“Get on your bloody knees!” screamed a british accented voice to us. Yeah right we were gonna line up to be shot.

Sal wasted no time in igniting. A swirling fireball flew straight toward the SUV, exploding, the occupants lept out, not injured, but about to be.

Two of them, one wore some sort of metal knight armor held tight to his skin, the other who had screamed was dressed like a cowboy with a ten gallon hat for Halloween.

“Lethal Inferno, Marionette, Invisible Cross, and one innocent civilian. Perhaps a hostage?” muttered the armored one deeply.

“You can kill ‘er. She’s in cahoots!” shouted the UK cowboy, turning his gun on us. He saw nothing, hopefully, we were behind the car, leaning against the trunk door. Selene had gone invisible and up and left cover. I'm pretty sure you could gather that power from her nickname.

“Oh lord… oh have mercy.” sobbed Gale, crouching on the ground.

“Just stay out of the line of sight. You’ll be safe.” I whispered, hearing their footsteps come closer. Easier due to the massive suit of armor’s clanking.

“On my mark, Sal. Go to the right. Don’t fire, but prime yourself.” I whispered.

“Fine, next time I make the orders, sidekick.” he grumbled, summoning two more fireballs in his hands.

Quickly, I ushered, we both leaped out of opposite sides, ready to fire. I moved my hand in one direction, reality snapped, I was gone, another, I returned. The result; I stood behind them, choking the gunslinger with purple cords of energy while the armored man had no choice but to stop in his tracks, Sal aiming his fire at him, and his teammate able to have his head removed.

Man, that went way better than expected. I’m not really good in a fight, but tactically, I rule. Actually, I used to be co-lead tactician back in TUHF, not that they really needed me, since half their stuff is marketing their hot guys and busty babes to the unwashed masses. They are all such... Sorry, I went on a tangent there.

“Who the hell are you?!” Sal shouted in rage to the vagrants.

“It is obviously better for us if we do not speak.” the armored one said calmly. He seemed almost robotic with how collected he was.

“Well then, I suppose you can stay quiet then.” I shrugged innocently, pushing the cowboy forward toward the car, keeping strain on his neck with my strings.

“We should take ‘em back to Avernus. Let Stocklord sort them out. We have a prison cell, right?” Sal suggested.

“Yeah, but I dunno about transporting them all the way there.” I explained.

Selene then came out of nowhere. Going invisible took a little time for her, but reappearing was exactly instant. “Why don’t I just call them and ask him to bring a transport vehicle?”

“Or I mean we could just kill them…” Sal said darkly.

“You sogs! You don’t scare me!” shouted the cowboy at the top of his lungs. I just pulled him closer and talked into his ear at normal volume.

“I’ve killed people before, and you aren’t worth my time.” I told him.

“Great work, Quincy.” Sal smiled, walking away. Currently we had to move in case the SUV exploded because being so close to a car on fire isn’t honestly the safest thing on Earth.

“Get in, unless you wanna go down in a blaze of glory.” I said, pushing the cowboy over toward our car. Selene grabbed the armored one who was far more compliant.

“You fuckin’ twat! Hurry up then!” spat the Brit. I didn’t like the general energy of this man… kinda scared me how violent he was.

“Aren’t you Unpromised Tomorrow? From the Knights of York?” Selene asked the knightish one.

“No. I am not.” he replied respectfully, going silent. “I know him though.” he shyly said through his helmet. Wish I got to handle him instead, he didn’t squirm like mentally confused Jesse James here.

“Alright, since there is a ton of glass in the front seat, I think we should just walk away. Gale, ring Stocklord. Tell him to send a transport for these two.” I requested, Gale nodded and grabbed her phone from her back pocket.

“You know everyone wants your Stocklord dead, even the villains do.” sneered the cowboy.

“Yeah, I know buddy. I know.” I said respectfully yet begrudgingly. I’m sooo nice.

“No, you know why, right, eh?” he continued, trying to turn his head back to look at me. His breath caught my nose, it smelt like rotting carcasses. I nearly gagged.

“I don’t question him, that’s how I keep my job, mister.” I reply, uncaring, still trying not to vomit.

The author's narrative has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

“Because they think Stocklord is worth something. And not just the money.”

“And what’s that?” I asked with sarcasm.

“You’ll figure it out… Just know your boss is immortal, and he’s not gonna care about you forever.” he grins, looking like he’d lick my face. I knee him in his undercarriage to shut him up, he yelps.

“I’m aware, but he’s also got more of a heart than most, and he doesn’t even have a physical one.” I replied, angry. “We’re good villains, and I’m fully able to take up a new career option if this all fails. Right now, I work for his golden skeleton majesty.”

“Just know, I know more than it seems.” the cowboy brit smiled wryly.

“Yeah, you know, I’m only just remembering you know how to drive on the right side of the road. Impressive.” Sal chimed in, backing me up. It was a juvenile pun, but I welcomed it. Sal wasn’t as terrible of a guy as first I thought. I… may have judged the new him a bit too harshly.

Honestly though, he still needed a makeover.

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“We were followed and ambushed. These dudes are presumably UHF agents.” I explained to the golden skeleton as he intently listened, tilting his skull and nodding sometimes. “And they won’t talk now. And we almost died. I think that’s everything.”

“No news from Arcana Lodge? Is Patriarch in need of anything?” he frowned. He was suspicious, and I could sense it.

“A little bit. He was just paranoid about TUHF, and he thought he could use some assistance on his security. He requested you send a guy or two over.” I explained, lying.

“Sure. Twee, make a note.” he said to the demonette behind him.

“You know, Twee, you should take a break.” Sal said, I rolled my eyes. I just hoped he wasn’t gonna hit on her too.

“Look jackass.” she said as she strode over, taking Sal by the collar of his shirt. “If you have a crush, just fucking say it.” Ooooh, spicy.

“Twee, stop. He’s just very strange and confused.” I said, internally kinda wanting to see how this played out, Sal gave me a look though.

Twee let him go quickly and checked her hot pink nails, it was kinda hot how headstrong she could be. But she also was absolutely insane at other times. Especially once she started throwing metal objects at mach speeds.

“Now then, you all seem to be a bit frazzled, take the rest of the day off.” Jonah said, I knew it was already five, and usually when normal work hours for us ended, but his proverbial heart was in the right place.

“Yes sir!” Sal obeyed with a hearty salute, and we all got up and left the office.

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“So, um… what do we say to the boss when he finds out about the… you know...?” Selene asked, drinking some canned tomato soup while I sat on the couch of the break room.

“I already basically set it up that he wouldn’t even question us. Honestly, it was quite genius of me.” I smiled, figuratively patting myself on the back.

“Well... what if they do ask us?” Selene said back, worried.

“Will you turn down the paranoia for one moment and stop worrying? It’s… kinda contagious…” I muttered. “They will walk in there and think they were too late, that TUHF came by after we left, and slaughtered them all.”

“I’m just scared about Squizm… What if she comes back?” she shuddered.

“I’ve thought about that too, Selene. And… I have to say, I’ve never been more terrified of a child in my life. Also, what are they doing sending their juvenile assassins halfway out to the Yukon?”

“To kill the Arcana perhaps? What else?” she replied, shrugging.

“Why do they care about the Arcana? What if they want us? I’m terrified, Selene… I haven’t seen blood like that since… Father.” I stuttered, the air in the room felt as if it had become colder.

“I know.” Selene replied, trying to repress those terrible memories we shared.

“Our father did that for us though, or at least he said so. Squizm isn’t on our side here.”

Death in our line of work could happen at any moment, but right now it felt so heart-stoppingly anticipated that I began to shiver a little.

It was at that moment that it happened.

The alarms went off. Red light flooded the room and sirens blared. Mount Avernus was in crisis. “We are under attack! This is not a drill!” shouted the voice of Stocklord as a deep rumble shook out through the room. The sound of an explosion had rung out.

Selene flopped limp and fell out of her chair, fainted from shock.

“Selene!” I screamed. Little did I know it at the moment, but we had messed up.

Big time.