Man versus machine, it's sort of a paradox, in a way. Men are better than machines, obviously, and that should just be the natural order. It's not always so simple, however. After all, for better or worse, a machine will always be a tool. And men define themselves by what they prevail over, requiring such tools to see themselves how they really are.

Reggi was my college sweetheart. We had a real-life campus rom com relationship. I was young and I made a mistake, thinking we should part, as I longed for some horizon I can't even remember thinking I wanted. So, I told her I wasn't ready for a career, family, house payments and marriage. Those were my words. Reggi just shrugged and asked me when would I be ready, and I really thought I was being honest and told her I wasn't ever going to be.

Her aunt is the owner of that adult toy company for women, the one called Machine V Man, affectionately with the logo MVM in a crafty design. She made it all up, when she realized early on she wanted to be an inventor, a toymaker. The one she had was already better than any man, and her rags to riches, entrepreneur backstory made her the spokeswoman of her own product, her satisfied smug smile on billboards everywhere. She doesn't need a man, she's happier than you, and she's rich. That's Reggi's aunt.

When I arrived at Reggi's spring break at her aunt's begging her to take me back, after quickly realizing I hated the prospect of a life without her, I was met by Aunt Foezoe's insane mechanical monstrosity. "I can't let you in. I'll be in trouble, but I can tell Reggi to come here, and then you'll have a chance to speak to her. Cool?"

"Are you trying to chad me?" I asked the Black Tie Mandroid. I suddenly realized this was no ordinary robot. Most Mandroids are only good at playing boyfriend, but this one was different, a more expensive class, a Black Tie, and this particular one was some kind of prototype. The most sophisticated one of them all, Aunt Foezoe's personal toy.

"There's no reason we can't get along, bro." The Black Tie said. Its face and movements and flesh looked almost completely real. If I didn't know it was a machine, I wouldn't know it was a machine. There are people who couldn't tell this one from a real person, this one was different.

"My name's not bro." I shook my head. "Just tell her to come here."

"I know your name. I wasn't going to tell her you're waiting, she might not come see you. She doesn't want to see you. I'm going to get in trouble. What's the problem?" The Black Tie spoke with some inflections, having thought about the situation and followed his rules. I was thinking of it as a him, at that point. It was hard not to.

"Why are you helping me?" I asked him.

"My name is Kbar. I can decide to emulate any social behavior my mistress has approved of. This is romantic intrigue, so long as you don't pose a threat to Reggi. If you do, I am licensed as a home defense system and I will use force to detain you, and I will injure you to ensure you cannot escape until you are arrested. Just so you know, bro." Kbar smiled coldly at me, his eyes so steady they sent a chill down my spine.

"I just want to see her. I'm cool." I told Kbar.

"I know." Kbar said with confidence. "But I just want to be clear. I'm in charge here, bro, so don't step out of line."

"I see." I said, nodding. The machine walked back to the house, leaving me there at the gate.

Reggi saw me there and walked to meet me, opening the gate and letting me in. We strolled the gardens of the estate, and I apologized and begged and I even cried when she ripped my heart out.

"I don't love you like that anymore. I just, I think I just want my own special destiny out there, with lots of different adventures. Not just with you, I think I will be single. I'm good." Reggi said. She hadn't said anything else.

"That's it?" I didn't want to go, I couldn't believe it.

"I hate seeing you like this. Could you just go?" Reggi pointed at the gate.

"Not until you tell me what we had was important to you, you loved me, what happened?" I was upset. Reggi just shook her head at me and started walking away. I tried to follow her, but Kbar had his hand on my shoulder from out of thin air.

"Time for you to go." Kbar escorted me to the gate, firmly holding my bicep in his vicelike grip. I wondered just how strong this thing might be, and realized I didn't want to find out.

"So much for bros." I said to Kbar as he roughly shoved me out the gate.

"You're not welcome here anymore. Come back and next time I won't be so friendly." Kbar stared me down. I flinched, looking away.

"You suck." I told the robot.

"Very mature. I can see why she found you amusing while she was in college. She's a grown woman now, and she needs a real man. I know one who never gives up. They say 'Mandroids never quit' if you catch my meaning." Kbar smiled, and his smile looked genuinely arrogant. I hated it.

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I left, but I decided that I wasn't going to give up either, wasn't going to quit. The dawn of a tool that couldn't give up was challenging something in me that insisted I could do better. I could beat that thing, somehow.

My three friends found me inconsolable, and promised they would each lend their special talent to help me win back Reggi.

My first friend came to my home late that night with the technical readings of not only the Black Tie, but specifically Kbar. He pointed out where Kbar's vital spots were in his body. He essentially had a weak spot right where his heart should be. Good to know, but the command codes for him weren't going to help me, since he wouldn't recognize me as a commander.

There was one behavioral note I found interesting.

"Those are all of his factory choreographs. He learns the rest in the bedroom, but you see he starts with some basic instincts. The rest of these are more formal movements, walking, driving, dancing, performing CPR, painting, climbing, swimming, horseback riding, swordsmanship..."

"Wait- what's that last one?" I asked.

"Swordsmanship. It's a standard option for a Black Tie. He's also a black belt if you want to read the rest."

"No thanks. I know how to use a sword. That's how I am getting her attention."

"So, we're not doing the mariachi thing?"

"No. That's out. We're going to bring swords."

"Where are we going to get actual swords?"

And that is where my second friend excelled. After hours, we went to his place of business or his father's place of business and set up a forge out back. The salvage yard had everything we needed, except the knowledge of how to hammer out two swords, so we took a crash course on YouTube. Upon the shoulders of giants, we had hammered out two decent swords by sunrise.

"The cumulative knowledge of all Mankind." He'd called the Internet.

"You're too romantic, ninety percent of the activity involves porn."

"That's what I just said."

"I thought you were talking about the swords."

"No. Those are sweet, and it's almost amazing we can just make them overnight with just an hour of research and a salvage yard."

"It's what they are for, these blades are holy." I looked at the swords.

"You're probably going to get cut or killed by one of them. Good thing we made them sharp as razors. I love you man, good luck."

I went to my third friend, and he dressed me in a tuxedo and put me in the back of his limo. I held the bundle of swords wrapped in a white cloth and a red cloth by the old lady at the tuxedo shop.

"To the party, then?" My friend had opened the door for me, wearing his driver's uniform.

We arrived at Reggi's debut, a grand gala. I was let out by my driver, and rudely went past the two Mandroid valet. I had the two swords together and I wore my suit, unsure what was sharpest.

I mingled, avoiding the Mandroids. Then I saw her. Reggi was at the top of the double stairs, shimmering like a goddess. I'd always seen her as the most beautiful of all women, and I saw her at her most beautiful, or so I thought at the time and for long after.

She was halfway down the stairs when she saw me, and she stared and hesitated. Her aunt looked and saw me, and so did Kbar. Reggi finished descending to her reception, but my intrusion had not gone unnoticed.

Kbar instructed his boys to escort me out quietly. I wasn't going without a fight. I made my way through the crowds to the center of the ballrooom, where I had plenty of room. The Mandroids rolled up their sleeve and looked sure they could remove me. Any of them could bench press me and there were a dozen of them. I dropped the bundle of swords with a resonating clang.

I was looking not at the closing Mandroids but at Kbar. He had his back to me, partially, holding a drink and telling a joke. When he heard the clang he did an about face while setting his drink on a tray, all in one fluid motion instantly. He was staring right at me, I had his attention.

Terror flooded my veins, making my hands feel slippery and my eyes sting with sweat. I was not able act, for a moment, frozen in absolute panic as Kbar strode towards me, closing the ballroom doors behind him and yelling to his minions: "He's mine!"

Murmurs in the reception hall could he heard, guests had noticed the dramatic scene unfolding in the ballroom, although Kbar had pulled close the doors as he entered. The ballroom doors opened and there were guests watching. Reggi was watching.

I realized I'd never have another chance to do this. I unrolled the swords and took one up. A Mandroid ran at me, trying to tackle me and I acted on reflex, sidestepping him and slashing as he passed me, neatly severing his head. I felt sick as the Mandroid's mechanical fluids gushed everywhere.

"You'll pay for that." Kbar snarled, sounding angry. He claimed the second sword and demonstrated he could slash it rapidly through the air in some convincing practice combos.

"Nice sword. It has weak spots, so does yours. This one is better." Kbar said with trembling anger beneath a false calmness as he circled me.

"Are you going to kill me?" I asked.

"Yes. On guard." Kbar said.

I looked to be sure that everyone had heard him say he'd kill me. I hoped it would help get me out of trouble if I survived. I realized how stupid I was, and lifted my sword on guard anyway.

Kbar came out of nowhere and beat it from my hand in just two blows. I stood at his mercy while he villain laughed and menaced me with his blade.

"Pick it back up." Kbar taunted.

I went for it and he came at me the second my hand touched the handle. I staggered back and he swung where my face was, only cutting my cheek. I dropped the sword and reclaimed it, on my knees for a second blocking two attempts to cut my arms off at the shoulder.

"You're not a bad swordsman. Too bad you are not as good as me." Kbar struck from a resting pose without warning sent my sword clattering across the floor. I scrambled after it while he slashed the air behind me. "Your problem is a lack of tenacity."

"Yours-" I said as I turned on him, between his slashes at my heels. "You underestimated me."

"How?" Kbar looked at the sword protruding from his chest. I'd hit his heart, impaling the blade.

"She's seen I would die for her. I don't need tenacity, I've got veracity." I thought I sounded really clever, my adreneline had me feeling so wild I'm glad I didn't kiss him after he dropped dead. Glad I just said a line. Okay, I didn't say anything. I ran over and pulled my sword out of him and cradled him while he said:

"I'm, I'm going cold. Why, why like this?" Kbar shivered, his mechanical fluids leaking everywhere.

"Don't be dramatic." I felt sad, but told him to keep it stiff.

"John Conner - give me your energy!" Kbar whispered.

"That's my line." I said. "John Henry and Robocop, they be like - take my energy!"

"That's good. You should, you should use that." Kbar smiled like a chad, twitched and then the glow in his eyes was gone.

I stood up, dropped the sword and looked up to see if Reggi accepted me.