the sun, Saiki conjures a massive Spirit Bomb of psychic energy, hurling it at Mash with devastating force. The colossal sphere of psychic power strikes Mash, propelling him further into the sun's searing heat.
Mash struggles against the relentless push, punching and squirming in a desperate attempt to escape, but his efforts are futile. The immense pressure from the sun overwhelms him, and his body now pressed firmly against its scorching surface, goes limp.
Then regains strength again.
Harnessing the last of his energy, Mash launches himself off the sun with a burst of unimaginable speed, his body now moving faster than ever before. He rockets through the vastness of space, aligning his every movement with the forces around him. Each motion is precise, every muscle working in perfect harmony. This, was the absolute peak body, of a human.
As he reaches the peak of his trajectory, he channels all his remaining strength into one flawless punch, his aura blazing with unrestrained power. The sheer force of his strike builds to a crescendo, ready to deliver the most devastating blow.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): Welp, I tried.
Mash: Bio-Mechanics Cannon: Pronation.
And it, destroyed, EVERYTHING!
It left a massive explosion, clearing everything, every star in its path. The explosion expands outward, erasing entire constellations and leaving a vast emptiness in its wake. As the explosive force dissipates, Mash is left floating alone in the void. His immense energy has exhausted itself, and he returns to his normal state, drifting amidst the remnants of the chaos he created.
Mash: I-No. Something isn't right.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): Spot on.
Mash: Huh?
As we zoom out from Mash's head, the grand illusion shatters. Mash is still trapped between the Sun and the Spirit Bomb. And Saiki was still there.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): I'll give you this. It was tough to break you down. But as Inhuman as you are, you're still just human. And every human has their limits.
Torrents of information begin to flood into Mash's mind at an overwhelming speed, his senses bombarded with chaotic noise and Shadow the Hedgehog. His eyes widen in distress. The psychic energy envelops the Sun, Mash, and the Spirit Bomb, creating an oppressive, disorienting field.
Saiki (Inner outer voice): But I don't.
Mash's body rapidly ages, his once powerful muscles withering away into frailty. The vibrant strength that defined him fades, leaving him weakened and old. Simultaneously, the Sun, caught in the grip of the psychic energy, begins to bulge, its energy intensifying uncontrollably. The Sun is aged to the point that the pressure builds until, finally, the Sun can no longer contain it. It erupts in a colossal Supernova, sending a blinding explosion of light and energy throughout the cosmos. Mash, was no more.
Saiki shields his face from the bright lights with an arm. When it fades away, he sighs, as the world around him is warped back into his bedroom. He lies on his bed, drained.
Saiki: Good Grief.
Don't worry Kusuo. This isn't your last battle.
K.O!