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One step forward, three steps back

One step forward, three steps back

IARA

I sighed, Elisif at my side. We finished up our last meeting for the night. The sunlight that trickled in the window burned my eyes. I brought my hands up to my face and slapped my cheeks, trying to push away how tired I felt. There were still so many things I needed to finish.

“Do you need me for anything else?” Elisif asked. She looked as tired as I felt. The last few days were rough on her as well. It was rough on everybody.

I gave my friend a thankful smile. “No, you’ve done so much for me today.”

She bowed low. “Anything for my Queen,” she said in a light voice. “Don’t stress too much. You’ll have to be the strong one. You know how Malachi gets.”

I sighed. “Give him a break,” I scolded.

Elisif waved as she turned, laughing. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I turned to head back to my room. I would need to write up a few documents and send them off, then I would go find my husband. I hoped his time outside helped him calm down. There was a lot of work to be done. Giving him his time today was doable, but I don’t know if I could have done this again. Being pushed into this position before we were ready was hard enough, but in the wake of an assassination it was borderline destructive. Not to mention we still had no idea who had done this. I knew Vi was involved though. Dread blossomed in my chest. I still had to tell Malachi about that.

When I opened the door, Malachi rushed from the other room. When he saw it was me he relaxed a bit, but the look on his face never changed. He was out of breath, his face red. “What’s wrong?” I cried. I stepped towards him but he disappeared back into our sleeping room.

“We need to leave,” he called.

I followed him into the room. Every drawer was pulled open, clothes strewn about. He had on a thick coat, tall boots, and a leather bag was strapped to his back. He shoved my old worn leather pouch at me. He had put on his gloves so when he touched me, I didn’t get bombarded with another one of his panic attacks.

“Are you okay?” I asked. I sat my bag on the bed as he turned to start rummaging through more stuff. What was he even looking for?

“My mother is still alive and she told me there are more people coming to kill everyone in the royal family.”

“Your mother can’t be alive,” I replied slowly.

He stood straight and met my gaze. He looked crumpled. His eyes were wide, weighed down with dark circles. His hair was mussed, strands falling right out of the ribbon. “I know how I sound right now,” he sighed. “I know how I’ve been acting. You must think I’m having another. . . episode.”

“What do you want me to think?” The sudden raw expression that passed on his face made me feel awful. It made it look as though he was physically struck. I bit my lip, realizing I had hurt him. I offered him my hand, fingers open and palm up. “All you need to do is touch, and I will believe you.”

Malachi heaved a sigh and ripped off one of his gloves. “I hate that you have to see me this way,” he said quietly. His palm hovered over mine for a moment. He hesitated, the cogs just behind his eyes spinning out of control. I know his thoughts must have been a jumbled mess.

“You don’t have to be ashamed of what you’re feeling.”

“I am,” he scowled. “I’m a wretched-”

“Stop, or I’ll flick you again,” I warned.

He frowned and let his hand fall into mine. Jumbled was too neat of a word. It was as bad as the first time I ever touched him, if not worse. Dark thoughts swam through his mind. My chest hurt, my vision blurred. He had made such progress since then. This felt like one step forward and three back. I blinked, trying not to cry. I sifted through the depressing fog and looked deeper into his thoughts. He wasn’t lying. Malachi had never lied to me before. His mother was alive, and she had taken Jer already. Fear laced every piece of my husband. If Queen Gwendolyn said people were on their way to assassinate us as well, it must have been true. Under everything Malachi was thinking was the darkest thought of all. The thought had only occurred to him recently. Behind running away with me, behind wanting to be free, was the darkest thing I ever witnessed in his mind.

He wondered if I could rip our fate threads apart. If I could break curses, how far did that reach? Was being bound to him a curse? If we could reverse the blood bond, I would be free from his fight. And if I could do that, Malachi wanted to. . .

I yanked my hand away from his and fell backward. I tried to take in a breath, but a sob ripped through my body. Malachi reached out to me, his gloves securely in place once again. “I’m sorry,” he said.

I recoiled from his grasp. “Don’t touch me right now,” I snapped.

He stepped back from me. I let my head fall into my hands as I tried to hold in my sobs. After a moment I heard him go back to what he had been doing prior. I watched him grab things we would need to travel for a while. He packed a few clothes, a royal seal, a few pieces of parchment, a notebook. He even slipped some of my herb jars into my leather pouch. When he was finished, he sat on the bed. He didn’t dare look back at me. He let his face fall into his hands and he waited for me.

I stood and cleared my throat after I got control of my breathing again. “We can go.”

He didn’t move from the bed. His eyes met mine, holding all the sadness I knew he felt. “You don’t want to try?”

“Try to break our bond?” I snapped.

He jumped at how harsh my voice was. He stood and clenched his fists. “It would be best for you,” he said in a blank voice.

I pressed my hand to my chest. If I focused my thoughts on Malachi, I could see the thin, gossamer thread that linked our very souls. It glittered with golden light, always connecting me to him. It hurt that he would suggest I rip it apart. I doubt I could even break it. It was a gift given to us by the goddess, the farthest thing from a curse. “I know you can’t see exactly what I feel, but I’m insulted you would think I want to break the bond we have.”

He took a step forward and touched my arm. “Iara, I know you care for me. But this is different,” he whispered.

“You only want to run away,” I snapped. I pulled away from his touch again. “And if I’m the thing stopping you from doing that, then I will never break our threads.” I blinked away tears and turned my back to him. “Let’s go. You’re stuck with me even if you hate it.”

Malachi sighed and grabbed my pouch. He offered it to me and I snatched it from his hands. He didn’t fall in step with me. He stayed a few paces back as he headed to my courtyard. The thoughts he had were self destructive. He wouldn’t lift a hand to harm himself if it meant harming me, but just the images he pictured made me sick. I wanted nothing more than to help him. I really thought he was better. I suppose going through things this hard would set anyone back. At least I could still be by him. I would do anything to help him. I don’t think he realized how much I genuinely cared for him. I had plenty of time to show him. We would make it overseas, and we would get our home back. It would be safe again and I could show him how much he meant to me every step of the way. Nothing would take that away from us.

Stepping outside of the iron gate felt so devastating. I watched my beautiful garden being cut off by the gate Malachi pulled shut. I looked back at the tall palace just over the stone wall. I didn’t know when I would ever see this place again, but I knew it wouldn't be for a very long time. Malachi grabbed the bow and arrows that leaned against the wall and turned back to me. He looked broken. A man who had lost everything in the span of a week.

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

“Are you ready?” he asked.

I nodded and turned towards the sea. We would need to find a shipping town along the coast that would be willing to grant us passage. I knew I had a few coins in my purse, but would it be enough for passage on a vessel? I bit my lip and resolved myself to worry about that when the time came. As we headed towards the beach, I glanced back at Malachi. He still kept his distance, his head down. He had pulled his hair completely out of the ribbon and it hung down around his shoulders. When the ocean breeze caught it, his strands flew around his head like a halo.

I turned back forward and looked down. I felt guilty for snapping at him. His thoughts were his own. He hadn’t wanted me to see them and this is exactly why. He knew it would hurt me, but I had insisted. I wished my blessing wasn’t so invasive. Then people wouldn’t hesitate every time I reached out to touch them. The worry that passed through his face every time we went to embrace was awful.

When we reached the sand, I scanned the ground for seashells. I was reminded of the first time I had ever seen the ocean. The memory played back in my head as I reached for a conch on the ground. This one was small compared to the first one I had ever seen, but it was just as beautiful. It had soft spots of brown and peach all along the textured surface. I turned back to Malachi. He stood just behind me. A ghost of a smile played on his lips when he saw the conch in my hands.

“Remember the first time you took me to the beach?” I asked. I looked back down to the conch. “You were so kind and attentive to me.”

“I’m glad you remember it that way. I recall making you bawl your eyes out,” he replied. He reached a hand up to touch the surface of the shell.

I felt my cheeks warm and I turned away. “I was very conflicted then,” I announced. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t. I slipped the shell into my bag and started heading down the beach. Vi popped into my mind again. He was the only reason I didn’t let Malachi kiss me that night.

I heard him speed up to follow behind me. “Well, I had no idea you had another man,” he shot back.

“Uh, hey,” came a voice.

I turned slowly towards the land, my back to the ocean. I knew the voice as soon as it sounded. He was standing right over the rocks, looking down on me and Malachi. Vi was unmistakable. His brown hair had gained length and stubble now grew on his chin. His arms were thicker than I remembered as well. My heart raced when he took a step down, jumping off the rocks and landing quietly in the sand.

Malachi stepped in front of me and readied his bow. “Who are you?”

Vi made a sour expression when he looked at Malachi. “I guess I’m the other man.”

His shoulders tensed and he aimed an arrow. “Then all the more reason to shoot.”

I jumped in front of him and cried out. “Don’t be ridiculous, Malachi.”

His eyes narrowed, but his expression was carefully neutral. I turned back to Vi. I felt my heart race again just at the mere sight of him. He was part of the group we were trying to get away from. “If you try anything, I won’t stop him again,” I warned.

“I’m not here to hurt you,” Vi replied. He stepped forward, but stopped when Malachi drew his arrow back again. The noise of the bow creaking under the pressure of the string was ominous. He didn’t spare the vampire any more than an annoyed glance. “I came to warn you about the guild. They’re planning to seize the palace in three day’s time.”

“Why do you think we’re out here?” Malachi snapped. “You better have something more to tell us.”

Before Telvin could speak again, an arrow flew out of nowhere and hit Malachi in the shoulder. He cried out, falling back on one knee. Vi spun around, pulling a giant sword from his back. The archer on the rocks notched another arrow as another man jumped into the sand. He landed just like Vi had, crouching low like a cat and then straightening slowly. “I had an idea you would come here,” said the man as he drew a sword.

“Hark,” Vi snarled.

“He led them here,” Malachi hissed. He stumbled back up and took my hand. He dragged me back towards the woods.

“He didn’t,” I replied. I watched the men clash swords. “Look, he’s fighting.”

Malachi shoved me down as another arrow flew at us. It almost hit him in the side. If he was a second slower, it could have been a fatal wound. “Come on,” he snapped.

I broke away from him and ran to the waves. I lifted my hands, mumbling the prayer beneath my breath. I could feel Loire’s power run through me like a crashing wave. I lifted my hands high and let the energy course through me. A hard wave rose up and hit the archer like a canon. When the water flowed away, he was sprawled at the bottom of the rocks, blood coming from a gash on his forehead.

Malachi cursed and aimed an arrow at the other man. The arrow flew right to his sword wielding hand. The man cried out and the sword flew into the sand with a soft thud. Vi glanced at us both and jumped out of the way just in time to avoid another water blast. The wave slammed Hark against the rough stones behind him. I let my arms fall limp to my sides, my knees wobbly. I had never asked for so much power before. I sighed, thinking about all the offerings I would need to place out in Loire’s name. I hadn’t the means to make monetary offerings right now, so more labor intensive ones would be needed.

Malachi rushed over to me as I was about to fall. He held me up by my shoulders, his hands just as shaky as mine. “You are so foolish,” he scolded.

I cried out, noticing the arrow still in his shoulder. “Wh-what do we do about that?” I stammered.

He looked down as if just noticing it. Vi joined us and crossed his arms. “Just pull it out,” he said.

Malachi let the faintest look of displeasure play on his face as he gripped the wooden stock of the arrow.

“No!” I yelled.

He yanked the arrow straight out of his shoulder. Blood freely flowed down his arm, staining his dark green coat black. He clenched his jaw, hardly making a grunt in pain. He threw the arrow down, his blood seeping into the sand. “We need to get moving,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Before that, I wanted to ask a favor,” Vi said, not even phased by Malachi’s arrow.

Malachi pushed him back with his good arm. Vi stumbled back slightly, his boots slipping in the sand. He glared at him. “The favor I grant you is that I will let you walk away from this without a scratch on you. Leave, before I change my mind.”

“Good thing I was asking Iara,” Vi snapped back.

“I don’t care how well you two knew each other before but-”

I interrupted Malachi with a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Rey told us to be nice when we saw him.”

His green eyes flashed with something like rage. I didn’t dare touch his skin, but I didn’t need my blessing to see the anger rolling off him in almost tangible waves. He knew as well as I did that when Rey suggested something, it was best to listen. She only said things when they were important enough to be said.

Vi gave Malachi a distasteful look as he stepped back. I bit my lip and looked away from both of them. The animosity was thick. “What do you want, Vi?”

His gaze softened when he looked at me. “I have a friend who lost the ability to walk. I’m here to ask for you to help her. In return, we’ll help you any way we can. Traveling alone will be dangerous.”

“No,” Malachi snapped. “Traveling with you will be dangerous.”

I held my hand up, palm toward the blue sky. “If you really don’t have any bad intentions, then take my hand,” I said. It was the fastest way to trust Vi. I wasn’t as easily swayed as I once was either. I knew he had been there when the husks were released. I’d sift through every piece of his mind before I agreed to anything. His eyes went to my palms, worry playing on his face.

“A lot has happened since you left,” he whispered.

“I’m sure,” I replied back. “If you won’t let me see then I won’t help. Malachi and I have enough to worry about.”

Vi shot another mean look at my husband and let a heavy hand fall into my palm. His hands were much thicker than I remembered. And he had gotten muscular. Being this close to him made it obvious. He was huge compared to before. My thoughts were interrupted by Telvin’s. A lot has happened to him, a lot more than I could see in just a moment. I saw enough to tell he did genuinely only want my help. He was swallowing his pride by asking me. I was the best witch he knew and he only wanted to help his companion. He cared for her deeply.

“Alright, are you done?” Malachi sighed. His arms were crossed over his chest, blood still coming down his arm.

“Ah, yes.” I pulled my hands away from Vi and turned back to him. I shook my head, trying to clear it from all of Vi’s memories. I promised myself it wouldn’t make me cry every time I touched someone. I gestured to his shoulder. “Should we dress the wound?”

“Are we going with Telivn?” When he spoke the name, his voice dripped with poison. It sounded like an insult coming from his lips.

I let my hand twist around a stray strand of hair and bit my lip. He ignored my question. “Vi isn’t lying to us. And well, I think Rey wanted us to,” I said meekly. I knew he must have been upset. Upset being an understatement. I knew Malachi was insecure. He wanted me to break our souls apart because of how he felt. Going with Vi wouldn’t make these problems easier.

“Well, I left them in a cave way up the beach. It should be safe there to talk. And these guys shouldn’t be able to find us,” Vi said, gesturing to the men that still lay unconscious. “I think you might have killed Wilbern,” he mumbled.

“How do you know them?” Malachi demanded.

Vi only crossed his arms over his chest. “Are you going to help or not?”

“Yes,” I replied quickly. “Lead the way.”