This recent turn of events is giving me a headache in more ways than one. 

The Demon King who has been a male for so many years was literally rolling around the red and golden carpet like a giddy schoolgirl while looking like a human woman… that reminded me of a long time ago.

When was the last time I saw this form at all? It’s hard to remember. 

This elven body lives a long time and an unfortunate side effect is having a very blurry memory as the years all blend together.

I take a good look at her. Yes. I haven’t seen her for at least fifteen years. 

Long silver snow-like hair that flutters a few inches below her shoulders. 

Topaz coloured eyes that shimmered in the sunlight. 

Her skin was pale like white marble and her lips were as red as apples.

She wasn’t too short or too tall. Exactly as I remember her-

Wait. Her chest. It’s bigger. She was at most a C cup before. These look like Ds. 

...The Hero likes them big, huh?

I sigh as I adjust the sleeves of my butler outfit and make sure my iron helmet is put on straight. 

Well, I call it an iron helmet but it looks like it belongs in a space opera or a weekend superhero show for kids.

It shines like silver and has a sharp red visor for me to see through. 

Everyone started to call me Metal. 

I wonder if the gods who make these parallel worlds are as much of an otaku middle schooler as people back home, the naming sense they give to their creations really seems to be as such.

I was reincarnated into this world from Earth and have lived a good 80 or so years here now and I really feel that so much of the stuff here is so typical that it was made with a cookie-cutter for the genre.

As to why I wear the mask? Well…

I’ve read enough fantasy fiction to know that being an elf, male or female, will get you molested. 

They all have such pretty faces and slender bodies after all. So the metal mask I choose to wear helps keep my identity hidden to prevent such attempts on my person.

On top of all that, I’m a Dawn Elf which isn’t native to the Shadowlands. 

Defectors do exist but I’d rather not have the distrust and it allows me to venture into the Kingdoms of Dawn without much hassle when I take it off… 

Though I doubt I’ll have much recreation time now that I have this huge problem on my hands.

I never wanted to get involved with all the political warfare on this planet. I just wanted to live peacefully but… well, fate always likes to mess with you, and here I am.

I fought a bit in the war and then once things settled down I got myself this more cushy job and hoped I wouldn’t have to deal with anymore bloodshed or foolishness.

Then this happens. How unfortunate. Lady Luck seems to have a fondness for preying on my kind as much as all the other races on this planet and I am not happy about it.

The Demon King Ashleigh that conquered and unified the Shadowlands by force and opposes the Kingdoms of Dawn… I’m watching the birth of a tsundere woman right before my eyes.

“I know physical gender for succubi and incubi is easily changeable but you’ve been a guy for almost twenty years and now you’re turning into your girl form whenever you get a tiny bit excited talking about him. Please, don’t make my job harder than it already is…”

She stops her rolling over the carpet, coming to stop like a kitten and stares at me from below, her limbs suspended midair as she lays on her back.

“I told you! This is like the hundredth time! I’m gathering essential information so that we can defeat the Hero! When we beat him the Kingdoms of Dawn will be forced back out of our territory. This ruse is completely necessary! I have to practice this appearance so it doesn’t randomly drop in the middle of a conversation when I… get pissed off at the naivety of foolish humans! I-if he falls for me then he’ll tell me his every secret without a doubt! The survival of our nation depends on this! I’m not just frolicking about!”

So she says. I don’t buy it. While her argument sounds reasonable… her face is beet red and her voice is trembling with affection and uncertainty. The hesitation of a person who is incredibly conscious of what another person is thinking of them. I’m fairly sure of my suspicions. 

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I know Ashleigh better than anyone else. I’ve been with her the longest.

“...Ashleigh. What do you think are the strengths of the Hero? The less vile qualities that filthy human possesses? What weaknesses have you found so far?”

She’s going to bite the bait. Her guard has been down the last few months because of this tomfoolery. A small part of me is happy for her. I practically raised this buffoon. 

Even so, she has a responsibility to the people that depend on her.

“R-rash is… just a naive fool! Being led along like a puppy by the evil nobles of Dawn! That’s his greatest weakness… that I’ve found so far. There’s still much more to investigate.”

First name basis. Stammering. Sense of being offended for his sake...

“Well, I guess that’s also his… least vile quality. He’s too pure. Like a puppy being used as an attack dog by some cruel master. It’s almost cute how silly he can be sometimes- it makes him an easy target.

"I’ll crush him when I get the chance!” 

So she thinks he’s as cute as a puppy. Cute, that red-haired punk? Geez.

“Ah! I do know another weakness! That… bastard! He obviously has a thing for that dumb priestess.

"That ditzy idiot with the huge honkers that keeps ‘accidentally’ falling into precarious situations! I have to remove her if I want to capture his heart! Don’t look at me like that! For his secrets of course!

"Tch, you’re no better than a gossip! Stop imagining weird scenarios in your head! It’s not like that!”

Jealousy and getting defensive. Check. Eyeing other women and comparing them to her because of a boy. Trying to spin the situation on me and say it’s all in my head.

She’s just digging a deeper hole for herself. Where did I go wrong in raising this girl?

...Actually I can think of one particular moment but eh I arguably couldn’t do anything about that so let’s shelf that unless she has a nervous breakdown. It’s not a conversation I want to have yet.

“So, is that why your breasts are bigger? You’re trying to compete? Why not just make them sizeably larger than the priestess? Blame it on weird magic or something.”

She glares daggers into my eyes with a stern seriousness that’s honestly a bit unsettling.

“I can’t do that! Then he’ll think they aren’t natural! I’ve got to grow them bigger little by little! 

“Rash will think I’m still a growing girl! That they may get even larger than that slut! It’s a great advantage to have over those hussies in his party!” 

I want to groan but it’s probably better if I don’t. She’s thinking this deeply about this stuff that it’d be adorable as it was alarming if only she wasn’t the Demon King.

“Look, you’re going to have to be honest with him one day. Even if you’re not going to do that, you have a ton of responsibilities that’ll interfere, remember? I mean, okay, let’s say the best-case scenario is making people with the Kingdoms of Dawn. After that, you two get all lovey-dovey.

Even if he’s okay with you being the Demon King there’s like eight huge issues you’ll need to deal with right away. The Four Demon Queens. Your wives. You even made an oath that those four will be your only brides…”

She pounces on me and responds with complete confidence.

“I am not in love with the Hero! I may have to seduce him but that’s not cheating! They said no other brides but them! They said nothing about a husband!” 

Oh god, she’s even thinking about marriage and using loopholes. We’re all doomed.

Still, I wanna see more of this chaos unfold. 

“Oh, I get it. You’re going to get married to him and then stab him at the altar when his guard is truly down.

"You’ll be before that priestess you seem to hate so much, crying as she officiates your marriage to the man she wanted. All the other female party members will be doing their best to hide their frustration but they breakdown when they see you walking in with a wonderful white dress… and know you’re the better girl…”

Ashleigh is listening intently to this construction of a miracle, imagining it with all her power and complete concentration. She’s going to take the bait again.

“So, he lifts your veil and leans in for a kiss, hoping to solidify his marriage to you and get ready to spend the rest of your lives together… you respond in kind… and live happily ever after. The end.”

She stumbles several steps back and squeals while holding her hands together.

She may not be able to see my eyes but she can tell I am staring at her with a gaze of judgment. 

“I… was just imagining the part where I-I… rip his heart out with my bare hands! Yep!”

Yeah. Right. I totally believe you. Time to take her back to reality.

“You also have four daughters. Which you fathered. How do you feel about the Hero learning you have four 18-year-old kids? Sure, he may look at your wives and think he’s getting a 5 for 1 deal but how do you think he’ll deal with those bombs?” 

She takes in a deep breath and answers without thinking.

“He’ll be the best dad ever. Better than me even.” 

Oh god, there’s a lot there I can unwrap. 

KNOCK. KNOCK. I turn around to see the throne room door.

There’s probably an angry mob again asking where the king is. 

“Ashleigh, please answer your subjects and show them I’m not puppeteering you…”

I turn back to see her gone. She ran off to the teleportation portal again to be with him.

I would rub my temples if my helmet wasn’t in the way. I sigh and walk to the doors and open them both. In this world, at least in the Shadowlands, there’s one rule. 

“Strength is everything.”

I see the crowd of angry warriors of many fantasy races. United in one goal to know what the hell has been going on in the last few months and crack my knuckles before raising my right fist in the air and then slamming into the ground before me.

“GATLING GEYSER!” 

The ground explodes with burning flames, erupting like lava from seemingly out of nowhere and bombards the crowd and kicks them into the air before smashing back down into the marble floor.

I make sure not to name the moves exactly like the games they came from, I’m not that tacky.

Also, despite how the technique looks it doesn’t actually burn anything. It just covers their bodies in purple bruises. Should keep this particular crowd out for at least two months. 

I tap the right side of my helmet to activate the communication spell.

“Maids, clean up in the throne waiting room. Just the usual trash. Don’t take too long.” 

This makes the seventh time this month… I hope the Hero rejects the Demon King soon…

“Metal, uhm… Princess Sylphie wishes to see you.” 

Urgh. From one adorable headache to another. 

Now, how do I tell a girl, "your father has fallen in love with a man" without causing a nuclear explosion?