They stopped by a bar at night to get some drinks.

A cute guy with foxy makeup come close to their table.

“Hey~ wants a company for the night?’ he eyed Ray up and down, very interested with him.

‘I am not gay’. Ray said.

The guy hadn’t given up yet and went closer. Ray can smell flowery sweet perfume from him.

It irked him more.

‘Really… I am skilled you see-’, Ray hates it so much and just harshly push him away.

“Sorry to bother you”, he said as he hurriedly leaves.

Vi noticed all this interaction.

Although for Vi he really pushed it, but when he heard Ray told him he’s not gay, it hurts.

How should Vi put it, it felt like he’s not comfortable with the idea of being gay or labelled as one, or being with a gay person – which Vi also is.

Maybe some will disagree. And that Ray answer of he’s not gay shouldn’t matter much.

But it did hurt Vi, hearing it, as if… Being gay is something bad.

And to hear it from him, when he had been fucking him so many times, breaks his heart a little. He wonders what he sees him as.

Of course- Ray mind sees Vi as a woman with an extra part so it’s not gay and he don’t want to label them as gay in his psychology.

Ray went to the toilet. He’s stressed and need a time out to control his temper.

Vi sat quietly, drinking the apple juice.

Suddenly the guy just now come close to him.

‘Yes?’.

“Are you guys’ lovers?”. The guy asked.

Vi was perplexed. Why is he asking?

Truthfully, he had observed how Ray and Vi had interacted. The way Ray looked at him, pat his head, wipe the sauce on his cheeks.

That screams love so much. He wanted such a man for himself too!

And as a fellow minority, he does want to strike up a conversation with Vi.

“Sort of…”

‘Sort of?’.

“It’s complicated”.

‘Ah… I see’.

‘Have you guys, do things together”. Vi understood what he implied.

“Few times”.

The guy had this question how he got rejected with ‘I am not gay’, but these couple fucked didn’t they. Well, it’s quite normal for some men to say that.

“You know. I loved someone once. But he’s straight and when he found out, he pushed me away. He went silent and ghost me, with no words. No goodbye. Nothing. Just disappears. Gone. Poof… I still can’t move on from that”.

He took a sip of his drink.

‘I understand. I experience that once too.’. though he only liked that person he happens to meet 2 years ago, and made friends with him for 2 weeks or so.

Vi went ahead to confess he liked him that way, and that guy decides to ghost him and end the 2 weeks of friendships in silence, he act as if Vi was a complete stranger avoiding eye contact even.

“It’s difficult right… Sometimes I wish they can treat it like how they would treat a girl liking them, even if it’s one sided, they wouldn’t be so harsh.”.

‘Yeah…’ Vi agreed.

Ray comes back from the toilet. He saw the guy sat next to Vi and he felt rage exploded.

He’s flirting with Vi now!? He wanted to punch him in the face.

Ray pulled Vi hand, “Let’s leave”.

“Ray-”

‘I thought you aren’t gay?’

Ray glared and just ignored the question, walking away.

‘You guys fucked and you aren’t gay?’.

Vi was shocked. Why is he messing with Ray?!

Ray can’t hold it in and grab him by the collar, wanting to punch him.

‘R-ray- stop…’.

Ray shakily stops and looked around.

People are whispering, looking at them.

Ray held Vi’s hand and pulled him harshly walking out of the bar.

‘R-ray- it hurts.’

He ignored Vi complaints and went to a secluded corner.

“Why did you tell him.’. he’s angry.

‘Ah… I’, Vi is not sure how to respond. He thought, they were a thing, sort of. Why- why is he angry? Vi had tears in his eyes.

Vi only says it to that guy because for him, he felt included with others like him, and feel open to tell things to the same member. And it’s not like, having sex is anything bad.

‘I am sorry’. Vi can only utter that.

“You don’t even think about how I would feel”. Ray felt embarrassed and ashamed when he knew Vi had told others.

And that guy had to say it loud enough. When he sees the people at the bar watching, be felt so ashamed.

How can Vi casually tell such a private thing to a stranger?

‘I don’t know he would…say it like that’, Vi replied.

‘I am sorry Ray. I will… Keep it a secret from now. I promise…’.

Ray can only move his eyes away.

‘Let’s go back’.

Ray let go of Vi’s arm and walk to the inn. Vi followed.

…

They went back to their room and went to sleep. Vi is afraid to hug him as usual. He just, turns his back away from him. Ray still creep his hand over Vi’s body, hugging him.

Stolen from Royal Road, this story should be reported if encountered on Amazon.

In a way, Ray hadn’t grown up in the emotional department. It’s one thing to care about what your parents or siblings or friends say.

But to even care about what strangers think about is another. Vi and ray only had each other now. They should be open to each other.

Ray still felt mad at Vi, for telling others about him.

His hands went under to play with Vi’s bud. He kissed and lick them, went to lead and kiss Vi’s neck.

Vi was silent, only gasp of breath can be heard.

He unclothes himself turned Vi around. He unbuttoned Vi’s shirt and kissed his neck.

Ray wants to lock eyes with Vi, but Vi only held his gaze short before turning his eyes away. No word is said.

Ray went to crawl on Vi, position his waist above his head to fuck his mouth. Vi only opened his mouth to receive them as Ray keep pushing it in and out. The warmth felt really good.

Eventually he raised Vi’s legs, and fucked Vi hard, pounding him.

Vi barely gasps and moan, and he noticed Vi hadn’t call out his name, not even once.

And he didn’t play around or tease him.

And it’s just him, and doing as he pleases to Vi.

Ray finally noticed, that Vi don’t feel good about things.

In fact, it’s only now Ray noticed Vi reacting this way as if it’s the first time even though there are few times, he had been like this.

There are issues, and things that had hurt Vi’s heart.

‘Vi… What’s wrong?’.

Vi was quiet, and suddenly a tear fell down his side.

“Why can’t you accept me?’

Ray was startled. Accept him? What is he on about? Accept what? His love?

He is fully accepting it no? Maybe he can’t admit it publicly, but he is always happy to let Vi express his feelings.

His mind is twisting trying to figure out what he meant.

Vi meant it as in, him, as a person that is gay, or perhaps gay people in general but that also includes him.

To accept also means to… It’s like how he wanted him to treat gay people (which include him) the same like he treated women in terms of rejection, affection, relationship and the like.

He felt, rejected, as a human being with feelings.

Actually, it’s only ONE issue he had with Ray. Only this isn’t enough to drive Vi to be on the edge.

There are other issues as well, compiled together, making Vi felt overwhelmed and hurt and reached his limit this night and had to talk about things.

While Vi might seems open about sexuality, he does have his insecurities. And he has his own needs. He has his own feelings.

But to see how Ray seems dejected at idea of being gay, he felt rejected in that way too.

“I am gay’. Vi blurted it out.

Ray wondered what is he in about. He knows that of course.

“I did things with a lot of other men”, Vi added.

Ray strengthens his grip on Vi arms, he really felt angry hearing it.

‘And?’. Ray asked with a dejected expression. Where is he going with this? Why is he mentioning it when he knows he hates it.

“Aren’t you disgusted?’.

Ray gritted his teeth. He really doesn’t want to handle this. His head spins trying to figure out the right word to say.

Vi is like this because he seems to want to hear he don’t feel disgusted.

“No.’. even if, he did feel that way to other gays, but not towards Vi, so that answer is the truth.

‘Then, why are you mad with Luke… And… You said what you said to me….’.

“Why aren’t you over that!? I already apologised. What else do you want?”.

‘I just… want to know what you were thinking…’’. He hates that Ray don’t want to answer his question. He just wants to know, for sure, what he’s really thinking, and his reasoning and thinking process.

“There’s nothing to think about”. He just replied coldly.

Ray woke out of bed, and just went to take a bath.

He hates that Vi mentioned Luke. He can never take what he had said and did back then and he hates himself for it. But for him to mention it again really hits deep in him.

And for Vi, those words that he thought already long buried surfaced.

‘What a disgusting slut’

Followed by that slap.

Even if, he already apologised. It’s buried in Vi’s memory, it hits Vi’s own personality. It really never left him.

He cleaned himself with magic, and wear his clothes. He turned to face the wall, and tried to sleep.

Not to mention, Ray still haven’t opened up to him in a sense that….

Vi still don’t know how Ray ended up working under a shady group and what happened to the rest of the orphanage members.

He deserves to know too… Mother Anise, Emily, Mona, Tom…

Vi remembers the family he had in the orphanage.

Why Ray can’t tell him. It’s been months…

It hurts him when he had waited for so long. Being left in the dark for so long.

During this 4 month of travel, he was patient. He really… Want to open his heart to him. He wants to love him. He wanted to help him.

Ray still haven’t mentioned what had happened at all as if that history doesn’t exist.

…

Ray doesn’t know how to process his emotions. Why is it so difficult? Why can’t Vi just forget it and be happy with him.

Why is he crying again. Why can’t he just love me as usual. Seeing Vi cry hurts him. Seeing Vi treating him so coldly, even in bed hurts him.

He went out to see Vi laying down facing the wall. Ray lay down next to him, hugging him from behind.

Vi can feel Ray’s hand that are hugging him.

He ignored it.

‘Vi, look at me’. Vi pretends to sleep.

‘I love you, Vi’.

It hurts hearing these.

He really doesn’t understand. Even though Ray had been touching him almost each day, even though say he loved him, but…

He doesn’t feel loved.

What really am I to him…? Am I just here to help him? Did he think, I am his possession? Why can’t he see and care that he’s hurting too because of him?

It’s tiring. It’s really tiring each time.

“Ray… Do you really love me?”.

‘I told you. I love you Vi. You are the only one I have left’, Ray hugs him tight. He didn’t answer the question, Vi thought.

He’s the only one left? Then if he eventually found another person as a companion, would he love that person instead of him and just leave?

He remembers, when he moved his hand away as he tried to hold his hand as they were walking around town, it hurts.

When some guys greeted him, and he politely reply the conversation out of respect, Ray always pulled his hand away, and becomes rough and cold later ignoring Vi’s words in bed as he forcefully inserts his thing in, while he can’t prepare yet.

He had told him so many times. So many many times. When he gets cold, even though he pleaded for him to stop or slow down, he never did. Even if he did, he had already hurt him.

It even bleeds a little at times. And when he was cold like this, he never bothered to check if what he was doing feels good for him.

Some of the times Vi don’t feel good because Ray don’t do him properly, or as he would like it whenever he gets mad over something. He just pounded him in a not so good way, filled his peach with his juice and just… went to sleep after he’s satisfied.

What about his feelings? Vi never refused his advances all these times but… whenever he became cold like that for whatever reason he can’t understand, and for reasons Ray never want to talk or discuss about, he felt disrespected.

He asked him to not speak to other men. He asked me to hide his own face. He really felt suffocated staying with Ray as days go by.

That his feelings and opinions didn’t matter for Ray.

Vi thought he loves Ray but… It hurts.

Does love makes someone felt hurt over these petty things?

And he wants to be there for him but… It felt like it’s only him that had been making sacrifices while Ray… He never did so for him.

Instead of, building his courage to be proud of our relationship for example, he stayed the same with his insecurity over some strangers looking at them.

Instead of talking out his feelings to him, so he could be better for Ray, he just acts it out by being cold and harsh to him and just fuck him harshly.

Right.

It’s just that Vi doesn’t feel like Ray is getting better.

He stayed the same, even when there are things that would hurt him, he stayed like this.

It’s like Ray refuse to grow up. He refuses to open his heart completely to him. But he can’t live without Vi either.

Vi wonders if… Ray thinks of him as his possession of sort.

Why is it so difficult?

Vi hugs Ray as well, even when he has tears pooling in his eyes.

He loves Ray. But he felt like it’s really one sided, despite how Ray seems to ‘love’ him. He tried his best. But he felt deserted.

It’s heartbreaking… All these issues he had, all the things that had hurt him over the months really had him on the verge of breaking tonight.

‘Ray…’

Vi muttered his name, out of sadness.

‘Ray… I love you… I really love you…but it hurts…’

Ray opened his eyes and frowned when he heard the last word.

“You always… Always… Like this…’, Vi cried.

Ray don’t understand what Vi is going on about. Why is he crying like this. What he meant when he says he’s like ‘this’?

“You… Never tells me anything”

‘Why can’t you tell me, Ray. I want to know you, and why, what happened…?’…

Ray hated this.

‘How many times do I have to tell you. It doesn’t even matter. Stop forcing me. Why don’t you get it?’.

Ray grip was tighter again, even to a point of hurting Vi.

Vi remembered the caring doting Ray be once knew. He went to carry him on his back when he fell and sprained his leg.

When he fell sick and he stayed by his side the whole night, accompany him despite he could get sick as well. And he did get sick later too and Vi too accompany him that time…

“Ray… Do you remember, when I fell sick back then. You stayed by my side, and you get sick later too… Mother Anise is mad at-..”

‘Shut the fuck up!”- Ray suddenly cut Vi words and covered Vi’s mouth with his palm with heavy grip.

“Don’t mention her, don’t mention ANYTHING about back then. You know I hate it. Just fucking don’t’.

Ray takes a breath. Before continuing.

“Stop pestering me about this. I don’t want to hear about this any longer. Do you understand?”, Ray said coldly with a hint of anger.

Vi was trying to pry Ray’s hand away.

He can’t breathe. Tears fell on Ray’s hand that’s gripping half of Vi’s face, only then Ray realised he was choking him.

As soon as Ray moves his hand away, Vi take a huge breath in and out, and coughed a little.

Why is Ray like this…

Ray just watched Vi take a breather before he added.

“Please stop making me like this…’.

…

A thread broke in Vi’s mind, and his heart.

…

Ah. So, it’s his fault to make him act like this now? Vi thought sarcastically.

He broke the limit.

Vi felt like a wall that was somewhat there but not quite is now fully erected between him and Ray.

Vi was quiet. And he no longer shed a tear. Ray hugs him, told him he ‘loves’ him aand kisses his neck and lips.

Vi replied the same.

But he did it as if he’s a robot programmed to do so. He felt drained.

Completely drained.

They just sleep, although they are hugging each other, but Vi felt lonely.

He never thought it would be this hard to love someone so broken. He thought he could endure. But he never knew it could hurt this much.

….