Chapter 25

"This isn't working," Tobias said, dripping with sweat, the casting room reeking of effort.

His silver Torque was set upon a rough hewn table by the door, next to an array of potions that, to Riley's eyes, all glowed.

She eyed him critically as Justinian took a glowing green bottle and offered it to Tobias.

"It's been forty five minutes, take a swig, perk up," Justinian said.

Taking it, Tobias chugged a good half of the stamina potion before his coloring brightened.

"What am I missing? We've been at this all day, and I'm not a moment closer," Tobias threw up his hands.

"Let's go at this from another angle," Riley said, pondering the problem, "Justinian, you cast pretty easily, don't you?"

"After a fashion, I'm an artificer, so my casting works through physical effort. The things I make, if I put the right amount of focus and will into them, it gains magical effects," he explained.

"So, how do you do it? What's the mechanism for your cast?" Riley questioned like a teacher.

Justinian shrugged, "I just do it. Nothing makes me happier than working a forge and creating things. It's what I was made for, raised for, but it's more than that. There's a purpose to it. Every day I make things that help fortify and protect others or advance the fields of my art, and make no mistake, it's very much an art, so when I take up the hammer, something inside of me thrills, and the magic just… flows."

"So it's emotional and instinctual. It's like that for me, too. The first time I felt my magic, I watched a poor kid get cheated out of a copper by the bastard that captured me. He couldn't even afford shoes, but this greedy fuck took the extra money he earned for giving me water," Riley recalled, tamping down the power she felt spring up within.

Tobias ran his hands through his hair in frustration, "It's just not like that for me! There are methods, like Spraga's, that are integral to proper casting. It's a science. Right action, rightly applied, leads to the right effect."

"Which is obviously wrong because if that worked, you'd be the greatest caster of your generation. You're all up in your own head, but you aren't listening to your heart. A Jedi's strength flows through the force," Riley lectured, her projected voice growing raspy all the while.

"Magic does suffuse all things, but reason is the reins upon the beast," Tobias argued, ignoring the metaphor he had no hopes of understanding.

"You're awfully academic for a fire mage," Justian sighed, leaning back against the wall.

"The theory and the practice is what sings to me. It's what gives me joy, just as you forging materials does for you. There's an art to the representation of magic, the way the forces work upon our physical plain, and through those representations, I gain an understanding of the wider universe. It's a way not just to define reality but understand it in greater fullness," Tobias' tone grew hushed and reverent, like a priest before an altar.

"It is beautiful. I'm just beginning to have an understanding of it, but it's one of the most beautiful things I've ever encountered. You know there's not magic where a lot of me comes from; there, what we call scientists define the world through physics in much the same way you describe," Riley explained, puzzling out his problem.

"That would be interesting. I am curious about your world," Tobias admitted, his eyes still sparkling with wonder.

"If there's one thing I've learned from being here, it's that anything is possible, but without magic, I don't know how we'd get back or even if I could function. Hares are not sapient where I come from; we don't have the processing for it, but we're getting lost in the philosophy here…" Riley trailed off as an idea sparked.

"That's it! I think that's been our problem all along!" Riley exclaimed, elation causing her to bounce on her paws.

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"Mind letting me in on it?" Tobias asked as Justinian observed with interest.

"Think back, when was the first time your power manifested? Tell me the story about it," Riley perked her ears in interest.

Justinian's face took on a wistful grin, "Oh, that story, go on, Tobias."

"Well, we were both first years, kids, ya know?" He paused, his eyes going distant in reflection, "Justinian's magic hadn't manifested yet. It's often like that for Artificers. They test for ability at birth, but it takes a while to show. Anyway, the other kids were teasing Justinian."

"Chadrick?" Riley asked, going for the easy target.

"He was one of them, but he wasn't the ring leader then. It wasn't till he lost his brother that he really began to turn cruel. All the teasing seemed wrong to me; it felt wrong, and suddenly, there was this power inside me, whispering to me. I rushed forward, and it flared when I pushed the bully down. My fingers were sparking, but I didn't know how to cast yet; there were no fundamentals, it was just… instinct..." Tobias' look grew puzzled as if he was beginning to grasp something.

"What happened next?" Riley prompted.

"The bully stood and, for a moment, was intimidated, then his friends pushed me down, and they all started beating the fire out of me. Justinian tackled him, and things devolved into quite the rumble before the instructors separated us. We've been best friends ever since," Tobias said.

They both reached out and clasped arms, reveling in old glories.

"Then that's what I want you to do. I know you love your theory, but the theory isn't helping you. Go back to that place, to the emotion and the drive. Let that be your guide, trust your feelings, use your intuition," Riley pressed.

A funny look traced across Tobias' face before he firmed up, planting his feet, "I can try."

"No, you can do it; there is no try. Have faith in yourself. Let me guide you," She urged, ripping off Yoda for all it was worth.

Tobias closed his eyes.

"Ready?" Riley asked.

"Ready," He reported.

"Now, go back to that place. Remember how it felt. Justinian was being mocked. He got pushed down," Riley projected, her voice as soothing as she knew how.

Tobias grimaced, and Riley noticed a brief flash of power in his hands. "That's right, feel it, let those feelings guide you to your power, think of all the years you've been bullied, how it made you feel, think of how much you wanted to change things, how much you wanted to react, how angry it made you feel, how resolved it made you to not be the same kind of monster," Riley rambled.

Tobias' hands began to glow with a fearsome orange light.

"I'm… so tired of being pushed around," Tobias muttered. "By the dead Gods, I'm..."

"You're what?" She challenged.

Tobias gritted his teeth, "Angry."

Riley tried not to think of Sith Lords. Then, suddenly, his color brightened, and the power burst forth.

Tobias' eyes snapped open, startled, "I can feel it. It's feeding off my feelings. They're, they're guiding me to my power! It's not thinking it's doing, an expression of my soul, a manifestation of my outrage. It all makes sense! It all makes sense!" He cried, rolling his palm up towards the ceiling before pushing towards the wall. A small ball of fire erupted from his hand, and screamed across the room before striking it.

"Oh yeah!" Justinian cried, pumping his fist into the air.

Tobias, took a deep breath and recentered planting his feet, his hands brightening all the more, "It's ok to feel angry. I can do something with it!"

"You've got to stop running from yourself, Tobias. I've only been with you a short while, but I've seen you strangled under the expectations and weight of everything this world has put on you. You don't realize how brilliant and capable you are, and it's costing you everything. Stop trying to be the perfect sorcerer and start being yourself," Riley admonished.

He eyed her with a strange kind of reverence born on a growing affection, "That's why it was so easy for you. You aren't laboring under the same conditioning I am. You don't have any other recourse but being who you are in all your strangeness. Your feelings are all you have."

Riley cocked her head, pondering.

"You're probably right. There's a saying where I come from that there are no negative emotions; what makes something negative are the choices you make. It's not bad to feel anger or outrage; it's bad to let it become poisonous. It's bad to let it keep you from being who you are or costing you who you are. Magic is as good an outlet as any, I think," Riley said.

Tobias, for the first time, had hope in his eyes as he let the power fade, "I've a long way to go, but I think I might finally be on the path."