Charlie sat behind a concrete slab hidden in the shadows. His heart beating wildly as he listened out. The sounds of others speaking in hushed tones, the muted sounds of pebbles being kicked and even the odd snicker here or there.
Charlie is the last one to be found at the moment. The other five kids have already been caught and the seeker is nowhere near him. A mischievous smirk was plastered all over his face, another few minutes and they’ll have to give up!
Charlie looked over the way he came, applauding himself for covering up his tracks so well. There wasn’t even a spec of dust out of position to show he had been this way. Something he picked up in both the game and back at home.
It was slow at first. The children were curious about Charlie, especially when he and his father appeared two years ago. They couldn't help but be curious about a kid with one eye.
Charlie could barely accept the presence of the others at the beginning, but with the persistence of the kids wanting to play with him it was only a matter of time. He came out of his shell and found friends.
He found that eventually he could laugh again. He found himself seeking their presence more and more. He found himself trusting them. If Charlie was being honest it was never hard to accept them, they all had a story of their own that pulled at him - he just didn't want to believe the kindness.
They had all shared stories of loss, of abuse and of the fear etched into their beings. The creatures outside their homes were sometimes just as bad as the monsters within.
Charlie had made six close friends in the time he had joined the kids - one especially clung close. She had a similar story to his own, losing her mother to a creature out there. Sabrina was someone he couldn't help but feel close to, the only one who could really get him.
She also was the seeker right now.
Charlie knew that to be proficient at hide and seek, you couldn’t stay in the same spot. You had to keep the seeker in view all the time. You needed to stalk them, and make sure they will never find you by always staying just outside their peripheral vision. It works on creatures of the wild, his father and even his friends.
Overestimating his own ability Charlie lost her quite abruptly. Realising this he brought his body down into a crouch, moved from his seat and stalked his way towards her last known position. It was risky, but he couldn't scan the area further without giving away his position.
Keeping track of her was a little harder though. All the other kids had dark hair mirroring their parents, but Sabrina had a head of brilliant gold hair. Something left behind by her mother as she would often say. Easy to lose among the buildings that were always baking in the sun.
Sneaking through the rubble silently was no easy task, but thanks to his still growing body it wasn’t too difficult to not crumble the brittle rocks underneath. The shadowy spots in the rubble kept his figure concealed and he took great care to not make a sound. When concealed and hidden away, he was in his element.
He could hear the kids laughing somewhat nearby, which both made him happy and distressed at the same time. He knew they needed to be quiet, but he couldn’t give away his position to tell them to quiet down. No, they could still be safe. He was so close to winning.
Finding no traces of Sabrina, Charlie tuned back in on the laughter and heard that the kids were doubling down, laughing even harder now. He’s had enough, he’s going to give out to them, they cannot afford to be seen or caught by the wandering creatures.
Turning around, there she was with the biggest shit eating grin he had ever seen.
“Aaand there you are!” she teased.
“Ah fuck,” he sulked. "That's why they're laughing."
A crash nearby cut the laughter. They all turned in the direction of the sound, only to see the silhouette of a towering man. It was not creature that made the sound, but a beast.
There are too many nightmarish creatures that Charlie would have preferred to see in that moment.
All the children were silent and weary of the figure. Sabrina immediately knew who he was, turning to see fear written all over Charlies face. She tried to grab his hand wishing to tell him that it’ll be okay – but the man cut her off before she had a chance to speak.
“Ah... Charlie,"
"It was you huh? You trying to kill these kids too?” he said, stumbling through the rubble.
The sickening smell of alcohol wafted in and an acrid, but familiar, taste scratched Charlie’s throat.
“No father.. we were just pl-” Charlie tried to protest.
“You were just... fucking doing whatever you want again. You know better than anyone..." he said stabilising himself on a nearby wall.
"Than ANYONE - To make this much sound out here. You…” he paused, clearly trying to hold in the contents of his stomach.
“You’re just trying to act like you’re innocent...”
“But you’re not,” he said with venom dripping from his words.
“You’ll kill these kids too...” he stepped forward.
“You’re wrong! Charlie always looks out for us, he always tries to tell us to be quiet!” protested Sabrina.
“Oh… Oh hoh... You’ve got a little girlfriend too?” he laughed, then spat on the floor.
Sabrina stood her ground as the father walked over, towering above them. He was a mountain of muscle himself. Built from the years of grueling manual labour and hunting creatures. Even though the alcohol made him sway and stumble, he was still as imposing as a beast.
Charlie was terrified that his drunk father would take it out on someone else and not just him. He was scared that he’d lose his friends if they got beaten up by his father. Getting the courage to fight back, he took the first couple of steps in his fathers direction, but he was too late. Again.
His father wordlessly swung down with a closed fist. Sabrina crashed into the floor as his whitened knuckles collided with her brow.
Charlie held back the scream fighting its way out but his friends weren’t as mentally prepared as him and audibly gasped. His father quickly turning to those kids as well.
“You guys gonna scream too? You want the creatures to come over and eat every one of us??” the father growled.
“I’d rather fight a creature than to look at you,” one of the kids, Ralph, defiantly replied.
Charlie’s father walked forward. The kids stood beside Ralph out of instinct, their friendship beating out the fear that kept rising.
“Oh you’re brave... and reeeal quiet now… Nothin' to say anymore huh...” he said, drawing out the last few words.
Charlie was shaking. The ingrained fear of his father gripped his heart. He knew though, he knew that he had to do something to save his friends.
Having backed them into a corner Charlies father towered above the kids. That disgusting smile finding its way back on his face. With the tension mounting, the kids couldn't but think that it was over for them.
The situation kept getting worse for Charlie as his want to save his friends kept getting snuffed out by the fear of his father. It felt like a battle was taking place in his heart and it kept reminding him of a sad truth.
No one would come.
They knew it. Charlie knew it. His father knew it.
The light whimper of Sabrina tore through his struggle like a cold bath and with one look at her bleeding forehead, he found the strength to move forward. A step at first, one that looked for confidence, then another.
Finding his momentum Charlie couldn't hold back. His legs tore through his protesting mind and soon found themselves sprinting at his father. He shouldered his father as violently as he could, bringing every ounce of power that he was able to build.
In any other situation Charlie would have failed, but his father still fell. It didn't matter that he was reeking of alcohol, he was still a veteran in survival against the creatures.
Charlies fists found their target but failed to rock his jaw. Tossing his safety aside he let out a scream from deep within and swung down again and again.
“Leave them alone you piece of shit!” he screamed through tears that flowed down his cheeks.
His father, stunned, took the hits. He took every hit his son could put out. He didn’t make a sound, but a disgusting smile replaced the shock once again.
“You’ve got some fucking balls…” he trailed off as another punch hit his nose.
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Heavy hands hit Charlie on the back, picking him up like a rag-doll. His father threw Charlie to the side, his body crashing into some especially sharp rubble. Charlie quickly turned his attention away from his cut up body and to his father.
He was standing now. A smile as wide as it was terrifying. Bloodied teeth and those awfully bright green eyes.
Each step his father took shook him to his core. A beast was approaching and he was powerless to defend himself.
Charlie was quickly distracted by a rapidly approaching mirage. It had to be. There was no one that was coming to save them.
A fist appeared out of nowhere and punched Charlie’s fathers face. Not expecting the hit, Charlies father crumpled to the ground.
“Are you fucking RETARDED?!” he bellowed.
“I’ll fucking kill you for touching Sabrina, you motherfucker,” the stranger spat between gritted teeth.
The stranger quickly jumped atop Charlies father and cocked his arm back, throwing another right hook directly into his Charlie’s fathers slumped head followed by a resounding clap.
Charlie was flooded with runaway emotions.
What if the man can’t save me? Why couldn’t I save my friends? Am I safe? Are my friends safe? Is my father going to be okay?
Do I want him to be okay?
No, I hate him.
No no no.. I need him.
But.. If he dies who will take care of me?
No... No, fuck him, I’ll save myself.
A thousand emotions and half thoughts filled his head. He didn’t know how to feel. Who could tell him how to feel? He was so lost.
So instead he watched. He watched the fists and kicks of the stranger land on his father. He knew how much those fists hurt and...
And he liked seeing them being finally repaid.
It was cathartic watching his father bleed. It made his heart burn. Burn so hard it burned away the chains holding him down. Burned away the mighty and frightening figure his father had chiseled into his soul.
He found himself ready to cheer for the stranger, he allowed himself to get lost in the hope that bloomed after everything burned away.
“You laid hands on my CHILD. You were ready to lay hands on all of these CHILDREN,” the stranger shouted, holding his bloodied fist back.
“Leave.” he swung down.
“This.” he swung down.
“Fucking.” he swung down.
"Place." he swung down.
Peeling himself away, the stranger threw Charlies father against a nearby wall. Charlies fathers face was ruined - It no longer brought fear into his heart, not being able to recognize the man in front of him allowed him that disconnect.
Through the blood and snot, Charlies father smiled again and proved him wrong once more.
“You take 'im,” Charlie’s father spat bloodied phlegm.
“Take my CHILD, then,” Charlie’s father laughed.
“I bet your little daughter is going to die a nice death, just like my wife."
The stranger swung down once more, wiping the grin off of Charlie’s father with a final wet crunch.
“You killed your wife you stupid fuck. Blaming a child for your own failure is only something a drunk beast like you could do. I should..." He stopped himself, finally coming back to reality. They were outdoors, they needed to keep their voices in check.
"I should kill you right now but I don't want the kids to see me become anything resembling you.”
The stranger stepped off of the father and made his way towards the crumpled Charlie. Sabrina and the rest of the kids looked towards him with their soft, pitiful gazes. He felt it well up in his chest.
Hope.
---------
There were three rapid knocks on the door and a man walked in slowly. Charlies hands were currently full with different shaped metal pieces. Whetstones of different sizes and hilts of all colours were thrashed around his room. He was currently cleaning and polishing his disassembled weapons.
The way Charlie saw it was that if he had a good weapon, he could face the dangers in the wilderness. He hasn't been proven wrong in the last 2 years and he's not going to let anything prove him wrong by being negligent.
The man furrowed his brows when he saw Charlie hard at work and not even acknowledging his presence.
“Charlie, would it kill you to work at a desk, or out in the garage where everyone else is?” he asked, his gaze slowly softening.
“I just prefer the comfort of my room, where no one will… in theory… interrupt me,” Charlie sighed.
The man walked into the room and sat down on a relatively well kept bed, and overlooked the numerous projects Charlie has strewn about.
“You clean good,” the man said.
“Thanks Franky, I kinda like staying alive… ya know?” Charlie said.
“Fair, fair,” Franky said, the subtle sounds of Charlie polishing his knife filling the silence.
“Look," Franky sighed and paused.
"Charlie… There’s something I need to tell you,” Frankie said.
Charlie stopped cleaning his knife and slowly turned. Bewildered by the idea that the powerful man in front of him had any issues speaking. It couldn't be good.
“I was debating and fighting with myself – trying to figure out if I should even tell you, or if it’ll be better without you ever thinking about it,” Franky said.
“Alright, whatever it is, just fuckin’ tell me already. It's not like you to mince words like this,” Charlie tried laughing.
Franky’s lips curled into a wry smile.
After some time, he finally spoke, “Your father is dead."
A deafening silence washed over the room. It was like something grasped at Frankies lungs, stopping him from uttering any other words. He couldn't do anything but wait for a reply.
After a few tense moments, Charlie finally broke the quiet.
“Hahahaha, oh is that it? Oh thank fuck. I thought I couldn't go hunting with ye anymore, or worse yet, that Sabrina was hurt!” Charlie laughed.
Franky didn't move and just continued to sit there motionlessly. That same wry smile glued to his face.
“It’s good that he’s dead. Piece of shit ruined my life. Coulda ruined a lot more lives if it weren’t for you back then," Charlie said.
"If that’s everything, don’t worry man. I’ll polish up these bad boys and head out to the rest of them,” Charlie said, still smiling.
Franky looked around the room slowly. His gaze touched upon everything in the room and felling a little restless eventually settled on Charlie again.
His fingers tensed slightly as he crumpled the blanket between them. Not being able to hold Charlies gaze, he found himself looking down at his feet.
Letting out a final sigh, Franky spoke, “Okay. If you need anyone – if you need time. Let me know. Whenever you are ready and willing, I can take you to his pittance of a grave.”
The smile never left Charlie’s eyes, but there were no further words spoken.
Franky stood up and walked to the door. His hand held against the frame, he took one last look at Charlie and turned into the hallway. The light from the window opposing the door silhouetted Frankies figure on his exit.
With the resounding click of the door closing, Charlie’s smile faded. His fingers losing strength, dropped the knife on the carpeted floor with a dull thud. The knife and his surroundings quickly faded away.
Hot tears streamed down his face.
Why… why am I crying for that pathetic piece of shit?
Charlie’s hands turned to fists and his knuckles whitened. A torrent of feelings and thoughts erupted from Charlies chest, threatening to quickly overwhelm.
That fucking piece of shit nearly killed me so many times….
He tortured me… He beat us…
Mom fucking hated him too… Would mom cry if she knew? Would she cry for me if she knew I was glad he died.
I just wanted him gone. I wanted him dead...
So why?
Why am I so fucking sad?
Why?
Charlie tore the immense pressure building out of his being and screamed with everything he had into his chest. He grabbed the back of his head with both hands and tugged as hard as he could – hot tears poured down his reddened cheeks.
Why is that fucker still haunting me? Why can’t he leave me alone? Why do I still give a shit that you died?
He rocked forward and back.
You owe me SO FUCKIN' much.
He tried to grasp at his hair even harder, but the anxious energy made it hard to keep them still. They fell on to his face and couldn't help but grasp with all their might.
You couldn’t have fucking died before repaying me.
I should have been the one to kill you.
He wept harder.
Why does it hurt so much?
After some time the screams died down enough for Franky and Sabrina to walk into the room. The two threw down his hands away from his bleeding face and took him in close. They didn’t know how to help him, but they knew they needed to be there. Wrapping their hands around Charlie’s shivering body, the wailing softened further.
It hurt them so much to not have the words to help Charlie, no way to help their family overcome the trauma. Each moment held on to Charlie softened the painful silence. They were reaching through to Charlie, showing him that they are there and they will stay there.
“Can we go tonight?” asked Charlie with a slow and quiet voice.
“Of course,” Sabrina replied, not waiting for her father.
------
The sun was a constant in Charlies life. Even now it bore down on the four of them. Dead, alive or something in between. No matter what manner of monster you were. Whether you cried, laughed, screamed or sang - It didn't matter, eventually everything gets bleached white.
Even if the air felt heavier and the sun felt hotter today, there was an empty coldness in his chest that numbed him. A sickly sweetness in his mouth, like you're about to vomit.
It was strange to be so thoughtless. Here Charlie was with his family both above and below ground, yet nothing was coming to mind. Was that sad? He had no idea.
The usual stillness of the daytime city seemed extra poignant now that the group stood in front of two small mounds of dirt.
Charlie couldn't quite decide on how he felt seeing no markers. On one hand he wasn't certain if the dead required more respect and therefore needed a marker, or did this monster even deserve the courtesy reserved for the dead? He knew his mother definitely needed one, even if it would show the world that the man beside her exists.
Sabrina and Franky both saw that Charlie was lost in thought and they didn't want to be the ones to break this moment for him. They were going to be staying here and staying resolute until he calls on them.
Still wanting to comfort him even just a touch more, Sabrina stepped forward and placed her hands around his elbow. She hoped her touch might be what he needs. Noticing the weight on his arm, Charlie turned to see both Sabrina and Franky looking at him with red eyes.
“Thanks guys…”
He looked up and let his gaze drift, never really focusing on anything in particular.
“Can I just be alone for a little while?” Charlie said.
The two locked eyes and started walking away wordlessly. Sabrina unlatching herself from the soft grip of Charlie gave one final tug in agreement.
Before Franky got too far away, he turned.
“We’ll be there when you get home.”
“Thanks.”
With a final nod, Charlie was alone.
It’s just you and me... Father...
You know… we never got to talk…
I never got to tell you just how much I fucking hated you. You’re gonna listen to every word, every curse and you're going to take it like a man.
You’ve nowhere to go. No alcohol to hide behind.
Charlie began speaking out loud, spewing insult after insult. In-between each breath he took, he weaved in memories of his mother and how disappointed she will be. The longer he went on, the worse his speech slurred as tears flowed down his face and over his mouth - but it never stopped.
Memories of his mother and their peaceful moments resurfaced over and over again. His mouth had spittle and froth collecting its corners by now, but he couldn't bring himself to clean it up - he wasn't finished.
It went on for hours like this.
Whether it was the years of stress, anger or the freedom he felt, Charlie lost himself in the moment. He needed to relieve himself even further. He needed to disrespect his father more.
Charlie took out his cock and pissed all over his fathers grave. He couldn't help but laugh to himself as more and more piss soaked into the grave. After he finished he felt so relieved that he didn't know how to stop laughing.
The laughter eventually turned back to tears and brought him to the ground. He laid between both graves and cried his heart out.
Then he’d laugh again at all the trauma inducing memories, like they were some of the funniest things ever told.
Even the sun had set and there was nothing but the silence the night provided. He knew it’d be only a short little while before the creatures started coming around. Collecting his mind, he knew there were no more room for outbursts.
So he picked himself up, grabbed all of his things and walked away without turning back.
He was empty. He was finally empty.
Each step lighter again.
He could breathe again.
He could see again.
Thanks for listening, dad.