Welcome to Multiverse #900.000.012. 

That, dear Reader, was my first inkling that something was terribly, terribly wrong.

My name is Author, capital “A”. When I found myself rudely transposed, I was so tickled I nearly dropped my tea. Nearly, mind you. I’m no savage.

I suppose I should clarify a bit more. Let’s see, how to explain. I understand that Readers are often simple minded creatures, so I will strive to craft my explanation in such a way that is aligns with your base nature. Brilliant, yes? I thought so. Hmm.

Ah! 

Think of life as an unflushed toilet.

You, dear Reader, are- this is all metaphorical, mind- you are a speck of crust on the underside of the bowl’s lid. Just a speck, nothing fancy. One of many specks, all with their own rich, spotted histories. 

I, on the other hand, am the clear blue spring which, with but the push of a lever, cleanses the porcelain of its impurities. 

Until the bowl is flushed, however, the bowl remains unclean. Over time, the bowl becomes dirty, speckled with a truly formidable amount of crusties. Eventually the bowl becomes so filth-ridden, so truly crusted that the pure well of liquid at the bottom of the bowl cannot help but be infected by the overflow of excrement. The once clear water becomes a brownish-greyish, waste-riddled mess. 

This narrative has been purloined without the author's approval. Report any appearances on Amazon.

Now here’s where things get interesting.

I would offer you a crumpet, but I’m afraid this is going to get smidge graphic.

So the toilet water by now is truly, well infected. The water swells, born aloft by the ever-growing pile of metaphorical fecal matter. Eventually, the liquid reaches the lowest of the specks. 

Have you ever tried scrubbing a toilet speck? It is nigh impossible. Toilet specks are the hardiest of creatures, rivaled only in tenacity by their distant cousin Insecta Blattodea. Otherwise known as the roach. 

In any case, rather than be swamped by a veritable ocean of liquid stool, the speck clings tightly to the bowl’s interior. Still, the water will not be denied, and so a compromise is reached. The speck will relinquish a small, itty-bitty part of itself to the liquid. This is repeated time and time again. Speck after dirty speck relinquishes a tiny bit of itself. The flow steadily rises. And somewhere within the that filthy water, something grand is born. It is a new species of speck, glued together by sheer tenacity and unconquerable will. The speck grows steadily, absorbing the water like a thirsty seedling ready to sprout. After absorbing all the water in the bowl, the massive speck realizes that it is not one speck, but a collection of many, many specks. And this collection of specks has a name.

Its name is Author.

I hope you found the metaphor of my creation relatable. I really did try my best.

Too complex? Nonsense! It’s not as though I could have said that I’m a collection of written stories given form and sentience.

…

I may have made a mistake.