IARA

I felt as though my world was falling apart again. I felt so close with the Prince and now that was all gone. I glanced over the letter Vi sent me again. My eyes darted over the paper. I still felt my heart skip a beat when I read these words. The familiar scratchy writing gave me a warm sense of nostalgia, but it felt bitter now. I saw how different Vi was. He was worse for me than I had realized. Where Malachi would hesitate to touch me and give me encouraging looks when I spoke my mind, Vi would grab my hand and beg me to feel what he felt. Malachi had only ever touched me once without my permission and that was before he knew about my blessing. I liked living in the palace. I had learned so much from the books I read. I loved spending time with Elisif and Malachi. I had to clear up this misunderstanding. I still valued Vi as a friend but I was convinced that what me and Vi had wasn’t love.

“Do you want to stay here?” Elisif asked, pulling me away from my inner monolog.

“I do,” I whispered. I turned my eyes away from the paper and wiped a tear off my cheek. “I’m not having an affair with him. Please let me explain.”

I told Elisif everything. I told her how Vi had proposed to me and I said no, how I wanted only to study as a witch. I told her how he grabbed my hand and insisted. I said yes even though I didn’t want to. I told her exactly what I wrote to him before leaving. I told her how I regretted writing so little, but everything happened so fast. I told her my genuine feelings for Malachi. I was unsure of exactly what those feelings were, but at least they were my own. I wanted above all else to stay here. I could keep strengthening my witchcraft freely and I was learning things about my mother more than I would anywhere else.

Elisif shuffled through the desk next to her and laid out a fresh parchment and ink quill. “Then you had better write this boy back and straighten things out. You are Princess Iara Bloodtide now, not his girlfriend. If another person shambles in here asking for royalty, it will start ugly rumors.”

Her voice was harsh, her eyes burning into me. She was right. I needed to tell Vi that things were different. I felt guilt weighing me down as I strode over to the desk. I tried to blink the tears from my eyes but I only made them worse. I started to compose my letter. Elisif stayed with me sitting at the tea table. I knew she only wanted what she thought was best for the Prince. I still felt being princess was getting in the way of what I really wanted to do, but I couldn’t let rumors start. I knew such a thing would only make everything more difficult for us. When I was done I let her read over it. I felt almost like I needed her approval. She wouldn’t hold her thoughts back. She was honest above all else.

“You should let Ky read it too,” she said softly. When she saw me start to cry again she reached out a gentle hand to wipe a tear away. I felt her caring and encouragement through her skin. “Chin up, crybaby,” she teased. “If what you wrote is true, he won’t be mad either.”

I took a deep breath in and folded up my parchment. I exited the room, looking down either way of the long corridor. I had remembered how to get to the library and dining hall, but I was still unsure in some areas. I felt my anxiety flare as I started down the corridor. I turned left and kept straight, the paper tucked just inside my leather bag. I wrapped my fingers around the strap for comfort. Worst thing that could happen is I get lost, I reasoned. I’m sure I could find someone eventually to lead me back.

I felt like I walked down hallway after hallway digging myself deeper into unknown locations. How could one palace be so large? There were countless rooms and walkways that I had never even seen before. The amount of areas in this palace astonished me. I was hopelessly lost. Frustration bubbled in my chest. I could have screamed right now. I should have stayed in the room. I should have asked Elisif to walk with me.

The sound of a door opening next to me made me jump. I made an alarmed noise and swiveled to see who it was.

“Ah, hello Princess. How is the night treating you?” asked a man. He was in long robes that covered him from head to toe. His eyes were small and pointy. I knew I met him once or twice but I felt embarrassed to say I couldn’t remember his name. He raised his dark brows at me in a question.

“The night has been very good,” I replied quickly. My face warmed in embarrassment. Why did I get so scared?

“Are you looking forward to your classes soon?” he asked, falling into step with me. His beady eyes seemed to bore into me. It made me feel uneasy.

“I am, I’m very excited to learn,” I said.

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He gave me a smile a bit too big for his thin face and nodded in parting. He turned down a narrow hall and I kept going straight. I brushed my hair back in a nervous gesture. I was glad he left me so soon. I tried to wrack my brain for his name but I couldn’t recall even a first letter or title.

I turned around a corner and found myself in an armory. I frowned, forgetting all about the strange man. The walls of the place were lined with every manor of weapon. Bows and swords, shields and flails hung on racks or stood in display stands. There were even some shelves of sparring armor against one wall. People milled about, getting ready for training or putting used swords back after a long day. I barely gave the place a second thought though. I was never one for conventional weapons. I had enchanted needles and pipes that could take down any number of men in an instant. Traditional blades had always been too hands on for me. I found them scary and unnecessary. Rey always told me I should be ready for anything that might occur. I almost laughed at the thought of me picking up even a dagger.

I must have caught someone’s attention because I heard another person call for me. “Princess! What brings you here?”

I noticed the man waving at me from inside the armory. He was in leather armor, a wooden sword on his belt. He was handsome, his slitted eyes a soft brown that reminded me of wet soil. He flashed me a smile, showing his fangs.

“I’m actually lost,” I admitted, my hands clasping together in embarrassment.

“Ah,” he sighed. “I had hoped you came to spar. Most ladies don’t like training at the sword so I should have known.”

“I don’t need to train at the sword,” I replied harsher than I had meant to. He sounded so condescending. I’ve had plenty of cocky men underestimate me.

“Are you saying you can hold your own in a fight then?” He gave me another smile, pushing for a challenge.

I felt my hand go to the bag resting just on my hip. “A lady never tells.”

He looked as though he would try to say more but his eyes caught something behind me. He bowed low and I looked over my shoulder. Prince Malachi strode into the armory, hardly giving us a second glance. I know he saw me. His shoulders tightened.

“Greetings Prince,” the man said. He had straightened and stepped closer to where Malachi was.

He blankly looked at the man next to him and turned back to the wall of bows. “Ban. How are you?”

The man made dry small talk and eventually my husband picked out a bow. He plucked it from the wall and grabbed a full quiver, quickly making his way to the hallway. I followed after him, practically running to keep up with him. “Prince, may we please speak in private,” I asked.

“No,” he said in a cool tone. He twisted down corridors. I was horrified to admit I’ve never seen these walls either. Even if I wanted to leave him alone I had no idea where I was.

“Please, I won’t take up much time,” I pleaded.

He said nothing as we descended an old crumbling stairway. He yanked the door at the end of the stairs open and hurried outside. I was surprised to see it was another exit to the overgrown courtyard. I ran past him and blocked his path to the gate. “I’m sending a letter back-”

He cut me off immediately. “I don’t care.” He tried to step around me but I kept myself in his path. He gave me a poisonous stare.

“If you let me explain, I can clear up the misunderstanding,” I said. I reached a hand towards him and he jerked away.

“Do not touch me,” he warned.

My eyes swam. I blinked rapidly and pulled the folded parchment from my bag. “I wrote that I will no longer be in contact with him. If you want to read it,” I offered him the folded paper.

His eyes never met mine. Eventually he took the paper from me, only grabbing at the very edge so our skin had no chance of brushing. He read over the letter, his eyes moving back and forth across the surface. I could hardly read what he felt but the slightest bit of movement in his face gave me hints into his thoughts. When he finished, he offered the sheet back to me. Standing stock still, he never looked up at me.

“I do still care for him,” I admitted. “But like I told you before, I can’t tell if it’s how I truly feel about him or if it’s his own feelings that replace my own.”

“Are you that easily swayed?” he asked quietly.

I felt my hands pick at my bag strap. “I’m trying to work on that. I have always been easy to push around, but I want to be stronger, more myself. . . I know we have barely touched and I care for you more than I have ever cared for another person. You believe me, don’t you?” I struggled to push the words out. I was so scared I pushed the Prince away from me. So many times he reached out to me, tried to kiss me. Every time I rejected him. I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to maintain the integrity of my own feelings. I wanted to be sure I knew what I felt about him. The moment I saw him pull away from me in the same way was the moment I realized what I lost.

He broke his motionlessness by looking at me. His eyes felt as if they could read my very thoughts. I wish he had that ability so he could know I wasn’t lying. His face showed none of what he felt. It made me uneasy. “I don’t know,” he said after a painfully long pause. I felt my heart sink.

I let my hands clasp together and I nodded. I had hurt him a lot, even if I never meant to. All I had to do was explain things to Vi from the start and this would have never happened. But I was unsure, just like I always was. “Alright,” I replied calmly. I wouldn’t let myself cry. This wasn’t about me.

“I would like to go hunting,” he sighed. He took a step to pass me and I had to stop him once more.

“Actually, can you tell me how to get back?” I asked, my face getting hot.