Chapter 72

"Do you think they'll send us back home?" Riley wondered. The nice thing about projecting your voice was that you never had to shout to be heard.

"Oh I knew a girl from Old Stratton; her heart was as big as a wagon!" Cid slurred, along with most of the bar at the Hidden Blade's tavern.

"I don't know, but it would be nice to see the family," Tobias projected back, sipping at his tea from the quietest corner they could find.

"I miss them too," Riley bobbed her head and looked over to Cid, swaying with the rest of the barflies. "Maybe we should try to get him to quarters?"

Cid held up his mug and cried. "Barkeep, another round for my friends!"

Cheers rang out, overwhelming the volume of the previous song.

Riley folded back her ears and curled into a tight ball within her chair, letting out a displeased grunt, "Pass out already!"

"When have we ever been able to get Cid to do anything but what he wants?" Tobias replied with a chuckle.

"So what's keeping us from going to quarters? I'd love to sleep, find a nice bath, or anything that's quiet. Quiet would be the best," She stretched some, rising to arch her back before settling down again, luxuriating within her own imagination.

"Someone has to keep watch. I'm worried about him, Riley, and I know you are too. I've seen people fall apart like this before. Granda was beside himself when Granny died," Tobias took a long meditative pull off his tea, eyeing Cid with worry.

"It was bad?" Riley asked, poking at the memory.

"It was; he got quiet. You know how gregarious he can be, Cid's kind of going the opposite way. He doesn't want to show he's hurt. You know he doesn't like to be vulnerable, but the grief is still there, burning behind the mask," Tobias leaned back in his chair, the worry on his face making him look older than he was.

"I've never met anyone that likes being vulnerable. I know I hate it. Remember how much you struggled with magic?" Riley mused as the singing began again.

She could feel the sound vibrating through her chair, as much as ring in her ears.

"I do, and now you're having some of the same troubles. We're going to have to work on that," Tobias looked at her with firm conviction.

"I don't want to be a monster," Riley shifted in her seat uncomfortably.

"Capacity is not the same thing as being Riley. There's not a person in here that doesn't have power," Tobias admonished.

"Yeah, but you can only kill a person. I did something worse," Riley shuddered as the guilt tugged at her soul.

Tobias sighed, "Again, capacity is not reality. You had the control to hold yourself back and ask for help. I trust you, Riley; what's it going to take for you to trust yourself?"

Cid was stumbling over towards their table, having grown tired of his company or where he was swaying.

"Incoming," Riley replied, poking her head up, "I've been thinking about that, and I've got some ideas.

"Oh?" Tobias asked, his eyebrows raising as he took a sip.

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"There yoush are boy!" Cid stumbled over to Tobias as he rapidly set down his tea mug, hoping to avoid a spill.

"I think you've had enough, friend," Tobias insisted.

"Balderdish! For Zorna!" He raised his mug, and the ale within splashed and tossed, some of it landing on Riley.

"For Zorna!" Came the cry from the crowd.

"If you're going to drink it, drink it," She projected glumly, shaking it off.

Cid plopped down in the last chair at the table, took another long pull, draining it to the dregs, then raised his mug up high, "No need to be sour; it's time to celebrate! Barkeep, another!"

The barkeep shook his head while filling another mug and passed it to the waitress.

"What do you think will help?" Tobias asked audibly, drawing Cid into the conversation.

She couldn't fathom why, "I was thinking you could bind me. If you were in control of my magic, you'd be a check if I ever went wackadoodle again."

Cid, who was busy drinking down his next ale, choked, "Are you daft lass? The way second tiers handle companions is a fucking shame. A shame! You'd not ask that of Tobias if you knew half of what it meant. Do you want to lose yer will? Yer heart!" His voice rode high upon a wave of

condemnation, as he slammed his mug down and pointed a wavering finger at her.

"Riley, absolutely not. That's always been your biggest fear, and I don't want to think of what that would do to you. I don't want to lose you," Tobias said, firmly slamming that door.

"It's not fit for a dumb beast, and you're no dumb beast, Ranger," Cid took up his mug in mock toast before taking a sip.

"Then why does everyone do it?" She asked them both.

"Because they're brutes and idiots! They know no better but savagery! Did I ever tell you the story of how I lost ma eye?" Cid wavered in his chair as much as between topics.

"A mission, I'll bet," Riley assumed.

"It would be a safe one. We were hunting a night strider, Abelia and I. She was my first companion. It went bad. She got torn apart. Losing her power, the strider beast damn near killed me. The thing was all viciousness and hunger. It ripped her in two, then went for me. I wasn't ready, I wasn't fast enough... good enough...Abelia might have made a difference if she hadn't been blunted by what I did to her. Instead, she was just fodder, stood dumbly, and died when I couldn't protect her," Cid stared down into his drink as if searching for an answer to his grief.

"How'd that work out? Doesn't their venom interrupt magic?" Tobias wondered.

"Aye, I wouldn't have made it if I hadn't been found by some elves. They took me in, saw to my wounds, and over the months, I learned things as I healed...and fell in love," Cid's hands were trembling now, his face blanched pale, the memory granting him a tentative sobriety he had no right to.

Riley perked up in her seat.

"Eleindrel was a beautiful soul. As she nursed me back to health, she taught me a better way. She was the one who gave me Zorna, and taught me how to work with her, how to forge a bond so that we would share our magic. It took work and sharing my heart, but I ended up with something special with the both of them," Cid's eyes grew wistful as he sipped at his ale.

"You actually lived with the elves?" Tobias boggled.

"I did and learned far more than I ever did at any human academy. I learned how to love and be more than I was, even though I was half blind and still healing." His voice cracked.

Riley saw a tear fall.

"I don't know if I want to hear how this ends," she said, her heart already aching.

"Ranger Central was looking for me. They don't just leave us for dead and were searching. We knew it. The patrols the tribe sent out would report back about humans in their territory, so I knew it was best for all of them for me to return, or so I thought," Cid explained, his voice dripping now with grief and agony.

"There's no need to finish it, we understand," Tobias said.

"Uppity noble, put a bounty on them, paying a half a silver for every pair of ears to his guard...and I wasn't..." Cid shook his head, "Zorna was all I had left of her, and now she's gone too."

He slammed his hands down on the table before clenching them into fists.

"You don't bind her son. You promise me that, no matter how much she asks. Find a better way. Make yer contracts, or do what I did, and bond, swear to each other, do it out of love, or it's just slavery otherwise," Cid was up on his feet in full lecture.

"But what if I need that control? I thought I could control my power, but it controlled me," Riley asked, seeking reason from the drunk.

"Zorna balanced me out and grounded me; she was all loyalty and duty inside. She gave me focus, courage, and faith in myself I never had after the nighstrider chewed on my head. Chainin yourself up isn't the answer you think it is," Cid slurred.

"Neither is drinking yourself stupid," Riley said pointedly.

Cid nodded thoughtfully. "Aye, Aye, but it kills the pain."

At that, he drained his mug and fell asleep in his chair.

"Finally," Tobias replied, finishing his tea.